[RESULTS/OPINION] WCW Monday Nitro/WWF Monday Night RAW (1/6)

[John Petrie]

[NOTE: Guess what? I missed RAW this week. Here's the story: My cable
company added some new channels New Year's day. To accomodate this, they
moved some of the old ones around, including the USA Network. Unfortunately
my cable has an uncorrectable reception problem on the higher channels, and
USA was moved to channel 53, where the picture is now very snowy and grainy.
As a result, I asked a friend to tape it for me while I awaited a service
call from the cable company. My friend let me down, going off for a night of
drinking, forgetting to set his VCR. Meanwhile, I was at home taping and
watching Nitro, confident that I would get the tape the next day or so. I
missed every second of the Vader/Hart match. I missed Jose Lothario's kid
getting powerbombed onto a table. (My friend did manage to taped Live Wire
and Superstars for me, and they came out perfect-oh the irony!)

Therefore, I have decided to delay this week's Recap until I could watch
Blast Off and Live Wire to get a better idea of what I missed. Meanwhile,
the cable guy was over and couldn't completely fix the problem. We need an
entirely new line dug and installed, and the cable guy strongly hinted that
it would have to wait until spring. Life sucks.]

WWF Monday Night RAW: Taped 12/30.

- Quick Shotgun Saturday Night recap:
* The Godwins lost to the Sisters of Love, managed by Brother Love. The
Sisters (two guys dressed as nuns) either the Headbangers or the Grimm
Twins/Jacob & Eli Blu/Bruise Brothers/Ron & Don Harris.
* Goldust defeated the Sultan via countout. The Sultan had Goldust in a
camel clutch, but Marlena stepped up on the apron and lowered the top of
her dress, flashing the crowd but keeping her back to the camera. Mr.
Bob Backlund pulled the Sultan from the ring, causing the loss.
* Ahmed Johnson defeated Crush via disqualification when members of the
Nation of Domination interfered. Ahmed brawled with an NOD member to
the street, where he delivered a Pearl River Plunge to a NOD lackey on
the roof of a parked car.
* Sunny did a variation of the Macarena, dancing in the ring with
Mascarita Sagrada.
* Mascarita Sagrada defeated Little Vader. Jim Cornette yelled at the mini
Vader after the match, causing all the midgets to gang up on him and
remove his (Cornette's) pants.

Hosted by Vince McMahon and Jerry "The King" Lawler.

- OWEN HART (w/ Clarence Mason) vs. MANKIND
This was another of their Toughman Matches, a concept which they've done
little to capitalize on, and even less to define to the fans. Owen
dominates the early portion of the match, using technical moves and
holds, while Mankind seems content to absorb the punishment. Mankind is
tossed to the floor. Owen follows and is tossed against the rail. Mankind
raps a plastic tray (used to hold soft drinks by the announcers) against
Owen's skull, then tosses him into the rail again. The action spills back
into the ring. After a brief flurry to regain control, Owen gets caught
coming off the top ropes by Mankind's Mandible Claw. Owen, however,
throws off the claw and lays in a reverse crescent kick. Owen then
charges Mankind in the corner, misses, and hits his shoulder on the post.
Mankind covers and gets the somewhat surprising pin.

- Shawn Michaels is shown in the lockerroom with Jose Lothario and Jose's
son, Pete.

- DOUG FURNAS/PHILIP LAFON vs. DIESEL/RAZOR RAMON
I've read a lot of people saying the new Razor and Diesel wrestle better
than the old ones. That isn't saying all that much. They do however work
well with Furnas and LaFon, showcasing those two's abilities. Furnas
takes down Razor with an impressive Frankensteiner. LaFon shows a variety
of suplexes and kicks, which worked at times to get the crowd into the
match (the best was an enzuguiri kick to the back of Diesel's head). The
duo eventually dumped Diesel out of the ring and nailed Razor with a
lariat off the top rope. Furnas covers for the pin.

The Honky Tonk Man was on hand again to deliver comments regarding his
search for a successor.

- Jim Ross interviewed Sycho Sid. Master... yaddayaddayadda... ruler of the
World... yaddayaddayadda. Shawn comes out and does a little barechested
dance on the announcer's table. Sid tells Shawn that he apologizes for
"what I'm gonna do... I won't be responsible." Shawn sits in for color
commentary, while Jose joins the Spanish crew.

