Contradictions In My Religious Story
ren
for pointing out the inconsistencies in the versions I told in the
past and this recent version. Let me see if I can relate an
"apologetic" version.
I was raised a Southern Baptist Christian and baptized of my own free
will at the age of 12 years old. Church life was very important to me.
I had a crush on my beautiful choir teacher. She is an accomplished
pianist and has made some albums. She convinced me to become baptized
so I did.
At 13 years old, I visited my cousin in Arkansas and told him about
all the interesting paranormal reading books that teachers were using
to get kids like me interested in reading. This is when I became
interested in UFO's and crazy stuff like that. I have always been
interested in magic from a very early age. My sister taught me to read
using "The Lion, Witch and Wardrobe". I feel in love with the Witch. I
found a paperback book of hers on supposedly real witches.
My cousin told me that he was also interested in such things and
introduced me to the Ouija Board. His Ouija Board was different than
others. His friend that we will call "Suzzanne", claimed to be from a
traditional pagan family. I had no idea what that even was other than
my sister's paperback book. But "Suzzanne" was special to me. She
taught my cousin things and during my short visit, she taught me
enough to get me started. I took what she said and to this day it is
the foundation of my approach to magickal studies.
But I never left Christianity. I sang in the choir and fell in love
with lots of really talented girls who could sing well in front of
large crowds. They never dated me, but I was able to make friends and
hang out with them a lot. I was always the close, nice, friend like a
brother who secretly wanted to have sex with every one of my
girlfriends. First, if I had the opportunity for sex, my Christian
upbringing kept me from doing it. That same upbringing kept my
wonderful girlfriends from doing it to me. I knew it. I knew that they
were attracted to me, I just never let them. It should be stated here
that I have been sexually assaulted by males. I know what gay sex is
and I don't like it. Maybe I do give off the gay or bi-sexual feminine
vibe and it always seems like the prettiest women pick up on that and
befriend me. Maybe they were hoping for a threesome.
This strange confusion of abstinence versus passion was a major factor
in me actually starting to read a lot about magick and focusing mainly
attraction spells. As a Christian, I was delving in Ceremonial Magick
and I was always successful in that magick. The power was maddening
and I started to change my world view. Here I had been praying to a
God that didn't answer my prayers. Then I started praying in a special
way to another God introduced to me through the Ouija Board and
suddenly I was leading a charmed life. Shortly after that I figured
how how to attract the prettiest girls and that became my thing. I was
able to have sex with a really pretty girl at 15. My first "all the
way". That would later become a main theme of my life, flirting.
At the age of 16, I was really trying to hold on to the vestiges of my
Christianity. I wasn't just studying magick but psychology and speech
and really perfecting the manipulation of people. That was
contradictory to the Christian life I was trying to lead but also
ironically was the reason that people looked to me for leadership. A
guy we will call "Greg or Brian" took too many diet pills in order to
stay awake and almost died. A goth girl, the first I ever heard of,
gave him a black cross with a red star in the middle. He got well and
scared. He thought he was cursed and gave me the cross. I gave it to
Brother "Gary" and he kept it for weeks. I confronted Gary and he said
that nothing like this goes on in his (Holy) town.
I was so angry that I found some "witches" at school in the drama
department. They were not goths. I had heard some stories about them
and asked them if it was true. One black guy with a fro that we will
call "Marcus" told me that they were Wiccans. He wanted to know if I
was interested in meeting with them. He said to me "In my house there
are many mansions." That was some kind of spell. But it really
affected me. There were guys and girls mostly from drama and art in
this club. One girl headed up the group. Her mother was a Salem woman
who was under a particularly famous Wiccan woman there.
So I was a baptized Christian and an initiated Wiccan. I did not wait
one year and one day. This group needed members and I joined
immediately. I found it suited me. I did not have to give up my
Christianity.
In college, I was still struggling with this double life. Not many
people knew I was Wiccan, not even my parents, sisters, or many of my
girlfriends. That secrecy was kind of thrilling and empowering to me.
When I left college to work for the government in the military is when
I fully began to withdraw and reject Jesus as the only savior and god.
I renounced my Christian baptism. It was not due to anything other
than the fact that I felt that I was too wise and educated to believe
in this biblical crap. I never stopped studying world religions and
magick and I was really into archeology and the history of the early
Christian church. It just all hit me. Jesus probably never existed as
depicted in the Bible.
Around that time when I was in Germany, my father opened a suitcase I
was keeping with them while I was out of the country. He found all my
ritual artifacts and occult notes and chain-store new age books,
details about my coven, all of it mixed with Dungeons and Dragons
material.
He just said to me, "Witchcraft is of the Devil, son." I just made up
a lie and said that it was a part of my Dungeons and Dragons role-
playing. That was our cover. We weren't actually role-playing.
I lived with my folks for 4 years while going to school a second time.
