Flores in the First Round
CHARLES C HWA
Mike Flores in the First Round
(also known as the Ballad of Mighty Flores)
[WARNING- THIS IS A LONG POST- TDC HAS DULY WARNED YOU]
So Mike Flores, being his enlightened self, is in the first round of a
local tourney. He looks to his left. There are 4 people he has never met
before, as well as two he knows. Alan Lin, better known for his efforts
at "COM-BO", and Christian, who is the bane of TDC, beating TDC members
not once but twice in the last 2 local tourneys.
He looks to his right. Dominating his vision is Al "King Consult" Tran,
who has three mysterious dark shadows draped over his left shoulder. He
also finds Elliot Fertik, white weenie(w/ freewind falcon =P) maestro and
former bane of TDC, who until recently had collected the largest bounty on
TDC DCI PTS.(haha.)(really.)(laugh.)(now.). He made some quick
calculations, a mental note here and there, and came up with the following
conclusion: to his great dismay, if he won all 5 games, he would collect
all of 5 DCI points.
"I can live with this. I'm a good playa. Not only that, I'm playing black
weenie with 22 land! I can't possibly get manascrewed. I have deck
advantage over everyone, I don't see any sligh, just a bunch of dumb
green, which I pumped up in the newsgroup just for this occasion." Quite
confident, he called out to the judge his DCI number.
(DCI number masked for clerical purposes)
THE BALLAD OF MIGHTY FLORES
Fourteen-eight-one-two-four* Mike Flores called out
Strong, confindent, mighty,
Some would say a shout.
"I came to win points from you all this fine day,"
And back roared the crowd:
"Our HERO, hooray!"
The judge made the pairings and what did Mike see?
But "King Consult" Tran sitting
Shuffling with ease.
"Judge, Judge!" he cried, wondering why it was so,
That he must always play playa's
Instead of Joe Blow.
"It was random!" the judge claimed, concealing a giggle;
As he loved to see Flores
Fidget and wiggle.
Flores scoffed at the Judge, "Just see if I care!
I will beat Al Tran down
Since I am STRONG JUST LIKE BEAR!"
So the first round did start, and Mike won the toss.
GOD DAMNIT ONE LAND ONLY
Mike imagined a loss.
Al Tran dropped a swamp and what hell did Mike see?
Dark Ritual, Necropotence,
On turn one not turn three!
The beatdown commenced, snakes, golems the works,
In a stupor, Mike agonized,
Over memories that lurk.
In very short order, his deck was real screwed,
Mike vowed to comeback
Though his crowd was subdued.
Game two started badly with Mike yelling "Fuck!
How does someone get mana-screwed twice
Where's my luck?
I go to church like a good guy, I don't mess around,
While Al Tran here takes Lim-Dul
All around town!"
He put down his painland, calming down, fighting back,
But Al Tran had other things
planned down this track.
He said "Swamp and Dark Ritual, Necropotence for you!
I draw 19 cards, all while
You're MANA-SCREWED!"
So Flores took a loss, his ranking was slain,
The King and his Dark Friends
Had won once again.
"It's not over," Flores cried, "I still have a chance!
If I go undefeated,
I might yet still advance!"
So he shook out his nerves, and went down the bracket,
And seeing Alan Lin
He knew he could hack it.
As Alan played green and what chance did that have?
Against Perish and Nekrataal,
1-1 in the bag!
But the crowd was real quiet, the spectators quite grim,
For they knew fate was fickle
And Mike's chances quite thin.
Death awaited each draw, and with sticky sleeves in to boot,
Mana clumping ineveitable,
His skills pointless and moot.
Flores drew up to seven, seeing only 1 land,
"How could this happen!" he thought shuddering,
dropping his hand.
He picked up his cards, Flores determined to fight,
"At least you have no Necropotence
To temper my might!"
"Ah, you are right," Alan stated, with glee in his eyes,
"But I have many creatures,
And it's in they you shall fry-
Your life total is tiny, only twenty, boo-hoo!
