Empaths and coping with death

[Gary]

Empaths and death and dying

Hi, all,

I’ve been wanting to write something about coping with the loss of a loved one for a long time now, though, being such a sensitive subject, it’s been hard to find the right words.

Death is traumatic. There’s no way around this, especially if you are an empath and while many do understand that death is just life changing forms, it doesn’t make it any less painful.

What I want to do here is explore how is affects us, and why the empath is more vulnerable than most.

In order to get things flowing, I decided to work with my guides as this often produces the best results for me.

Those will be written in Italics.

The way this works is that I’ll ask a question or make a comment, and then the response will come to me without any thought on my part.

Tell me about the empath and death.

You mean, how the empath views death and how they are affected by it?

Yes.

When we are talking about death, it should be made clear that death is a transition from one state to another. Death does not mean you cease to exist.

What makes death so traumatic is the perception and illusion that those you love ceases to exist. What is left behind is a shell that once was animated by a soul. The body is no longer animated with the essence of that life.

For the empath, this will be traumatic on several levels.

If they were close to the departed soul, they will feel their energies still mixed in with departed one(s) and the shifting and breaking of energies will be extremely traumatic.  This is the pain many loved ones feel when they are suddenly and often unexpectedly separated from their partner.

Also, they face a change in reality which they are not prepared for. Their world is no longer balanced, nor is it making any sense and as much as they wish it to make sense, it won’t; at least not right away.

Another level is the guilt that they often experience when someone departs. Even though there is nothing they could have done, many empaths feel responsible for when someone dies. How could they have stopped it? Should they have seen warning signs or had a feeling that something bad was about to go down?

This is especially true when suicide is involved, or if someone had a fatal accident. The ‘what ifs’ and ‘why didn’t I?’ and ‘if only I had’ thoughts come up and torment the mind and soul.

Then there is the pain of other people. For an empath, this is just as devastating as they are not only coping with their own pain and grief, but also from those around them.

This is also true for those who did not know the deceased. Going to a funeral for an empath can be quite traumatic as they can be bombarded with such feelings of loss and sorrow.

The reason why death is so hard in our current society is because we have it all tossed around and the perspectives and understanding is often incorrect.

Death, as many know, and many more begin to know, does not exist. Nor do things such as accidents or untimely deaths truly exist.

The soul is never in the wrong place at the wrong time. It is never unaware of what is occurring from its astral levels.

The biggest question people face is ‘why’? Why did they leave me? Why did this have to happen?

That’s a reasonable question. I’m sure many have asked that and seen no rhyme or reason in many deaths. I know I’m left scratching my head about one or two.

That is because you do not know what was intended on a soul level nor how one’s passing will affect those left behind. There is a much bigger picture involved here. The very act of someone passing can spark events and changes that may not have happened otherwise or even prevent undesirable ones to occur.

The people who are meant to be in your life, are in your life and that is not by random chance. Whether they touch a life for a moment or a life time will depend on what is needed and agreed to.

Does that make the loss of a loved one any less painful? No, it doesn’t. It takes a very high level of connection and psychic awareness for one not to feel that loss, and indeed, see it as an opportunity.

If you look back on the deaths you have had in your life, you’ll see how vital they were to your own growth and your own path.

This I know, though I’m working to keep this useful for empaths in general.

It is an example. For many, death is often a catalyst for growth and awareness. They move into things that they were unlikely to do before.

 There is also a belief that we must feel sad for the departed, otherwise we are a bad or uncaring person. If we do not mourn, or do not go through a certain period of time of grieving, then we may feel guilt over it.

Guilt is often a reason why we hang onto grief. We ask ourselves: how much did we really love this person if we can just move on without any sense of loss or pain. How will others view us if we are seen to ‘not care’? How do we see ourselves if we find that we don’t wish to suffer for the loss of another?

Yet, make no mistake; the departed does not need you to grieve for them. Once they reach the light, they are in bliss and more often than not, the concerns of this world are left behind.

That does not mean they are forgotten, and when you call on your loved ones, they will come and leave many messages in many ways that they are there. Some even will manifest themselves so they can show the ones left behind that they are just fine and they will look just beautiful.

They are fine. They are more than fine. They are home.

To those who have lost one dear to them, I promise you that you will see them again. You will be reunited and if you both so choose, you will live more lives together for as long as you desire.

It’s one thing to know this on an intellectual level, but how do you translate this to the emotional level? How do you bring comfort to those who have lost their loved ones? Saying that they aren’t really gone doesn’t seem to be all that useful.

As I said, it is natural to feel grief for the loss of someone dear. There is also a fear that your life may never be the same, and that you cannot cope without them. They may have been tremendous support, or loved you unconditionally, or they may have been the bread winner.

Fear is one of those emotions that is intertwined with the sense of loss. Fear for the future, fear that they won’t be able to cope alone or be capable of carrying on looking after family or children.

Death is not about the ones who have passed over, but those who are left behind.

So, how does the empath cope with death?

The key is shifting your understanding and perspective of death. Do not look upon it as something that should not have happened. If it was not meant to occur, then it would not have occurred. This does not mean you suddenly dismiss the pain, nor do you suddenly decide that it is irrelevant; it simply means that you are seeing things in a more holistic manner.

