Bar jokes

[Peter Moylan]

These have been attributed to Eric K. Auld. I don't know who he is.

------
1. A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

2. A dangling modifier walks into a bar. After finishing a drink,
the bartender asks it to leave.

3. A question mark walks into a bar?

4. Two quotation marks "walk into" a bar.

5. A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, planning to drink.

6. The bar was walked into by the passive voice.

7. Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They drink. They leave.


--
Peter Moylan, Newcastle, NSW, Australia. http://www.pmoylan.org
For an e-mail address, see my web page.

[James Hogg]

Peter Moylan wrote:
> These have been attributed to Eric K. Auld. I don't know who he is.
>
> ------
> 1. A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.
>
> 2. A dangling modifier walks into a bar. After finishing a drink,
> the bartender asks it to leave.
>
> 3. A question mark walks into a bar?
>
> 4. Two quotation marks "walk into" a bar.
>
> 5. A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, planning to drink.
>
> 6. The bar was walked into by the passive voice.
>
> 7. Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They drink. They leave.

8. A metathesis walks into a bra.

--
James

[franzi]

James Hogg <Jas....@gOUTmail.com> wrote

Then it must have been in its cups.
--
franzi

[Alan Curry]

In article <jah978$rsn$1...@dont-email.me>,

9. A greengrocer walk's into a bar.

--
Alan Curry

[MC]

In article <jahbk6$27p$1...@speranza.aioe.org>,

10. A spoonerism balks into a war.

--

"If you can, tell me something happy."
- Marybones

[Iain Archer]

MC wrote on Tue, 22 Nov 2011

11. An en dashes into a barn.
--
Iain Archer To email, please use Reply-To address

[Reinhold {Rey} Aman]

Iain Archer wrote:
>
> MC wrote:
>> Alan Curry wrote:

>>> James Hogg wrote:
>>>> Peter Moylan wrote:
>>>>> These have been attributed to Eric K. Auld. I don't know who
>>>>> he is.
>>>>>
>>>>> ------
>>>>> 1. A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then
>>>>> leaves.
>>>>>
>>>>> 2. A dangling modifier walks into a bar. After finishing a
>>>>> drink, the bartender asks it to leave.
>>>>>
>>>>> 3. A question mark walks into a bar?
>>>>>
>>>>> 4. Two quotation marks "walk into" a bar.
>>>>>
>>>>> 5. A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, planning to
>>>>> drink.
>>>>>
>>>>> 6. The bar was walked into by the passive voice.
>>>>>
>>>>> 7. Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They
>>>>> drink. They leave.
>>>>
>>>> 8. A metathesis walks into a bra.
>>>
>>> 9. A greengrocer walk's into a bar.
>>
>> 10. A spoonerism balks into a war.
>>
> 11. An en dashes into a barn.
>

