Lengthy Satire--Vermin Supreme
92p...@gw.wmich.edu
Are you sick of all the immoral, limp-wristed liberal, communist Satan-spawn
virtual candidates that have even tried to pass themselves off as reasonable
conservatives? If you are a _real_ conservative and you want a _really_
right-wing choice in this election, than have I got someone for you to meet--
Vermin Supreme. Why gag while voting for the lesser of evils when you can cast
a write-in protest ballot for a true conservative leader? The following is
condensed from his campaign literature, also available from P. O. Box 2384,
Pigeon Cave, MA 01966:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Friendly Fascist,
A Tyrant You Can Trust.
VERMIN SUPREME!
Let Him Run Your Life Because
He Knows What's Best For You.
Vermin Supreme promises:
("Yes, _because_ I am a politician, I shall _promise_ you _anything_. Yes,
_anything_ your little electorate heart _desires_, because you are my
constituents, _because_ you are the _informed_ voting public, and because I
have _no intention_ of keeping any promise that I make. As I say, I am a
politician. I am not above _graft_. I am not above _corruption_.... Please
let me assure you that I shall take bribes only when _profitable_ to do so.
Remember, I am the _people's candidate_, and after all, you are the people.")
* Since individual liberties can be counterproductive to a smooth running
corporate climate, and since police represent law and order, marshal law will
be imposed upon election (or _coup d'etat_, whichever comes first).
* _To make crime against the law! Combat illiterates! Fight the unemployed!_
And _stop pregnant teenagers!_ These statistics can easily be lowered by
manipulating the figures on which they're based.
* Polygraph, drug tests, and loyalty oaths for all citizens, along with the
issuance of citizens' identity cards, radio transmitter implants, and laser
fingerprint tattoos to keep track of you, _and your children_, for your own
protection. Remember, no one's a criminal until we say you are.
* Making dangerous weapons available to anyone who _wants_ them in order to
help facilitate the formation of a government-sponsored _vigilante, death
squad, lynch mob militia_ to help take the law back into our own hands. To
help in the selected elimination of certain anarchists, communists, street
scum, and other troublemakers to be defined at whim and subject to change
without warning.
* _Massive_ and _arbitrary censorship_ of anything found _offensive_ by an
appointed _truth_ and _morality_ squad. Severe restriction of information that
could be harmful to you or your children, because as we all know, what you
don't know can't hurt you.
* To make the homeless disappear. *POOF!* As if by magic, _presto chango_.
Out of sight, out of mind. Where did they go? Oh, well, you don't _really_
want to know, do you? Nope, not really. I didn't think so.
So confident in his ability to lead,
so eager to impose his will on the people....
Where Vermin Supreme stands on some of the most pressing issues of the day:
Institutional corruption NO comment
Separate but equal oppurtunity unemployment NO comment
Leaky nuclear reactors NO comment
Toxic spewing trash incinerators NO comment
Bioengineering for purposes other than germ warfare NO comment
Infected needle distribution program NO comment
Intrusive surveillance and intelligence gathering NO comment
Forced sterilization of minorities on demand NO comment
Torture of curfew violators NO comment
Death camps for AIDS victims NO comment
Killing people who kill people NO comment
Psychotropic drugs to lobotomize the "mentally ill" NO comment
Reforming prisons into crematoriums NO comment
Just say "execution"of drug users on the spot NO comment
Starving the elderly NO comment
Vivisection for the fun of it NO comment
Using aborted fetuses to feed the hungry NO comment
Disarmament through deployment NO comment
_All with handicap access of course_ NO comment
The decision to vote for Vermin Supreme
is the last decision you'll ever have to make.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
His running mate is his punk, anatomically correct demon doll/puppet, which he
carries around with him, SPUDHEAD McGEE. So remember all you dedicated
right-wingers, split off and vote true, write-in VermiN/McGee!!
===============================================================================
...I am Emperor Ronald Reagan, || Kai Alexis Price
"born again" with fascist cravings.... || from the "Far Side" of the Left
===============================================================================