I went to college for over 10 years. I studied mostly Psychology,
Speech, Political Science, and on my own Magick and Religion.
In 1989 I told my sister that I was Wiccan and explained it all. She
was quite understanding. She claims to be a non-church going Christian
but has a ton of fantasy books all about sorceresses. Remember that it
was her paperback of supposed real witches that started everything
rolling for me.
So in 1992 she tells my parents that I am not a Christian but an
initiated Wiccan. They were shocked but amazingly they still love me
though I am not a Christian. My mother did tell me what she really
thought. "She said that my father and her were going to Hell because I
fell away from Christ. Then she said that she didn't mean it."
My father was once a Free Mason and does not share the zealousness of
Christianity. He should understand my Pagan inclinations and my desire
to study world religion and magick. But he also has a deep sense of
community and family within the Christian church. It is his life. He
participates in Bible Study. My dad is a good man and has several
degrees in languages and math.
My mother also started to study the formation of the early Christian
church and I think that she came to similar conclusions that I did. A
friend of hers was dying and she actually once made the argument for
dynamic prayer and healing power raising. I was like, Go Mom! But I
never heard anything after that. I only know that my mother and father
accept me as a Wiccan even though they are devout Christians.
Evergreen
> I remember the past differently.
That's because you make it up.
> It is not always correct.
Fiction is like that.
> Thank you for pointing out the inconsistencies in the versions
> I told in the past and this recent version.
I didn't see anyone doing that. Why isn't this a direct response to
that alleged post? You know, with a References header and an
attribution line and quoted text and all that...
> Let me see if I can relate an "apologetic" version.
Liars always end up getting tangled up in their own deceptions.
"Oh what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive"
Sir Walter Scott.
Here are some previous posts of rens, all unsolicited. He seems to
think that everyone is dying to know all about him, for reasons that
elude me:
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.religion.wicca/msg/1b67881c7715302c
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.religion.wicca/msg/609b26aa645f2065
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.religion.wicca/msg/1e789b7d0754d099
This is this post:
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.religion.wicca/msg/e1cd2d7b9f06e4b9
I haven't bothered checking them for inconsistencies. I already know
that ren is a pathological liar and a fraud and a charlatan. I don't
believe a word he posts about anything or anyone.
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.religion.wicca/msg/bddb8c59f894a2a5
Sid
--
Wiccan Priest and Apprentice Magician
http://tinyurl.com/7vs9zb
Hope
>
> > Thank you for pointing out the inconsistencies in the versions
> > I told in the past and this recent version.
>
> I didn't see anyone doing that. Why isn't this a direct response to
> that alleged post? You know, with a References header and an
> attribution line and quoted text and all that...
Gawd, you're dense. Did he say the person pointed it out in this
forum? Ever hear of email, or a phone conversation, or IM, or any of
the other numerous ways people can communicate? All that...?
>
>
> Liars always end up getting tangled up in their own deceptions.
Remember you said that, when things come crashing in on you.
>
> "Oh what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive"
>
> Sir Walter Scott.
And what a coincidence that "Jon" was just talking about YOUR web.
Damn! He must know some of that "real magicK" that you CLAIM (sans
any proof) to know.
>
>
> Here are some previous posts of rens, all unsolicited. He seems to
> think that everyone is dying to know all about him, for reasons that
> elude me:
And here you are, helping us "learn" all about him!! Posting links
about him over and over and over! Do you not even see the irony of
that? Wow. You are far gone in this. It is sucking you in further
and further, like a Black Hole.
>
[links snipped]
>
> I haven't bothered checking them for inconsistencies. I already know
> that ren is a pathological liar and a fraud and a charlatan. I don't
> believe a word he posts about anything or anyone.
>
Sure, it's obvious you "haven't bothered" with ren's stuff and don't
care about any of it. That's why you only spend "five minutes a day
at most" looking all this stuff up and posting it. Why would you
bother to obsessively repost things you believe are lies? Why would
you expend so much time and energy on someone who has nothing you
need?
Yeah, OBVIOUSLY ren means NOTHING to you. This is getting painful to
watch. I find myself starting to feel pity for you.
hy
> At 13 years old, I visited my cousin in Arkansas and told him about
> all the interesting paranormal reading books that teachers were using
> to get kids like me interested in reading. This is when I became
> interested in UFO's and crazy stuff like that. I have always been
> interested in magic from a very early age.
It is easy to see a child of 13, interested and exploring these ways
because of their childhood novels and the fantasies that came out of
these novels.
If you are your parents and you think of it this way: "What fantasies
would I think are healthy and be okay with my child exploring."
What fantasies would you be okay with? Would you be okay with any of
them, when you think of this of this flesh and blood is your child and
responsibility and all the hardships you grew up with because of magick,
ufo's, sex, control, etc? What life would be okay?