12. A colon walks into a bar and evacuates.

--
~~~ Reinhold {Rey} Aman ~~~
Eifersucht ist eine Leidenschaft,
die mit Eifer sucht, was Leiden schafft.

[Reinhold {Rey} Aman]

13. An exclamation point walks into a bar!

[Reinhold {Rey} Aman]

14. An umlaut walks into a bär.
>
15. A hyphen walks in-to a bar.

[Peter Brooks]

On Nov 23, 1:51 am, Iain Archer <m...@privacy.net> wrote:
> MC wrote on Tue, 22 Nov 2011
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

> >In article <jahbk6$27...@speranza.aioe.org>,
> > pac...@kosh.dhis.org (Alan Curry) wrote:
>
> >> In article <jah978$rs...@dont-email.me>,

> >> James Hogg  <Jas.H...@gOUTmail.com> wrote:
> >> >Peter Moylan wrote:
> >> >> These have been attributed to Eric K. Auld.  I don't know who he is.
>
> >> >> ------
> >> >> 1. A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.
>
> >> >> 2. A dangling modifier walks into a bar. After finishing a drink,
> >> >>    the bartender asks it to leave.
>
> >> >> 3. A question mark walks into a bar?
>
> >> >> 4. Two quotation marks "walk into" a bar.
>
> >> >> 5. A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, planning to drink.
>
> >> >> 6. The bar was walked into by the passive voice.
>
> >> >> 7. Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They drink. They
> >> >> leave.
>
> >> >8. A metathesis walks into a bra.
>
> >> 9. A greengrocer walk's into a bar.
>
> >10. A spoonerism balks into a war.
>
> 11. An en dashes into a barn.
>

That's nice, but it looks as if it's dashing out, rather than into it.
An en would dash into a nbar, but we'd not know where it was.

[R H Draney]

Reinhold {Rey} Aman filted:

16. Into a bar walks a chiasmus, and a chiasmus walks into a bar.

....r


--
Me? Sarcastic?
Yeah, right.

[MC]

In article <jai1h...@drn.newsguy.com>,

17. An alliteration ambles into an alehouse.

18. A paraprosdokian walks into a bar. Of soap.

19. A prozeugma walks into a bar, a fight, a fist, a wall and a
hospital.

20. A snowclone walks into the mother of all bars.

[Mark Brader]

>>>>>>>>> 1. A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and
>>>>>>>>> then leaves.

>>>>>>>>> 2. A dangling modifier walks into a bar. After finishing
>>>>>>>>> a drink, the bartender asks it to leave.

>>>>>>>>> 3. A question mark walks into a bar?

>>>>>>>>> 4. Two quotation marks "walk into" a bar.

>>>>>>>>> 5. A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, planning
>>>>>>>>> to drink.

>>>>>>>>> 6. The bar was walked into by the passive voice.

>>>>>>>>> 7. Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit.
>>>>>>>>> They drink. They leave.

>>>>>>>> 8. A metathesis walks into a bra.

>>>>>>> 9. A greengrocer walk's into a bar.

>>>>>> 10. A spoonerism balks into a war.

>>>>> 11. An en dashes into a barn.

>>>> 12. A colon walks into a bar and evacuates.

>>> 13. An exclamation point walks into a bar!

>> 14. An umlaut walks into a bär.

>> 15. A hyphen walks in-to a bar.

> 16. Into a bar walks a chiasmus, and a chiasmus walks into a bar.

17. A pair of parentheses walk (into a bar).

18. A Chinese ballet pun woks into a barre.

19. A lawyer walks into the bar and sues.

20. A syllepsis walks into a bar and a brick wall.
--
Mark Brader "One should never listen to oneself.
Toronto I mean, who are one to judge?"
m...@vex.net -- Barry Etheridge

My text in this article is in the public domain.

[Isabelle Cecchini]

21. A hypallage walks into a topless bar.

--
Isabelle Cecchini

[James Hogg]

22. A line of Shakespeare's walk'd into an inn.

--
James

[James Hogg]

(And the surly innkeeper said:
"A foutre for thee, whoreson that thou art,
And for the jade on which thou didst ride in.")

--
James

[Sproz]

23: omg a TnAjrrr wks n2 a bar

Mark

[Mike Page]

You're Bard.

[Anton Shepelev]

> On Nov 23, 9:04 am, James Hogg <Jas.H...@gOUTmail.com> wrote:
> > James Hogg wrote:
> > > Isabelle Cecchini wrote:

> > >> Le 23/11/2011 07:46, Mark Brader a ecrit :

> > >>>>>>>>>>>> 1. A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and
> > >>>>>>>>>>>> then leaves.
> > >>>>>>>>>>>> 2. A dangling modifier walks into a bar. After finishing
> > >>>>>>>>>>>> a drink, the bartender asks it to leave.
> > >>>>>>>>>>>> 3. A question mark walks into a bar?
> > >>>>>>>>>>>> 4. Two quotation marks "walk into" a bar.
> > >>>>>>>>>>>> 5. A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, planning
> > >>>>>>>>>>>> to drink.
> > >>>>>>>>>>>> 6. The bar was walked into by the passive voice.
> > >>>>>>>>>>>> 7. Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit.
> > >>>>>>>>>>>> They drink. They leave.
> > >>>>>>>>>>> 8. A metathesis walks into a bra.
> > >>>>>>>>>> 9. A greengrocer walk's into a bar.
> > >>>>>>>>> 10. A spoonerism balks into a war.
