bless me soul, they're after me topless band!
Talysman the Ur-Beatle
for nigerian drivers: "Motorists told not to rely on lucky charms".
(even if they *are* "magically delicious")
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_443624.html?menu=
-> Motorists in Nigeria are being warned lucky charms won't prevent
-> road accidents.
in fact, that accursed little green man will probably magically create walls,
elephants, whales, and whirling death machines in the road to STOP you from
getting his lucky charms.
and also, marshmallows do not provide good traction.
and also, driving under the influence of lucky charms could produce vivid
hallucinations and perhaps even a "cornholio" reaction.
-> Instead road safety officers are advising drivers to comply with basic
-> traffic rules and regulations.
that trick will NEVER work!
incidentally, here are the basic nigerian traffic rules:
(1) when you encounter a pedestrian, try not to shout
"yeehaw!" before stepping on the accellerator.
(2) do not honk the horn with your butt.
(3) if you suspect a witch has stolen your peanus,
please pull over to the side of the road and
activate your hazard lights immediately.
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DRIVE WITHOUT A PEANUS!
(4) waterbuffalo will win everytime.
-> They are targeting drink drivers, reckless motorists and those with
-> unroadworthy vehicles, to cut down on accidents over Christmas.
"where are yer lucky charms NOW, jesus? nyah! nyah!"
-> Bisi Kazeem, of the Federal Road Safety Corps, said:"Several people
-> have been picked up dead at scenes of accidents with their juju on
-> their bodies."
and a diamond big as texas way down looooow...
-> He says that proves charms don't work.
either that, or they tried to pass someone who had an even
BIGGER lucky charm.
lucky charm wars! soon to replace giant H combat!
in other news, ananova.com provides an update on the Rockbitch
topless band story:
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_443695.html
-> Undercover police have attended a Liverpool nightclub to watch a rock
-> band famed for performing sex-acts on stage.
the rockbitch fanclub consists of five relatives and 25,000
undercover policemen.
backstory in the next couple "paragraphs", for those who
missed the first installment:
-> All-girl group Rockbitch had promised to tone down their performance
-> at the L2 venue. Merseyside police say plain clothes officers were at
-> the gig to ensure licensing laws weren't broken. The musicians live
-> in a French sex commune and describe their act as an "in your face
-> sex-ritual show".
-> Lead guitarist Babe told the Liverpool Echo the band had toned down
-> the L2 show to meet licensing requirements. They were not allowed to
-> perform nude and instead went on stage topless in studded leather outfits.
"or at least, we think they wore outfits," said the Merseyside police.
"we also suspect they played music, but we were too busy cracking jokes
to notice."
-> Mike Hindley, owner of the venue, said: "We sat down with the band and laid
HONH HONH HONH!
-> down the law to them, telling them exactly what they could and couldn't
-> get away with.
-> "The police and the council have been keeping a close eye on this event.
-> We do not believe any further action will be taken by the authorities."
-> Tickets for the event carried a warning that anyone easily offended
-> should stay away. They were only sold to over 18s.
you know, why would they refuse to sell tickets to under 18 girls?
are they afraid teen girls might get ideas from seeing NAKED BQQBIES?
Glenn Knickerbocker
> DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DRIVE WITHOUT A PEANUS!
This rule applies only in those stupid cars that stall out when you try
to slip the clutch without putting your foot on the gas. Also you should
move to Kenya where the witches will just make your peanus get stuck
instead of stealing it.
ŹR http://www.bestweb.net/~notr/arkville.html
"Doesn't that shred your buns?"--T.M. Pederson
James Kibo Parry
>
> everyone's favorite wacky news site, ananova.com, has an important notice
> for nigerian drivers: "Motorists told not to rely on lucky charms".
>
> (even if they *are* "magically delicious")
>
> -> road accidents.
>
> in fact, that accursed little green man will probably magically create walls,
> elephants, whales, and whirling death machines in the road to STOP you from
> getting his lucky charms.
>
> and also, marshmallows do not provide good traction.
Believe it or not, one of the last "Jabberwocky" episodes Channel 5 showed
(before they stopped last week) claims you're wrong. It featured a
"Peanuts" cartoon in which a peanut with a top hat (but no monocle or cane)
and his a peanut with large breasts took a long trip, and then went back.