- BRET "HITMAN" HART vs. VADER
Shawn says Bret drew first blood in their feud. He makes fun of Hart's
white boots. "Bret needs a victory here," says Mcmahon. "Of course he
needs a victory," Shawn says, "he doesn't need a loss."

Vader gets the first offensive series with his usual bear mauling in the
corner. Bret takes it to the floor and whips Vader into the steps. This
move looked really bad because vader did it in slow motion, clearly
lowering his shoulders and aiming his body to take the shot. Where the
Undertaker or Mankind would have hit the steps at knee level and toppled
over them, Vader slowed down and angled himself for the least painful
impact, and it was fairly obvious.

Back in the ring the momentum shifts back and forth. "Stone Cold" Steve
Austin is shown watching from the back. Vader nails a second rope splash.
He then sets up the Vaderbomb, teases a Vadersault, then goes back to
the Vaderbomb, only to be met by Hart's upraised knees. Hart takes over
and Shawn, familiar with Bret's routine, calls the Russian Legsweep a
split second before Hart uses it "... because it's the same all the
time!" Hart bodyslams Vader, then follows with the elbow off the second
rope, another signature move. Bret tries a pin, delivers a side suplex,
then tries another pin. Vader manages to whip Hart onto the ropes. Hart,
on the rebound, crossbody blocks Vader and the two go over the top rope
and tumble to the floor. the two trade blows, Hart getting the upper hand
with a headbutt. Suddenly Sid appears and accosts a cameraman. Sid drags
the cameraman away from the ring towards the back. Barely notied in this
is Steve Austin, who runs up and clips Hart from behind, then applies the
Stone Cold Stunner. Vader meanwhile is holding the ring steps aloft,
distracting the referee who has managed to miss everything. Austin slinks
away. Vader grabs Hart, drags him back to the ring, Vaderbombs him and
covers him for the upset pin.

Cut to the back where Sid has Jose Lothario's son, Pete, cornered. Sid
punches the 19 year old in the chest. Shawn throws down his headset and
rushes toward the back, Jose chugging not-so-closely behind. Sid
meanwhile hoists Pete in the air, then powerbombs him onto a table (which
looked like it was supposed to break, but didn't). By the time Shawn gets
there, Sid is long gone. Aiding Shawn are Jose, Savio Vega and Aldo
Montoya. Montoya is dressed in street clothes and is WEARING HIS MASK!
Does he sleep in the darn thing too?! Pete sells the powerbomb to
perfection, bouncing off the table and lying motionless on the floor.

- Next week's main event: ?

Comments: Other things probably shown on the show would have been a high-
lights package of Shotgun Saturday Night and clips of the Undertaker
Tombstone Piledriving Jim Cornette the previous Sunday on Superstars.
Overall, it looks to have been a decent installment this week. I just wish
I'd taped it.

WCW Monday Nitro:

HOUR ONE: Hosted by Tony Schiavone & Larry Zbyszko.

- GLACIER vs. BOBBY EATON
This is a good time for a bathroom break.

*zip*
*tinkletinkletinkletinkletinkletinkle*
*aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!*
*[shake]*
*zip*

Upon watching the replay, I learn that Glacier won. Glacier is mighty.
Glacier is invincible. Glacier is a powerhouse... a force to be
reckoned with. Oh wondrous Glacier, show us the way!

- Clips of the Konan/Big Bubba situation, leading up to this week's match.

- BIG BUBBA vs. KONAN (w/ Jimmy Hart)
A strap match. Someone call up Wahoo McDaniel and find out how to do one
of these matches, please? This has become the most formulaic of mtches.
What's worse, the referee screwed this one up. Bubba gets his shot at the
first three turnbuckles, but is stopped before the fourth. Konan does it
twice. The match wraps up with Konan hitting three turnbuckles. Bubba is
on his back on the mat and pulls Konan away from the fourth. Konan
stumble over to Bubba. Bubba kicks him, dropping Konan to the mat. This
should have broken Konan's attempt to win, but the ref doesn't give the
"wave-off" signal. Konan gets up and is again kicked by Bubba. This time
he flies back against the turnbuckle. The ref calls that the fourth touch
and declares Konan the winner. There's really only two rules to this type
of match, and they blew one of them.

