boyfriend/girlfriend
howard richler
boomer who recently re-joined the dating scene and I am reticent to
describe ''the lady I am seeing" as my "girlfriend" as she is also in
my Jurassic age bracket and I find this designation somewhat
sophomoric. The problem, however, is that the English language
contains no word that I find wholly acceptable. "Partner" is
misleading, and in any case seems to have been co-opted by gays. Of
course, whenever possible I try to refer to this lady by her name, but
there are some contexts, such as meeting someone who does not know the
lady, when this is not appropriate. What do people think? Is the
designation boyfriend/girlfriend at all age restrictive and if so,
what are the alternatives?
Harlan Messinger
"howard richler" <hric...@sympatico.ca> wrote in message
news:feb755de.03010...@posting.google.com...
> Is the designation boyfriend/girlfriend at all age restrictive. I am a
> boomer who recently re-joined the dating scene and I am reticent to
> describe ''the lady I am seeing" as my "girlfriend" as she is also in
> my Jurassic age bracket and I find this designation somewhat
> sophomoric. The problem, however, is that the English language
> contains no word that I find wholly acceptable. "Partner" is
> misleading, and in any case seems to have been co-opted by gays.
I wouldn't say co-opted, but certainly it has largely come to be understood
that way. I have indeed known people to refer to their partners as "my
partner", and assumed that it was a same-sex partner, only to find out
afterwards that the partner was not of the same sex as the speaker.
>Of
> course, whenever possible I try to refer to this lady by her name, but
> there are some contexts, such as meeting someone who does not know the
> lady, when this is not appropriate. What do people think? Is the
> designation boyfriend/girlfriend at all age restrictive and if so,
> what are the alternatives?
My father uses "S.O." (significant other) for his ladyfriend. "Ladyfriend"
and "gentleman friend" exist, though they sound rather genteel. Frankly,
"boyfriend" and "girlfriend" still work at any age to describe a pre-spousal
situation, but they seem inadequate for older people once they are
effectively living as spouses.
Brian M. Scott
richler) wrote:
>Is the designation boyfriend/girlfriend at all age restrictive. I am a
>boomer who recently re-joined the dating scene and I am reticent to
>describe ''the lady I am seeing" as my "girlfriend" as she is also in
>my Jurassic age bracket and I find this designation somewhat
>sophomoric. The problem, however, is that the English language
>contains no word that I find wholly acceptable. "Partner" is
>misleading, and in any case seems to have been co-opted by gays.
Not entirely, at least not yet; I've heard it from people in
heterosexual relationships.
>Of
>course, whenever possible I try to refer to this lady by her name, but
>there are some contexts, such as meeting someone who does not know the
>lady, when this is not appropriate. What do people think? Is the
>designation boyfriend/girlfriend at all age restrictive and if so,
>what are the alternatives?
It's not really restricted by age. When I last had a girlfriend
a couple of years ago, I used it, and I'm 54. I'm not sure what
I'd have used if we'd actually been living together as a couple;
perhaps 'partner' or 'housemate', since I dislike 'significant
other'. Or I might have tried to teach my acquaintances that
useful Norwegian term <samboer>!
Brian
Richard Herring
<b.s...@csuohio.edu> writes
Thai has <fan>, borrowed from the English. It's gender-indifferent, but
I don't know what implications it has for age.
--
Richard Herring
Stewart Gordon
<snip>
> I'm not sure what I'd have used if we'd actually been living
> together as a couple; perhaps 'partner' or 'housemate', since I
> dislike 'significant other'.
Here in Britain (don't know about other parts of the world), 'partner'
seems to be the usual term for this, 'cohabitant' being a perhaps more
formal alternative. 'Housemate' tends to describe friends (or
occasionally randoms soon to become friends) sharing a house, as
students often would.
Stewart.
--
My e-mail is valid but not my primary mailbox. Please keep replies on
on the 'group where everyone may benefit.
howard richler
The French language is often accused of an antipathy towards
anglicisms, but interestingly, in Quebec, an English term has been
absorbed to deal with the problem of how to designate members of the
opposite sex to which one is romantically affiliated. Francophones use
the term "chum" (sometimes spelled "tchum") to refer to this
relationship.
Peter T. Daniels
> The French language is often accused of an antipathy towards
> anglicisms, but interestingly, in Quebec, an English term has been
> absorbed to deal with the problem of how to designate members of the
> opposite sex to which one is romantically affiliated. Francophones use
> the term "chum" (sometimes spelled "tchum") to refer to this
> relationship.
