[LNH] Cute Anna, Crypt Looter #2: AAI: Above Average Intelligence
Martin Phipps
>http://www.eyrie.org/~thad/
Oops! I meant http://www.eyrie.org/~thad/phipps Sorry!
Martin
_________________________________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com.
Martin Phipps
John F. Kennedy Internet.ional Airport, Net.York, Loonited States of
Ame.rec.a,
"Imelda! Cute Anna! Over here!"
"Mommy! Ate!"
Two women, Princess Cute Anna and Imelda Narona passed through the
arrivals gate and walked over to where Deja Dude and his son, Michael, were
standing.
"Thanks, Cute Anna! I really appreciate you going to the Philippi.net and
picking her up!"
"No problem!" Cute Anna told him.
"Martin! My visa is only good for six months!" Imelda complained. "I
like you get me... what is it?... a green card?"
Deja Dude nodded. "It's all been taken care of. Do you have everything?"
The two women nodded.
"Very well then." Deja Dude snapped his fingers and the four of them
reappeared at...
Legion Headquarters
Michael looked out onto the lawn in front of Legion Headquarters.
There was quite a crowd gathering: seats had been provided for 201
Legionaires plus assorted independent heroes, mentors, sidekicks and
relatives. It was as though every hero in the Looniverse had come
to give their best wishes to the couple: there was U-Force, the
Legion of Substitute Heroes, Alt.Riders, the Alt.Ter.Net.Tives, the
Challengers of the Abominable, FISH.Force, Action League: New Brunswick,
the Misfits, the a.outSiders and the Team. The Good Guys weren't invited.
His father didn't like the idea of his old girlfriend, Julie Lee, showing
up and making a scene.
"What's going on?" Imelda asked.
Deja Dude got down on his knees. "Imelda, I'm sorry I left you behind in
the Philippi.net. I'm gratified that you're willing to come live with me
and Michael here in the Loonited States. Thing is, I don't want to repeat
an old mistake! I want our relationship to be something we can be proud of!
I want you to be able to hold your head up high and be able to tell
everyone you're Mrs. Imelda Phipps!"
"You mean--?"
"Yes. If you're willing, I'd like the two of us to get married!"
"Yes!" They embraced. The collective net.heroes applauded. "Are you
going to give me an engagement ring?"
"An engagement ring?" Deja Dude asked. "I don't think you understand.
I'd like the two of us to get married right now!"
"Right now?"
Deja Dude nodded. He turned to the crowd. "Is New Look Lass there?"
Organic Lass got up. "Nelly is currently missing in action," she said,
"but this dress is a New Look Lass original."
Deja Dude looked at the dress. He was deeply moved. "Ori... this is your
wedding dress."
Organic Lass turned to speak to Imelda. "Would you like to try it on?"
"Yes!" Imelda was thrilled and gave Organic Lass a big hug. "Thank you!"
Deja Dude nodded. "Alright then, you too go get the dress on and we'll be
waiting here."
Cute Anna was surprised by all of this. "Is this ceremony going to be
legal?"
"Absolutely!" Deja Dude told her. "I had Roster wReam handle all the
necessary paperwork."
"So who will be the best man and the bridesmaid?"
Deja Dude sighed. "I was going to ask you if you wanted to be the
bridesmaid but I think that will be up to Imelda. As for the best man, I
asked Kid Anarky to be the best man. He was the usher at the wedding of
Organic Lass and Pocket Man."
Cute Anna shrugged her shoulders. "I think Imelda will probably ask
Organic Lass to be her bridesmaid, what with her providing Imelda with her
dress for the ceremony. It's no skin off my nose."
Deja Dude smiled. "No problem then."
"I've got to admit though I'm really surprised to see you going through
with this."
Deja Dude grimaced. "Yeah, I know. I was a real ass back in Tibet.
Truth is, I don't usually plan things out in advance: I usually just make
things up as I go along and don't really think that much about consequences
at the time." He looked at his watch. "Anyway, I'm sure they'll be back in
a few minutes."
Half an hour later...
"There they are!" Cute Anna said.
"Finally!"
"Do you have a ring?"
