[CON] Additional Tips while in Philly
Eugene Stern
more than 100 people coming in for Con #2, it is the responsibility of the
regulars to help explain certain things to those new to
ECW/Philly/Mutantisms.
The Top Ten Freaks you may encounter while inside the ECW Arena <in no
particular order>:
1. Stinky Stanley: He is fat and dirty with a nasty cigar stench wafting
from his clothes. But beware: dont encourage Stanley to drop his pants.
Crack does kill ya know.
2. Stanley's mom Bertha. Ok, Bertha is not her real name and frankly I dont
wanna know. But Bertha looks just like Stanley. Eyeglasses thickers than
steel. She usually wears 2 or 4 sweaters. And of course, she smells. How to
detect Stanley's mom? Listen for "WOOP WOOP WOOP" and then she will appear.
3. Slo-mo-guy. One of our favorites. Slo-mo is just that, Slow. With
glasses and a crooked mustache, you can never miss this freakoid. How to
detect Slo-Mo-Guy? Watch for the "Slow Moving Vehicle" sign on his butt.
4. Deliverance Boy. If you have ever been to a wrestling event in
Pennsylvania, Baltimore, New Jersey or New York, then you might have seen
this bucket of joy. Usual woredorbe: traditional Florida Marlins hat barely
worn on his head, the thick as steel eyeglasses, and of course, the
customary camera around the neck. Deliverance Boy has become a ladies man
lately. First, he had the girls lined up for kisses/dates at the Holiday
Inn 3 months ago. And ever since then, DB has been seen kissing and hugging
women all over town. Why is that scary? You dont want this freak of nature
reproducing.
5. Sign Guy. Another favorite. He drives a early 80's Chevy Citation loaded
with cases of Arizona Ice Tea and Kelloggs Corn Flakes. Sign Guy loves the
attention. So always say hello to him whenever you see him. He loves it.
Really he does.
6. Lurch & Manson. These guys are a tag-team, no doubt about it. Lurch has
become a freak lately. First, his gutsy attempt to embarrass the Bums by
leading counter chants against us. Then last night at the Arena, we were
chanting something derogatory at him and he loved it <I guess> and screamed
YEAH with his arms raised high. DUH! Now, Manson. Bald headed, Sabu lovin,
beer drinking slob who will scare anyone with one look. I dont care who you
are, even 212. God forbid Sabu returns to ECW, Manson will be a pig in
shit.
7. Geeks from Hartford or somewhere in Conneticut. There are two or maybe
three of them. One wears a Harford Whalers jacket, Seattle Seahawks hat and
a really chessey mustache. Geek #2 wears a Redskins hat and a rip-off Mikey
Whipwreck shirt. Geek #3 is the original Lurch. Tall and balding, whenever
a match is going on, he never watches. His head is always turned on an
angle. Which way is he looking? Geek #3 is Big Vin's whipping boy. If you
ever are confused as too who these guys are, ask Arizona John an original
Bum.
8. Uni-freak. This guy is balding and has one patch of hair on the front of
his head. Last month, I think, he was eating a sandwich when Septic Tank
asked him for a bite. When Unifreak turned his face toward Septic, a piece
of bread was hanging from the side of his mouth and totally cracked
everyone up.
9. John Lithgow/Hawaiian Guy/Hat Guy. Yes its three names in one, three
names in one. He is one person with three names. And his hats stinks.
Whether its a cow hat, or a straw hat or a cowboy hat, some how someone
always gets it and rips the shit out of it. Shit, he has another name:
Ticket Taker. Four names in one. What a guy. He deserves it.
10. Dreads. Possibly the scariest dude in the state of Pennsylvania and
possibly the World as we know it. Some facts: He is a hare-krishna. He
paints mud on his nose and forehead. He smokes ganja <weed, folks>. He lets
his toy Godzilla smoke ganja. When Raven comes out from the dressing room,
watch Dreads get down to "Keep em Separated". But never ever get into a
crowd with this freak. He will push your ass all over and if you try
hitting him back, he will cast a religious spell on ya and turn you into a
turd. Ive seen it before and its 100% true.
Thats it for the Top Ten Freaks. Watch this column for more interesting and
informative crap about ECW/Philly/Mutantisms.
I know I missed Rey Misterio<Brown Nose>, Horse Teeth Girl, Bowling Ball
Guy, The Dancing Freak, Gabe Kapolsky and others, but space was limited.
--
***********************************************************************
* "ECW: This Sure as Hell ain't Chess!" Iron Mike Palij, 7\16\94 *
* Bye Bye Braman, Hello Lurie********Go Eagles *
***********************************************************************
--
Join ECW fans every Tuesday 6pm for ECW on Sportschannel Philadelphia at
Big Boys Bar & Grill, 75-02 31st Avenue in Jackson Heights, Queens, NYC.
=========================================================================
Eugie "Giraffe" Stern - 1/20th of the ECW Jihad and a proud member
BingoMutt/ECWGiraffe -- ees...@pipeline.com
MASR - Mutants Against Star Ratings -- It's Good For Your Health!
ABarrie101
I just read your sig, never mind :-)
Anyway, that was a great primer. They don't call 'em mutants for nothing!
I was unaware of Deliverance Boy's power over women. Maybe it will rub
off on me, since I helped him up after he got floored by Raven's foot at
the 3-Way Dance. Do you know if his powers can be transmitted in this
manner?
Allan Barrie
Eugene Stern
>You forgot the funny-looking one who call himself "The Giraffe". Oh wait,
>I just read your sig, never mind :-)
<TM Evan S.>
#1 Ha Ha
#2 Some moron beat you to it. ;)
>Anyway, that was a great primer. They don't call 'em mutants for nothing!
> I was unaware of Deliverance Boy's power over women. Maybe it will rub
>off on me, since I helped him up after he got floored by Raven's foot at
>the 3-Way Dance. Do you know if his powers can be transmitted in this
>manner?
If you really want something transmitted form Deliverance Boy, then you
should check yourself into a hospital, pronto. You are one sick dude Allan.
;)
MadDogJMF
(ABarrie101) writes:
>Anyway, that was a great primer. They don't call 'em mutants
for>nothing!
> I was unaware of Deliverance Boy's power over women. Maybe it will>rub
>off on me, since I helped him up after he got floored by Raven's foot>at
>the 3-Way Dance. Do you know if his powers can be transmitted in>this
>manner?
I'm not sure but DB was there with two women who had several piercings and
smoked like chimneys. They had nice bodies but with him in his teal hat
and matching fanny pack rubbing up against them while other guys tried to
pick them up it turned into something out of a really bad Tim Burton movie
. . .
Now if that's the lifestyle you want to lead, no judgments but . . . :)
MADDOGJMF