They rode in a big wheel which rolled around on top of a pile of marshmallows,
and then when they got to the next land, in which the marshmallows were in
neat rows, they switched to a big walking robot that stepped over the
marshmallows, and then they rode a paddle-boat through a bowl of popcorn,
and finally they went through a forest of tenpenny nails in a ciliated
boat that pulled itself along the nails. I have no idea why Channel 5
suddenly stopped showing this thirty-year-old psychotic children's TV
show that teaches such important lessons about how legumes with boobs
can get the best traction from their marshmallowmobiles.
So, if lucky charms cause road accidents, wouldn't it be better to
just travel with an unlucky charm?
> -> Instead road safety officers are advising drivers to comply with basic
> -> traffic rules and regulations.
>
> that trick will NEVER work!
>
> incidentally, here are the basic nigerian traffic rules:
>
> (1) when you encounter a pedestrian, try not to shout
> "yeehaw!" before stepping on the accellerator.
> (2) do not honk the horn with your butt.
> (3) if you suspect a witch has stolen your peanus,
> please pull over to the side of the road and
> activate your hazard lights immediately.
> DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DRIVE WITHOUT A PEANUS!
> (4) waterbuffalo will win everytime.
Don't forget something about how you can cure yourself of AIDS by
having sex with a virgin while driving. That sort of thing is big
in the parts of Africa where the people prefer AIDS to condoms.
Apparently people think that if you give a disease to a virgin
you no longer have it, because all the disease germs in your body
hop into someone else's at the same time.
Maybe we need to tell the guys in Nigeria that condoms are lucky
charms, or something.
Nigeria is also big on financial scams, and on kidnapping foreign
businesspeople who are gullible enough to fly there. A few of the
ludicrously obvious scams I've received via E-mail are excerpted below,
with their original formatting. Some of these are wonderfully creative
fictions appealing to people who think "I Love Lucy" is a documentary.
Please enjoy these variations on the theme of gullibility.
=> My name is DAVID AKHIGBE, a member of the Presidential
=> Task Force on Oil Spillage Clean-up. Early last year
=> there was a major oil spillage in the Niger Delta
=> Region of Nigeria which rendered over 70% of the
=> communities homeless.The contract was handled by a
=> foreign firm but because of the huge monetary profit
=> we envisaged we decided to over-invoice the contract
=> sum. Now the contract has been completed and the
=> original contractor has since been paid,but the
=> contract balance of US$38 million,which resulted from
=> the over invoiced contract sum that has been left in a
=> suspense account with the CENTRAL BANK of NIGERIA,is
=> what me and my partners are planning to take out of
=> the country for ourselves.The problem is as government
=> officials,we are not suppose to own fat bank
=> accounts,talk less of having foreign ones.To this end,
=> we are soliciting your assistance as a foreign partner
=> who can assist us and receive this amount into your
=> account.
-> My name is MR DAVID IDRIS, a member of the
-> Presidential Task Force on Oil Spillage Clean-up.
=> DR.ABUBAKAR AHMED Ph.D,FNSE,mni
=>
=> FAX: 234 1 759 2911.
=> LAGOS, NIGERIA
=>
=> [...]
=>
=> I am a member of the Federal Government Contract Award
=> and Monitoring Committee in the Nigerian National
=> Petroleum Corporation (NNPC). Sometime ago, a contract
=> was awarded to a foreign firm by my committee in NNPC.
-> I am Robert (Bob) Kambili, Bank manager of Delta
-> Trust Bank Nigeria Ltd, Enugu branch, Nigeria; and
-> for reasons which will become obvious to you as read
-> on, I obtained your address particulars from an
-> Internet
-> address listing. Please exercise some patience and
-> read through my message. THIS IS NOT A SPAM MAIL!
-> [...]
->
-> I have very urgent and confidential business
-> proposition for you. On June 6th 1997, an Oil
-> Consultant/Contractor with the Nigerian National
-> Petroleum Corporation, Mr. Ahmed Youseff Mustafa ,
-> a national of Iraq, made a numbered time ( fixed)
-> deposit for 12 calendar months, value
-> USD30,000,000.00
-> in my branch.