> > >>>>>>>> 11. An en dashes into a barn.
> > >>>>>>> 12. A colon walks into a bar and evacuates.
> > >>>>>> 13. An exclamation point walks into a bar!

> > >>>>> 14. An umlaut walks into a bar.

> > >>>>> 15. A hyphen walks in-to a bar.
> > >>>> 16. Into a bar walks a chiasmus, and a chiasmus walks into a bar.
> > >>> 17. A pair of parentheses walk (into a bar).
> > >>> 18. A Chinese ballet pun woks into a barre.
> > >>> 19. A lawyer walks into the bar and sues.
> > >>> 20. A syllepsis walks into a bar and a brick wall.
> > >> 21. A hypallage walks into a topless bar.
> > > 22. A line of Shakespeare's walk'd into an inn.
> > (And the surly innkeeper said:
> > "A foutre for thee, whoreson that thou art,
> > And for the jade on which thou didst ride in.")

> 23: omg a TnAjrrr wks n2 a bar

24. The double negative didn't walk into no bar.

Anton

[CT]

25. The reflexive pronoun walked into the bar itself.

--
Chris

[Iain Archer]

CT wrote on Wed, 23 Nov 2011

26. The missing vinculum was last seen walking into a bar.

[Anton Shepelev]

27. A reclusive verb walked into the bar and barred the door.

[Jerry Friedman]

<applause for both>

--
Jerry Friedman

[Jerry Friedman]

An anacoluthon walks into a bar, is how this joke starts.

An aposiopesis walks into a...

I'm not even going to tell you how a paraleipsis walks into a bar.

A surrealist walks into a bar papered with snowflakes and lightly
browned in snake oil.

A man de habla Spanglish camina into a cantina.

Un chevreau dans un Francais classe marche dans a une barre.

Miss Thistlebottom walks into a bar and asks whomever works there
quickly to serve her a mug of beer.

An eggcorn walks enter a bar.

A non-rhotic man walks into a bah.

Davy Crockett walks into a b'ar.

--
Jerry Friedman

[CT]

A double-entendre walks into a bar and asks for a beer. So the barman
gives him one.

--
Chris

[James Hogg]

Sometimes the man walks into the bar, and sometimes the bar walks into
the man, Dude.

--
James

[semir...@my-deja.com]

On Nov 23, 3:45 pm, James Hogg wrote:
> Jerry Friedman wrote:

(An attempt to tidy up an excellent list)

[MC]

In article
<3eaf2be6-cfd5-4ea2...@g7g2000vbd.googlegroups.com>,

A dangling participle walks into a bar, bartender says, "Why the long
face?"

[James Hogg]

Walking into a bar, the man behind the bar was surprised to see a
dangling participle.

--
James

[musika]

A non sequitur sees a group going into a bar but doesn't go in.
--
Ray
UK

[MC]

In article <copespaz-1A62E0...@news.eternal-september.org>,

An ellipsis...bar.

[musika]

A superlative goes into a bar none.
--
Ray
UK

[MC]

In article <jaj706$bvv$1...@dont-email.me>,

A left-handed bastard walks into a bar sinister.

[Robin Bignall]

On Wed, 23 Nov 2011 17:28:46 +0100, James Hogg <Jas....@gOUTmail.com>
wrote:

Standing at the door of a bar, a full stop does nothing, even after a
period.
--
Robin Bignall
(BrE)
Herts, England

[David Hatunen]

On Wed, 23 Nov 2011 09:45:26 +1100, Peter Moylan wrote:

A termite walks into a bar and loudly asks, "Where's the bartender?"

--
Dave Hatunen, Tucson, Baja Arizona

[grabber]

"Peter Moylan" wrote in message
news:wsSdnc0MvPCUu1HT...@westnet.com.au...

> These have been attributed to Eric K. Auld. I don't know who he is.
>
> ------

> 1. A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.
>
> 2. A dangling modifier walks into a bar. After finishing a drink,
> the bartender asks it to leave.
>
> 3. A question mark walks into a bar?
>
> 4. Two quotation marks "walk into" a bar.
>
> 5. A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, planning to drink.

That's not a gerund.

[Anton Shepelev]

> >> A dangling participle walks into a bar, bartender says, "Why the long
> >> face?"
> >
> > A non sequitur sees a group going into a bar but doesn't go in.
>
> A superlative goes into a bar none.

A paradox walked into a bar but didn't drink.

A antonym walked out of the bar and headed for the
theatre.

[MC]

In article <20111123223453.d...@gmail.com>,

An anastrophe bar a into walks.

[MC]

In article <20111123223453.d...@gmail.com>,
Anton Shepelev <anto...@gmail.com> wrote:

An epanalepsis walks into a bar, does an epanalepsis.

[MC]

In article <20111123223453.d...@gmail.com>,
Anton Shepelev <anto...@gmail.com> wrote:

Essex man walks into a bar innit.

[Jerry Friedman]

A poet walks into a bar.
"A metaphor, friends, is a star.
It always sounds neater
In anapest meter,
And the rhyme shouldn't mar it or jar."

--
Jerry Friedman

[Joe Fineman]

MC <cope...@mapca.inter.net> writes:

> 10. A spoonerism balks into a war.

After starring in the band for a while, he droops himself into a
stinker.
--
--- Joe Fineman jo...@verizon.net