- "Mean" Gene Okerlund interviews the Horsemen: Ric Flair, Arn Anderson,
Steve & Debra McMichael. Anderson asks Flair where Chris Benoit and Woman
are. Flair says that with Woman "being married to the Devil for ten
years, she deserves a night out!" Debra yet again runs down Woman, this
time calling her ugly and fat. She says Jeff Jarrett would make the
perfect addition as a replacement for Benoit. Jarret comes out at that
point. Jarrett asks Flair point blank if they want a "part time" Horseman
or a "full time" Horseman. Arn cuts him off by telling him he's no
Horseman, and that he'd better quit whining if he'd like to make the
team. Jarrett tells Arn that he deserves to be a Horseman, that Arn and
Benoit tried their best to put him down and fail. Jarrett then says the
most inflammatory thing one can imagine: "Arn... you've played second
fiddle your whole career... to-yes exactly, to Ole... to Tully... and to
this man... so I didn't come to talk to the horse's rear... I came to
talk to the main horse! Now Ric..." Arn slugs Jarrett, driving him
towards the ring as the crowd, realizing the huge mistake Jarrett has
just made, starts to go nuts. Arn tosses Jarret around, pounding on him,
and throws him in the ring. Jarrett tries to fight back, but Arn throws
him to the floor. Jarrett is slammed against the ring apron, then back
inside as Flair casually stands by, watching and enjoying the moment. The
crowd chants for the DDT. Arn climbs back in after him and goes to pick
him up. Jarret surprises Arn with a swinging neckbreaker that came from
nowhere. Jarret covers him, planting his feet on the ropes for leverage.
The referee, who has stood by and watched all this, for some reason drops
and makes a three count, giving Jarrett a shocking surprise pinfall over
Arn. All the Horsemen fill the ring. Flair gives the ref a second of
grief, then corners Jarrett, but not before Debra can stand in the way.
"What are you doing?" Flair asks. Debra tries to explain that Jarrett has
just proven himself worthy. Flair grabs Debra's arm, causing Mongo to
push Flair aside. "Hey, that's my wife!" Flair is starting to boil. He
tears off his jacket, then hops around like an elf. He bounces from rope
to rope as Mongo places himself in front of Debra. Arn is yelling at
Jarrett. Flair is yelling at Jarrett. Debra yells at Flair. Flair yells
at Debra. Mongo yells at Flair. Arn yells at Mongo. Cooler heads start to
prevail, though Arn does come up with Mongo's silver briefcase and takes
a long look at the skull of McMichael (the ref pulls the briefcase away,
no doubt dashing the hopes of thousands of Steve McMichael haters). The
three Horsemen confab for a moment. Flair extends a hand to Jarrett, then
the two strut into the corner. Jarrett stands on the corner ropes facing
the crowd. Arn tries to slip up behind him, but Flair cuts him off. Arn
finally says "the Hell with it!" and leaves the ring. The rest of the
Horsemen filter out of the ring as Tony Schiavone declares that women may
have finally brought about the downfall of the Four Horsemen.

This was hot, hot, hot, and easily the highlight of the show.

- DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE vs. LORD STEVEN REGAL
Page doesn't show. Regal comes out to the theme from "Masterpiece
Theatre." Page is replaced by...

"HACKSAW" JIM DUGGAN vs. LORD STEVEN REGAL
Duggan comes out to a huge ovation. Amazing, just amazing. Eric Bischoff,
Kevin Nash and Syxx come out to the announcer's booth. Duggan, who just
may have lost a few pounds recently, shows a little spirit, and a
spellbinding proficiency with the clothesline. Bischoff says Page is
currently being signed by the NWO, thus his absence. Syxx, who has a
history of problems speaking in public, stutters his way through some
inane chatter. Bischoff says the NWO is looking for a "Ms. NWO," and
gives an address for women to send in photos. Per Syxx, no "fat chicks"
or "heinous broads" need apply. Bishcoff also mentions the 30 day
deadline, saying that for anyone who hasn't signed with the NWO,-it's too
late-they're stuck in WCW. He says WCW won't be getting any new talent
because all new wrestlers have to be signed by Bischoff. He says he's
just signed a major candidate for the NWO, and that we'll see him in the
near future. He also tells Randy Savage to stop calling him. "Enjoy your
retirement, or go to whatever rinky-dink organization you need to find
work with because buddy, it ain't happening here!" Someone then does a
Macho Man imitation (that sounds more like Hogan) rooting Duggan on.

