The Sum of All Spy Movies
~Steve-o
I will now attempt to explain the entire plot of "Sum of All Fears"
through condensed dialog.
*ahem*
Morgan Freeman
Your girlfriend hates you now because she thinks you lied about being in
the CIA.
Ben Affleck
NOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Morgan Freeman
Take her to the White House. You can use Liev's tickets.
Lieve Schrieber
Dangit. I never get to go to those things.
Morgan Freeman
Jack, we're going to Russia.
Ben Affleck
There are three russian scientists who are missing.
Morgan Freeman
They're not just missing, they're GONE!
Liev Schreiber
I'm sneaking into a remote bunker to watch dogs eat the scientists
who've outlived their usefulness. Look, ballbearings.
Ben Affleck
They must have been making a bomb! NOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Liev Schreiber
I'm going into the sphere.
Ben Affleck
NOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Morgan Freeman
Let's take the President to a football game.
Liev Schreiber
The bomb is in the hands of neo-nazis. Who are not, in any way, supposed
to represent arab terrorists because it's ok to hate white guys.
Ben Affleck (over conveniently garbly satellite phone)
*kssshh*omb *ksssshh*zis *kssh*ot the russians *kssssh*altimore!
Morgan Freeman
We have to get the President away from this football game!
<Every area of Baltimore not useful to the plot is blown up. Morgan
Freeman dies because he's black and black people attract bullets,
shrapnel, radiation, and other deadly things in movies.>
Ben Affleck
NOOOOO!!!!!!!!
<Ben drives into downtown Baltimore which is engulfed in radioactive
flames that do not, in any way, affect cell phones or satellite-based
palm pilot chat programs>
Secret Russian Spy
This is all the Americans' fault. You gave the plutonium to Israel and
they lost the bomb.
James Cromwell
Let's nuke the Russians.
Ron Rifkin
30 seconds to total global annihilation.
Ben Affleck
NOOOOO!!!!!!!!
James Cromwell
You know, we could nuke the Russians.
Ron Rifkin
10 seconds to total global annihilation.
Ben Affleck
NOOOOO!!!!!!!!
James Cromwell
I'm pretty steamed up now. How about nuking the Russians?
Ron Rifkin
2 seconds to total global annihilation.
Ben Affleck
NOOOOO!!!!!!!!
James Cromwell
You know, I was thinking, those Russians could use a good nuking.
Ron Rifkin
.043 seconds to total global annihilation.
Ben Affleck
NOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Generic Military Techie
Hey, let's hijack the President's hotline to Russia.
Ben Affleck
NOOOOO!!!!!!!! Wait... I mean... YEEEEEEES!!!!!!!!!!
Ron Rifkin
.00000042 seconds to total global annihilation.
Ciarán Hinds
Wait. We, the Russians, are willing to work with a CIA spy instead of
the US President because he was able to hijack the Presidential hotline.
We will now turn off all of our jets and bombs and robot soldiers. After
we blow up all the Germans.
All
Hoooray!
teh enb
~Steve-o
--
"Painting a flag on your dog does not count as patriotism" - TMCM
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Read Ford, before the next crash - http://www.steveospage.com/ford/
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Prime Minster of alt.what-the - http://altwhatthe.cjb.net
Nicko
~Steve-o wrote:
Best quick spy movie review.
Ever!
--
YOP...
Brian 'Jarai' Chase
~Steve-o <HeyS...@steveo.cjb.net> wrote:
> <spoilers>
>
> I will now attempt to explain the entire plot of "Sum of All Fears"
> through condensed dialog.
>
> *ahem*
>
> [...]
>
> Ben Affleck (over conveniently garbly satellite phone)
> *kssshh*omb *ksssshh*zis *kssh*ot the russians *kssssh*altimore!
>
> Morgan Freeman
> We have to get the President away from this football game!
>
> [...]
An all around excellent review--so good in fact, that I'm sure I don't
even need to consider seeing this movie. However, the above two lines
immediately triggered some long latent memories of the 1977 film
_Black Sunday_. <http://us.imdb.com/Title?0075765> I remember watching
this when it was broadcast on network television during the early 1980s.
I really have no point here; I just thought I'd share.
-jarai.
--
--- Brian Chase | b...@world.std.com | http://world.std.com/~bdc/ -----
This counter is [6,177,399,753] times as pointless as a real one. -- K.