||: Deliver me from every pride -- the Middle, High, and Low -- :||
||: That bars me from a brother's side, whatever pride he show. :||

[Christian Weisgerber]

<semir...@my-deja.com> wrote:

> 14. An umlaut walks into a bar.

?

--
Christian "naddy" Weisgerber na...@mips.inka.de

[David Kaye]

"MC" <cope...@mapca.inter.net> wrote

>
> A left-handed bastard walks into a bar sinister.

An assibilation walkssss into a bar.

[Peter Moylan]

Christian Weisgerber wrote:
> <semir...@my-deja.com> wrote:
>
>> 14. An umlaut walks into a bar.
>
> ?
>

The person who submitted this originally wrote bär, but somewhere along
the way someone's software "corrected" it.

--
Peter Moylan, Newcastle, NSW, Australia. http://www.pmoylan.org
For an e-mail address, see my web page.

[David Kaye]

"David Kaye" <sfdavi...@yahoo.com> wrote

>>
>> A left-handed bastard walks into a bar sinister.
>
> An assibilation walkssss into a bar.

A symantic walks into a bar, wondering what it means.

[James Hogg]

MC wrote:
> An ellipsis...bar.

A scholar of Proto-Germanic roots *welk- into a bar.

--
James

[James Hogg]

Jerry Friedman wrote:
> A poet walks into a bar.
> "A metaphor, friends, is a star.
> It always sounds neater
> In anapest meter,
> And the rhyme shouldn't mar it or jar."

On a much less poetic note:

0.98697 standard atmosphere walks into a bar.

--
James

[Mike Lyle]

On Wed, 23 Nov 2011 07:10:51 -0800 (PST), Jerry Friedman
<jerry_f...@yahoo.com> wrote:

>On Nov 23, 3:10 am, Mike Page <mikeor...@ntlworld.com> wrote:
>> On 23/11/2011 09:04, James Hogg wrote:
>>
>> > James Hogg wrote:
>> >> Isabelle Cecchini wrote:

>> >>> Le 23/11/2011 07:46, Mark Brader a écrit :
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>> 1. A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>      then leaves.
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>> 2. A dangling modifier walks into a bar. After finishing
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>      a drink, the bartender asks it to leave.
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>> 3. A question mark walks into a bar?
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>> 4. Two quotation marks "walk into" a bar.
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>> 5. A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, planning
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>      to drink.
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>> 6. The bar was walked into by the passive voice.
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>> 7. Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit.
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>      They drink. They leave.
>> >>>>>>>>>>>> 8. A metathesis walks into a bra.
>> >>>>>>>>>>> 9. A greengrocer walk's into a bar.

>> >>>>>>>>>> 10. A spoonerism balks into a war.

>> >>>>>>>>> 11. An en dashes into a barn.
>> >>>>>>>> 12. A colon walks into a bar and evacuates.
>> >>>>>>> 13. An exclamation point walks into a bar!

>> >>>>>> 14. An umlaut walks into a bär.

>> >>>>>> 15. A hyphen walks in-to a bar.
>> >>>>> 16.  Into a bar walks a chiasmus, and a chiasmus walks into a bar.
>> >>>> 17. A pair of parentheses walk (into a bar).
>>
>> >>>> 18. A Chinese ballet pun woks into a barre.
>>
>> >>>> 19. A lawyer walks into the bar and sues.
>>
>> >>>> 20. A syllepsis walks into a bar and a brick wall.
>> >>> 21. A hypallage walks into a topless bar.
>>
>> >> 22. A line of Shakespeare's walk'd into an inn.
>>
>> > (And the surly innkeeper said:
>> > "A foutre for thee, whoreson that thou art,
>> > And for the jade on which thou didst ride in.")
>>

>> You're Bard.
>
><applause for both>

? would heron stone walk into a bar

--
Mike.

[Peter Duncanson (BrE)]

On Wed, 23 Nov 2011 22:24:00 +0000, Mike Lyle <mike_l...@yahoo.co.uk>
wrote:

An official government barometer walks into a bar, makes a measurement
and asks to see the manager. Manager arrives. Government barometer says
"Your bar is set too high".

--
Peter Duncanson, UK
(in alt.usage.english)

[musika]

.only if it was irony
--
Ray
UK

[MC]

In article <0dtqc79rduhnl93lk...@4ax.com>,

Celine Dion walks into a bar.
Bartender says, "Why the long face?"

[Don't know why, but this one never fails to make me laugh.]

[Reinhold {Rey} Aman]

Peter Moylan wrote:
>
> Christian Weisgerber wrote:
>
>> <semir...@my-deja.com> wrote:
>
>>> 14. An umlaut walks into a bar.
>>
>> ?
>>

> The person who submitted this originally wrote b�r, but somewhere

> along the way someone's software "corrected" it.
>

Right. I wrote "An umlaut walks into a b�r," but some googlegrouper
swallowed the < � >.

--
~~~ Reinhold {Rey} Aman ~~~
Eifersucht ist eine Leidenschaft,
die mit Eifer sucht, was Leiden schafft.