Talk about semantic drift! This is semantic flash flood -- just about
the only occurrences of "chum" (in the relevant sense) I've ever
encountered are to describe Chet Morton's relationship to Frank and Joe
Hardy (but, come to think of it, not vice versa).
--
Peter T. Daniels gram...@att.net
Automort
>Is the designation boyfriend/girlfriend at all age restrictive.
Not in current usage.
> The problem, however, is that the English language
>contains no word that I find wholly acceptable.
Another problem is that there's no word designating a man's male friends except
for "pal" or "buddy" or such.
A man's female friend may be a "girlfriend" unless one wants to specify there's
no sexual dimension.
His male friend can't be a "boyfriend" unless they are gay lovers.
A woman's female friend may be a "girlfriend" whether they are simply pals or
lesiban lovers.
howard richler
What do the Norwegian 'samboer" and Thai "fan" actually mean and in
what contexts are they used?
Brian M. Scott
richler) wrote:
[...]
>What do the Norwegian 'samboer" and Thai "fan" actually mean and in
>what contexts are they used?
<Samboer> is literally 'together-liver', from <bo> 'to live, to
dwell'. As I understand it, it's the normal term for the person
(of either sex) with whom one lives as if married when in legal
fact one is single.
Brian
Richard Herring
<b.s...@csuohio.edu> writes
Thai <fan> is a borrowing of the English word (in the sense of
"enthusiastic follower") but with the modified meaning of boyfriend,
girlfriend, spouse, lover, used in any informal context.
--
Richard Herring
Stewart Gordon
<snip>
> Another problem is that there's no word designating a man's male friends except
> for "pal" or "buddy" or such.
IGTI those terms were gender-neutral....
> A man's female friend may be a "girlfriend" unless one wants to specify there's
> no sexual dimension.
So I could call any of my platonic female friends "girlfriends" as long
as I don't put the word "platonic" before it or anything to that effect?
> His male friend can't be a "boyfriend" unless they are gay lovers.
> A woman's female friend may be a "girlfriend" whether they are simply pals or
> lesiban lovers.
Actually, I think the former is a "girl friend" not a "girlfriend". But
in any case, I would normally just use the word "friend" to describe a
friend of whatever gender.
Of course, if while retaining the platonicity I want to specify that I
love the person to bits, that's another matter....
Automort
>> A man's female friend may be a "girlfriend" unless one wants to specify
>there's
>> no sexual dimension.
>
>So I could call any of my platonic female friends "girlfriends" as long
>as I don't put the word "platonic" before it or anything to that effect?
The opposite.
> I would normally just use the word "friend" to describe a
>friend of whatever gender.
>
That would imply nothing sexual.
>if while retaining the platonicity I want to specify that I
>love the person to bits, that's another matter....
>
People are likely to misconstrue YOUR oritntation in that case.
howard richler
I believe Germans use the word "lebensabschnittspartner" which blends
"leben (life) "abschnitt" (section) and partner to describe this
"significant other." Have other languages aside from the ones already
mentioned developed terms to describe such a person?
Torsten Poulin
> <Samboer> is literally 'together-liver', from <bo> 'to live, to
> dwell'. As I understand it, it's the normal term for the person
> (of either sex) with whom one lives as if married when in legal
> fact one is single.
The equivalent Danish <sambo> (plural: <samboer>) is simply
someone you share accommodations with (<bofællesskab>). The
Danish terms used for what you described, are <samlever> and
<samleverske>. The last form should probably be considered
somewhat outdated along with most other Danish words ending in
<-ske> and <-inde> (the word <sygeplejerske> 'nurse' is a notable
exception as it is also used when referring to male nurses). The
word <sambo> is often frowned upon due to the story of <Lille
sorte Sambo> 'Little Black Sambo'. Political correctness has many
and strange results.
--
Torsten
Dr. Des Small
> Brian M. Scott wrote:
>
> > <Samboer> is literally 'together-liver', from <bo> 'to live, to
> > dwell'. As I understand it, it's the normal term for the person
> > (of either sex) with whom one lives as if married when in legal
> > fact one is single.
>
> The equivalent Danish <sambo> (plural: <samboer>) is simply
> someone you share accommodations with (<bofællesskab>). The
> Danish terms used for what you described, are <samlever> and
> <samleverske>.
Swedish, on the other hand, uses the word <sambo> to mean precisely
what Norwegian means by <samboer>: the excellent Skoldatanet
dictionary (http://www-lexikon.nada.kth.se/skolverket/sve-eng.shtml)
glosses it "person with whom one lives, partner, common-law spouse".
Des
--
Des Small, Scientific Programmer,
School of Mathematics, University of Bristol, UK.