Deja Dude nodded. "Right." He took a ring off his finger and gave it to
Michael. He then gave Michael a second ring which came out of his pocket.
"Just a minute!" Cute Anna looked at the ring that had come off of Deja
Dude's finger and read the inscription inside. "It says 'Imelda Narona
5-1-97'."
"Yes, I had the rings engraved with our names."
"But why were you already wearing the ring? And why the date '5-1-97'?"
Deja Dude sighed. "One day maybe I'll explain to you about the Real World
but right now it just isn't that important."
Cute Anna shrugged her shoulders. "Fair enough."
Imelda and Organic Lass were making their way up the aisle. Kid Anarky
got into place next to Deja Dude. Deja Dude looked at Imelda and sighed.
She really did look beautiful in Organic Lass' dress and make up. It really
was worth the wait. The two women approached the two men at the altar and
they all turned to face
Self-Righteous Preacher.
"Dearly beloved," began the preacher, "we are gathered here today to
witness the joyous union of this man and woman, who have expressed their
love for one another in a very real and morally acceptable manner. If
there is anyone present who can bear witness as to why these two should
not be joined in holy matrimony, let them speak now, or forever hold
their peace." There was silence. "Very well, then, would the couple like
to exchange vows?
Deja Dude looked at Imelda. "I want to try to make up for all the pain
I've put you through these past few years. I realise that it would take a
lifetime to make up for all that suffering but that's exactly what I am
offering you, the rest of my life. I promise to love, honour and cherish
you for the rest of my life, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer
and in sickness and in health, until death."
Imelda looked at Deja Dude. "It's okay. Me too. I promise to love,
honour and cherish you for the rest of my life, for better or for worse, for
richer or poorer and in sickness and health, like that. I've missed you,
Martin! I'm so happy to be here with you and your son!"
Self-Righteous Preacher nodded. These vows weren't exactly the most
touching vows he had ever heard but they were certainly to the point. "By
the power vested in me by the Lord Almighty Himself and the Comics Code
Authority, I now
pronounce you husband and wife! You may now kiss the bride."
Deja Dude and Imelda kissed.
Seeing his parents kiss for the first time he could remember, Michael
couldn't help but laugh. "Ha! Hahahaha. Hahahahahaha. Ha!"
The laughter sounded so strange that Deja Dude and Imelda also started
laughing. The laughter was contagious and soon half the crowd was laughing,
including Master Blaster. He turned to look at Sister State-the-Obvious,
who wasn't laughing.
"wReanna? What's wrong?"
"I didn't know how to tell you this," she began. "I'm pregnant."
"Pregnant?" Master Blaster may have been a cad once or twice (OK, on a
regular basis) over the past decade or so but he knew when to accept
responsibility. "Hold on! Preacher!" he said, getting up out of his chair.
"Would it alright with you if you performed another wedding right now,
while everyone is here?"
The Preacher was shocked. "I suppose so?"
Master Blaster called out to Roster wReam. "Hey, wReam! Is it OK?"
Roster wReam nodded. "I've got all the necessary paperwork ready. I can
just make copies."
Master Blaster looked at Sister State-the-Obvious. "OK?"
"Yes!" she said, enthusiastically. Master Blaster took Sister
State-the-Obvious' hand and helped her up. The couple then dashed up to the
altar.
"I hope you don't mind..." Master Blaster said.
"I don't mind," Deja Dude said. "Imelda?"
"No, no! Go ahead!"
Deja Dude and Imelda got out of the way and Master Blaster and Sister
State-the-Obvious stood in their place. They then realised, nervously, that
they didn't have rings. Deja Dude and Imelda graciously agreed to let them
use theirs, provided they gave the rings back as soon as they were done,
which meant that Master Blaster had to go buy wReanna a ring later.
"Sure, I'll do that!" Master Blaster said, agreeably.
"Are we ready then?" Self-Righteous Preacher asked.
They nodded.
The preacher cleared his throat. "Dearly beloved," began the preacher,
"we are gathered here today to witness the joyous union of this man and
woman, who have expressed their love for one another in a very real and
morally acceptable manner." He paused for a moment, not quite sure if what
he had said was true.
