Some tasteless lawyer jokes
David Isaacs
A: A good start!
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
Q: What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead
lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the snake.
Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
A1: Take your foot off his head.
A2: No ... GOOD!
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
A: The bucket.
Q: What is the definition of a shame ( as in "that's a shame")?
A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
Q: What is the definition of a crying shame?
A: There was an empty seat.
Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
A: Stick his bill up his ass.
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.
Q: Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
A: From chasing parked ambulances.
Q: Where can you find a good lawyer?
A: In the cemetary.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
A: A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A: A vampire only sucks blood at night.
Q: Why do lawyers wear neckties?
A: To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
A: When a rooster wakes up, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle.
Finally:
What is the difference between a catfish and an attorney?
One is a scum-sucking, garbage eating, bottom-licker and the other is a
fish.
Jeffrey Saul Feldman
1) Lawyers don't think they're funny.
2) No one else thinks they're jokes.
Litigiously Yours,
J. S. Feldman
Law Student
Absurdity Aficionado
GIBBS
A: The necktie
Karl Underwood
I'd study something else if I were you, the problem with your reply is threefold:
1) Lawyers do think they're funny.
2) Everyone else thinks they're funny.
3) A decent lawyer would have convinced us they weren't funny.
--
Karl Underwood.
Ken Hoehn
>As it is well known, the problem with lawyer jokes is twofold:
> 1) Lawyers don't think they're funny.
> 2) No one else thinks they're jokes.
Oh, Mr. Feldman, we beg to differ! Attorneys, most being the pond scum
that they are, are a fine target for we, their prey. Soon, you will join
the lurid ranks, and we will include you too!
Only an attorney, or one in 'training' would try to tell a group of
people that are laughing that something isn't funny!
--
ke...@w8hd.org
Ken Hoehn - Teletech, Inc. Compuserve: 70007,2374
N8NYO P.O.Box 924 FAX: (313) 562-8612
Dearborn, MI 48121 VOICE: (313) 562-6873