Torsten Poulin
> Swedish, on the other hand, uses the word <sambo> to mean precisely
> what Norwegian means by <samboer>
Yes. It's an excellent example of false friends in Scandinavian.
--
Torsten
Sessa
> Torsten Poulin <t_usen...@hotmail.com> writes:
>
> > Brian M. Scott wrote:
> >
> > > <Samboer> is literally 'together-liver', from <bo> 'to live, to
> > > dwell'. As I understand it, it's the normal term for the person
> > > (of either sex) with whom one lives as if married when in legal
> > > fact one is single.
> >
> > The equivalent Danish <sambo> (plural: <samboer>) is simply
> > someone you share accommodations with (<bofællesskab>). The
> > Danish terms used for what you described, are <samlever> and
> > <samleverske>.
>
> Swedish, on the other hand, uses the word <sambo> to mean precisely
> what Norwegian means by <samboer>: the excellent Skoldatanet
> dictionary (http://www-lexikon.nada.kth.se/skolverket/sve-eng.shtml)
> glosses it "person with whom one lives, partner, common-law spouse".
Only this relationship nowadays, in Sweden, is regulated by law. Living
together is regulated by "sambolagen" unless you have signed a contract
that it should not be applied.
Funny that "sambo" should, according to Torsten Poulin be avoided in
Denmark due to the story "Lille svarte Sambo". It was read in Sweden too
and has not stopped "sambo" becoming the normal word for living together
in Sweden. (The story was actually reprinted in 1998 for the first time
since 1964, but as "Historien om lille Babaji")
Other similar words have been invented, "särbo" (being partners but
living apart, illogical word, used also by married couples who have
decided to live apart) is fairly established. With recent years'
problems finding apartments you can rather often see "mambo" (living
with mother) and "kombo" (living with a friend) in the papers though
they are not much used in conversation, you may also see delsbo (living
regularly together in each others homes).
Aftonbladet made a parody list of all the "bo's", to be seen (in
Swedish) at
http://www.aftonbladet.se/vss/kvinna/story/0,2789,181810,00.html
Sessa
Torsten Poulin
> Funny that "sambo" should, according to Torsten Poulin be
> avoided in Denmark due to the story "Lille svarte Sambo". It
> was read in Sweden too and has not stopped "sambo" becoming the
> normal word for living together in Sweden.
That's PC in a nutshell, I guess. The two words aren't even
pronounced in the same way in Danish.
--
Torsten
Sessa
In Swedish they are, by the majority at least. But Svenska Akademiens
ordlista tries to introduce sam'bo with a grave accent and some may say
that. I suppose it is to differenciate it from "sambo=descendant of
negro and indian" a word that noone uses anyway, or to make the "bo"
part clearer. I'm dubious if the change will succeed, coming after the
word has already been established and try to impose another, "correct"
pronunciation is not an easy task.
Sessa
Michael Hemmer
> I believe Germans use the word "lebensabschnittspartner" which blends
> "leben (life) "abschnitt" (section) and partner to describe this
> "significant other."
There has long been the term "Lebenspartner(in)" for the parties engaged
in a non-marital relationship (of whatever type), probably because it
was felt that "Partner(in)" alone did not adequately reflect the lasting
nature of the thing. "Lebens*abschnitts*partner", however, puts this
very aspect into question. The word is more of a humorous coinage,
though. Your partner might be realistic enough not to expect that the
two of you will reach pension age together, but still refuse to be
expressly regarded as a temporary ("section") phenomenon. That's why I
wouldn't use the word in a serious context and stick instead with
"[Lebens-]Partner(in)" if "Freund(in)" was not considered appropriate.
Michael
Peter T. Daniels
> Funny that "sambo" should, according to Torsten Poulin be avoided in
> Denmark due to the story "Lille svarte Sambo". It was read in Sweden too
> and has not stopped "sambo" becoming the normal word for living together
> in Sweden. (The story was actually reprinted in 1998 for the first time
> since 1964, but as "Historien om lille Babaji")
That book has also been published in English. It is not a "reprint"; it
is a retelling of the story that retains the humor of the original
situation without demeaning the characters on the basis of race or of
stereotypes.
Torsten Poulin
> In Swedish they are, by the majority at least. But Svenska
> Akademiens ordlista tries to introduce sam'bo with a grave
> accent and some may say that.
Interesting. The Danish pronunciation of <sambo> (in the 'shared
accommodations' meaning) has stød. This normally corresponds to
the Swedish acute accent. The other meaning does not and this
normally corresponds to the grave accent. Then again, the first
meaning is not a two syllable root, but a compound, and the stød
falls on the second vowel. The last syllable also has secondary
stress.
--
Torsten