With no way to gain life,
It is curtains for you!"
The crowd was nervous and jittery, beginning to gripe,
"Not a game won yet Flores,
Where exactly's your might?
We thought you were awesome, you said STRONG LIKE BEAR!
We think WEAK LIKE CHICKEN, you should say
To be fair."
Flores ignored the critiques and the jeers with a flair,
For he was a Pro-
And Pro's never dispaired.
Pile Shuffles, Riffles, everything in his hat,
He pulled all the stops:
It was Flores, at the bat.
Drawing one card, two cards, three and then four;
He saw swamp on the fifth one,
And then nothing more.
"Oh Lord, Oh Father, Mr. Garfield I plead;
I have only one question,
Why have you forsaken me?"
No answer forthcoming, no thunderclap, nay;
Though holding three perishes, he was
One swamp away.
And with four manascrew fresh in his mind he proclaimed;
"How could this happen
In four consecutive games?!"
"It's statistically improbable, it just cannot be!
For all of these people to be
Better than me!
Manascrew is so stupid, I didn't really get to play.
In essence I came here to
Give points away."
0-2 he was mourning, his ranking was shot,
Ten bucks he had paid,
Negative ten was his lot.
So let this be a lesson to all of you now,
Who get Dojo decks, Ramen,
And tip over cows.
Winning is easy when you are a Pro,
top-decking, everything
Follows a flow.
But once in a while the numbers will fall against you,
Sometimes the Mana Gods just shall
Resent you.
Just remember it happens, and you can't always lead,
Or the Pro Tours would simply just
Go to a Swede.
Take it in stride, for it's only a game,
If it's just not your day, then hey,
That's a shame.
For it's better to play then to sit and lose faith,
This message has been brought to you
By the TDC Mates.
(www.seas.upenn.edu/~altran/tdc.html)
POWERFLO BOTTLEGNOMES- THE OFFICIAL DRINK OF TEAM DISCOVERY CHANNEL
TDC: BRINGING GOOD THINGS TO GOOD PEOPLE
Al Tran
Dude, the two games that Mike and I played against each other were the
only two games in the whole tournament where he _wasn't_ mana
screwed. He got me down to 6 (safely out of Burly Protector range) in
each game before I dealt a single point of damage. Of course, I ended
each game with 20+ life, but that's a different story. My wins over
Mike were legit. When Mike said these tourneys would be free DCI
points, he really meant free, didn't he?? =)
--
_____
/ /*\ \
-al |---------
(|()-()|)
+=-=-=-=-=+OOOOo-=-U-=-oOOOO-=-=-=-=-=-=+
|Al Tran |Lazarus Wombat Alpo Messiah |
+=-=-=-=-=+=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+
|e-mail |<alt...@seas.upenn.edu> |
| |<lazar...@aol.com> |
+=-=-=-=-=+=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+
Mana Flair
Truth doesn't matter,
it was a nice post at that.
The Burly protecter,
where was he at?
The mana was with Al Tran, Consultin' for Spite like da man.
Flores forgot the rules,
#1. Draw Land #2. Draw something besides land #3. Cause your opponent to
violate rule #1 or #2.
(As taken from, "The Rules", by Hashim Bello)
Manaflair...
>Dude, the two games that Mike and I played against each other were the
>only two games in the whole tournament where he _wasn't_ mana
>screwed. He got me down to 6 (safely out of Burly Protector range) in
>each game before I dealt a single point of damage. Of course, I ended
>each game with 20+ life, but that's a different story. My wins over
>Mike were legit. When Mike said these tourneys would be free DCI
>points, he really meant free, didn't he?? =)
>
>
>
Feel the synergy of power rushing through your veins. Don't get burned;
Mana isn't for the weak of heart. You've gotta have a flair for it; Wield
it; Then when the Mana Flares up, release it....Bello in raving agony, price
is almost paid.
Gault13
>Mike Flores in the First Round
>(also known as the Ballad of Mighty Flores)
(snip)
one of the best postings ever, thanx guys- chris