[KinkForAll] KFADEN Notes from planning meetings

[Benjamin Kowalski]

Hi all,
As per request, some brief notes from our planning meetings in Denver and Boulder this past week.  I'm sure I'm leaving stuff out, so please feel free to chime in.

The Denver meeting was mostly brainstorming about topics.  There was some really good discussion of ways to collaborate on presentations: roundtable discussions, "un-panels" where the members of the panel are ad-hoc volunteers from the audience, etc.  We also talked about other channels of communication -- how about big sheets of butcher paper near the schedule grid, where people can write anonymous questions, or write down their preferred definitions of words that might feel jargony?  A handful of the suggested topics had to do with "bike-sexuality" -- that is, a diverse, grassroots DIY-culture/bike-culture perspective on sexuality and its intersections with environmentalism, health/nutrition, and so on.

Some other topics in no particular order:  Ageism and sexuality.  How to be an "askable" adult resource for youth issues around gender/sex.  Q&A on being a sex worker.  Everything you wanted to know about Damn Gurl (other than it's awesome --ed).  How sexuality is constructed by the sex toy industry, by porn, by marketing in general.  How can we make it easier for ourselves to communicate with our lovers and get our needs met (possibly break out into pairs and do talking/listening exercises).  A guided visualization on the somatic experience of your own boundaries.  Deconstructing the idea of gender as a single spectrum/axis.  Sex and gender as performative.  Body modification.  (Re)claiming "sissy" (note wordplay in title, like any good post-structuralist talk --ed).  Subtle energy in sex (aka prana, chi, tantra); sex magic(k) and ritual.  Environmental implications of birth control.  "Fucking Ergonomics: How Do They Work?" (lol --ed)  Dynamics of cross-generational relationships.  "Real Bodies, Real Sex".  Sex in public.  Body policing, including policing of fat bodies vs policing of trans bodies.  What euphemistic language do we use to talk about our body parts, and what does this tell us about deeper attitudes?  Politics of body hair.  Discussion of open relationships: what does and doesn't work; what assumptions people make about these relationships.  Examination of judgments around being "queer enough", "poly enough", etc for a given social scene.  A 20-minute dance party (I'm so there --ed)

At the Boulder meeting, we talked more about logistical stuff.  If you have ideas for places to flyer, pick up some of our beautiful glossy new flyers and go to town!  We talked about a couple of key points about KFA that maybe aren't coming across through our publicity as clearly as they need to be:  First, that it's an all-ages event (and that this doesn't mean 18+).  This might affect the content and style of what people choose to present.  Second, that there will be a lot of video recording going on.  (And we need to be careful and respectful around the fact that there may be plenty of participants who *don't* want to be recorded -- this is of particular concern since we're hoping to get crossover from our conference-room neighbors who are talking about survivor issues.)  We talked about how for a lot of people, KFADEN will be their first exposure to non-hierarchical community action, which makes it even harder to articulate what this is all about.  Having conversations, with each other and with other communities, is key!

Okay, I think that's all for now.  Looking forward to hearing further thoughts and inspirations on all this.

In co-operation,
Ben

[Rebecca Crane]

Awesome, concise summary of some really great, inspiring meetings. Thanks, Ben. And thanks for the baklava! :-)

A big focus of the Denver meeting was how to make the space more interactive and active, e.g. more Doing Activities (that aren't sex/play). I'm all about the 20 Minute Dance Party as a session slot idea. ("If I can't dance, it's not my revolution.") If we decide to do it we'll need some speakers. I've added them to the Needs List.

We also talked at the Boulder meeting about having as many avenues as possible to empower people to participate. This includes tech solutions like Twitter, video recording, etc.; encouraging people to participate, ask questions and share information in sessions; and also having ways such as the butcher paper on the wall to write questions/comments on, an anonymous Q & A box, etc. for people who are more comfortable communicating in writing.

We weren't sure how the Q & A box would work, but thought maybe there could just be a session later in the afternoon where people would draw questions out of the box and others in the session could collaboratively try to answer them, something like an un-panel? Not sure how that would work exactly, just throwing some ideas around.

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[maymay]

On Sun, Feb 12, 2012 at 11:09 AM, Benjamin Kowalski <benjamin....@gmail.com> wrote:

We talked about a couple of key points about KFA that maybe aren't coming across through our publicity as clearly as they need to be:  First, that it's an all-ages event (and that this doesn't mean 18+).  This might affect the content and style of what people choose to present.

I've been using the phrase "all-ages" but have noticed that a lot of people interpret that as "18+" simply because they've been conditioned to think that way. You can hear it when they talk about watching "adult entertainment" or "adult beverages," as if non-adults don't have a sexuality or don't drink alcoholic beverages, and we all know how dangerous maintaining that polite fiction is.

