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A few little ideas to beat the cost-of-living crisis. Don’t tell Plod they came from me
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Julian
Apr 3, 2022, 7:49:46 AM4/3/22
to
Welcome, then, to awful April — the cruellest month, breeding Sunaks out
of the dead land and so on. The month that begins our terminal descent
into penury and the workhouse. Economists and politicians have been
telling us, with a certain kind of smug jubilance, that we face the
biggest decrease in our standard of living for 70 years. Inflation is
expected to hit double figures come autumn, with wages limping along
laps behind and energy prices rising by more than 54 per cent. Food may
double in price and will in any case be difficult to get hold of because
the thoughtless bloody Ukrainians aren’t paying attention to their
wheatfields.
Already we are being given helpful advice by people who, when the
revolution comes, will be the first to be seen swinging gently from the
lampposts. By which I mean energy company bosses telling us to put on a
woolly jumper, or to turn down the thermostat. Soon it will be “have a
bath with a friend”, a gruesome injunction that first surfaced during
the water shortage in the summer of 1976.
All this advice is either stating the obvious, beside the point or just
plain wrong. For example, the poverty chef Jack Monroe telling people to
“cook” fish in a tin of pineapple chunks: the acid content will turn the
flesh of your pollock white and will thus spare you turning on the
expensive grill. Yay — chav ceviche! Just what we wanted.
The problem, Jack, is that a tin of Del Monte pineapple chunks costs
£1.10, whereas using the grill for five minutes costs less than 8p even
now, so your idea is stupid and self-defeating. Not to mention what it
does to your soul and sense of self-respect to eat fish with pineapple
chunks.
What follows from me, then, is a range of measures you might take that
really would lessen the misery. I accept that some of them are actually
illegal and all of them, more or less, are grotesquely immoral. The
illegality stuff I will leave you to wrestle with. And the immorality?
Morality is an ectoplasmic, endlessly shifting entity. Just for now, pay
it no mind.
1 Open a food bank and siphon off all the good stuff. I bet they do that
already, anyway. If you open your amenity in, say, the Cotswolds, you’ll
probably be donated 00 grade pasta flour, so you can still have homemade
linguine. Leave the 30p packs of spaghetti and those cheap supermarket
own-brand tinned tomatoes, which seem to be almost entirely water.
2 Get heavily into debt. Now. Immediately. Max out every card you have.
Borrow a very large amount of money and buy food for the freezer,
alcohol, box sets, fuel supplies, bog roll, rifles and ammunition. The
worse inflation gets, the less your debt will be, so pray it reaches
Weimar or even Zimbabwean proportions. Hoard loads of bog roll and later
flog it off at triple the price to idiots who, at times of national
crisis, care about nothing more than having a clean arse. The worse the
economy gets, the more you should borrow. This is a Keynesian solution
to our problems.
3 Cancel all your monthly direct debit payments to charities. Unless you
are a halfwit, you will be well aware that the money ends up paying vast
salaries to sanctimonious and usually incompetent lefties, as well as
funding their expensive city centre offices and the Mercedes 4x4s they
use to cruise across Africa lecturing the locals on the need for
non-gender-specific lavatories. You only agreed to those donations
because your conscience had been pricked. Well, henceforth you can’t
afford a conscience.
4 Embrace the concept of tax evasion and defraud the Inland Revenue. I
don’t know exactly how — ask a rich person how they do it. An inordinate
amount of your hard-earned cash is spent cosseting dimwitted
ne’er-do-wells, or on Europe’s most useless health service, or building
Barratt homes for economic migrants on the scant remaining green spaces
of the southeast of England. Tell yourself that you’ve spent enough,
over the years, or that you are a pacifist and object to defence
expenditure. It won’t help in court but you will feel better.
5 Get rid of your pets. There must be a river or lake near by. The
amount my household spends on our dog’s arthritis treatment alone would
feed most of Moldova for a year. Pets are fabulously expensive.
6 Take in some Ukrainians (£350 a month from Rishi) and put them to work
making souvenir tat.
I accept that some of these suggestions might not meet with the approval
of, say, Justin Welby or Keir Starmer. But needs must. It’s just about
you now. Your shadow at morning striding behind you. Or your shadow at
evening rising to meet you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Lincoln City’s footballers will no longer come on to the pitch to the
sound of The Dambusters because the club has decided that, given the war
in Ukraine, the tune is inappropriate.
