[HUMO(u)R] 'ACGS Update: Part 2 of a One-Part Series" (long)
Ken Barr
article to "New Grading Service Formed", from the "Journal
of the Pacific Coast Numismatic Society", Number 15 , pp.
9-11, April 1988 ... again, Nineteen-EIGHTY-EIGHT ...
[Copyright Pacific Coast Numismatic Society. Reprinted
with permission.]
"A.C.G.S. Update: Part 2 of a One-Part Series"
by Ken Barr, Ace Reporter
Finding myself with a three-hour layover in the Turkey Neck,
North Dakota Intergalactic Spaceport on my way back to New York
from the Long Beach show (REMINDER: have a chat with my travel
agent ...), I decided to visit the Amateur Coin Grading Service
for an update on their progress these past three months. Ned
Nerdlein and Phil Grong are still running the business, but
without the grand success they had envisioned ninety short days
ago. The following is the transcript of an impromptu interview
with these two giants of the certification/grading industry.
(KB,AR) = Ken Barr, Ace Reporter; (NN) = Ned Nerdlein;
(PG) = Phil Grong
(KB,AR): Well guys, how's the certification/grading business?
(NN): It hasn't quite been the financial windfall we expected,
nor even enough to cover expenses so far.
(PG): In fact, we've only graded six coins for a total income of
$82.97. And we're luck that two of them requested the special
"snowflake" paperweight-type holder, which contributed
$50.00 of that!
(KB,AR): Does this mean that the ACGS is about to go out of
business?
(NN): That's too harsh a term. We prefer to call it "redirecting
our focus in more productive areas". As part of this effort, we're
renaming the business to the PCSCS.
(PG): It's the "Professional 'Certification Service' Certification
Service".
(NN): Yep! In his "Coin World" ads, Alan Hager exposed the
method of opening and resealing PCGS holders by baking them in
an oven. Since then, we've had a lot of requests to certify that the
PCGS holders our customers own are original and untampered.
(PG): This will be even more important in the next few months
when we expect microwave instructions for this process to be
available.
(KB,AR): And what exactly does PCSCS do?
(PG): Well, we take the alleged certified coin which is submitted,
subject it to a battery of scientific and anthropophagical tests,
including X-ray spectroscopy and nuclearmagnetoresonance
fluoroscopy, until we're sure it's the original "slab"and
certificate.
(NN): And it's not limited to PCGS coins! We'll also check NGC's,
NCI's, AGC's, MICKEY's, ANACS's, INSAB's and MOUSE's. Even our
own ACGS's.
(PG): Then we place the certified slab in a brown lunch bag, fold
over the flap, staple the top together, sign our names across the
edge of the flap, and cover them up with real sticky cellophane tape.
If anyone tries to remove the tape in order to get into the bag and
switch the slab, it'll mess up the signatures and void the certification!
(NN): If requested, we'll even write a description of what coin is
in the bag on the outside so the collector can keep his collection
together in an organized manner. We're also negotiating with
Western Publishing to make a special Whitman bookshelf album
for the PCSCS coins.
(PG): We really think that this is the wave of the future. Our
motto is ...
(PG and NN in unison): Certified slabs! They're in the bag!
[graphic of three brown paper lunchbags,
folded, stapled, signed and sealed ...]
(KB,AR): Gosh, guys, it sure looks like you've got a great idea
here. But what happens when this service becomes so popular
that people start to counterfeit the PCSCS bags?
(NN): We've already got that planned. We've reserved the name
of PCSCSCS, "Professional 'Certification Service' Certification
Service" Certification Service, with the North Dakota Department
of Commerce. If requested, PCSCSCS will place the PCSCS bags in
a larger grocery sack, fold/staple/sign the sack just like the bag,
then splat some wax on the fold and imprint it with our secret mark.
(PG): Just like the kings of France used to do with their secret
letters!
(NN): And, while trying not to ruin the suspense, we've also got
preliminary plans for PCSCSCSCS which will embed the PCSCSCS
sacks containing the PCSCS bags containing the certified slabs
in an enormous lucite slab. This will be the ultimate slab! And,
of course, the very popular "snowflake" model will be available
at a nominal extra cost.
(PG): Unfortunately, we've also calculated the ultimate slab will
be about 10 inches on a side, require about $92 worth of lucite
to create, and will weigh 64 pounds. Allstate will have to
manufacture a new kind of showcase to be able to display these slabs.
(NN): In the meantime, if anyone wants their supposedly certified
coins certified to be genuinely certified, they should mail them (with
a check for $22.22) to PCSCS, P. O. Box 3, Turkey Neck, ND 70482.
(KB,AR): Uh, guys, you told me last time that North Dakota wouldn't
need the fifth zip code digit until the mid-1990's. What happened?
(PG) Wally Breck, the Turkey Neck letter carrier and part-time
ACGS employee, checked the postal regulations and found out that
every letter MUST have a fifth digit, even though it isn't needed
here. So we picked "2" for the PCSCS zipcode since there are two
of us running it. In fact, though, you can pick any fifth digit you
want and the letter will still get through to us ...
(NN) Unless, of course, Wally loses it ...
(PG): You're not going to print that, are you? We don't want to
get Wally any more upset at us than he is already. He's not too
happy about losing all that ACGS income he had been planning on.
(KB, AR): Don't worry, I'm sure the co-editors will edit this
last bit out of the story before they print it.
(The End??)
-- 30 --
And in fact, that *was* the end ... there was no
"Part 3 of a One-Part Series" ...
--
Ken Barr Numismatics e-mail: k...@kenbarr.com
P. O. Box 32541 website: http://www.kenbarr.com
San Jose, CA 95152-2541 (souvenir cards, MPC, Hickey Bros. tokens)
408-272-3247 Next show: San Jose Coin Club, Jan 21-23, 1900
... Dobac
bookshelf album <
There. NOW you've saturated the thread.
... Dobac