"If there is anyone present who can bear witness as to why these two should
not be joined in holy matrimony, let them speak now, or forever hold
their peace." There was silence. "Anyone at all? No? Very well, then,
would the couple like to exchange vows?
Master Blaster looked at Sister State-the-Obvious and then turned back to
the preacher. "I don't think so. I think we'll let you do the honours."
The preacher nodded. "Very well then, Robert Ramirez, do you take wReanna
Sculder to be your lawfully wedded wife? To love honour and cherish her?
To have and to hold? For better or for worse? For richer or poorer? In
sickness and in health from this day forward to death to you part?"
"I do!" he said.
"wReanna?"
"Yes! I do!"
The preacher sighed. "Very well then. By the power vested in me by the
Lord Almighty Himself and the Comics Code Authority, I now pronounce you
husband and wife! You may now kiss the bride."
Master Blaster and Sister State-the-Obvious kissed firmly. They exchanged
tongues. The preacher thought he was going to be sick. "Alright, that's
enough!"
Master Blaster took Sister State-the-Obvious by the hand. "Let's get out
of here!" he said.
"I'm happy!" a beaming Sister State-the-Obvious said. They went back up
the aisle and into Legion Headquaters leaving the assembled net.heroes to
imagine what was going to happen next between them.
The preacher was in a foul mood. He was convinced that Master Blaster and
Sister State-the-Obvious had just made a mockery of this sacred ceremony.
"Anyone else want to get married?" he asked, with dripping sarcasm.
Innovative Offense Boy looked at Ordinary Lady who nodded back at him.
"Sure!" he said. "Why the hell not?"
The preacher groaned.
Finally, the guests, who were starting to get really hungry, made their
way to the buffet table. All in all, there were five weddings that day.
"I'm happy for Browsing Boy and Linguist Lass," Sarcastic Lad said, "but I
couldn't believe it when aLLiterative Lass, the hot little number that she
is, married Cheesecake Eater Lad. Eww! Talk about four weddings and a
funeral!"
Irony Man smiled. "That's funny. Really, though, do you know what else I
find amusing about all this?"
"What's that?"
"The fact that, with all these weddings taking place at the same time,
that LNH headquarters will be overrun with teenagers in fifteen years or
so."
"Oh!" Sarcastic Lad said. "That _is_ a scary thought!"
THE END
I'm not going to do the (c) thing. Just go to
http://www.eyrie.org/lnh/roster/
Also, if you want to see some REAL wedding pictures go to
http://www.eyrie.org/~thad/
Martin "Deja Dude" Phipps
Martin Phipps
Legion Headquarters
Half an hour later...
"I'm happy!" a beaming Sister State-the-Obvious said. They gave Deja Dude
and Imelda back their rings, went back up the aisle and into Legion
Headquarters leaving the assembled net.heroes to imagine what was going to
happen next between them.
The preacher was in a foul mood. He was convinced that Master Blaster and
Sister State-the-Obvious had just made a mockery of this sacred ceremony.
"Anyone else want to get married?" he asked, with dripping sarcasm.
Innovative Offense Boy looked at Ordinary Lady who nodded back at him.
"Sure!" he said. "Why the hell not?"
The preacher groaned.
Finally, the guests, who were starting to get really hungry, made their
way to the buffet table. All in all, there were five weddings that day.
"I'm happy for Browsing Boy and Linguist Lass," Sarcastic Lad said, "but I
couldn't believe it when aLLiterative Lass, the hot little number that she
is, married Cheesecake Eater Lad. Eww! Talk about four weddings and a
funeral!"
Irony Man smiled. "That's funny. Really, though, do you know what else I
find amusing about all this?"
"What's that?"
"The fact that, with all these weddings taking place at the same time,
that LNH headquarters will be overrun with teenagers in fifteen years or
so."
"Oh!" Sarcastic Lad said. "That _is_ a scary thought!"
THE END
I'm not going to do the (c) thing. Just go to
http://www.eyrie.org/lnh/roster/
Also, if you want to see some REAL wedding pictures go to
http://www.eyrie.org/~thad/phipps