[FWD] Fucktards

[M. Mitchell Marmel]

Date: Mon, 20 May 1996 11:03:54 -0400
From: Ted Metzler <metz...@interramp.com>
Subject: Fucktard

Can someone post this for me? I'm having trouble posting.

REUTER--6 May, 1999

BREAKTHROUGH IN GENETIC ENGINEERING

For years, scientists have been studying extra chromosone abnormalities
which cause permanent mental and physical retardation such as Down's
Syndrome and Turner's Syndrome. At the A.T. Institute, however, they have
not been trying to answer the question "Why are there retards?", but
instead, the much older question of "Why can't tards be good-looking?"

According to Dr. Jeff Smith, "We've long looked for a solution to the
problem of perfectly good tards being useless as fucktoys due to their
mongoloid appearance. We believe we've just found the answer." The
scientists have developed a new genetic strain, which when introduced into
a
developing human zygote, attaches itself to the X and (if present) Y
chromosones, adding an additional chromosone (T). The genetic material was
designed using techniques similar to those used in creating computer search
engines and viruses. The new genes search out undesirable physical traits
and forcibly change them to desirable ones.

"We see a future where everyone can own a beautiful, ignorant retard
fucktoy, which we believe will solve many of the world's problems," said
Smith.

--

REUTER--12 November, 2004

HIGH COURT APPROVES FUCKTARDS

The Supreme Court today ruled that A.T. Marketing may continue with its
plans to sell Fucktards(tm). The controversial ruling came after human
rights organizations argued that it amounted to slavery. After prolonoged
sessions studying the beautiful yet moronic Fucktards(tm), the Court voted
12-0 that the Constitution does not extend freedoms to the genetically
engineered creations of the A.T. Institute. In an opinion written by
Justice
Suiter, "The addition of two chromosomes to the human gene structure
differentiates these beautiful, delicious creatures from humans. They are
therefore a different species and not suject to the protections of the
Constitution." Privately, the Justice admitted he plans on buying one as
soon as they are available.

In related news, the Pope also reversed his previous stance against
Fucktards(tm). After a long meeting with A.T. Marketing representatives,
the
Pope announced that buying or copulating with a Fucktard was not a sin. "He
did ask that we call them copulatards instead of Fucktards, but I think
he's
happy with the one we gave him, no matter what it's called", said A.T.
Marketing Manager, Dan Contreni.

Fucktards is the copyright name for A.T. Marketing's genetically engineered
homo-sapiens-brinkleys. The creatures appear human, although genetic
engineering has rendered them with perfect bodies. The males are all well
hung and buff, while the females are thin, tight and angelic. Reportedly,
they are excellent at repetitive tasks and give great blowjobs.

--

AP Newswire, Jan. 6, 2006

FUCKTARD PLAN GOES AWRY

"It seemed like a good idea at the time," is all that entrepreneur Josh
Shore can say about his failed idea to use A.T. Inc.'s "Fucktards" as
factory workers. "I taught them to do the repetitive assembly line
manufacturing and they were pretty good at it," he says. That all ended
when
the human supervisors started having sex with the line workers, who soon
started having sex with eachother. "My entire factory became a huge
Fucktard
orgy," says Shore.

It's not all bad news, however. While his manufacturing plant may not be
working as planned, he unwittingly started a Fucktard manufacturing plant,
and is finalizing negotiations for a licencing agreement with A.T.
Industries.

Two new developments in the Fucktard saga have come to light. First, that
Fucktards can have children, both with regular humans and with other
Fucktards. Second, that Fucktards have an approximate life span of 12
years.
Their developmental stage lasts 9 months, in which they grow from infant to
approximatly the size of a 12 year-old human. Their 'puberty' stage lasts
4-8 months, as they age from 12 years to the equivalent of a 19-year old
human. In the next approximately 10 years, they age as a human 19 year old
would, usually dying around the equivalent age of 29.

When asked about these interesting traits of the Fucktards, Anne Threshton,
development manager for A.T. Idustries said, "We built that in. Who wants
to
take care of a geriatric retard?"

-

(excerpts from the letters to the editor page, Washington Post, April 8,
2011)

Fucktards: the Answer?

Dear Editor,
In the past few years, we have experienced unprecedented "good news", both
domestically and abroad. With all the politicians claiming credit for the
International EOWT (End of War Treaty), the extreme declines in drug use
and
abuse, the financial boom of the last 5 years which has no end in site, and
the dissolution of hundreds of extremist organizations from the Aryan
Nation
to PETA, I'm surprised that nobody has realized the underlying theme: All
of
these events have occurred since the introduction of Fucktards(tm), and all
of the people involved at high levels causing these problems really needed
to get laid. Fucktards has solved this problem and is the cause of the new
Renaissance in art, music and architechture that we're experiencing. This
is
the beginning of a new Utopia.

Ted Metzler
V.P. Product Testing
A.T. Industries Inc.

--

Journal entry, June 24, 2096

God it was a great idea.

Permanently young, permanently beautiful, endless supply. The only problem
was that people stopped having sex with eachother. Why bother trying to
chat
up someone who was intelligent and might offer rejection when you could go
finance a brand new fucktard? I got a Fucktard for my 16th birthday. Women
secretly bought a fucktard, keeping him at their girlfriends' apartments.
Marriages dissolved. Meanwhile the Fucktards proliferated in huge numbers.
People set 2 month old fucktards out into the wild when they couldn't
afford
the incredible amounts of food it takes to grow a fucktard to adulthood.
Roving bands of fucktards trapped innocent bystanders, stealing food and
giving great oral sex. Nobody complained, because everything was going
great. War was pointless, the economy was driven by Fucktard purchases,
which were at all time highs, until it was discovered that human birth
rates
had dropped by 99%. We were all too busy fucking our brains out to even
care though. There were lots of babys around, baby fucktards that is, which
quickly grew into devastatingly beatutiful lovetoys.

Now, I don't even know where to find another human, I'm 86 years old and
still very sexually active, but all I see are young beautiful morons. If I
can find a woman who can still have children (children parented by at least
one fucktard are always fucktards due to the virulent nature of their
genes), maybe we can start again. Otherwise, the fucktards will take over
the planet. For the human race,

Geoff Miller Jr.

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| Mindless Cynic | cy...@interramp.com | Fuck Art, Let's Kill |
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M. Mitchell Marmel \ Scattered, smothered, covered, chunked,
Drexel University \ whipped, beaten, chained and pierced.
Department of Materials Engineering \ *THE BEST HASHBROWNS IN THE WORLD!*
Fibrous Materials Research Laboratory\ marm...@dunx1.ocs.drexel.edu
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