->
-> On maturity, we sent a routine notification to his
-> forwarding address but got no reply. After a month,
-> we sent a reminder and finally, his contract
-> employers, the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation
-> ( NNPC)
-> wrote to inform us that Mr. A Y Mustafa died from
-> an automobile accident; that he died without making a
-> WILL, and all attempts to trace his next of kin
-> through the Iraqi embassy were fruitless. At first
-> I was surprised that I did not receive much official
-> cooperation in my inquiries in order to trace his
-> kin in Iraq, and inform them about Mr. Mustafais
-> deposit of USD30m plus accrued interest.
-> I therefore made further investigations and
-> discovered that Mr. Mustafa had actively opposed the
-> Government of President Saddam Hussein of Iraq, and
-> was
-> consequently driven into exile. Being an Oil
-> Expert,he subsequently obtained a job with the NNPC,
-> and
-> settled in Nigeria. Thereafter, he walked into my
-> Office to make the aforementioned deposit of
-> USD30m. He did not declare any kin in his application
-> paperwork, contrary to laid down procedures, and when
-> I asked him he informed me that
-> he wished it so. I accepted his application because
-> banks are conservative and will always honor a
-> customer's
-> wishes, especially high networth customers.
-> No one knows the source of his money because
-> apparently the time frame of his employment with
-> the NNPC does indeed preclude such a large amount of
-> money. It can be assumed that he brought his money
-> over from Iraq, but that is open to speculation.
-> However, the point is that his employers are not
-> aware of this money , and therefore it can be safely
-> assumed that no one will ever come forward to claim
-> this money. This money total USD31.5m ( inclusive
-> of accrued interests) is still sitting in my Bank in
-> the Dormant Account Portfolio. No one will ever come
-> forward to claim it now, and according to Nigerian
-> law,
-> after 5 years, the money will automatically revert
-> to the Federal Government Treasury if the Account
-> owner is a foreigner, is certified dead , and there is
-> no
-> valid claim. This indeed, is the situation. My
-> proposal therefore is that I am looking for a
-> foreigner who will stand in as the next of kin to
-> Mr. Mustafa.
=> Dear Sir/Madam,
=> Good day to you with the special name of our Lord
=> Jesus Christ. Hope all is well with you with the
=> abundant blessing of our Lord Jesus Christ. We are
=> into the Charity Home Organisation here in Nigeria. It
=> is somehow difficult to feed all the people living in
=> the charity home. We have written to many people and
=> organisation here in Africa and some God fearing and
=> caring people have responded financial and spiritual.
=>
=> Please my good people in the Lord we cannot stand and
=> watch this children to die of hunger, most especially
=> the homeless ones as what(donation) coming from people
=> of God is not really sufficient to cater for the
=> survival of this children. We are trying our best to
=> make ends meet for this people most especially
=> creating or sending them to school but we cannot do it
=> alone, we need some God fearing and caring someone
=> like you. No amount donated is too small the only
=> thing one should believe is to do it with good heart.
=>
=> We are appealing to you for your favour maybe morally,
=> financially or spiritually. Any amount donated for
=> this charity organisation will go a long way in
=> uplifting this organisation and will carter for the
=> need of the children. Please we apologize for any
=> incovinience that this might cause you, God will
=> reward you aboundantly.
-> I am a lawyer resident and practicing in Lagos,
-> Nigeria and I am using this correspondence to
-> urgently seek and request your assistance and cooperation in a sensitive
-> but highly
-> beneficial financial arrangement. An
-> important
-> client
-> of mine whose details I cannot release at
-> this point
-> has implored me to contact a reliable and
-> trustworthy
-> partner overseas to urgently receive and
-> handle
-> funds
-> totaling TWENTY MILLION US DOLLARS (US
-> $20.M) in CASH
-> presently lodged in a security/finance
-> outfit in
-> Amsterdam,NETHERLANDS. Due to my client's
->
-> inability to travel out of
->
-> the country presently and the fact that
-> we continue to
->
-> accumulate huge debts daily as long as this
->
-> consignment remains in the security
-> company we need a
->
-> friend and partner to proceed as soon as
-> possible and
->
-> retrieve this money on behalf of my client and
->
->
-> handle it as duly instructed.