Those who you truly love will never truly leave you. They are there. They are by your side when you call, and they are helping you. You may not always feel them, but they are there.

The shift in understanding and perspective is key to coping with the sense of loss.

Do not harbour feelings of guilt of another’s death.

Do not feel that your own life is ending because someone has departed.

Do not fear that you cannot cope. You will always have what you need to make it through, and indeed thrive.

Life is about the growth and experience of the soul and such things can be powerful catalysts.

For my own comments, I’ve found that Bach Flower Remedies can be very comforting at a time like this.

For instance, Star of Bethlehem to help with the shock of a loved one’s death.

Sweet Chestnut to help move from a place where you can’t accept someone is gone.

Willow if you are feeling like a victim.

Pine if you carry any guilt

Holly for the anger you may feel.

I don’t know why I’ve felt the push to write this and put this information out right now, but here it is.

May someone find this useful.

[Heather]

This March, it will be 3 years since my father passed away. I had never experienced death before, and at 36 years old I was facing it for the first time. With the exception of my parents and sisters my entire family is in Ireland. Having soooooooo many relatives (irish catholic, i have 65 fist cousins) should have prepared me, but being so far away i was sheltered from funerals or even experience death than anything other than just hearing about. When my Dad passed my world ended, i became an agoraphobic and just thought that with most emotional trauma in my life, it was taking me a lot longer to process it. I have found a peace with the knowledge that there are somethings that i am just not meant to get over, and that although it is not what i hoped for myself, I have accepted that this wound is just one that may never heal. I wish i could be like so many others, just moving past things and moving forward, but in the loss of my Dad i realized that that is just not who i am, and now at 39 i feel pretty confident that my personality, my heart, and how i feel things is just who i am and im trying my best everyday to cut myself some slack with it. Of course i still have many weak moments when i feel sorry myself and wonder why cant i be like everybody else, why does it seem so easy for everybody but me to shake any negative experience from my mind, instead of what i call intrusive thoughts. I use to think that my mind was torturing me with a constant replay of hurtful memories, but im just beginning to think that maybe my overload of feelings is a gift instead of a curse. Your post helped me come to this epiphany, and so i thank you for writing it. Countless medications, therapy, books, and articles did nothing, but your article is the first thing that has really spoke to me. Nothing is coincidence, I'm excited to see where this takes me. Bright blessings, Heather

[Gary]

Thanks, Heather. 

Much appreciate the feedback and glad it helped in some way.

if you are after healing for the trauma side of things, I'd be happy to give you some free advise on it. Let me know.

Gary

On Wed, Feb 18, 2015 at 7:51 AM, 'Heather' via Empath Support Forum <emp...@googlegroups.com> wrote:

This March, it will be 3 years since my father passed away. I had never experienced death before, and at 36 years old I  was facing it for the first time. With the exception of my parents and sisters my entire family is in Ireland. Having soooooooo many relatives (irish catholic, i have 65 fist cousins) should have prepared me, but being so far away i was sheltered from funerals or even experience death than anything other than just hearing about. When my Dad passed my world ended, i became an agoraphobic and just thought that with most emotional trauma in my life, it was taking me a lot longer to process it. I have found a peace with the knowledge that  there are somethings that i am just not meant to get over, and that although it is not what i hoped for myself, I have accepted that this wound is just one that may never heal. I wish i could be like so many others, just moving past things and moving forward, but in the loss of my Dad i realized that that is just not who i am, and now at 39 i feel pretty confident that my personality, my heart, and how i feel things is just who i am and im trying my best everyday to cut myself some slack with it. Of course i still have many weak moments when i feel sorry myself and wonder why cant i be like everybody else, why does it seem so easy for everybody but me to shake any negative experience from my mind, instead of what i call intrusive thoughts. I use to think that my mind was torturing me with a constant replay of hurtful memories, but im just beginning to think that maybe my overload of feelings is a gift instead of a curse. Your post helped me come to this epiphany, and so i thank you for writing it. Countless medications, therapy, books, and articles did nothing, but your article is the first thing that has really spoke to me. Nothing is coincidence,  I'm  excited to see where this takes me. Bright blessings, Heather

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[lpke...@gmail.com]

