What's average?
DMcDon...@rvdc.unisys.com
Posted Date: Mon Mar 28, 1994 3:47 PM
Barry Sperling asks:
> What can the average juggler do ...?
THE AVERAGE JUGGLER
With a carefree air and a casual smile, a fluid, flowing, cat-like grace, and
an easy manner, the Average Juggler plies his trade. He is a poet, a
statesman, a dancer, and a con artist. He is above average at darts. His
lightning reflexes and dazzling speed make him a natural computer
programmer. Many times he is mistaken for that guy on TV.
The Average Juggler wears many hats, in a day when hats are completely out of
style (except in baseball and yacht racing). He is an avid bicycle
mechanic. His three ball moves have the polished look of old walnut
furniture. The Average Juggler knows all the words. He recovers gracefully
from drops by using classic diversion. Squid. He has read "Juggling for the
Complete Klutz" and liked the pictures.
The Average Juggler has traveled the world and still tells knock-knock
jokes. He understands siteswap, but prefers linguini. He likes Coke over
Pepsi, chicken over beef, modified ordinal over Kappel, and sour cream on
potatoes. He said No with Nancy for eight years but now he's saying How Much
For The Whole Frotting Bag? He can kick up hot dogs into his five-bun
pattern.
The Average Juggler made a name for himself on the street, but kept confusing
it with the name his parents gave him and eventually dropped it. He was once
accused of shooting the deputy, but was later acquited. Codependent no more,
he spends his summers roaming the midwest United States with a band of
dysfunctional pirates, looking for water. His seductive and somnambular
interpretation of "Civil Disobedience" in mime won critical acclaim among pet
store owners everywhere.
He can balance pencil lead on his shoulder. His performances are set to his
own original musical scores. This lends depth and complexity to the tricks
he's learned from Ernest's book. The Average Juggler cooks for himself. He
has learned to appreciate the subtlties of professional wrestling. His clubs
are Renegades.
The Average Juggler manipulates balls, clubs, beanbags, devil sticks,
diabolos, shaker cups, produce, hats, cigar boxes, cigars, playing cards,
coins, unicycles, slinkys, flowerpots, bullwhips, lassos, MOTOS, and eats
fire. He is part man, part myth, part legend, wanted in eight states, and is
99% cholesterol free. He may be a she.
And if he expects to make any money at it, he'd better be funny.
Peace,
-McD
(.sig wondering if we can define Average Juggler before we're done defining
Juggler... oh no, not again...)
Andrew John Conway
> ...
> So tell me, what's average?
> Barry
>
The average juggler can juggle 4.75 balls or 3.8 clubs and has
1.45 testicles.[1] The average juggler is in fact a regular
contributer to rec.juggling and unless and for a suitable
consideration I could be persuaded to reveal his/her name.
[1] But not in Tonga
Andrew
con...@cup.portal.com
"The more people do it, the less weird we look."
Andrew Conway quoted in Sunset magazine
labe...@minnie.hollins.edu
chris (ac1...@sunc.sheffield.ac.uk) writes that the average juggler has
2 testicles and is stared at when talking about keeping 3 balls in the
air, and that testicles = balls.
well, i have to disagree. i have balls, but not testicles. although i
do get strange looks when i talk about my balls....
Z
Alan Morgan
labe...@MINNIE.HOLLINS.EDU writes:
Just remember: It's not the size of your equipment - it's how long you
can keep it up that counts.
To further the parallel: Juggling is like sex. Must of us learn by
ourselves but later find out it is more fun with two. Or three.
Alan
----
.sig can't believe he actually said that.
Mark Olson
> Just remember: It's not the size of your equipment - it's how long you
> can keep it up that counts.
>
> To further the parallel: Juggling is like sex. Must of us learn by
> ourselves but later find out it is more fun with two. Or three.
>
Or, with everyone, a feast! groan.
--
Mark Olson || Mark_...@sterling.com -or- uunet!sparky!marko
labe...@minnie.hollins.edu
where did i go wrong? *sob, sob* i merely wanted to point out that not
all neverthrivings consist of solely men, that there are some average
juggling women.......who don't have testicles. now i get this parallel
with sex?
Z
i won't be bothered with message id's or cap. hehehe...
Andrew John Conway
> ...
>I'm convinced that I'm the most average juggler in the world.
>
>In fact the average juggler can manage 3 balls (or 4 on a good day with
>a tail wind), although after a couple of beers he can't even find the balls
>let alone juggle 'em. He can do 1 club (notice how few *real* jugglers
>ever quote their one-club stats??) and definitely has 2 testicles.
> ...
Your desire to be an average juggler has been noted. However,
as has been pointed out elsewhere, you have far too many testicles
to qualify. This can be corrected. My agents will be in touch
with you to arrange for the operation as soon as a suitable ovary
doner can be found.
Andrew
con...@cup.portal.com
.sig planning a vacation in Tonga