[Jerry Friedman]

Another poet walks into a bar and says, "May there be no moaning."

It's a cleft sentence that walks into a bar.

--
Jerry Friedman

[R H Draney]

MC filted:

Mrs Malaprop tergiversates into a bar.

....r


--
Me? Sarcastic?
Yeah, right.

[semir...@my-deja.com]

(Another attempt to tidy up the list. Perhaps some kind soul might
consider rescuing the ones that got away)

[Reinhold {Rey} Aman]

Reinhold {Rey} Aman wrote:
[...]
All right, a few more:

A dyslexic walks into a rab.
A phonetician walks into a [ba:r].
A ROT13 user walks into a one.
A stutterer walks into a b-b-b-ba-ba-ba-bar.
A telegrapher walks into a -... .- .-. .
A German walks into an Alkoholausschankabendlokal.

[James Hogg]

Reinhold {Rey} Aman wrote:
> Reinhold {Rey} Aman wrote:
> [...]
> All right, a few more:
>
> A dyslexic walks into a rab.
> A phonetician walks into a [ba:r].
> A ROT13 user walks into a one.
> A stutterer walks into a b-b-b-ba-ba-ba-bar.
> A telegrapher walks into a -... .- .-. .
> A German walks into an Alkoholausschankabendlokal.

Roget walks into a canteen, restaurant, rôtisserie, cafeteria,
grill-room, buffet, café, estaminet, posada, bodega, bar, saloon,
speakeasy, shebeen.

--
James

[LFS]

<applause>

--
Laura
(emulate St. George for email)

[J. J. Lodder]

Et, and all his al., overran a bar,

Jan

[R H Draney]

LFS filted:

Rod Speed claims to walk into a bar. Good luck trying to establish that.