=> I have been mandated by some clients of mine who are
=> top officials of the Nigerian Government to seek the
=> services of a reputable and trustworthy individual in
=> your country who will be able to assist us in a
=> business transaction of immense magnitude.
=>
=> My clients are interested in the transfer to and
=> subsequent investment in your country, a considerable
=> amount of funds, amounting to Millions of United
=> States of America Dollars (USA $). The above funds
=> arose from the over-invoicing of some supplies and oil
=> drilling works contracts, which have been executed and
=> concluded. The fund is therefore free for
=> transferoverseas.
-> I PRAY THIS IMPORTANT MESSAGE MEETS YOU IN PEACE, MAY BLESSINGS OF GOD
-> BE
-> UPON YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AND GRANT YOU THE WISDOM TO UNDERSTAND MY
-> SITUATIONS AND HOW MUCH I REALLY NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE.
->
-> BEFORE I START LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF MY NAME IS MRS. MARIAM ABACHA
-> THE
-> WIFE OF THE LATE AND FORMER HEAD OF STATE OF NIGERIA GENERAL SANNI
-> ABACHA.SINCE THE (STRANGE AND UNFORTUNATE) DEATH OF MY HUSBAND (MAY
-> GOD'S
-> MERCY BE UPON HIM), THE GOVERNMENT HAS TURNED AGAINST MY FAMILY WITH
-> STRANGE
-> ACCUSATION.AT FIRST I THOUGHT IT WAS A LITTLE VENDETTA FROM MY
-> HUSBAND'S
-> ENEMIES BUT I WAS WRONG.THEY ARRESTED MY ONLY SON OLD ENOUGH TO TAKE
-> CARE OF
-> THE FAMILY AND THEN THEY FROZE ALL OUR BANK ACCOUNTS KNOWN TO THEM,
-> HOPING
-> THAT WE WILL STARVE TO DEATH. WHY CAN'T WE ALL LIVE IN PEACE? SINCE I
-> CAN'T
-> DO ANYTHING IN MY POSITION HERE, THIS IS WHERE YOU COME IN.
->
-> MY FAMILY IS GOING THROUGH HARDSHIP, MY SON IS IN JAIL AND THE
-> REMAINING
-> ONES AND MYSELF ARE UNDER HOUSE ARREST. THE NEW DEMOCRATIC GOVERNMENT
-> OF
-> PRESIDENT OLUSEGUN OBANSANJO HAS SEIZED MORE THAN US$88 MILLION DOLLARS
-> ALREADY AND THEY ARE STILL SEIZING A LOT OF LAND AND PROPERTY. ALL THAT
-> IS
-> REMAINING NOW IS US$42MILLION DOLLARS, AND THIS MONEY HAS BEEN KEPT IN
-> A
-> PLACE I CANNOT DISCLOSE, UNTIL WE MAKE PERSONAL CONTACT.
=> I am Dr. Mrs. Mariam Abacha, wife to the late Nigerian Head of state,
=> General Sani Abacha who died on the 8th of June 1998 while still on
=> active service for our Country. I am contacting you with the hope
=> that you will be of great assistance to me, I currently have within
=> my reach the sum of $18.92 million U.S dollars cash which l intend to
=> use for investment purposes outside Nigeria.
=>
=> This money came as a result of a payback contract deal between my
=> husband and a Russian firm in our country's multi-billion dollar
=> Ajaokuta steel plant. The Russian partners returned my husband's
=> share being the above sum after his death. Presently, the new
=> civilian Government has intensified their probe into my husband's
=> financial resources, which has led to the freezing of all our
=> accounts, local and foreign, the revoking of all our business
=> licenses and the arrest of my First son. In view of this I acted very
=> fast to withdraw this money from one of our finance houses before it
=> was closed down. I have deposited the money in a security company
=> with the help of very loyal officials
=>
=> of my late husband. No record is known about this fund by the
=> government because there is no documentation showing that we received
=> such funds.