As to the match itself, Duggan does well considering he can't wrestle.
He actually gets Regal reeling, then pulls out the roll of tape and
wraps his fist. Down goes Regal before Duggan's mighty fist. Duggan
covers for the pin, but the time limit expires before the ref can make
the count. This match apparently has squashed a persisting rumor that
Duggan had left for the WWF.

- HUGH MORRUS vs. JIM POWERS (w/ Teddy Long)
Morrus wins via moonsault, following a string of power moves by both men.
Lex Luger would have been right at home in this match. The show, by this
point, was showing all signs of ultimately being a real stinkeroo.

HOUR TWO: Hosted by Tony Schiavone, Bobby "The Brain" Heenan and Mike Tenay.

- Recap of the events involving the Horsemen earlier in the show.

- REY MYSTERIO JR. vs. PSYCHOSIS
After the usual flurry of switches to start things off, Psychosis
hip tosses Mysterio out of the ring. Psychosis then goes to follow up
with a springboard moonsault, but fails to get any spring and drops
straight down to the apron, striking his shoulder hard, then slumping to
the floor. Mysterio moves in, tossing Psychosis back into the ring. Mike
Tenay announces that Jushin Thunder Liger beat Ultimo Dragon in Japan
the previous week, thus claiming eight of Dragon's nine lightweight title
belts (Liger's reward for not dying, apparently). Dragon retained the WCW
Cruiserweight Title however, because the match was signed before Dragon
won that belt from Dean Malenko. Mysterio meanwhile has climbed the ropes
and tries a springboard splash, but is stopped in midair by a dropkick
from Psychosis. Psychosis nails a spinning leg kick from the top.
Mysterio kicks out of the cover attempt. Psychosis then drapes Rey's neck
over the bottom rope and drops a guillotine legdrop on the apron. Rey
tumbles to the floor. Psychosis bounces off the opposite ropes and
delivers a sliding kick, driving Mysterio into the railing. Psychosis
then goes up top, loses his balance for a moment, and tries a splash, or
perhaps an axehandle shot. Mysterio moves and Psychosis hits the railing.
Mysterio lines up for a tope, but Psychosis moves. Rey holds on and spins
between the ropes, staying in the ring. Rey then runs into the corner and
does a senton from the second rope inside the ring to the floor (which
seems to have become the new hot move these days). Both men make it back
into the ring. Rey hits a head scissors (Psychosis' head between
Mysterio's knees) rolled forward into a pin attempt. Psychosis kicks out.
Psychosis comes back with a bodyslam followed by a legdrop off the top.
Mysterio kicks out of the pin. Psychosis lays in a powerbomb. Rey puts
his foot on th rope to break the pinfall. Psychosis throws him against
the ropes and tries another powerbomb, but Rey goes over and rolls him up
for a pin attempt, which Psychosis escapes. Rey is whipped into the
ropes, ducks a clothes line, then an elbow, then vaults over the ropes
onto the apron. Psychosis charges in after him, leaps, leading with his
ass. Mysterio moves and Psychosis bounces off the ropes to the mat.
Mysterio waits as the stunned Psychosis gets up, then Rey does a picture
perfect springboard huracanrana tucked into a pin for the win.

This was clearly the match of the night.

- KEVIN SULLIVAN vs. CHAVO GUERRERO JR.
Sullivan murders Guerrero, slapping him around like a grizzly with a
river salmon. They show clips of Sullivan busting a wooden chair over
Chris Benoit's head.

- A clip of Piper from last week is shown. This is a continuous shot of
Piper being loaded onto a stretcher, then rolled out to the ambulance.
Piper exclaims "Awagabagmaguwugguh! Meyameougguhwugguh!"