WARNING: NOVELLA AHEAD
My oldest friend of 22 yrs is working thru her end stage with ALS. I spent last evening with her, the 26th MAR/2015. I can't get back until 8th JUN, 13 more days. She lives several hrs away, is at home with her husband of 12 yrs. Hospice nurses & daily care takers while he works WK days. He was my previous employer & closest of friends also for 20 yrs. We had a seperation of 12 yrs as I moved to AZ. They followed 12 yrs later & we resumed our friendship without missing a beat. I moved in with them this FEB, then back home end of APR when full-time in-home care was secured. Her husband had to return to work & she needed care 24/7. Yesterday I returned to visit after 3 wks. I knew the moment I walked to the door that things had drastically changed. I could feel the energy. When I walked in & looked at her, I lost control of my emotions & blubbered like a baby. I felt an all too FAMILIAR energy. Didn't matter that my most recent transition assist was 9 years ago, it may as well had been happening AT THAT VERY MOMENT. I recognized the energy the way a mother knows her new born, instinctively. This death, my friend's death, will be as much about the re-birth of her energy as
about the pain & grief those of us left behind will feel. Mourning began months ago, every day, at each new sign of further deterioration. As the disease progressed, I could feel her anger, fear, & grief at her loss of body function. I also felt her disappointment & sadness that her husband didn't have coping skills he needed so he drank excessively trying to numb himself, trying NOT to feel. He got falling down drunk, unable to care for her, just sit, hold her hand, talk, make decisions & final arrangements. Like a spong, I was emotionally rung back & forth between them, exhausted tending to physical caretaking, meds, hygiene, nutrition, etc. I was a freaken mess. I couldn't take any more but I forced myself to cause that's who I am & have always been, the nuturer, caretaker, advocate, & soft place to land. All while neglecting my own needs, health & welfare. I self destructed, I imploded. That's when I came home in APR. I felt guilt for leaving but I could no longer navigate the waters. (sorry for the bunny trail) ..... since I left her house last night I've known she won't last 13 more days. Her husband stopped drinking. I could feel his understanding mixed with sadness and his autopilot gears. I know he heard his call to suit up & step up. I'm relieved he did before it was too late. I also feel his guilt growing for his drunk & wasted days. I'm 183 miles away & can still feel her moving in & out of medicated comfort and loudly I hear her willing herself to be done with it already. She's has a plan in place but suddenly she's feeling something she had earlier refused to acknowledge, her fear & anxiety over leaving him. She now sees him grief stricken & paralized by fear. He had been emotionally unavailable while she labored desperately to simply breath. She was hurt, angry & frightened. Today her defenses no longer exist. She sees how loved she is & how pained those who love her are. She can't bear to see our faces but can't bear to look away. Once again she's allowed herself to be the caretaker of his emotions, now she's anguished by a choice
she wants to make. She fears for him when she moves forward. All of that energy is vibrating my stomach to nausea. My extremeties feel heavy & I feel I'm moving in slow-mo. I'm tired, my head aches but I can't still my mind long enough to sleep. Its here, its happening as I type, the slow & natural rythem of her body shutting down while her spirit prepares to soar. He feels it too & has finally opened his eyes. His body unconsciously prepares also. This will be the 12th time I've been witness to this journey but I feel as though I have felt what I do now & been in my present mindset a thousand times before. This feels terribly familiar...I don't like it, its very uncomfortable. At the same time, I don't want to be anywhere other than where she needs me to be.
I apologize for my lengthy ness. I would really appreciate some feedback. If you've read this far, thank you. Lisa

[Lenie Palm]

Hi Liza
All my sympathy to you and your friend. She will be well cared for when she moves on. Her body and soul is very tired and needs to move on. She is saying her goodbyes and if you still your mind and thoughts, you will hear her telepathically speaking to you. She is most of the time not in her body anymore. Her spirit moves in an out her body. She is free of all the pain and wants to go home. She knows you will be there to comfort her husband. She forgave him and he doesn't need to feel guilty about anything.
Please know that you will see her again one day and the three of you will be together again. Look after yourself you need to rest you are going to need your energy when this is over, and that is very soon. An angel is already with her and is holding her hand and is preparing her for departure. She know she is loved and she long for you and him to understand it. Please buy yourself flowers your favorite ones, it is her way of saying thank you for everything, she say you will know which flowers to buy.

Love And Light to you.

Lenie

[lpke...@gmail.com]

Lennie,
I did finally get some sleep. Thoughts & images flew through part of my mind all night while my body tried to recover. I was so tempted to take something to help me sleep but resisted, wanting to keep myself "open". I wasn't expecting any response to what i felt this morning was nothing more than healthy journaling last night. I checked the minute I got up anyway. Thank you so much for your words and time. I know what you're saying is true. I have always such difficulty not be reactionary upon feeling another's distress or pain in particular. Once I've had several days of alone downtime, I'm able to reorganize my energy and thoughts and work from there preparing for what comes next. The final phase is always the most draining yet always the most peaceful as I believe its God's blessing. Let the healing begin. I was crying by the timeiI finished reading your message. Yes, I do know what her favorite flower is and I just so happened to find that out while caring for her. I don't believe in coincidences so thank you again. I feel as though you reassured me in that I'm not crazy or losing my mind. My depression took a serious detoure for a minute there.
Take good care Lennie, I hope we communicate another time....

[Suz Swanson]

Hi Lisa,

I get it, I really do & yet it is hard to put all of what that consists of into words.  It is a wonderful gift for your beloved friend that you have held her humanness & need so close to your heart & that you have had the foresight and strength to give of yourself in such a deep manner.  As you've seen with your friend's husband and no doubt other times, many people just aren't wired that way.  Being able to cross that bridge into another's thoughts, feelings, needs through the arduous task of dying is a strong medicine to be able to carry.  It makes what we are & what we can do in service to another's needs an even stronger calling for us.  Having such a gift doesn't leave us without normal human needs though.  Even though we can postpone those things for incredible amounts we do become emotionally, spiritually & physically depleted.  I've also been called to be there with precious others as in that important time of transition.  I liken the journey of death to the labor pains & struggles that infant goes through to be born.  It's so tragic to see some have to go through such arduous trauma & suffering to be born into the next part of their journey. 

