Some Life Musings/Wonderings
Scott Schmit
Diehards,
Life has been challenging lately. Outwardly, from the perspective of anyone else, it wouldn’t seem so. But inwardly, it has been hard. Over the last 6-8 months, I have experienced a series of ailments that have impacted me physically, and in turn mentally. One of those ailments will require surgery, and with that, the decisions prior to that add to the weight. My day to day activities have been curtailed, and the psychological reaction internally has impacted the ability to be present for those in my life. Again, from the perspective of another (and even to my own intellectual perspective), the dauntingness of these ailments (both physical and mental) really aren’t that dramatic (may even seem trivial) in the grand scheme of things. Certainly not to someone going through a more serious illness, bereavement, etc. Nevertheless, the dauntingness/anxiety/feeling of stuckness remains present, and my thoughts have been running rampant and taking over.
The reason I provide the above personal struggle is to provide a context in which I find myself wondering about the following types of questions/subjects. I have spoken with others (friends, psychologist, wife) in my personal life about this, but the folks on here seem to wonder aloud about these things in a way that I do, and not many in my circles do.
Honesty - Are we ever really sure that we are being honest? I have really struggled with determining whether I am being honest with myself over the last few months. How would one even be able to decipher the deception? Is it possible to know that?
Knowing - I have been shaken on how I have “handled” things mentally. I “knew” I would be able to provide a good example to my young boys of resilience and managing adversity as they are growing up watching their Dad. The revelation that it’s not going that way has been stunning. Alas, through some self reflection, I realize that whatever resilience I “thought” I would be able to provide must have been some conjured up, ego-driven fantasy. It really makes me question what we can know about ourselves and the world. Intellectually, I have always found “I don’t know” to be the three most important words, but sub-consciously it seems that perhaps “knowing” has been steering things still (see Honesty).
Control/Security- Is this whole experience just another exercise in understanding that we really don’t control anything at all? Like, at all? It seems to me (based on experience) that once these physical issues are resolved, the aforementioned psychological difficulties will persist as the mind hunts for something else to occupy/worry about/control. Boy, is this ever tiring!
I know the easy answer to all of this is that it's all just a part of THIS. I certainly understand that, and it’s obviously true in the most literal sense. But I don’t feel it in any way.
I appreciate the forum to express. I have a hard time making my thoughts concrete until life circumstances help get the fingers typing. Maybe it will provide some discourse, maybe not. Either way, thanks to all.
Scott S.
Paul Rezendes
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Scott Schmit
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Paul Rezendes
On May 29, 2026, at 1:07 PM, Scott Schmit <schm...@gmail.com> wrote:
Paul,Thank you for your kind words. I don't have much to say in response right now.Scott S
On Thu, May 28, 2026 at 4:10 PM Paul Rezendes <pho...@paulrezendes.com> wrote:
Scott,Sorry to hear about the physical issues. I can relate. I had some fairly serious physical issues myself along with a lot of drama. What this brings up for me is how some non-dual people say nothing matters. They kind of have transcended being a body, a human being. They are above it all. Some of us tend to think that being "awake" to some extent, we can rise above it all. But when things like this happen, we realize that we are this body and it has its challenges. Maybe you can't be present like you want for your family, but maybe it's time for them to support you. We all need support at times. I know when I went through my various physical challenges, my wonderful wife was there by my side constantly. Can I say... forget “THIS”. It can be an escape from being human. Our Thursday night Zoom group had a discussion about this very thing last week as a result of a video I put up on the Diehards. I think the video relates to your situation. I don't know if you watched it. I will put it here below. You might want to take a look at it. I hope you can roll with all the punches; sometimes it's not fun and definitely can be very challenging.Hopefully all these issues will resolve for you.Love,Paul
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