Dark Musings: 10
Anonymous
(10)
This new development shook me to the core. I had always been an
honest person, and I knew that previously I had been walking the
edge of deceit. Now, I had stepped over the line. I had promised
myself to my Master. I knew how he was very possessive and
jealous. I knew that even though he was poly, he was not likely to
agree to let me be.
I was very upset, and for a while I considered not talking to
Jeffery again. And then I would remember that feeling, how I had
given him myself, and how wonderful it had been. I didn't want to
give that up, and I didn't want to hurt my current Master. He was
very fragile in so many ways. I knew that this would hurt him in a
way nothing else ever had.
In talking to Jeffery, we talked about how we wanted to eventually
work into having me be a slave to both him and my current Master.
I felt that with some work, perhaps it could work out. Jeffery had
other commitments, and I knew that I needed more than he could give
me and still fulfill those. I felt this was the best all-around
solution. I would still be able to experience things with him, and
I would be able to have my current Master as well.
I was selfish and naive.
Again, just how the next step happened is a bit murky. I don't
recall exactly what happened; I only know that somehow Jeffery
wanted me to be his slave, and I wanted to belong to him, so we
entered into an agreement. I would be his. We currently would have
only net contact and phone contact. We had no idea when or if
anything else would be feasible, though I longed for it with all my
heart.
I could feel the beginnings of what later would become nearly
intolerable stress. But at that time, I was too wrapped up in the
new feelings, and I didn't heed the warning signs.
Jeffery as Master was a wonder that I had never before thought to
experience. The trust I had in him deepened. He seemed to know
just what I was thinking and be able to act accordingly. Each time
he and I spoke on the phone, I moved deeper under his spell. His
voice weaving a web of pleasure and submission.
He introduced me to things I had never even dreamed of... he would
have me run ice over my body, while he spoke to me, telling me that
my hands were his instruments of pleasure/torment. And torment me
he did.
I had never really found phone sex to be as satisfying as I did
with him. He would have me masturbate, telling me what he would do
to me if he were there. I would tumble closer and closer to the
edge of coming, but he would make me hold back, telling me how I
could not come without his permission, that I was not capable of
coming unless he told me I could.
I had always loved orgasms. Craved that incredible build of
tension, and the wild release as I fell into the precipice, crying
out with the incredible pleasure I felt.
When Jeffery first talked about how he wanted to hold me there at
that edge, balanced precariously without falling over, I was
skeptical to say the least. I was sure I would dislike it. I knew
I would try, for him.
I was soon to discover that not only did I like it, I would come to
crave it.
I felt different with Jeffery than I ever had with my other
Master. There were several factors that played into this. First
and foremost, I trusted him. That seems so simple, and it wasn't.
For the first time in my life, I felt there was someone that I
could tell anything, expose all of myself to, every corner, and he
would still love me. He would not be shocked or horrified; all of
me was acceptable.
Even more, I knew that this man would help me to grow and become
all that I could be. He would challenge me, and push me, and love
me.
In my whole life I had craved this, and never, ever had it. For
the first time, I felt free to be me, with all of my conflicts and
confusion.
This was the idyll. I was not prepared for the raging storm to
come.
Dark