I celebrate the great depth of your courage, strength, wisdom & the generous spirit through which you have so honored your friend.  I hope you will continue to seek ways to help yourself rebalance and heal.  It sounds like a focus on those basics for yourself like simple rest, hydration and nutrition are important right now.  I wonder if it might help you to do something for yourself that you can hear your friend suggesting...that maybe she's even suggested for you in the past as your helped others with the dying process?  And then do this a way for her to give back to you? Just a thought, sweet one. 

I am sad for the loss you are all experiencing.  I hope your friend's body will be able to still soon so she can be released to fly freely again.

Suz

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[danielle loiselle]

Hello. I am having difficulty dealing with my mothers recent suicide in February. You spoke of 'what if I would/could have..' , quit a few times a deep feeling that she would too soon not be answering the other end of the line when I called her. It would take a small bit of my breath away and I would chant in my head 'Lord, don't put that on me' . I thought they were just morbid and dark thoughts. She did this because her husband of 20 yrs was a chronic cheater and habitual liar, she learned of all his side women and his new fiance then he just gave in and served her divorce papers. He was emotionally abusive, dominant and seemed to fit all the traits of a narcissist. He had the upper hand. She didnt have a job; a stay at home wife who had to have all her necessities paid for by him. I tried so hard to get her to come home, to empower her with pep talks but she sank into a dark place. She wasn't the same. Like my mommas love and compassion fizzled out and misery and self loath borrowed in. I live in Florida, she was in iowa. I was there in less than 24 hours yet he didn't arrive until a day and a half later and he was in the same state, with his fiance. He was the last person she spoke with, the only person who heard her pull the trigger.
My husband calls me a robot at times. Im an RT and turning off neonate vents or seeing someone pass after coding is something I do. I desensitize, the best way to describe it is I just take a seat and my body goes on autopilot. I did this for my momma, I've listened to all her friends cry and vent and held up. Now, I find I've retracted terribly. I don't want to be anywhere I don't need to be. I just want to go to work, tinker/fix things in my house, be around just my husband and daughter. I feel bad for canceling outings with beloved friends but I feel tired and 'dark'. I have so many headaches and I'm so distracted on ' why does he get a happy ending? He didnt just hurt my mom, he hurt my brother, myself, our children, our spouses. Yet he carries on. How does one do that?'I know I'm to remember her as she was before and she's with me but I feel a shift in me. I don't want to be like this forever, I have so many people who depend on me. What are these herbs I see mentioned and how do I use them? Can anyone give a bit of insight on how to deal with this particular ordeal? I'm new to the title of Empathy, I just thought I was good at predicting what followed next and that my being a Pisces was the reason I was a people person. Is it true Empaths tend to be a bit more suicidal than regular? Thank you for reading this. I jsu don't know how to get any answers from any where else.

[lpke...@gmail.com]

Hi Danielle,
I'm truly sorry for the loss of your mom. The events & emotions you've shared suggest that you're actually struggling with several different issues that are connected, in various degrees, to your mom and her manner death. I hope you dont mind my asking a question or 2 in attempt to feel sure prI'm understanding correctly. The personality & character (or lack of) your father makes me doubt that the two of you shared a warm, trusting, and engaged relationship while you were growing up. That would be nearly impossible had you known the detailes of his lieing, cheating, & abusiveness and clearly seen/felt how brokenhearted he made your mom. Their relationship, without a doubt, helped hone your ability to detach as a coping mechanism then and now, as your profession requires. This in no way makes you a "robot". You simply cope in a way that works for you. Your father did then as he does still, hurt your heart & soul. That's the first thing you've got to rid & cleans from your spirit, you have to find a way to put it away...far, far away from your entire self, mind and body. He will never be deserving of you, your mom, or your brother. I'm not telling you to just forget him & the destruction he caused, but find a way to accept the truth about who he his and then IMMEDIATELY let him & his pain go permanent my.
Do you blame him for your mom's depression & suicide? From what you've said I can understand why you could. Unfortunately I have firsthand personal experience in that area. After suffering loss after loss, the worst when my fiance died 3 days before our wedding, 11 months later my dad whom I cared for for 6 years, then my engineering career of MANY years, I fell into a black sucking hole of depression. Knowing pharmacuiticals so well, I felt like a failure twice when I failed both times. Thank God I failed but what I want you to know is this; I never stopped loving my daughters, my grand daughter, my nephew, or my brother. My wanting to stop the pain was all I could think of. I knew they would all be fine without me & thoughtthey'd probably be better cause they wwouldn't have to worry about my unhappyness any more. They wouldn't have to worry period. My point is this, your mom ending her life really had nothing to do with any thing or any one. She just hurt so terribly, it was the only way she knew at the time to stop it. Greater only than her pain was her hopelessness. In your profession you know that major depression is a form of mental illness. THANK HEAVEN ROBIN WILLIAMS PULLED IT OUT OF THE CLOSET!! Mental illness has such a negative reputation but that's what it is. The longer left untreated, the worse it gets. Problem is, the person suffering doesn't realize how distorted their thoughts become. Suicide victims rarely seek professional help. THAT'S what truly ended your moms life as much as you want to blame your sociopathic dad. Oh he's still an ass hole & still responsible for his repulsive actions but it sounds like he's still behaving true to form. Once you can erase as much pain of his that you can, stop looking for blame any further than depression for the loss of your mom. And please, forgive your self for being a unique human being. Be kind to yourself. Work through yourgrief your way & at your pace.
Peace & light be with you.
Lisa

