The mirror cracked...
Otter
In a support group last evening, someone asked what we saw when we stood
naked in front of a full length mirror.
I dislike doing this, but did as suggested and stared at this body for
many moments.
And cried.
and cried.
This is not fun. It is a curse.
Angelique
--
what a long strange trip it's been......
Diane Wilson
In article <us016897-200...@ip121.sacramento.ca.interramp.com>, us01...@interramp.com (Otter) writes:
|> In a support group last evening, someone asked what we saw when we stood
|> naked in front of a full length mirror.
|>
|> I dislike doing this, but did as suggested and stared at this body for
|> many moments.
|>
|> And cried.
|>
|> and cried.
|>
|> This is not fun. It is a curse.
Hi Angelique,
The mirror isn't much fun. Agreed.
I wrote about the mirror last year. It's on my web site, as "The Woman
Who Used to Live in the Mirror." You can get there through either my
gender page or my fiction page. (I'd give the exact URL, but I can't
remember which directory it's in.) I think you'll find this piece
interesting, perhaps even useful.
--
Diane Wilson, genderqueer | "Today I become a man." I hope this
dia...@mindspring.com | works; nothing else has.
http://www.lava.net/~dewilson/ | --Kate Bornstein,
http://www.lava.net/~dewilson/asd/ | about her bar mitzvah
JMWindgate
Wait a second...
How is a mirror not fun? I mean I have a huge scar up and down my back
from when I had my back rebuilt when I was 17. I have another scar on the
right side of my stomach from when I was shot. I have scars up and down
my rib cage from when was beaten. When I look in the mirror I don't focus
on those areas of me that make me sad. I focus on those areas of me that
make me feel happy. I focus on feeling good about me. I focus on the
woman that is inside of me and how she is getting out. I try and see her
there. But I always am happy with my body. After all, it's what the
creator gave you. All we are doing with our process is correcting some
small aspects of our bodies that will help us to feel more complete, and
more in tune with where we aer and who we are. But we are still using the
same body... And we need to be happy with it, so that we can be happy with
ourselves. That's the key.
Be well....
Shalom,
Nicole Maschke
aka Jupiter Nicole Windgate
Human Rights Web Site: http://members.aol.com/jmwindgate/wingate.html
Land Mail: P.O. Box 602696, Cleveland, Ohio 44102
Email: jmwin...@aol.com
Carl Buijs
Otter (us01...@interramp.com) wrote:
: In a support group last evening, someone asked what we saw when we stood
: naked in front of a full length mirror.
: I dislike doing this, but did as suggested and stared at this body for
: many moments.
: And cried.
: and cried.
: This is not fun. It is a curse.
Well, one _shouldn't_ stand naked in front of full length mirrors. It's a
very _stupid_ thing to do! When I started my career at the Gender Team of
the Free University Hospital, Amsterdam, I was given a stack of papers with
questions. A lot of them were quite funny because they were totally
irrelevant or impossible to answer, but one in particular stood out: "How do
you feel when seeing yourself in a mirror, naked?" I laughed my guts out, I
just couldn't _believe_ that they actually thought I'd ever done such a
thing.
For me, growing some hair here and there, losing some fat here and... well
no, actually just there, and gaining some muscle volume in significant
places has worked wonders. I trust I needn't tell anybody that my upcoming
mastectomy is going to work some more. 9:-)
Many, many months ago (ehm, 10 actually) I listened to people in this
newsgroup saying that they were happy about their path in life, that they
considered their T*ism a gift, and that they wouldn't have wanted it any
other way. My jaw is still bruised of its collision with the keyboard when
it dropped. I thought that they'd been out in the sun too long. Now, 10
months later, I find myself among the people who take pity in the
cisgendered, who lead such boring lives and experience no significant events
in life that shape one's character. 9:-) I no longer resent the hand I was
dealt in life. I know my TSism has made me a better person than I would've
been without it.
I have now found out why I can say this now, and why I couldn't believe this
could be true for _anybody_, let alone me, only a year ago. The difference
is happiness. I once thought that if I'd be able to accept my TSism instead
of resent it, I'd be happy. Turns out it's the other way around. Happiness
came to me, and all of a sudden I became at peace with my TSism. How _did_
happiness come to me? It's all in the follicles! Simple, isn't it? Ok ok,
it's in the follicles, the fat distribution, the muscle volume. It's in the
improved body image, in the strangers in the street "sirring" me. It's in
the fact that I can ask my parents for a tie as a birthday present. I don't
care if they like that or not, but I don't have to pretend to be happy about
getting a purse anymore (as if I ever was the type of person for that, but I
digress).
My point being? Do whatever you can to change the things you don't like. Try
to accept the things you can't change as far as you can, and forget about
the rest. For me, apart from getting on hormones, talking/listening to lots
of different people with lots of different outlooks on their T*ism has helped
a lot in changing my attitude towards my own TSism. And don't look into
mirrors when you're naked until you have changed enough to be at peace with
what you see.
Yeah, hugs and all that,
Carl
yin...@delphi.com
JMWindgate <jmwin...@aol.com> writes:
>How is a mirror not fun? I mean I have a huge scar up and down my back
>from when I had my back rebuilt when I was 17. I have another scar on the
>right side of my stomach from when I was shot. I have scars up and down
>my rib cage from when was beaten. When I look in the mirror I don't focus
>on those areas of me that make me sad. I focus on those areas of me that
>make me feel happy. I focus on feeling good about me. I focus on the
>woman that is inside of me and how she is getting out. I try and see her
>there. But I always am happy with my body. After all, it's what the
>creator gave you. All we are doing with our process is correcting some
look good today!" And other days when I crings and feel
like hiding under the bed all day. This is NORMAL, and GGs
go through it, too.
For the most part, I have made peace with my body size, shape,
amd appearance. I am not in this world to measure up anyone
else's appearance, but to take pride in what I have and be the
nicest looking Joanna I can be.
But what I *really* notice in the mirror is a very happy,
content person. ANd I like looking at her a LOT more than
looking at the guilt-wracked, self-flaggelating emotional
wreck I once was. Yes, I look in the mirror a lot, and
I'm not ashamed of it. It's not vanity, it's serenity.
Luv, JOANNA :)
PJ Coffer
In article <us016897-200...@ip121.sacramento.ca.interramp.com>,
us01...@interramp.com (Otter) wrote:
>In a support group last evening, someone asked what we saw when we stood
>naked in front of a full length mirror.
>
>I dislike doing this, but did as suggested and stared at this body for
>many moments.
>
>And cried.
>
>and cried.
>
>This is not fun. It is a curse.
>
>
But then when I stepped through the mirror and my mind met my body, met my
imagination, met my spirit I discovered my tears were of joy and not sorrow as
this was truly me and I am only a spiritual being having a human experience.
I am here only this one time...so let us have fun and share in the love around
us while we are here at this adventure land called Earth!!