- "DAS WUNDERKIND" ALEX WRIGHT vs. EDDIE GUERRERO
Dropkickathon '97, followed by RestholdMania. Syxx comes out wearing
Guerrero's U.S. Title belt and carrying a ladder, on which he sits,
watching the match. Wright is described by Schiavone, incredibly enough,
as a "top contender for all titles... consistently in the Top Ten
rankings... and in the top fifteen for the U.S. Title." Wright gets in
a little offense, but Guerrero finishes him off with a suplex off the top
rope, followed by a Frog Splash. Syxx heads for the hills before Guerrero
can reach the ladder.

- Lee Marshall phones in from New Orleans.

- THE AMAZING FRENCH CANADIANS (w/ Col. Parker) vs. HARLEM HEAT (w/Sherri)
I really don't want to do a play-by-play of this one, mostly because
nothing much happened. The WWF gets flak for the lack of depth in their
tag team division. WCW is only barely better, featuring the same few
matches over and over. Jacques Rougeau and Booker T. take the brunt of the
punishment in each team's respective turns at double teaming. End comes
when Carl tries to knock out one of the Heat with the French/Canadian
flag, but nails Rougeau with it instead. The heat then finish him off with
the Harlem Hangover.

Tony announces that Hulk Hogan has arrived in the building. It's unknown
whether or not The Giant is there also.

- Clips shown of the Lex Luger/Sting/Giant situation involving the baseball
bat at Starrcade.

- "THE TOTAL PACKAGE" LEX LUGER vs. MENG
Typical Luger match: he gets the piss beat out of him, makes a miraculous
recovery and slaps Meng in the Torture Rack. The ref gets knocked out
by Meng's boot as Luger whips him around. Enter the Barbarian, who is
himself quickly hoisted into the Rack. The ref, groggily returning to his
feet, accepts the Barbarian's cries of submission and declares Luger the
winner.

- The entire New World Order comes out (with the exception of Scott Hall).
Bischoff gets on the mic and he and Hogan make fun of the Giant. Out he
comes to set things straight. It's The Giant vs. the entire NWO. Nash
makes the first move (cutting off Hogan) and is met by a chokeslam, which
sends him over the toop rope to the floor. Big Bubba rushes in and gets
choked aside. Scott Norton chews on an elbow. Syxx is thrown like a rag
doll. Marcus Bagwell and the NWO Sting try a double team and are
simultaneously tossed aside. M. Wallstreet gets dropped to the mat.
Vincent is thrown across the ring. Nick Patrick is hoisted in the air and
dropped to the floor, where Scott Norton is waiting to catch him (but he
misses and Patrick lands solidly on his rump). Bobby Heenan yells "C'mon
'Thunderlips'... let's see what you're made of!" Only Hogan and Bischoff
remain. Hogan tries a punch, but The Giant catches it, driving Hogan down
to his knees. Eric Bischoff, seeing his meal ticket about to go down,
tries a few shots to The Giant's back, which have no effect. The Giant
drops Hogan and grabs Bischoff. This allows Hogan time to retrieve a steel
chair, which he uses on The Giant's back. The entire NWO refill the ring
and pound The Giant to the mat, leaving him in a puddle of his former
self. He's even held up so that Bischoff can lay in a kick to the jaw.
(Bischoff studied martial arts here in Minnesota. That and 50 cents will
get him a cup of coffee).They then exit the ring and invade the
announcer's desk (Heenan escapes by vaulting over the desk). An impromptu
chorus of "We are the Champions" breaks out.

Next we see Sting with baseball bat striding towards the ring. Nash says
he got a Christmascard from Sting, so he knows that he's NWO. Sting enters
the ring and whispers something to The Giant. He then points towards the
NWO and exits the ring, leaving the bat behind. Vincent is dispatched to
retrieve the bat and do some more damage to The Giant. Vincent kicks the
large carcass a few time, then poses with his boot on The Giant's chest.
As expected, The Giant recovers and chokeslams Vincent. The NWO rush back
to the ring, but are held at bay by The Giant wildly swinging the bat.

- Next week's main event: None announced.

Comments: The Horsemen segment was great. The Mysterio/Psychosis match was
good. The end of the show was okay. The entire rest sucked. That's about
all that I can think to say.