[danielle loiselle]

Hi Lisa,
Thank you for replying. He was my stepfather and she always caught him cheating in the past. I left them as soon as I could, at 18. She and I always spoke and she visited me here in Florida often. He and I didn't mix well. I always had to be the stereotypical bubbly blonde around him because I knew that's what made him happy. Our family life relied on us children walking on eggshells around him, or he would get dark,moody and dominant. Never hit us though.
I do blame him, Lisa. My neice burned down their house (she was just5) while in the care of momma. She was a wife who kept care of their horses and growing little farm, he worked over the road. They were raising up money to rebuild on the property. She stayed in a camper on that property. He left her there without propane, a working fridge and frozen pipes. She bathed in the cold with jug water. All she had was her dog, all the family lives in other states. When she made the decision to do it, he was on the phone with her when she pulled the trigger and instead of the police, he called the neighbor to 'go check on her', he claimed he didn't know what she had done, but you can hear a .22 rifle being shot outside. So you can imagine it inside a camper. I went there and stayed in that camper and just lived like her, with my brother and his girlfriend, for three days. It was cold and sad. To be alone there, its just too much.
I blame him for lack of humanity, for negligence. I never minded a divorce. People not happy in a marriage should go their separate ways but, take care to do it. When you have been with a person for 20yrs , be solid in your decision but not emotionless or without any ounce of compassion. This man had such disregard for her life.

[smokk...@gmail.com]

Hello All. 

I have only just been made aware today that I am an HSP, I am 29 years old (80's Kid) and since 13 I have been aware of death and the effect it can have on people emotionally spiritually and mentally. I my Grandmother (Olma) at the turn of the 2000's during that time it happened to be a big transitional phase for me (High school). I was already looked down upon and called Spock and Gay, amongst other things. after my Nan's passing I decided to stop trying so hard at school as everything felt somewhat easy anyway and focussed on fitting in. Due to no support base at home (single mother, very torn from her mothers passing, and no male role model to turn to) I slowly started to side towards drinking and heightening or dulling my senses as I couldn't understand or describe the inner pain that i was feeling at the time, Loneliness is all I felt, a sense of inadequacy to my mum and to my few friends, after some years I still abused substances however achieving and working during my days, One night at the age of 22 I awoke to a figure hanging over my bed, I was unable to move and only managed to let out small squeaks in fright (almost like possession). When I awoke in the morning I remembered the faceless silhouetted figure but it felt like no more than a dream, the memory has stayed with me all this time not giving me a sense of foreboding but a sense of connection to those that we can't see but still stay with us, talking to us through our thoughts, even through our mouths. I believe that the dead and passed are always around us guiding us and protecting us, I think that its important for me to keep the ones that have left my physical world close to my heart and although the pain may at times be crushing and almost scaring it does feel at the end worth the pain as the dead have now become my friends on my road along life and as long as I am good to others and recognise those that only act selfishly (avoiding as much as possible)

[cett...@gmail.com]

When I read your post, I felt like you were speaking to me, personally--you were meant to write this and some of us were meant to find it.  That's what I believe.  I have had a lot of experience with death through the years and recently lost someone very dear to my heart, which brought me to your post.  For years I have been told I am telepathic and an empath but I never felt validated until now after reading your post--thank you for writing it.  

Best Wishes, Anna

On Tuesday, October 18, 2011 at 10:25:05 PM UTC-4, Gary wrote:

[Gary]

Thank you Anna.

I'm so glad it helped you. Death is one of the toughest things we face.

Thank you and take care.

Gary

[smbike...@gmail.com]

Death was the first issue I remember finding answers to. I know that I've lived before this life and don't fear death. I'm only sorry for people that have experienced a loss at funerals But I do not grieve the one that has passed on. I've usually felt almost jealous that the one's that have passed are now much better than I am still stuck down here. I've always felt I'll catch up with them later and do Not share the pain of most people who are extremely hurt when a loved one passes. Life has always seemed like the scary thing to me. Death is almost something I look forward to although I'm not suicidal. I want to be around for my two daughters. I disagree with people who say life is short. Maybe this chapter might be but I believe we only live once But it's forever. I know I'm an empath. I pick up on spirits too. I know how to find people where their heart is at by talking to them. I'm not interested in What their answers are to my questions But how or if they chose to answer them. I'm a hyper sensitive male that I'll call an anti social lover of people. So being conscious of my own immortality...I'm always attempting to learn and understand myself and others. I wish I could relax and Just enjoy the journey but no matter how horrible the situation..I'll attempt to extract the lesson out of every little thing. I'm rambling but I sometimes wish I wasn't such a lightning rod for energies around me. I feel like a slave to them. And I'm a recovering addict and alcoholic which I know today helped me cope with my deep range of feelings. It served it's purpose but now it's time to figure this gift or gifts out head on. I am a healer also. I've helped many already But naturally like automatic pilot. I'd like to learn how to control these powers And protect myself from negativity and energy vampires. Anyway I Hope I made sense to someone. I do not feel like I belong here. Never have. - GLB

[penelop...@gmail.com]

Thank you so much for this post. My partner died yesterday in what i saw as a terrible accident. Your post has helped so much. Thank you. Xx

[Gary]

You are welcome. Loss is still loss and painful. I'm glad it helped.

