Humorous Unix commands
Jimbo Harris
humourous results. I'm looking for a list of them, or perhaps just replies
in this newsgroup.
Things like:
% make fire
% why not?
% How's my lovemaking?
etc.
Jinx
Isaac Soundararaj
: Okay, help me out here... There are any number of Unix commands that return
% make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.
% sleep with me
sleep: bad character
Joanna Salgado
Really? Mine says:
make: Fatal error: Don't know how to make target `love'
Master of the Real World
% have a light?
% ^How did the sex change^ operation go?
% man: why did you get a divorce?
% rm Federal-Deficit
% "How would you rate this thing called reality?
% If I had a ( for every $ Congress spent, what would I have?
% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
That is all I have got.
Adam E. Schwartz
: Okay, help me out here... There are any number of Unix commands that return
: humourous results. I'm looking for a list of them, or perhaps just replies
How about:
% make love
not war?
I've heard that some older Unix systems will reply with this. I think
it's written up in the jargon file.
--Adam
--
+~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~+
| Adam Schwartz | W: 919-515-5424 |
| ad...@ncsu.edu | (Raleigh, NC) |
+~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~+
veenstra christopher
: Okay, help me out here... There are any number of Unix commands that return
maintainer of the canonical list of unix error messages, so here they are:
(enjoy) ;-)
_/_/_/_/ _/ _/ _/_/_/ _/ _/_/_/_/
_/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/
_/ _/_/_/_/ _/_/_/ _/ _/_/_/_/
_/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/
_/_/_/_/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/_/_/_/
Chris Veenstra
veen...@mach1.wlu.ca
Note that the '%' prompt indicates the C shell, while the '$' prompt
indicates the Bourne shell. Go ahead and try some ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
% rm meese-ethics
rm: meese-ethics nonexistent
% ar m God
ar: God does not exist
% "How would you rate Quayle's incompetence?
Unmatched ".
% ^How did the sex change^ operation go?
Modifier failed.
% If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent, what would I have?
Too many ('s.
% make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.
% sleep with me
bad character
% got a light?
No match.
% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.
% ^What is saccharine?
Bad substitute.
% %blow
%blow: No such job.
% \(-
(-: Command not found.
$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!
$ drink <bottle; opener
bottle: cannot open
opener: not found
$ mkdir matter; cat >matter
matter: cannot create
veenstra christopher
: >% make love
: >Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.
:
: Really? Mine says:
:
: make: Fatal error: Don't know how to make target `love'
:
: >% sleep with me
: >sleep: bad character
:
Well, just remember that not all unix systems are created equal. It could
be that you are using one different from the two mentioned in the canonical
list of unix commands. I know the ones for the Bourne shell work, as well
as a few of the C-shell ones (I'm using the Bourne shell). There are some
systems that these don't work for, such as the SunOS. Here's the list, I
think there are a few that work alright.
Enjoy
_/_/_/_/ _/ _/ _/_/_/ _/ _/_/_/_/
_/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/
_/ _/_/_/_/ _/_/_/ _/ _/_/_/_/
_/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/
_/_/_/_/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/ _/_/_/_/
Chris Veenstra
veen...@mach1.wlu.ca
Note that the '%' prompt indicates the C shell, while the '$' prompt
indicates the Bourne shell. Go ahead and try some ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
% rm meese-ethics
rm: meese-ethics nonexistent
% ar m God
ar: God does not exist
% "How would you rate Quayle's incompetence?
Unmatched ".
% ^How did the sex change^ operation go?
Modifier failed.
% If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent, what would I have?
Too many ('s.
% make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.
% sleep with me
bad character
% got a light?
No match.
% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.
% ^What is saccharine?
Bad substitute.
% %blow
%blow: No such job.
% \(-
(-: Command not found.
$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!
$ drink <bottle; opener
bottle: cannot open
opener: not found
$ mkdir matter; cat >matter
matter: cannot create
$ cat food
cat: cannot open food
Jimbo Harris
the list (without the corresponding answers returned by Unix). Some of the
commands aren't nearly as funny depending upon which version of Unix you
are running (ie some of them don't work under SunOS, which is where I
tried them), but here goes anyway...
Jinx
ji...@statsci.com
-----
% make fire
% why not?
% cd /tmp
% touch this; chmod 000 this
% ln -s /usr/bin/touch U
% U this
% touch me
% chmod 000 me
% touch me
% gotta light?
% How's my lovemaking?
% "How would you rate Bush's incompetence?
% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
% [Where is my brain?
% ^How did the sex change^ operation go?
% sleep with me
% lost
% If I had a ( for every $ Congress spent, what would I have?
% %blow
% \(-
% mkdir yellow_pages; cat > yellow_pages
% mkdir matter; cat >matter
% ar m God
% rm God
% ar r God
% ar x "my love life"
% ar x "matey, the treasure"
% rm Quayle-brains
% rm meese-ethics
% ^What is saccharine?
% drink <bottle; opener
% alias alias alias
% Unmatched ".
% write desert
% !bluemoon
% !1984
% scan for <<"Arnold Schwarzenegger"^J^D
% cat catfood
% cat "food in cans"
% cat 'the can of tuna'
% cat "door: paws too slippery"
% talk Gorvachev@Kremlin
% talk Comrade Khruchev
% make war
% make love
% make "bottle open"
% make "heads or tails of all this"
% make mistake
% make sense
% nice man woman
% man: Why did you get a divorce?
% man you
% man woman
% man -kisses dog
% sh
$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
Andrzej Zaleski
>In article Isaac Soundararaj writes:
>>% make love
>>Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.
>
>Really? Mine says:
>make: Fatal error: Don't know how to make target `love'
True.
ULTRIX V4.1 (Rev. 52) (gmuvax2.gmu.edu) VAX 8530
gmuvax2> make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.
SunOS:OS/MP 4.1A.3 Export(BASS.GMU.EDU/root)#0: Sat Jan 30 11:06:01 1993
bass% make love
make: Fatal error: Don't know how to make target `love'
SO DISAPPOINTED !!! :-)