The fans don’t quite get the connection, but I’m sure President Zelensky
is appreciative at this difficult time. Incidentally, during the first
Gulf War, the BBC banned 67 songs from its airwaves. These included
Lulu’s 1969 joint Eurovision winner Boom Bang-a-Bang, Midnight at the
Oasis by Maria Muldaur and, of course, Walk like an Egyptian by the Bangles.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
At the end of another depressing week, Angela Rayner, Labour’s deputy
leader, decreed that it was not acceptable to ask a transgender person
if they have a penis. One by one, life’s harmless little pleasures are
taken away from us.
Still, it is OK to ask men if they are pregnant, according to Ange ...
but what if they are obese? Wouldn’t that simply be a rather snide form
of fat-shaming?
One day — quite soon, I think — the liberal left will entirely implode
under the weight of its manifest contradictions, with the sound of a
cigarette being extinguished in a cup of almond milk latte. Just a quick
pphht, and then gone for ever.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Look out: terrified horse crossing
Police horses in London are being given training to help them to
circumnavigate the new rainbow-hued pedestrian crossings, installed to
demonstrate the capital’s support for the LGBTQETC community. According
to the trainers, the horses find the bright colours of these crossings
discombobulating and refuse to go near them.
This is an expedient lie. The truth is that horses, naturally rather
bigoted animals, find these road markings morally repugnant, which is
why they rear and make an appalled whinnying noise.
I have a solution. Why does Sadiq Khan not demonstrate his regard for
racial equality by installing pedestrian crossings that are marked out
in alternate and equal colours of black and white? They could call them
“I have a dream” crossings.
Rod L
of the dead land and so on. The month that begins our terminal descent
into penury and the workhouse. Economists and politicians have been
telling us, with a certain kind of smug jubilance, that we face the
biggest decrease in our standard of living for 70 years. Inflation is
expected to hit double figures come autumn, with wages limping along
laps behind and energy prices rising by more than 54 per cent. Food may
double in price and will in any case be difficult to get hold of because
the thoughtless bloody Ukrainians aren’t paying attention to their
wheatfields.
Already we are being given helpful advice by people who, when the
revolution comes, will be the first to be seen swinging gently from the
lampposts. By which I mean energy company bosses telling us to put on a
woolly jumper, or to turn down the thermostat. Soon it will be “have a
bath with a friend”, a gruesome injunction that first surfaced during
the water shortage in the summer of 1976.
All this advice is either stating the obvious, beside the point or just
plain wrong. For example, the poverty chef Jack Monroe telling people to
“cook” fish in a tin of pineapple chunks: the acid content will turn the
flesh of your pollock white and will thus spare you turning on the
expensive grill. Yay — chav ceviche! Just what we wanted.
The problem, Jack, is that a tin of Del Monte pineapple chunks costs
£1.10, whereas using the grill for five minutes costs less than 8p even
now, so your idea is stupid and self-defeating. Not to mention what it
does to your soul and sense of self-respect to eat fish with pineapple
chunks.
What follows from me, then, is a range of measures you might take that
really would lessen the misery. I accept that some of them are actually
illegal and all of them, more or less, are grotesquely immoral. The
illegality stuff I will leave you to wrestle with. And the immorality?
Morality is an ectoplasmic, endlessly shifting entity. Just for now, pay
it no mind.
1 Open a food bank and siphon off all the good stuff. I bet they do that
already, anyway. If you open your amenity in, say, the Cotswolds, you’ll
probably be donated 00 grade pasta flour, so you can still have homemade
linguine. Leave the 30p packs of spaghetti and those cheap supermarket
own-brand tinned tomatoes, which seem to be almost entirely water.
2 Get heavily into debt. Now. Immediately. Max out every card you have.
Borrow a very large amount of money and buy food for the freezer,
alcohol, box sets, fuel supplies, bog roll, rifles and ammunition. The
worse inflation gets, the less your debt will be, so pray it reaches
Weimar or even Zimbabwean proportions. Hoard loads of bog roll and later
flog it off at triple the price to idiots who, at times of national
crisis, care about nothing more than having a clean arse. The worse the
economy gets, the more you should borrow. This is a Keynesian solution
to our problems.
3 Cancel all your monthly direct debit payments to charities. Unless you
are a halfwit, you will be well aware that the money ends up paying vast
salaries to sanctimonious and usually incompetent lefties, as well as
funding their expensive city centre offices and the Mercedes 4x4s they
use to cruise across Africa lecturing the locals on the need for
non-gender-specific lavatories. You only agreed to those donations
because your conscience had been pricked. Well, henceforth you can’t
afford a conscience.