On Mon, Oct 5, 2015 at 9:12 AM, <penelop...@gmail.com> wrote:

Thank you so much for this post. My partner died yesterday in what i saw as a terrible accident. Your post has helped so much. Thank you. Xx

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[nisa...@gmail.com]

Thank you so much for sharing. K.R.

On Tuesday, October 18, 2011 at 10:25:05 PM UTC-4, Gary wrote:

[PJ]

Thank you for this, truly helpful :)

--

[carls...@gmail.com]

hi my name is Kimberly,
 i needed to hear this, i have been racking my brain trying to figure out why my son passed away.
 he passed this aug and was almost 10 months old.  I looking for reason and understanding to his passing spiritually and logically. I searched for him, which has lead me to a spiritual awakening. iv seen my son in my dreams, and hes helped me. i too am learning to listen to my guides. This had brought me to a spiritual life and of love. I am still angry and learning how to release it but this i feel was written for me as well. they say nothing is of coincidence so its no coincidence that i am reading this right now tonight.
   thank you again.

ps. i am still trying to accept the idea that it was his time , however, i still feel drs were neglectful and i want to make a difference . i want his death to count and save lifes, as i feel that is what hes suppose to do ...hes such a special boy:)

[Gary]

Dear Kimberly,

Death and loss of a loved one is painful, no matter what the long term results are. 

Your story is not the first I've heard like this. I have known of others who awoke because their son or daughter died. 

I do feel that Bach Flower Remedies could really help you here. If you need any assistance, contact me at ga...@empathsupport.com.

Gary

empathsupport.com

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[Lenie Palm]

Hi Kimberly

 

Spirits communicate with us through dreams , it is then that our energy is higher and their energy can reach our energy more easily.

He will always help you and be there for you. When a spirit move on they sometimes leave a percentage of their energy here to comfort those who are left behind.

 

I cannot imagine the pain and heart sore you are going through. I think there is nothing worst in life then to lose a child.

All my sympathy and I will send you some healing energy to help you coping in this testing time.

 

 

Love and Light to you.

Lenie

--

[caca...@gmail.com]

On Christmas morning one of my best friends killed himself. He was also an empath. I feel as though part of me is gone and has better things to do that continue to help me, but if it weren't for this I don't know when I would have stumbled upon the word 'empath'. Thank you for this post. I still wish I had made him come stay with me on Christmas Eve, the last few hours of his earthly existence, just to be able to give one last solid hug and one last "you're my favorite, I love you".

[Gary]

Death is always traumatic, especially when it's a suicide. 

I wish I could reach more to help them understand what they are going through. 

On Wed, Jan 27, 2016 at 6:10 PM, <caca...@gmail.com> wrote:

On Christmas morning one of my best friends killed himself. He was also an empath. I feel as though part of me is gone and has better things to do that continue to help me, but if it weren't for this I don't know when I would have stumbled upon the word 'empath'. Thank you for this post. I still wish I had made him come stay with me on Christmas Eve, the last few hours of his earthly existence, just to be able to give one last solid hug and one last "you're my favorite, I love you".

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[entropy...@gmail.com]

First of all I want to thank you all for your posts. I know I am responding years after the OP posted, but this thread was still active as of earlier this year so I hope that perhaps, I am not too late to seek some advice.
I am an empath, on some level I think I always knew, but I didn't have access to the correct language/terminology/concepts until stumbing upon them quite recently. I knew I felt what others were feeling, I was always being told I was "too sensitive" etc etc but I didn't know that all of these qualities exist in others, and it is called being an empath. (I knew I was EXTREMELY empathetic, but I only recently realized that I should actually use the term empath.)
So what I am getting at is basically I have absolutely no idea what to do. I've done my best to research on the internet, but it is hard to find what I would deem a reliable source. So far, this forum appears to be the best I have found.
Alright, so, considering I know NOTHING about being an empath, what advice would you offer for an empath who has to LIVE in a funeral home? Moving is not an option. I also wonder what advice you might offer in regards to what I can do to try and heal myself? I know I am an "emotional sponge" and I have not actively been trying to "do anything" to protect myself considering I fall into this category of empath.
I struggle with depression, and anxiety, I feel as if I am carrying this enormous weight, and I cannot help but to suspect that this is perhaps partially a result of living and working in a fully operational funeral home. I have read about "shielding" on some sites, and then read other sites that say "shielding" doesn't work etc etc
Is there anyone out there in this whole world wide interweb that can offer me a little guidance? I know I need help, I know I need to change, I know I need to learn, and self-actualize, but where do I start? Where can I find trustworthy adivce? WHAT DO I DO?

[Gary]

Hi, and welcome. And it's never too late to reply to these threads. They are always being watched.

Personally, I'd recommend starting with the free Empath Guidebook http://www.psi-zone.net/guidebook.html

This book was specifically written to answer your questions.

Also, you can find much support and help at:

www.psi-zone.net

www.empathsupport.com

Or the amazing Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/empathsupport/ where the people are very supportive and knowledgeable. 