-> COMPLIMENTS OF THE SEASON. I HOPE MY LETTER DOES NOT
-> CAUSE YOU TOO MUCH EMBARRASSMENT AS I WRITE TO YOU IN
-> GOOD FAITH.
-> BASED ON THE CONTACT ADDRESS GIVEN TO ME BY A FRIEND
-> WHO WORKS AT THE NIGERIAN EMBASSY IN YOUR COUNTRY.
-> PLEASE EXCUSE MY INTRUSION INTO YOUR PRIVATE LIFE.
->
-> I AM BARRISTER MARTINS JIDE I REPRESENT MOHAMMED
-> ABACHA,SON OF THE LATE GEN. SANI ABACHA, WHO WAS THE
-> FORMER MILITARY HEAD OF STATE IN NIGERIA. HE DIED IN
-> 1998.
-> SINCE HIS DEATH, THE FAMILY HAS BEEN LOOSING A LOT OF
-> MONEY DUE TO VINDICTIVE GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS WHO ARE
-> BENT ON DEALING WITH THE FAMILY. BASED ON THIS
-> THEREFORE THE FAMILY HAS ASKED ME TO SEEK FOR A
-> FOREIGN PARTNER WHO CAN WORK WITH US AS TO MOVE OUT
-> THE TOTAL SUM OF US$75,000,000.00 ( SEVENTY FIVE
-> MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS ), PRESENTLY IN THEIR
-> POSSESSION. THIS MONEY WAS OF COURSE, ACQUIRED BY THE
-> LATE PRESIDENT AND IS NOW KEPT SECRETLY BY THE FAMILY.
=> I AM MR.YESUF SULEMAN A CUSTOM OFFICER WHO WORK AS
=> ASSISTANT COMPTROLER OF CUSTOMS AND EXCISE DEPARTMENT
=> OF THE FEDERAL MINISTRY OF INTERNAL AFFAIRS STATIONED
=> AT THE MURTALA MOHAMMED INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT, IKEJA
=> LAGOS NIGERIA. AFTER THE SUDDEN DEATH OF THE FORMER
=> HEAD OF STATE OF NIGERIA GENERAL SANNI ABACHA ON JUNE
=> 8TH 1998 HIS AIDES AND IMMEDIATE MEMBERS OF HIS FAMILY
=> WAS ARRESTED WHILE TRYING TO ESCAPE FROM NIGERIA IN A
=> CHARTERED JET TO SAUDI ARABIA WITH 4 TRUNK BOXES
=> MARKED DIPLOMATIC BAGGAGED.
=>
=> ACTING ON TIP-OFF AS THEY ATTEMPTED TO BOARD THE AIR
=> CRAFT, MY OFFICIALS CARRIED OUT A THOROUGH SEARCH ON
=> THE AIR CRAFT AND DISCOVERED THAT THE 4 TRUNK BOXES
=> CONTAINED FOREIGN CURENCIES AMOUNTING TO
=> 197,570,000.00(ONE HUNDRED AND NITY-SEVEN MILLION FIVE
=> HUNDRED SEVENTY THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS).
=>
=> I DECLARED ONLY (3) THREE BOXES TO THE GOVERNMENT AND
=> WITHHELD ONE (1) IN MY CUSTODY CONTAINING THE SUM OF
=> ($50,250,000) FIFTY MILLION TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY
=> THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS ONLY, WHICH HAS BEEN
=> DISGUISED TO PREVENT THEIR BEING DISCOVERED DURING
=> TRANSPORTATION PROCESS.
-> JUST YOU AND ME
->
-> GRACE AND PEACE AND LOVE FROM THIS PART OF THE
-> ATLANTICTO YOU. I HOPE MY LETTER DOES NOT CAUSE YOU
-> TOO MUCHEMBARRASSMENT AS I WRITE TO YOU IN GOOD FAITH.
-> BASEDON THE CONTACT ADDRESS GIVEN TO ME BY A FRIEND
-> WHO WORKS AT THE NIGERIAN EMBASSYIN YOUR COUNTRY.
-> PLEASEEXCUSE MY INTRUSION INTO YOUR PRIVATE LIFE.
