newly created joke (tweaked for reference free-retelling)
$Zero
here's how you tell it:
[begin new joke-telling session by a stand-up
comic immediately upon grabbing the microphone]
hi, how's everyone doing?
me?
well, i'm kinda nervous about doing all of my plagurized material here
tonight.
why?
no, it's not that i'm worried about any lawsuits.
i don't know about you, ladies and gentlemen, but like many people i
have serious trouble remembering jokes.
for instance, right now, out of the tens of thousands of hilarious
jokes that i've heard over the years, i can only remember the last
five or so jokes that i've ever been told.
it's maddening.
and being that i'm trying to sell myself off as a comic, i'm soon
forced to improvise on the spot -- which can become quite embarassing
given that i'm really not all that amusing, nor creative.
i guess i should have given up on my dreams of being a successful
comedian years ago, but... i'm also not all that smart either.
so anyway, due to my joke remembering problems, i'll have to start
tonight's show doing the oldest joke i know right now.
[confidently walks over to one of the audience members]
"Knock Knock"
"Who's there?"
"Five Jokes."
"Five Jokes who?"
"Five Jokes who... um....
[scratches chin]
"no, wait, make that Four Jokes."
...
[if the audience doesn't laugh after several seconds pass]
...
trust me, that was a *very* funny joke, but i guess you had to be
there.
[walks off the stage towards the bar and orders a couple shots]
...
[looks back at the waiting audience while the barkeep pours]
...
[bartender hands over the two little tumblers of double scotch]
...
[discovers that wallet is empty and asks for a tab]
...
[manager reluctantly approves with a nod]
...
[looks back at the audience, raises a glass to them,
tilts head back quickly and downs it]
...
[walks back up to the stage with the second drink in hand]
...
[grabs glass of water off the stool]
...
[pours the scotch into it]
...
[walks off the stage towards the phonebooth]
...
[coin jam]
...
[bangs the receiver repeatedly back onto the hook]
...
-$Zero...
how many jokes do you know?
http://groups.google.com/group/misc.writing/msg/b85b97cd66c902d4
Bill Penrose
> [confidently walks over to one of the audience members]
> "Knock Knock"
> "Who's there?"
> "Five Jokes."
> "Five Jokes who?"
> "Five Jokes who... um....
> [scratches chin]
> "no, wait, make that Four Jokes."
A real club comedian like Lewis Black or Robin Williams would make
this much funnier by delivering it thus:
"Knock fucking Knock"
"Who the fuck's there?"
"Five fucking Jokes."
"Five fucking Jokes who?"
"Five fucking Jokes who... um....
> [scratches chin]
> "no, fuck it, make that Four fucking Jokes."
See? That's a whole lot more hilarious than the other way.
Isn't it?
DB
$Zero
wow.
[raises glass to Bill, tears rolling down my cheeks]
-$Zero...
goog weirdness
http://groups.google.com/group/misc.writing/msg/9204f486355bab65
Thomas Armagost
"Who the [bleeeep] there?"
"Five [bleeep] Jokes."
"Five [bleeep] Jokes who?"
"Five [bleeep] Jokes who... um...."
[scratches chin]
"No, [bleep] it, make that Four [bleeep] Jokes."
--
http://sillyblog.net
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