As they are all run by me, you will find the same level of knowledge you find here. 

Thanks,

Gary

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[straitjackets optional]

Honesty to oneself and others would be a good start...Often deception, masks, and charade that we as human beings use to manipulate others in life ends up causing us depression, guilt and other such emotions. If you indeed live in a funeral home, then death as a reality ought to be your best friend and something that you should be most comfortable with. If you are living with a terminal illness and are at home and hence describe it as a 'funeral home' then coping with it could be a problem and be the cause of your anxiety and depression. Once we let go of manipulations in this world, trying to control others and the outcome of our interaction with them, the universe starts assisting you...I'm nowhere as knowledgeable as Gary but here's an input from someone who has seen life a bit. 

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for me going
for you staying here

two autumns    

- Masaoka Shiki

[aud...@audreypavia.com]

Gary, I am having a very hard time coping with my dad's imminent passing. He's suffering from stomach cancer, and watching him go through this ordeal is torment for me. I believe being an empath is making it so much harder for me. I'm wondering if I could email with you privately about this. I have a sense you might be able to help me. Thank you. 

Audrey

[Konisa]

Audrey, 

Hi. I'm sorry for what you are going through. I lost my mother to breast cancer last summer. If you'd ever like to talk, I'm available. Be strong. HUGS.    K.

Sent from my iPhone

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[aud...@audreypavia.com]

Konica, thank you. It's been only 12 days since diagnosis, and he's getting weaker every day. I don't know if it's my empath nature or something else going on, but I feel such tremendous pain watching him fade away like this. I almost feel like it's happening to me.

Audrey

[Gary]

Hi, Audrey, 

Yes, email me at ga...@empathsupport.com

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[jmho...@gmail.com]

I have discovered the doorway or veils. Upon my father's passing, he seems to have opened this door wide open and I frequently find myself standing in the doorway. This is very emotional to be touching such beauty and pure joy while still rooted to the Earth. It seems I have been here many times before, but I am no longer afraid and find myself lingering to learn more. Before my fateher passed I was given the gift of experiencing the angels. Is anyone else on this forum in this same place? I am a Healer Empath.
It would be great to talk with someone who has a close connection with the other side.
Thank you

[Anna P]

The people from Compassion in Action describe this veil. They are hospice volunteers, started by a person called Danion Brinkley. He has several books and a Facebook page. He describes this experience in detail and had taught the volunteers to do a certain type of focused breathing in order to share this experience.

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Anna

[Gary]

Sounds lovely. 

Just make sure it's the door that feels blissful and not another door.

[marymag11]

Hi, 

I too have had close encounters with life on the other side of the veil. Go with caution as it wont always be angelics. 

Love and light, 

Jen

Sent from my Sprint Samsung Galaxy Note8.

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[marymag11]

I sent a similiar message. When it comes to crossing the veil, it may not always be pleasant, or angelic. Keep in mind that there are good and bad things on the other side. 

Sent from my Sprint Samsung Galaxy Note8.

-------- Original message --------

From: Gary <xera...@gmail.com>

Date: 5/6/18 16:26 (GMT-06:00)

To: Empath Support Forum <emp...@googlegroups.com>

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[Audrey Pavia]

Can someone who has experienced the “bad” stuff on the other side please describe it? I am trying to understand some things I have experienced. 

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[marymag11]

That is a loaded question and to broad to answer in one email. It would be easier to help if iknow what you are experiencing. 

Love and Light, 

Jen

[Audrey Pavia]

I have felt dark energies from time to time. I once felt it so strong in an old hotel, I had to run out of there. I’m not sure what I’m experiencing. Ghosts? Demons? No idea. 

Sent from my iPhone

[Gary]

Could be anything, really.

Demonics are everywhere and so are fallen angelics. Even the old gods are about, causing all kind of issues. 

It's really irritating. 

[marymag11]

Its true and being empathic we can often discern the difference between something malicious and something benevolent. I reckon that is whats going on in your case. Also keep in mind that dark doesnt always mean evil, just simply opposite of light. 

[Audrey Pavia]

I guess i thought “dark” and “evil” energies were one and the same.

[Gary]

That's like saying, night is evil and day is good. 

[Audrey Pavia]

Then when it comes to energy, what is the difference between dark and light?

[marymag11]

The best way to put it is what i call the pickle analogy. 

All cucumbers are pickles but not all pickles become cucumbers. 

It works with pedophilia too. All abusers have been abused but not all victims become abusers. In the end it dependa on 

[marymag11]

Its the pickle cucumber analogy. All cucumbers are pickles but not all pickles become cucumbers. 

Not all darkness is evil but evil chooses darkness. 

[marymag11]

Energy is moved by intent. Good energy is motivated by good intent. Bad energy is moved by evil intent. If someone had dark energy but no evil intent then the energy is not bad. Its just dark. Vice versa. Think of star wars. It was obvious that Rayhad dark energy within her but no evil intent to use it. Therefore, she maintains a Jedi's heart and works for the light. Think of ghosts that live in the shadows but may not be malicious or vengeful. 

[Gary]

Intention.

Remember, also, no one intrinsically believes their actions are evil. It's all very relative. Even angelics actions are pure to them, but many see humans as livestock or commodities. And while you can argue that's quite a evil attitude, humans certainly are no better. Even vegans have to eat something that is alive and has a spirit attached to it. 