->
-> I AM BARRISTER BUSAKA BUSALI, I REPRESENT MOHAMMED
-> ABACHA, SON OF THE LATE GEN. SANI ABACHA, WHO WAS THE
->
-> FORMER MILITARY HEAD OF STATE IN NIGERIA. HE DIED IN
-> 1998. SINCE HIS DEATH, THE FAMILY HAS BEEN LOOSING A
-> LOT OF MONEY DUE TO VINDICTIVE GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS
-> WHO ARE BENT ON DEALING WITH THE FAMILY.
=> COMPLIMENTS OF THE SEASON. GRACE AND PEACE ANDLOVE
=> FROM THIS PART OF THE ATLANTIC TO YOU. I HOPE MY
=> LETTER DOES NOT CAUSEYOU TOO MUCH EMBARRASSMENT AS I
=> WRITE TO YOU IN GOOD FAITH. BASED ON THECONTACT
=> ADDRESS GIVEN TO ME BY A FRIEND WHO WORKS AT THE
=> NIGERIAN EMBASSYIN YOUR COUNTRY. PLEASE EXCUSE MY
=> INTRUSION INTO YOUR PRIVATE LIFE.
=>
=> I AM BARRISTER BENSON OLOYE, I REPRESENT MOHAMMED
=> ABACHA, SON OF THE LATE GEN. SANI ABACHA, WHO WAS THE
=> FORMER MILITARY HEAD OF STATE IN NIGERIA.
-> I AM BARRISTER VINCENT EHI, I REPRESENT MOHAMMED
-> ABACHA, SON OF THE LATE GEN. SANI ABACHA, WHO WAS THE
-> FORMER MILITARY HEAD OF STATE IN NIGERIA.
=> I AM BARRISTER AVO VICKY, I REPRESENT MOHAMMED
=> ABACHA, SON OF THE LATE GEN. SANI ABACHA, WHO WAS THE
=> FORMER MILITARY HEAD OF STATE IN NIGERIA.
=> What is required from you is (1) you bank details to be used (where this
=> fund should be remitted). (2) The name of the company to be used as beneficiary
=> must be very reliable. (3) Your private phone and fax number for easy
=> communication. The nature of your companyis business is irrelevant to
=> this transaction. It is also very important to inform you that this transaction
=> and information shall be handled with absolute secrecy and confidentiality,
=> because this deal involves some high ranking Nigerian Government officials
=> who would not to be involved/mentioned in any form of scandal, should
=> this deal be made open/exposed.
-> STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS PROPOSAL
-> RE: TRANSFER OF US$21.5 MILLION (TWENTY ONE MILLION,
-> FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND US DOLLARS ONLY).
->
-> I know this email will reach you as a surprise, but need not
-> to worry as we are using the only secured and confidential
-> medium available to seek for foreign assistance/partnership
-> in a business transaction which is of mutual benefit.
=> I am writing you to seek your assistance and collaboration to enable me
=> use my position in Government to secure the approval for the payment of
=> this over invoiced contract claim to your bank account. This particular
=> contract was awarded to a Foreign Contractor and was over estimated to the
=> tune of US$36,561,000.00 (Thirty Six Million, Five Hundred and Sixty one
=> Thousand US Dollars Only).
...and so on. And those are just the ones that snuck through my
spam filters in the past few months.
While it's obvious from the above excerpts that a handful of spammers
are sending me these messages over and over, the U.S. Government has
some wonderful publications detailing just how many different kinds of
scam are performed in Nigeria every day. Fortunately, most of the
other Nigerian con artists don't seem to have discovered E-mail yet.
The Secret Service calls the scams shown above "Advance Fee Fraud",
and in Nigeria they are known as "4-1-9" scams. Apparently the
reason they request your bank account number is not how they swindle
you -- it's just so that they know they've found a sucker who trusts
them completely. Then they invite the sucker to fly to Nigeria to
pick up the money. Then, BOP! You get hit over the head with
a sock filled with 419 pennies!
Other variations I've read about in State Department literature
include this wonderful one on a letterhead that says "EXECUTION!