4 Embrace the concept of tax evasion and defraud the Inland Revenue. I
don’t know exactly how — ask a rich person how they do it. An inordinate
amount of your hard-earned cash is spent cosseting dimwitted
ne’er-do-wells, or on Europe’s most useless health service, or building
Barratt homes for economic migrants on the scant remaining green spaces
of the southeast of England. Tell yourself that you’ve spent enough,
over the years, or that you are a pacifist and object to defence
expenditure. It won’t help in court but you will feel better.
5 Get rid of your pets. There must be a river or lake near by. The
amount my household spends on our dog’s arthritis treatment alone would
feed most of Moldova for a year. Pets are fabulously expensive.
6 Take in some Ukrainians (£350 a month from Rishi) and put them to work
making souvenir tat.
I accept that some of these suggestions might not meet with the approval
of, say, Justin Welby or Keir Starmer. But needs must. It’s just about
you now. Your shadow at morning striding behind you. Or your shadow at
evening rising to meet you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Lincoln City’s footballers will no longer come on to the pitch to the
sound of The Dambusters because the club has decided that, given the war
in Ukraine, the tune is inappropriate.
The fans don’t quite get the connection, but I’m sure President Zelensky
is appreciative at this difficult time. Incidentally, during the first
Gulf War, the BBC banned 67 songs from its airwaves. These included
Lulu’s 1969 joint Eurovision winner Boom Bang-a-Bang, Midnight at the
Oasis by Maria Muldaur and, of course, Walk like an Egyptian by the Bangles.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
At the end of another depressing week, Angela Rayner, Labour’s deputy
leader, decreed that it was not acceptable to ask a transgender person
if they have a penis. One by one, life’s harmless little pleasures are
taken away from us.
Still, it is OK to ask men if they are pregnant, according to Ange ...
but what if they are obese? Wouldn’t that simply be a rather snide form
of fat-shaming?
One day — quite soon, I think — the liberal left will entirely implode
under the weight of its manifest contradictions, with the sound of a
cigarette being extinguished in a cup of almond milk latte. Just a quick
pphht, and then gone for ever.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Look out: terrified horse crossing
Police horses in London are being given training to help them to
circumnavigate the new rainbow-hued pedestrian crossings, installed to
demonstrate the capital’s support for the LGBTQETC community. According
to the trainers, the horses find the bright colours of these crossings
discombobulating and refuse to go near them.
This is an expedient lie. The truth is that horses, naturally rather
bigoted animals, find these road markings morally repugnant, which is
why they rear and make an appalled whinnying noise.
I have a solution. Why does Sadiq Khan not demonstrate his regard for
racial equality by installing pedestrian crossings that are marked out
in alternate and equal colours of black and white? They could call them
“I have a dream” crossings.
Rod L
Noah Sombrero
Apr 3, 2022, 9:33:18 AM4/3/22
to
On Sun, 3 Apr 2022 12:49:46 +0100, Julian <julia...@gmail.com>
wrote:
>Welcome, then, to awful April — the cruellest month, breeding Sunaks out
>of the dead land and so on. The month that begins our terminal descent
>into penury and the workhouse. Economists and politicians have been
>telling us, with a certain kind of smug jubilance, that we face the
>biggest decrease in our standard of living for 70 years. Inflation is
>expected to hit double figures come autumn, with wages limping along
>laps behind and energy prices rising by more than 54 per cent. Food may
>double in price and will in any case be difficult to get hold of because
>the thoughtless bloody Ukrainians aren’t paying attention to their
>wheatfields.