[Peter Brooks]

</applause>

[Athel Cornish-Bowden]

On 2011-11-24 05:22:59 +0000, Reinhold {Rey} Aman said:

> Reinhold {Rey} Aman wrote:
> [...]
> All right, a few more:
>
> A dyslexic walks into a rab.
> A phonetician walks into a [ba:r].
> A ROT13 user walks into a one.
> A stutterer walks into a b-b-b-ba-ba-ba-bar.
> A telegrapher walks into a -... .- .-. .
> A German walks into an Alkoholausschankabendlokal.

A Greek walks into an mpar.
--
athel

[Athel Cornish-Bowden]

Should be "a" there, not "an"

An Afghan doesn't walk into a bar.

--
athel

[James Hogg]

A ram-raider drives into a bar.

--
James

[Leslie Danks]

Able was I ere I walked into el bar.

--
Les
(BrE)

[Anton Shepelev]

semir...@my-deja.com:

> Another attempt to tidy up the list. Perhaps some
> kind soul might consider rescuing the ones that
> got away

I am keeping an off-line version of the thread and
will compile it into a text file when (if) its ac-
itvity abates somewhat.

Anton

[musika]

A sheep walks into a ba-ba bar.

A Beachboy walks into a ba-ba-bar ba-ba-ba-ran.

A Beachboy ran into a ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba.
--
Ray
UK

[Percival P. Cassidy]

On 11/24/11 04:36 am, Athel Cornish-Bowden wrote:

>> All right, a few more:
>>
>> A dyslexic walks into a rab.
>> A phonetician walks into a [ba:r].
>> A ROT13 user walks into a one.
>> A stutterer walks into a b-b-b-ba-ba-ba-bar.
>> A telegrapher walks into a -... .- .-. .
>> A German walks into an Alkoholausschankabendlokal.
>
> A Greek walks into an mpar.

A Welshman walks into a bar, isn't it?

Perce

[semir...@my-deja.com]

On Nov 24, 11:02 am, Anton Shepelev wrote:
>semireti...@my-deja.com: wrote

>>Another  attempt to tidy up the list. Perhaps some
>>kind soul might consider rescuing  the  ones  that
>>got away

>I  am  keeping an off-line version of the thread and

>will compile it into a text file when (if)  its  actitvity
>abates somewhat. Anton

Great!

[Peter Duncanson (BrE)]

On Wed, 23 Nov 2011 15:40:37 -0800, Reinhold {Rey} Aman <am...@sonic.net>
wrote:

>Peter Moylan wrote:
>>
>> Christian Weisgerber wrote:
>>
>>> <semir...@my-deja.com> wrote:
>>
>>>> 14. An umlaut walks into a bar.
>>>
>>> ?
>>>

>> The person who submitted this originally wrote bär, but somewhere

>> along the way someone's software "corrected" it.
>>

>Right. I wrote "An umlaut walks into a bär," but some googlegrouper
>swallowed the < ¨ >.

Interesting. I understood the version "An umlaut walks into a bar" from
a different perspective. In the UK in printed works in English back in
the 1950s, and perhaps 1960s, a horizontal bar, a macron, was used as
the umlaut symbol. It was some years later that I started noticing the
double-dot symbol replacing the macron.

I don't know the reasons for that earlier convention. Three
possibilities come to mind:

1. A compositor might miss double-dots when reading rapidly handwritten
copy. A macron would be easier to write and easier to read.

2. The physical process of printing newspapers gave relatively low
quality visible results meaning that two small dots would not have been
reproduced reliably.

3. With moveable type the conventional use of a macron to represent an
umlaut would reduced the number of characters to be stored in the
magazine of a linotype machine or in the cases used when hand
typesetting.

[Peter Duncanson (BrE)]

The Beach Boys walk into a bar and start singing. They are ejected and
barred for life after the first verse of their song:

A Bar bar bar bar Barbar Ann
Bar bar bar bar Barbar Ann
(Bar bar bar bar Barbar Ann)
Oh Barbara Ann take my hand
(Bar bar bar bar Barbar Ann)
Barbara Ann
(Bar bar bar bar Barbar Ann)
You got me rockin' and a rollin'
Rockin' and a reelin' Barbara Ann
Bar bar bar bar Barbar Ann

http://www.lyrics007.com/Beach%20Boys%20Lyrics/Barbara%20Ann%20Lyrics.html

[Mike Lyle]

On Wed, 23 Nov 2011 07:10:51 -0800 (PST), Jerry Friedman
<jerry_f...@yahoo.com> wrote:

>On Nov 23, 3:10 am, Mike Page <mikeor...@ntlworld.com> wrote:
>> On 23/11/2011 09:04, James Hogg wrote:
>>
>> > James Hogg wrote:
>> >> Isabelle Cecchini wrote:
>> >>> Le 23/11/2011 07:46, Mark Brader a écrit :

>> >>>>>>>>>>>>> 1. A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>      then leaves.
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>> 2. A dangling modifier walks into a bar. After finishing
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>      a drink, the bartender asks it to leave.
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>> 3. A question mark walks into a bar?
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>> 4. Two quotation marks "walk into" a bar.
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>> 5. A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, planning
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>      to drink.
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>> 6. The bar was walked into by the passive voice.
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>> 7. Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit.
>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>      They drink. They leave.
>> >>>>>>>>>>>> 8. A metathesis walks into a bra.
>> >>>>>>>>>>> 9. A greengrocer walk's into a bar.
>> >>>>>>>>>> 10. A spoonerism balks into a war.
>> >>>>>>>>> 11. An en dashes into a barn.
>> >>>>>>>> 12. A colon walks into a bar and evacuates.
>> >>>>>>> 13. An exclamation point walks into a bar!