EXECUTION! EXECUTION!" across the top:
-> We wish to introduce our company/ourselves as a subsidiary of
-> INTERNATIONAL ASSASINATORS AND WORLD SECURITY ORGANZATIONS,
-> with branches in one hundred and two (102) countries.
-> We have received a fax message our World Headquarters, New York,
-> this morning to inform you to produce a mandatory sum of
-> US$35,000.00 (THIRTY-FIVE THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) only,
-> into our account given below in Switzerland within Ninety Six hours (96),
-> alternatively, you will kidnapped and forced to commit suicide
-> during the period of our on-coming anniversary of fifty years.
And this one described by the State Department:
=> The victim will be shown a suitcase allegedly
=> full of U.S. currency in $100 bill denominations
=> that was temporarily defaced with a black
=> waxy material (vaseline and iodine) to mask
=> their origin. The criminals tell the victim that
=> there is $40 million dollars in the suitcase.
=> However, in order to remove this material, and
=> restore the notes, the victim must purchase a
=> special solution (commercial cleaning fluid)
=> which is very expensive. The cost of the special
=> solution ranges from $50,000 to $200,000. The
=> victim will receive 40 percent of the $40 million
=> as his or her "commission."
=>
=> In front of the victim, the criminals will wash one of the bills
=> with the special solution restoring the U.S. currency to its
=> original form. In an effort to assuage any doubts the victim may
=> have, the victim will be asked to pick out another $100 bill at
=> random to be cleaned. Before the criminal cleans the bill, the
=> victim is momentarily distracted by one of the criminal's
=> accomplices. During that split second, the criminal using slight
=> of hand, will pull out a real $100 bill from his sleeve, and clean
=> it in front of the victim. The "treated" notes are given to the
=> victim to take to a bank for verification.
=>
=> In some instances, as a sign of good faith, the victim will be
=> able to keep the suitcase for a short time, until the victim gets
=> the money to buy the solution. To prevent the victim from opening
=> the suitcase, the victim is told that exposure to the air will
=> cause the black substance to ruin the money. Ammonia is placed
=> inside the suitcase in the event the victim opens the suitcase
=> giving the impression that the money is disintegrating.
=>
=> A microwave is sometimes used in the "wash-wash"
=> scam. Instead of "solution" to remove the black
=> material, criminals will use a microwave to melt the
=> waxy material.
...approaching the level of believability of a "Blakes7" plot.
Specifically, the one where they've stolen a lot of gold bars
that have been treated with a special process that turns them
black and useless so they have to go back and steal the magic
machine that turns gold yellow. They're probably a really
slow and gentle fistfight, too, it's been a long time since I
saw that episode but they all feature live-action actors
performing marionette-quality fistfights.
It would be nice if all other countries would each choose one
"Blakes7" plot to re-enact. I call dibs on the one where Avon
has to use the little toy car to push the one-inch cube of
super-heavy stuff across the floor slowly.
My only other comment on the wackiness of Nigeria is this
excerpt from an editorial in a Lagos, Nigeria newspaper:
->
-> The most mundane would be his heroic struggle during the Monica Lewinsky
-> blackmail by his political opponents in their attempt to wrest power from
-> him. Bill received a lot of sympathy from these shores because Nigerians
-> could not understand why a president of prosperity should be so harassed.
-> Were he a Nigerian he would have been offered the most beautiful virgin
-> from each state for his economic miracles, if he had a mind to.
Yes, but wouldn't that be overkill? After all, it would only take one
virgin to cure his Presidential aides.
-- K.
I'd love to visit a bunch of
places in Africa, but I don't
think Nigeria is on my list --
especially since I can't afford
to buy one of their $200,000
microwave ovens.
pete
>
> Talysman the Ur-Beatle (taly...@globalsurrealism.com) wrote:
> >
> > everyone's favorite wacky news site,
> > ananova.com, has an important notice
> > for nigerian drivers: "Motorists told not to rely on lucky charms".
> >
> > (even if they *are* "magically delicious")
> >
> > -> Motorists in Nigeria are being warned lucky charms
> > -> traffic rules and regulations.
> >
> > that trick will NEVER work!
Silly rabbit! Tricks are for kids!
--
pete