>
>Already we are being given helpful advice by people who, when the
>revolution comes,
Another frivolous injunction of one of my favorite poems, by The Last
Poets. Now might be a good time to remember exactly what it says:
When the revolution comes
Some of us will probably catch it on TV, with chicken hanging from our
mouths
You'll know it's revolution because there won't be no commercials
When the revolution comes
When the revolution comes
(When the revolution comes)
Preacher pimps are gonna split the scene with the communion wine stuck
in their back pockets
Faggots won’t be so funny then, and all the junkies will quit their
nodding and wake up
When the revolution comes
When the revolution comes
Transit cops will be crushed by the trains after losing their guns and
blood will run through the streets of Harlem drowning anything without
substance
When the revolution comes
When the revolution comes
When the revolution comes
(When the revolution comes)
I hope pearly white teeth fall out of the mouths that speak of
revolution without reverence
The cost of revolution is 360 degrees
Understand the cycle that never ends
Understand the beginning to be the end and nothing is in between but
space and time that I make, or you make, to relate, or not to relate,
to the world outside my mind, your mind. Speak not of revolution until
you are willing to eat rats to survive
When the revolution comes
(When the revolution comes)
When the revolution comes
When the revolution comes
Guns and rifles will be taking the place of poems and essays
Black cultural centers will be forts supplying the revolutionaries
with food and arms
When the revolution comes
When the revolution comes
White death will froth the walls of museums and churches breaking the
lie that enslaved our mothers
When the revolution comes
When the revolution comes
Jesus Christ is gonna be standing on the corner of Lennox Ave and
125th St trying to catch the first gypsy cab out of Harlem
When the revolution comes
When the revolution comes
Jew merchants will give away matzoh balls and gifilte fish to anyone
they see with an afro
Frank Schiffman will give away the Apollo to the first person he sees
wearing a blue dashiki
When the revolution comes
(When the revolution comes)
Afros gon' be trying to straighten their heads and straightened heads
gone be trying to wear afros
When the revolution comes
When the revolution comes
When the revolution comes
(When the revolution comes)
But until then you know and I know niggers will party and bullshit
And party and bullshit
And party and bullshit
And party and bullshit
And party...
Some might even die before the revolution comes
--
Noah Sombrero
wrote:
>Welcome, then, to awful April — the cruellest month, breeding Sunaks out
>of the dead land and so on. The month that begins our terminal descent
>into penury and the workhouse. Economists and politicians have been
>telling us, with a certain kind of smug jubilance, that we face the
>biggest decrease in our standard of living for 70 years. Inflation is
>expected to hit double figures come autumn, with wages limping along
>laps behind and energy prices rising by more than 54 per cent. Food may
>double in price and will in any case be difficult to get hold of because
>the thoughtless bloody Ukrainians aren’t paying attention to their
>wheatfields.
>
>Already we are being given helpful advice by people who, when the
>revolution comes,
Poets. Now might be a good time to remember exactly what it says:
When the revolution comes
Some of us will probably catch it on TV, with chicken hanging from our
mouths
You'll know it's revolution because there won't be no commercials
When the revolution comes
When the revolution comes
(When the revolution comes)
Preacher pimps are gonna split the scene with the communion wine stuck
in their back pockets
Faggots won’t be so funny then, and all the junkies will quit their
nodding and wake up
When the revolution comes
When the revolution comes
Transit cops will be crushed by the trains after losing their guns and
blood will run through the streets of Harlem drowning anything without
substance
When the revolution comes
When the revolution comes
When the revolution comes
(When the revolution comes)
I hope pearly white teeth fall out of the mouths that speak of
revolution without reverence
The cost of revolution is 360 degrees
Understand the cycle that never ends
Understand the beginning to be the end and nothing is in between but
space and time that I make, or you make, to relate, or not to relate,
to the world outside my mind, your mind. Speak not of revolution until
you are willing to eat rats to survive
When the revolution comes
(When the revolution comes)
When the revolution comes
When the revolution comes
Guns and rifles will be taking the place of poems and essays
Black cultural centers will be forts supplying the revolutionaries
with food and arms
When the revolution comes
When the revolution comes
White death will froth the walls of museums and churches breaking the
lie that enslaved our mothers
When the revolution comes
When the revolution comes
Jesus Christ is gonna be standing on the corner of Lennox Ave and
125th St trying to catch the first gypsy cab out of Harlem
When the revolution comes
When the revolution comes
Jew merchants will give away matzoh balls and gifilte fish to anyone
they see with an afro
Frank Schiffman will give away the Apollo to the first person he sees
wearing a blue dashiki
When the revolution comes
(When the revolution comes)
Afros gon' be trying to straighten their heads and straightened heads
gone be trying to wear afros
When the revolution comes
When the revolution comes
When the revolution comes
(When the revolution comes)
But until then you know and I know niggers will party and bullshit
And party and bullshit
And party and bullshit
And party and bullshit
And party...
Some might even die before the revolution comes
Noah Sombrero
DMB
Apr 3, 2022, 8:50:02 PM4/3/22
to
On Sunday, 3 April 2022 at 07:33:18 UTC-6, Noah Sombrero wrote:
“I have a dream crossings. "
Are you sure of revolution?
“I have a dream crossings. "
Are you OK?
We want to change the world
Do you know what happens in evolution?
We want to change the world
But when it comes to self-employment
You're headless
I will provide you a head
You don't know what it will be like
With eyes guiding the way
Correct?