[marymag11]

Ha Gary, 

We both answered intention, although i disagree somewhat. I believe the collection of souls and intentful harm have to be realized on a human level. Demons and fallen angelics did not fall because their intent was good. Although you make a valid point about plants and everything that we eat. I can talk to my plants and see them perk up. So yes, even vegans consume veggies that can feel the energy. Take mandrake root. Many do not know that J.K Rowling did not fictionalize mandrake root. (ALTHOUGH it does not have faces like in the movie) When plucked by the root under a full moon, it makes a wailing noise. This is a plant crying in pain! No demon can stand in the presence of mandrake root. Its all about the intent. If i plucked mandrake root with malicious intent just to make it suffer then its evil. But if i do it with the intent of helping ward off evil for the greater good then i thank it for its sacrifice and use it for such purpose. 

[susannak...@gmail.com]

I recently lost my husband on the twenty second of November 2018. It was sudden and I was completely unaware of how quick he went. I have not allowed myself to grieve because if I do then I have to admit to myself that he is really gone, something I'm not ready to do yet.
The morning he died I had stayed with him the entire night,he passed at 4:18 in the morning.
I looked back into his room for the last time and him as solid as you or I, he looked at me and I him, he went one way toward the window and I went out to the hall.
In the last few months I have had thoughts of killing myself due to the pain I feel because he is gone from me. I now see someone to help me cope with my loss.

[Gary]

It's horrible and traumatic to lose someone like that, no matter how 'illusionary' death is. 

I'm glad you seeing someone.. no on one should go through something like this alone. 

[Ellen Wilhelm]

Dearest Susanna

Words seem inadequate to address how deep and wide and endless your feelings of loss and pain must be.  Please know my heart is with you. You're not alone. 

With love, 

Ellen 

[Delilah Andre]

Dear Susanna, 

I can hardly express in words how deeply sorry I am for your loss. I pray for you and your family to somehow find the peace in all of this sadness and for you to grieve only when you are ready and can cope and heal quickly.

Love, 

Delilah 

[karaoke...@gmail.com]

It has been almost five years since this this email exchange, but dang is it right on time for what I needed to read today. I walked my lifelong best friend through her transition over 28 days in hospice in the Fall of 2019. I spent six full days and nights with her in hospice, then worked from there during the day, or spent the evening with her when I wasn’t at EMT class after work. It was a tough month, but I felt closer to her than ever, and I’m so thankful I had the privilege to spend her last days together. Almost six weeks ago, I moved in with my sister and brother in law, to help her with his home hospice during the COVID-19 quarantine. Greg has ALS with Frontotemporal Dementia, and is rapidly progressing to his transition. We have had five episodes in the past three weeks where he had removed his bipap mask during the night, and we found him barely conscious. He has no way to communicate, other than to give a thumbs up to indicate “yes”, as he has lost his ability to speak and write. Being here nonstop has been a huge blessing, but as an empath, I’m soaking up so much from the both of them. I swear at times I feel his physical symptoms and anxiety. He is spending the majority of his day sleeping, while we sit nearby watching, but at night he is extremely restless. Greg was a bodybuilder, deputy fire chief, paramedic and retired Navy veteran. To see him waste away physically and mentally is beyond sad. He and my sister have known each other since they were born. Our families have been lifelong friends. I believe Barb and Greg had a soul contract and it’s heartbreaking to watch them reach the end of this lifetime together. We have encouraged Greg to let go, and reassured him that we would find each other again on the other side. I am exhausted from this experience. I had barely recovered from going through this journey with my bestie, and here I am again. I know there is a reason for it, but I’m ready for this to be over. I miss my home, my bed, my cat (I had to put my senior dog to sleep three weeks ago and I really miss him!), my keto eating regimen. (That part about gaining weight spoke directly to me! Barb and I have been eating chocolate like it’s our job! Lol). Lisa, I’d be interested to hear how things ended with your friend. And Lennie, if you have any insight into Greg’s upcoming transition, I’d love to hear it. Much thanks and love to you both!

Chrissy

[LINDA GREENE]

it was helpful somewhat and I know no ones around so looks like last message 9 years ago.  I lost my Mom 17 years ago and she was the only person I had that ever really truly loved me. saw me, unconditionally.  we were best friends. and I probably wasn't able to show her or maybe didn't even realize I truly need her I'/  e learned people are a want not a need.  And I know I will never have anyone ever love me as she does, and visa versa  all I had was her and God and that's all I needed.  Well I just knew for sure that he would never take her from me,   he knows how much I need her.  esp being empath how she was my soul protector and I needed his love as much.  So I was blown away, and felt mad with him because no one knows how I feel but him and he knew I couldn't do it without her but he took her away from me anyway.  we always said we'd go together.  People every single one betrays you but those two gave me strength to be myself and strong.  I no longer feel that way, I have no dreams or plans, I hate how I live and where I am but mostly I am totally and completely alone with no one that really loves or even knows me.  Need is not something a empath does, and I will never be me ever again.

[Gary Leigh]

The hardest part of losing someone you love is the adjustment. May you find that which will bring you comfort and a way forward. 

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