[alt.fan.cecil-adams] Re: CHECK IT OUT!! << Ping Kim
Chri...@spamhole.com
From: ca...@afone.as.arizona.edu (Cary Kittrell)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.cecil-adams
In article <slrnab6b6a.g08....@monster.grendel.net>
die-bla...@hyacinthine.net (incandescent blue) writes:
<
<In <t_Es8.20799$Sa2....@nwrddc01.gnilink.net>,
<Kim <ki...@NOSPAMfamily-net.org> wrote:
<
<> "incandescent blue" <die-bla...@hyacinthine.net> wrote in message
<> news:slrnab65qn.g08....@monster.grendel.net...
<> > In <JSBs8.19861$Sa2....@nwrddc01.gnilink.net>,
<> > Kim <ki...@NOSPAMfamily-net.org> wrote:
<> > > And who is it who collects everything "Hello Kitty"? And do they have
<> > > one of these?
<> >
<> > Me and Connie-Lynne, and I've already got one. ;)
<>
<> Oh lord, I should have known.
<
< Well, it is the obvious intersection point between my Hello Kitty (and
< other Sanrio/random bizarre kawaii Japanese stuff) collection, and my
< antique vibrator collection...
Coal fired? Water powered? Six serfs in the next room and a big
guy with a drum?
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Chri...@nwlink.com
Newsgroups: alt.fan.cecil-adams
>> Do vibrators, etc. have "high/low" settings?
>
>It depends on the vibe. There are all sorts of different ones, from
>teeny tiny little things that run on watch batteries to big massagers
>that plug into the wall.
You're looking at the bottom of the range.
An old girlfriend once complained that she was never satisfied, so,
one afternoon, while she was getting ready for some raunchy fun, I
jumped in the car and went to J & D's Power Tools, credit card in
hand.
I was back within half an hour, but alas! it was a self-assembly job.
I unpacked it in the kitchen, and counted the parts.
Well, there were supposed to be 24 x 6" bolts, but there were only 18
in the packet. I checked the assembly instructions, and sure enough,
it needed 24: 6 RHS, 6 LHS, and the standard 12 at the front end.
Luckily, I had some spare, so I could improvise.
Some of the larger bolts were metric, which was a pain, but I had a
set of metric spanners which went up to size 20, so I was able to fit
the tip of the vibrator without using an adjustable spanner. So far,
so good.
I had the main body of the vibrator set up within an hour, and after
lubrication and "dry-running" the main mechanism, it was time for
testing. All the linkages worked, and the spring dampers responded
well. There was a slight creaking in the large fore-aft bearings, but
this I put down to running-in.
Next came the engine. It was a standard 375cc four-stroke Suzuki, the
kind I was used to working with on the larger rotary lathes in
workshops. Nicely balanced torque, particularly in the higher RPM
range. OK, they can get a bit wobbly on tickover, but for this
application that seemed a bonus.
By 7:45pm, I had the engine installed, and was ready to connect the
crankshafts and chain. I'd considered testing the motor on the bench,
but I wasn't happy with running a Suzuku 375cc 4-stroke without some
sort of reasonably heavy load on it.
Then, to my horror, I realised that there was a problem. Of course,
the exhaust and air intakes were located towards the rear of the unit,
but, believe it or not, the manifolds were the standard
side-orientated ones! Never one to worry, and conscious that my lady
love might be getting a little bored, I improvised with aluminium foil
and some old copper tubing.
By 9:30pm, the vibrator was standing on its frame in the middle of the
kitchen floor, engine running, sounding sweet as a nut. I revved it
up to 40,000 RPM (high enough for a brand-new Suzuku 375), and it was
purring away. The cross-linked cams were rattling a little, so I
tightened them up, but other than that, all that was needed was a
little carburetor adjustment and a quick adjustment of the
turbocharger unit. Once I was happy with the mixture settings, and
the turbo was kicking in on fast revving, I was ready to go.
The trouble was, my girlfriend was in the bedroom. Upstairs.
Now, as a younger man, I may have been able to manhandle the support
trolley up the stairs, but this time I realised that I needed help. A
quick search through my workshop produced the requisite
block-and-tackle components, and by 11:45pm, the machine was on the
landing, facing in the right direction. Business end towards the
bedroom, of course.
Suddenly, I realised that I was covered in oil, grease and sweat. A
good hot shower was in order. Also, it was worthwhile cleaning up the
new vibrator - it had acquired a thick film of dirt while I'd been
sorting out the exhaust manifold, and I knew that my girlfriend was
particular about personal hygiene, particularly "down there".
By 00:25, the machine was spotless, gleaming in the bathroom light,
and still purring away at around 12,000 RPM (I'd raised the tickover,
due to the lateness of the hour). Checked the oil pressure, just to
be sure (don't want anything going wrong at those critical, intimate
moments).
Being a romantic man at heart, I cooed ahead into the bedroom "I'm on
my way, mind your back!" and started wheeling the vibrator along the
landing. I'd adjusted the main shaft to the correct angle, set the
throttle to a "foreplay" rate of 11,400 RPM, and was ready to party.
Through the bedroom door, swift turn to the right, and forwards ...
but she was gone! She had left me, after all I had done for her.
She hadn't even left a note. The bedroom window was wide open, and
there were footprints in the soil, and her coat was missing, along
with all her possessions, her car, her furniture and her special
effects, but she didn't even think to write a short note explaining
why she was so unhappy. To this day, I've no idea what was going
through her mind.
Strange thing is: she took her vibrator, too. It was a silly little
thing - ran on two 'D' cells. Only had one speed, and the terminals
were all corroded - I'd give them six months at the most.
I'll never understand women.