We would like to see the head's advice
Please delete your contribution.
Save me from your mind.
Noah Sombrero
Apr 3, 2022, 9:37:45 PM4/3/22
to
On Sun, 3 Apr 2022 17:50:01 -0700 (PDT), DMB <sgma...@gmail.com>
wrote:
>On Sunday, 3 April 2022 at 07:33:18 UTC-6, Noah Sombrero wrote:
>
>的 have a dream crossings. "
--
Noah Sombrero
wrote:
>On Sunday, 3 April 2022 at 07:33:18 UTC-6, Noah Sombrero wrote:
>
>
>Are you sure of revolution?
>Are you OK?
>We want to change the world
>Do you know what happens in evolution?
>We want to change the world
>But when it comes to self-employment
>You're headless
>I will provide you a head
>You don't know what it will be like
>With eyes guiding the way
>Correct?
>We would like to see the head's advice
>Please delete your contribution.
>Save me from your mind.
You will need to run, hide.
>Are you sure of revolution?
>Are you OK?
>We want to change the world
>Do you know what happens in evolution?
>We want to change the world
>But when it comes to self-employment
>You're headless
>I will provide you a head
>You don't know what it will be like
>With eyes guiding the way
>Correct?
>We would like to see the head's advice
>Please delete your contribution.
>Save me from your mind.
--
Noah Sombrero
DMB
Apr 4, 2022, 12:17:24 AM4/4/22
to
On Sunday, 3 April 2022 at 19:37:45 UTC-6, Noah Sombrero wrote:
> >Are you sure of revolution?
> >Are you OK?
> >We want to change the world
> >Do you know what happens in evolution?
> >We want to change the world
> >But when it comes to self-employment
> >You're headless
> >I will provide you a head
> >You don't know what it will be like
> >With eyes guiding the way
> >Correct?
> >We would like to see the head's advice
> >Please delete your contribution.
> >Save me from your mind.
The magical thinking of Noah666:
> >Are you sure of revolution?
> >Are you OK?
> >We want to change the world
> >Do you know what happens in evolution?
> >We want to change the world
> >But when it comes to self-employment
> >You're headless
> >I will provide you a head
> >You don't know what it will be like
> >With eyes guiding the way
> >Correct?
> >We would like to see the head's advice
> >Please delete your contribution.
> >Save me from your mind.
"You will need to run, hide"
HYENA SKINS
Zero's date-stamp stamps this year
Target-catching, marked with death
Ground pass interception of our broadcast
I'll illustrate how the setting's changed
Satan introduced entropic principles
To maneuver plundering pirate ships
The weed whacko's good at hacking
Shapes his moonbow into cubes
Iron cage to capture Earth
Triangle angle ray from Mars
Cube designed database debaser
Weaving us into decomposition
Bug bat sonic idiosyncrasy
Fill our natural spaces
With sun cell cracked quackery
Got a light to spark the fuse
To blow up used up concepts?
Change the Opal's launch direction
Nano satellites fight compliance
Take heed!
Yield to Designer wishes
The Game's Player is a game-changer
Replacing crazy hunting drones
First Person in first person shooter mode
Tesla's gloating bloated goat
Insubstantial puffed up cloud
Electronic dwarves in frying pans
Steel Wing's activation plans
Consume Octovo's business license
Mini gray frames fold in flames
System malware congenital orbit
Swings off course into the pain
Anti-anomalic man
Here to break up the anomaly family
To retrofit the funky format
Radiation current readings
Looking like they're looking sick
The Mantle Motel scented with sulfur
Electronic errors flatline to normal
Our story's pages stuck together
From spider-bottom crazy glue
The Chairman's bored,
We finally got 'em
Influencers of infection
Subsects of sublimation
Black metal fairy tails
Wag in all the wrong directions
I skin and tan hyena hide
Amorphous hydrous siliconicide
DMB
Apr 4, 2022, 5:28:07 PM4/4/22
to
On Sunday, 3 April 2022 at 19:37:45 UTC-6, Noah Sombrero wrote:
Me: "Save me from your mind."
Noah666: "You will need to run, hide."
https://groups.google.com/g/alt.buddha.short.fat.guy/c/dFgYxu0vac8
Not if the right people decide to act after they've been given the answer:
THE ANSWER
A bad RAM was put into the Brain [what all players of this reality share] with a good ROM.
Shut down all of the world's electricity. This will rid the world of the Baphomet and leave
our Original Creation intact. Then we have a world without the presence of the
E VIL-lain, and we can live happily ever after.
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