>> >>>>>> 14. An umlaut walks into a bär.

>> >>>>>> 15. A hyphen walks in-to a bar.
>> >>>>> 16.  Into a bar walks a chiasmus, and a chiasmus walks into a bar.
>> >>>> 17. A pair of parentheses walk (into a bar).
>>
>> >>>> 18. A Chinese ballet pun woks into a barre.
>>
>> >>>> 19. A lawyer walks into the bar and sues.
>>
>> >>>> 20. A syllepsis walks into a bar and a brick wall.
>> >>> 21. A hypallage walks into a topless bar.
>>
>> >> 22. A line of Shakespeare's walk'd into an inn.
>>
>> > (And the surly innkeeper said:
>> > "A foutre for thee, whoreson that thou art,
>> > And for the jade on which thou didst ride in.")
>>

>> You're Bard.
>
><applause for both>

If a protasis walked into a bar, an apodosis would follow it.

--
Mike.

[John Dunlop]

Jerry Friedman:

> It's a cleft sentence that walks into a bar.

A bar is what the pseudo-cleft walked into.

One does not simply walk into a bar.

A musician segues into a bar.

--
John

[MC]

In article <jala3a$7ve$1...@dont-email.me>,

A Canadian walks into a bar, eh?

[Anton Shepelev]

An indirect complement walks into the bar.

A transitive verb walks the bar.

An exclamation mark walks into the bar but gets so
drunk it melts into a question mark.
(idea not mine)

An old-fashioned programmer GOes TO the bar.

An assembly programmer uncoditionally JMPs into the
bar.

[CT]

A 13 year-old Jewish boy walks into a bar mitzvah.

--
Chris

[MC]

In article <9j75h3...@mid.individual.net>,

(applause)

[Athel Cornish-Bowden]

Trying to think how a Pascal programmer might say it. Maybe something like

begin while thirstyProgrammer do begin enterBar; drinkBeer end end.

I can't do C, but it would certainly contain lots of lines like

int main{}
{

}

and by the end of trying to figure out what it meant any programmer
would need to walk into a bar.

>
> An assembly programmer uncoditionally JMPs into the
> bar.

--
athel

[John Dunlop]

David Kaye:

> A symantic walks into a bar, wondering what it means.

A periphrasis will walk into a bar.

They walk into a bar, the right dislocation and the cataphora.

The left dislocation and the anaphora, they walk into a bar too.

--
John

[John Dunlop]

CT:

> [MC:]
>
>> [Percival P. Cassidy:]

>>
>>> A Welshman walks into a bar, isn't it?
>>
>> A Canadian walks into a bar, eh?
>
> A 13 year-old Jewish boy walks into a bar mitzvah.

A Scotsman walks into a bar, so he does.

--
John

[Athel Cornish-Bowden]

On 2011-11-23 20:56:15 +0100, Jerry Friedman <jerry_f...@yahoo.com> said:

[ ... ]

>
> A poet walks into a bar.
> "A metaphor, friends, is a star.
> It always sounds neater
> In anapest meter,

"meter", OK, but is that how you spell "anapaest" across the water? It
looks very odd. How do you pronounce it: to rhyme with "pest" or with
"beast"?


> And the rhyme shouldn't mar it or jar."


--
athel

[CT]

Athel Cornish-Bowden wrote:

> I can't do C, but it would certainly contain lots of lines like
>
> int main{}
> {
>
> }

Something like:

int main(int, char**)
{
int man = 0;

bar(man);

return 0;
}

void bar(int)
{
}


--
Chris

[CT]

Or C++:

class Man
{
public:

Man()
{
}

int Walks()
{
return 0;
}
}

int main(int, char**)
{
Man* man = new Man();

man.Walks();

bar(man.Walks());

delete man;

[John Dunlop]

John Dunlop:

> A Scotsman walks into a bar, so he does.

A Scotsman walks out of a bar.

--
John

[James Hogg]

Athel Cornish-Bowden wrote:
> On 2011-11-23 20:56:15 +0100, Jerry Friedman <jerry_f...@yahoo.com>
> said:
>
> [ ... ]
>
>>
>> A poet walks into a bar.
>> "A metaphor, friends, is a star.
>> It always sounds neater
>> In anapest meter,
>
> "meter", OK, but is that how you spell "anapaest" across the water? It
> looks very odd. How do you pronounce it: to rhyme with "pest" or with
> "beast"?

Just think of "anapest control" and you'll have it.

Daniel Jones gives that as an alternative British pronunciation too, and
it comes first in the OED.

--
James

[Sproz]

A programmer walks into foo bar.

Mark

[MC]

In article <pan.2011.11.24....@ymail.com>,

A lawyer is thrown out of... Er, is disbarred.

