How about some bad steno jokes?

[Gabriel Holmes]

 I'll start:

 After just a little practice, you, too, will be able to turn anyone into a ninja.

[Shayne Holmes]

People who are concerned about falling prey to malicious junk mail should learn steno: I now can't look at a breathless promotional email without seeing the "!!!" as equivalent to "scam scam scam". 

(You did ask for bad jokes, right?) 

Shayne

[Owain]

Stenographers do it faster with fingers

[Ben Tarkeshian]

http://greggshorthand.blogspot.com/2010/08/peanuts.html

I probably had originals at some point, but long gone. There's more,
on that site or elsewhere.



http://1dubaijobs.com/administrative-support-jobs/male-stenographer-required-for-a-legal-113575.htm

That is no joke, just different cultures/traditions have different
requirements. 80 WPM also seems low. Not passing judgement.




http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/200943-former-house-stenographer-describes-outburst

That was real...I am not sure of the context...strangely enough, I
will have to side with J. random stenographer on {random issue} over
{random cross-sample on politicians} on just about any {random issue}
.





The below are not funny, not funny at all inside the U.S.

Outside of the U.S. I'm sure we are unintentionally hilarious to the
rest of the world.


Compare and contrast:



http://www.sltrib.com/news/1847183-155/becker-to-oversee-national-group-and

On the league’s to-do list under Becker will be to push for more
public-private partnerships.


http://www.nytimes.com/2014/03/17/opinion/chinas-struggle-to-forget.html?_r=0

"The history of Communist rule in China can be viewed from a number of
angles. One such angle is class struggle." ... "During land reform,
the property of landlords was confiscated; and then, during the
compulsory merging of public and private enterprises, factories owned
by capitalists were taken over by the state."




http://edition.cnn.com/2001/US/11/06/ret.bush.coalition/index.html

Bush said he would not point out any specific countries when he speaks
to the UN.

"Over time it's going to be important for nations to know they will be
held accountable for inactivity," he said. "You're either with us or
against us in the fight against terror."


http://biblehub.com/matthew/12-30.htm

Mark 9:40 for whoever is not against us is for us.
Luke 9:50 "Do not stop him," Jesus said, "for whoever is not against
you is for you."





http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/may/03/everyone-is-under-surveillance-now-says-whistleblower-edward-snowden

“Collect it all doesn't mean collect it all!” Hayden said




http://www.newspapers.com/newspage/18175550/

"Illegal is a better word than criminal because I think criminal has a
different connotation." "I THINK the tragedy of this is that men who
are not criminals at heart and certainly not engaged in criminal
activities committed a criminal or illegal act and now must bear the
consequences'


http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/whatever-happened-to-a-government-of-laws-not-of-men/article/2512346

Irascible old John Adams enshrined the concept of "a government of
laws, not of men"





http://www.pbs.org/newshour/rundown/an-exclusive-club-the-five-countries-that-dont-spy-on-each-other/

The members are five English-speaking countries who share virtually
all intelligence — and pledge not to practice their craft on one
another.



http://www.foreignaffairs.com/articles/24183/david-fromkin/entangling-alliances

It is our true policy to steer clear of permanent alliance with any
portion of the foreign world": it was George Washington's Farewell
Address to us. The inaugural pledge of Thomas Jefferson was no less
clear: "Peace, commerce, and honest friendship with all
nations-entangling alliances with none."




http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/americanexperience/features/general-article/reagan-quotes/

May 17, 1981 -- from a speech at Notre Dame University

"The years ahead will be great ones for our country, for the cause of
freedom and the spread of civilization. The West will not contain
Communism; it will transcend Communism. We will not bother to denounce
it, we'll dismiss it as a sad, bizarre chapter in human history whose
last pages are even now being written."


http://www.reagan.utexas.edu/archives/speeches/1984/112185a.htm

Exchange Initiatives

The two leaders agreed on the utility of broadening exchanges and
contacts including some of their new forms in a number of scientific,
educational, medical and sports fields (inter alia, cooperation in the
development of educational exchanges and software for elementary and
secondary school instruction; measures to promote Russian language
studies in the United States and English language studies in the USSR;
the annual exchange of professors to conduct special courses in
history, culture and economics at the relevant departments of Soviet
and American institutions of higher education; mutual allocation of
scholarships for the best students in the natural sciences,
technology, social sciences and humanities for the period of an
academic year; holding regular meets in various sports and increased
television coverage of sports events).




Those are less funny inside the U.S. :/


We in the U.S. do not trust our "leaders" -- please world, do not
listen to them either, they all lie, all the time :)


Thank goodness a stenographer was here to give people the TRUTH!



Limecat is displeased :/

http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/limecat



I recommend you try the stenography game with your own "leaders"
wherever you live, and watch the hilarity ensue :)



Those are all very bad, bad steno jokes :(




https://40.media.tumblr.com/6457fb587cf7920c6ee1806b88efbae1/tumblr_nejkoqLwRf1r9da42o1_500.jpg

[Ted Morin]

At work, new private office, boss keeps asking what I'm doing, I assure him that I'm watching important videos. Really need to fix that asterisk key.

[Daniel Langlois]

I'm reminded of the strange and funny things court reporters have had to record w/a straight face -- here, there's lots of material posted online all the time.

[Shayne Holmes]

Lightening up a little... 

Every once in a while, a Google search for straight stenotype output will yield something interesting, like this one on somebody's last.fm profile: 

TP UBG UPBS TH HR*ETS PW TPREPBD/Z(;

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[Ben Tarkeshian]

"good" bad steno jokes, that don't involve slavery / treason :

Q: why'd the chicken cross the road?
A: intersection, when used appropriately, saves time & space (handwritten)

Q: why'd the chicken cross the road?
A: NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS AS A STENOGRAPHER -- HESITATION ONLY SLOWS YOU DOWN!

Q: how many stenographers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: altering the transcript is a violation of a state & federal laws,
not to mention your personal integrity; stenographers should not
change anything

Q: what is the leading cause of death among stenographers?
A: too many strokes

[Steven Bhardwaj]

Shayne,

I stroked it into plover and got, "if United Kingdom understand this lets about friends"...

I was wanting a punchline... is it staring me in the face and I just don't see it??

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[Shayne Holmes]

I think it's supposed to be "if you can understand this let's be friends"; I'm not sure if it's written in a different theory or the author doesn't really know what s/he's doing. :) 

Shayne

[Theodore Morin]

Steven,

Different strokes, different folks, right? I'm sure that it should translate to:

"If you can understand this let's be friends"

I've see "UK" as a brief for"you can" before, and also "let's" is inverted from Plover's theory, and "PW" is often "be" in steno. I personally like "about" and "-B" for "be", but it's a cute note none-the-less.

If you want a challenge, try reading more steno notes. You can see that this theory is quite different from Plover's at times. It's a good exercise to get you thinking.

http://stenocourtreporting.blogspot.ca/2010/09/reading-raw-steno-notes.html

[Steven Bhardwaj]

Ah... that's a very nice punchline. Thanks guys! Good for a bumper sticker or tshirt.  :D

Maybe would be a good add to the plover cafepress catalog.

Cheers,
Steven

[Theodore Morin]

A machine is just a man without a...