Bottom line: Here's the near complete lineup for the Royal Rumble:

* Rocky Maivia. * Flash Funk.
* British Bulldog. * Hunter Hearst Helmsley.
* Mil Mascaras. * Henry O. Godwin.
* Diesel. * The Sultan.
* Bret "Hitman" Hart. * Goldust.
* Cibernetico. * Savio Vega.
* Ahmed Johnson. * "Wildman" Marc Mero.
* Razor Ramon. * "Stone Cold" Steve Austin.
* Mankind. * Pierroth.
* The Undertaker. * "Double J" Jesse James.
* Crush. * Owen hart.
* Latin Lover. * Faarooq.
* Bart Gunn. * The Executioner.
* Vader. * Terry Funk.
* One yet to be named. * One to be revealed at the Rumble.

* Shawn Michaels vs. Sid for the World Title.
* Goldust vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley for the Intercontinental Title.
* Ahmed Johnson vs. Faarooq.
* The Untertaker vs. Vader.
* Hector Garza Jr./Perro Aguayo/El Canek vs.
Heavy Metal/Jerry Estrada/Fuerza Guerrera.

The final Rumble entrant is supposed to be a secret until the Rumble itself.
Randy Savage and the Ultimate Warrior can be eliminated as possibilities,
based on comments by Jim Ross on the 1/4 and 1/11 editions of Live Wire
(though Bischoff's comments on Nitro would seem to indicate that Savage
could be making the jump). Terry Funk's participation was officially
announced on the 1/11 Live Wire. Last year the Free For All featured a match
where two Rumble entrants fought; the winner got the 30th spot in the Rumble
(and was thus the last man to enter the ring) while the loser had to be the
first to enter. The WWF hasn't said if they will do this again this year. (I
hope they do, it's actually a pretty good idea).

Also mentioned on the 1/11 Live Wire was an odd plug for an upcoming WWF
tour card in Lowell, Massachussetts on Thursday, February 13th. They made a
point of saying this was a major event, and that the World Title would be on
the line. Could the WWF maybe be planning a title change at a house show?
Perhaps Sid will win after all at the Rumble, throwing everybody off, then
he goes on to lose it in Lowell. If that's the case, then just about anyone
could win the Rumble. My own feeling of late has been that Sid would hold
on to the belt, while the Undertaker wins the Rumble, setting up Sid vs.
Undertaker at WrestleMania. Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels would still be
built up as the "other" main event. At this point though I wouldn't even
rule out the possibility that Steve Austin wins the Rumble, and Bret wins
the belt sometime before WrestleMania. That would give us Austin/Hart, while
Shawn was busy feuding with Sid for the next few months, perhaps culminating
in a cage match. The only thing I think we can be certain of is the idea
that the WWF really wants to surprise the fans and keep them guessing.

WCW's march to "Souled Out" on the other hand hasn't done anything for me
yet. Hogan vs. Giant was before, and will be again, a terrible match. Are
the Steiners healthy enough to carry Hall & Nash to a good match? Neither
Guerrero nor Syxx are proven ladder match contenders. If anything, Syxx has
looked terrible the last year, his repetoire being reduced to an assortment
of sloppy kicks. The ladder gimmick only works if both guys have an idea
what to do with it. (And let's not forget that WCW is jumping on the ladder
bandwagon two years too late). Being optimistic, I'd say this PPV reminds me
of Hog Wild. We could see some decent wrestling on the midcard with a big
surprise at the end. That's where Hog Wild failed to pay off: the surprise
at the end flopped. Given the recent finishes on Nitro, the PPV would have
to go pretty far to top them. My bet is that either Curt Hennig finally
arrives, or the Sting sitution is resolved. Anything less than that could
make the PPV average, and possibly hurt the next PPV, SuperBrawl, which WCW
is already trying to build up as a WrestleMania caliber show.

WCW will be live on TBS Tuesday, the 21st, with another Clash of the
Champions. This is part of a big week in wrestling. The Rumble is on Sunday
the 19th. Both RAW and Nitro will be live the following night. Then the Clash
on Tuesday. The week ends with the NWO "Souled Out" that Saturday, the 25th.

I don't think I've previously mentioned it: the NWO has their own website
at "www.NWOwrestling.com" and is now included at the bottom of the screen
during any NWO-related promos.

To those interested in the new TV ratings system, both RAW and Nitro were
rated TVPG.

This week's winner: RAW.

JRP

John Petrie
pet...@uslink.net
Slobberknocker Central
http://www.uslink.net/~petrie/index.html