[Reinhold {Rey} Aman]

Athel Cornish-Bowden wrote (corrected):
>
> A Greek walks into a mpar.
>
Great minds run in small circles!
I had this one also on my list but forgot to post it.
mpummer! ntamn!

--
~~~ Reinhold {Rey} Aman ~~~

[Robin Bignall]

On Wed, 23 Nov 2011 22:23:07 +0100, James Hogg <Jas....@gOUTmail.com>
wrote:

>MC wrote:
>> An ellipsis...bar.
>
>A scholar of Proto-Germanic roots *welk- into a bar.

A minuscule walked into a bar and nobody noticed.
--
Robin Bignall
(BrE)
Herts, England

[R H Draney]

Sproz filted:

>
>On Nov 24, 4:45=A0pm, "CT" <m...@christrollen.co.uk> wrote:
>> CT wrote:
>> > Athel Cornish-Bowden wrote:
>>
>> > > I can't do C, but it would certainly contain lots of lines like
>>
>> > > int main{}
>> > > {
>>
>> > > }
>>
>> > Something like:
>>
>> > int main(int, char**)
>> > {

>> > =A0 int man =3D 0;
>>
>> > =A0 bar(man);
>>
>> > =A0 return 0;

>> > }
>>
>> > void bar(int)
>> > {
>> > }
>>
>> Or C++:
>>
>> class Man
>> {

>> =A0 public:
>>
>> =A0 Man()
>> =A0 {
>> =A0 }
>>
>> =A0 int Walks()
>> =A0 {
>> =A0 =A0 return 0;
>> =A0 }
>>
>> }
>>
>> int main(int, char**)
>> {
>> =A0 Man* man =3D new Man();
>>
>> =A0 man.Walks();
>>
>> =A0 bar(man.Walks());
>>
>> =A0 delete man;
>>
>> =A0 return 0;
>>
>> }
>>
>> void bar(int)
>> {

>>
>> }
>
>A programmer walks into foo bar.

An OOP developer defines a Bar class with a WalksInto method and everything else
just sort of happens by itself.

....r


--
Me? Sarcastic?
Yeah, right.

[Isabelle Cecchini]

Le 23/11/2011 19:47, MC a écrit :
> In article<20111123223453.d...@gmail.com>,

> Anton Shepelev<anto...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>>>>>> 1. A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.
>>>>>> 2. A dangling modifier walks into a bar. After finishing a drink,
>>>>>> the bartender asks it to leave.
>>>>>> 3. A question mark walks into a bar?
>>>>>> 4. Two quotation marks "walk into" a bar.
>>>>>> 5. A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, planning to drink.
>>>>>> 6. The bar was walked into by the passive voice.
>>>>>> 7. Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They drink.
>>>>>> They leave.
>>>>>> 8. A metathesis walks into a bra.
>>>>>> 9. A greengrocer walk's into a bar.
>>>>>> 10. A spoonerism balks into a war.
>>>>>> 11. An en dashes into a barn.
>>>>>> 12. A colon walks into a bar and evacuates.
>>>>>> 13. An exclamation point walks into a bar!

>>>>>> 14. An umlaut walks into a bar.

>>>>>> 15. A hyphen walks in-to a bar.
>>>>>> 16. Into a bar walks a chiasmus, and a chiasmus walks into a bar.
>>>>>> 17. A pair of parentheses walk (into a bar).
>>>>>> 18. A Chinese ballet pun woks into a barre.
>>>>>> 19. A lawyer walks into the bar and sues.
>>>>>> 20. A syllepsis walks into a bar and a brick wall.
>>>>>> 21. A hypallage walks into a topless bar.
>>>>>> 22. A line of Shakespeare's walk'd into an inn.
>>>>>> (And the surly innkeeper said: "A foutre for thee, whoreson that
>>>>>> thou art,
>>>>>> And for the jade on which thou didst ride in.")

>>>>>> 23: omg a TnAjrrr wks n2 a bar
>>>>>> 24. The double negative didn't walk into no bar.
>>>>>> 25. The reflexive pronoun walked into the bar itself.
>>>>>> 26. The missing vinculum was last seen walking into a bar.
>>>>>> 27. A reclusive verb walked into the bar and barred the door.
>>>>>>>> An anacoluthon walks into a bar, is how this joke starts.
>>>>>>>> An aposiopesis walks into a...
>>>>>>>> I'm not even going to tell you how a paraleipsis walks into a bar.
>>>>>>>> A surrealist walks into a bar papered with snowflakes and lightly
>>>>>>>> browned in snake oil.
>>>>>>>> A man de habla Spanglish camina into a cantina.
>>>>>>>> Un chevreau dans un Francais classe marche dans a une barre.
>>>>>>>> Miss Thistlebottom walks into a bar and asks whomever works there
>>>>>>>> quickly to serve her a mug of beer.
>>>>>>>> An eggcorn walks enter a bar.
>>>>>>>> A non-rhotic man walks into a bah.
>>>>>>>> Davy Crockett walks into a b'ar.
>>>>>>> Sometimes the man walks into the bar, and sometimes the bar walks
>>>>>>> into the man, Dude.
>>>>>
>>>>> A dangling participle walks into a bar, bartender says, "Why the long
>>>>> face?"
>>>>
>>>> A non sequitur sees a group going into a bar but doesn't go in.
>>>
>>> A superlative goes into a bar none.
>>
>> A paradox walked into a bar but didn't drink.
>>
>> A antonym walked out of the bar and headed for the
>> theatre.
>
> Essex man walks into a bar innit.
>
A Cockney walks into a Jack.

--
Isabelle Cecchini

[Mike Lyle]

Gosh! You're right: it _is_ almost panto season.

--
Mike.

[Isabelle Cecchini]

The Cockney walks into a Jack because it's 'appy Hhhour.
>


--
Isabelle Cecchini

[Anton Shepelev]

Athel Cornish-Bowden:

> I can't do C, but it would certainly contain lots
> of lines like
>
> int main{}
> {
>
> }
>
> and by the end of trying to figure out what it
> meant any programmer would need to walk into a
> bar.

Yes, indeed. C is full of mysterious {'s, <'s, *'s,
@'s and %'s. It is the most popular language at
code obfuscation contests, like this:

http://www.textfiles.com/humor/COMPUTER/1984.c

the reading whereof gave me quite a few good laughs,
although I failed to undestand even a single pro-
gram. As the famous "History" says,

1972: Dennis Ritchie invents a powerful gun that
shoots both forward and backward simultane-
ously. Not satisfied with the number of
deaths and permanent maimings from that in-
vention he invents C...

Anton

[Aatu Koskensilta]

Anton Shepelev <anto...@gmail.com> writes:

> Yes, indeed. C is full of mysterious {'s, <'s, *'s, @'s and %'s.

Mysterious @'s? You must be thinking of Objective-C, surely.

--
Aatu Koskensilta (aatu.kos...@uta.fi)

"Wovon man nicht sprechen kann, darüber muss man schweigen."
- Ludwig Wittgenstein, Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus

[Sproz]

foo = new bar();
foo.walksInto(new oopProgrammer);

Mark

[Robert Bannister]

On 24/11/11 6:33 PM, Leslie Danks wrote:
> James Hogg wrote:
>
>> Athel Cornish-Bowden wrote:
>>> On 2011-11-24 09:36:39 +0000, Athel Cornish-Bowden said:
>>>
>>> On 2011-11-24 05:22:59 +0000, Reinhold {Rey} Aman said:
>>>
>>> Reinhold {Rey} Aman wrote:
>>> [...]
>>> All right, a few more:
>>>
>>> A dyslexic walks into a rab.
>>> A phonetician walks into a [ba:r].
>>> A ROT13 user walks into a one.
>>> A stutterer walks into a b-b-b-ba-ba-ba-bar.
>>> A telegrapher walks into a -... .- .-. .
>>> A German walks into an Alkoholausschankabendlokal.
>>>
>>> A Greek walks into an mpar.
>>>
>>> Should be "a" there, not "an"
>>>
>>> An Afghan doesn't walk into a bar.
>>
>> A ram-raider drives into a bar.
>
> Able was I ere I walked into el bar.
>

<oh, very good>

--
Robert Bannister

[tony cooper]

A paragraph walks into a bar and are told they look like a paradigm.


--
Tony Cooper - Orlando, Florida

[Reinhold {Rey} Aman]

Peter Duncanson (BrE) wrote:
>
> Reinhold {Rey} Aman wrote:
[...]

>> Right. I wrote "An umlaut walks into a bär," but some google-
>> grouper swallowed the < ¨ >.
>
> Interesting. I understood the version "An umlaut walks into a bar"
> from a different perspective. In the UK in printed works in English
> back in the 1950s, and perhaps 1960s, a horizontal bar, a macron,
> was used as the umlaut symbol. It was some years later that I
> started noticing the double-dot symbol replacing the macron.
>
> I don't know the reasons for that earlier convention. Three
> possibilities come to mind:
>
> 1. A compositor might miss double-dots when reading rapidly hand-
> written copy. A macron would be easier to write and easier to read.
>
> 2. The physical process of printing newspapers gave relatively low
> quality visible results meaning that two small dots would not have
> been reproduced reliably.
>
> 3. With moveable type the conventional use of a macron to represent
> an umlaut would reduced the number of characters to be stored in
> the magazine of a linotype machine or in the cases used when hand
> typesetting.
>
Your three reasons for using a macron instead of two dots may very well
be correct.

As to *handwritten* umlauts (ä, Ä, ö, Ö, ü, Ü): I have received many
handwritten letters in German and other languages from Germans, Finns,
Turks, and Hungarians whose languages use many umlauts.

I have never seen a macron used for ¨ by Turks and Hungarians, but
occasionally by Germans and often by Finns. I guess (many?) Finns write
macrons instead of dots because their language is just teeming with
umlauts and thus they can speed up their writing. When writing _Hyvää
päivää_ (Good day) and _sisäänkäytävä_ (entrance), they can reduce the
20 dots to 10 macrons.

I suppose Hungarians don't use macrons, to avoid confusing their <ö> and
<o´´> and <ü> and <u´´> (´´ are double acute accents over the vowels).