So one of the things I think KFADEN might be able to do to get around this is by putting "all-ages" right next to words like "CHILDCARE AVAILABLE/VOLUNTEERS WANTED" in flyers/promos, etc. These two things *in conjunction* might let us simultaneously use the very accurate, precise, and literal "all-ages" language, while prominently displaying the fact that there is effort to provide childcare, and thereby get people to actually understand that when we say "all-ages," we mean ALL ages. :)

Thoughts? I know it's a bit late for this sort of thing, but even already-printed flyers can be modified using stickers/tape and markers, etc.

Second, that there will be a lot of video recording going on.  (And we need to be careful and respectful around the fact that there may be plenty of participants who *don't* want to be recorded -- this is of particular concern since we're hoping to get crossover from our conference-room neighbors who are talking about survivor issues.)

Very good point. We want KinkForAll Denver to live on after just the day, but we need to be mindful that we'll be sharing some of our space with another event where video recording isn't part of the program, so to speak. :)

I'd also like to remind everyone that a bright orange or red sticker on a name tag has been KinkForAll's social convention to indicate that the person wearing the sticker doesn't want to be video recorded or photographed. It's an easy visual to spot. If we don't already have blank name tag stickers and no-photography stickers, we'll source them from a stationery store or something.

On Feb 12, 2012, at 2:04 PM, Rebecca Crane wrote:

Awesome, concise summary of some really great, inspiring meetings. Thanks, Ben. And thanks for the baklava! :-)

Oh man, I missed Baklava? :) Bummerzzz….

No, but srsly:

A big focus of the Denver meeting was how to make the space more interactive and active, e.g. more Doing Activities (that aren't sex/play). I'm all about the 20 Minute Dance Party as a session slot idea. ("If I can't dance, it's not my revolution.") If we decide to do it we'll need some speakers. I've added them to the Needs List.

Oh that sounds fun! The idea of a 20 Minute Dance Party reminds me a lot of one of my favorite KinkForAll sessions, one that happened at KinkForAll Boston[0] which I think was called "Rediscovering Your Hips" and that was essentially a movement mini-workshop lead by Maja about nothing other than moving one's hips and how fun that can be. :)

But a 20 Minute Dance Party almost feels like a flashmob event within a KinkForAll, so I'm digging the autonomous-feeling meta-ness of that.

We also talked at the Boulder meeting about having as many avenues as possible to empower people to participate. This includes tech solutions like Twitter, video recording, etc.; encouraging people to participate, ask questions and share information in sessions; and also having ways such as the butcher paper on the wall to write questions/comments on, an anonymous Q & A box, etc. for people who are more comfortable communicating in writing.

We weren't sure how the Q & A box would work, but thought maybe there could just be a session later in the afternoon where people would draw questions out of the box and others in the session could collaboratively try to answer them, something like an un-panel? Not sure how that would work exactly, just throwing some ideas around.

I think that makes a lot of sense. We can label the box "Ask The Universe" or something equally ambiguous and vague and just see what kind of questions get dropped in for the fun of by the end of the day. :)

Also, I like encouraging people to bring old books/literature so we can have an ad-hoc book swap in the entryways/main walkways. This went over well in New York both times we did it there, but I also had a lot more literature to sweeten the pot with, and I don't have a stash to give away anymore. (All gone!)

Cheers,

-maymay

Blog: http://maybemaimed.com

Talk show: http://KinkOnTap.com

Community: http://KinkForAll.org

EXTERNAL REFERENCES:

[0] http://wiki.KinkForAll.org/KinkForAllBostonSchedule

[ashi]

On Mon, Feb 13, 2012 at 12:11 PM, maymay <bitethea...@gmail.com> wrote:

I've been using the phrase "all-ages" but have noticed that a lot of people interpret that as "18+" simply because they've been conditioned to think that way. […] 

So one of the things I think KFADEN might be able to do to get around this is by putting "all-ages" right next to words like "CHILDCARE AVAILABLE/VOLUNTEERS WANTED" in flyers/promos, etc.

This juxtaposition implies to me that KFA isn't an event where kids can meaningfully participate, which is not something I would read into a flier simply saying “all ages.”

~ a.

 

Thoughts? I know it's a bit late for this sort of thing, but even already-printed flyers can be modified using stickers/tape and markers, etc.

Second, that there will be a lot of video recording going on.  (And we need to be careful and respectful around the fact that there may be plenty of participants who *don't* want to be recorded -- this is of particular concern since we're hoping to get crossover from our conference-room neighbors who are talking about survivor issues.)

Very good point. We want KinkForAll Denver to live on after just the day, but we need to be mindful that we'll be sharing some of our space with another event where video recording isn't part of the program, so to speak. :)

I'd also like to remind everyone that a bright orange or red sticker on a name tag has been KinkForAll's social convention to indicate that the person wearing the sticker doesn't want to be video recorded or photographed. It's an easy visual to spot. If we don't already have blank name tag stickers and no-photography stickers, we'll source them from a stationery store or something.

On Feb 12, 2012, at 2:04 PM, Rebecca Crane wrote:

Awesome, concise summary of some really great, inspiring meetings. Thanks, Ben. And thanks for the baklava! :-)

Oh man, I missed Baklava? :) Bummerzzz….

No, but srsly:

A big focus of the Denver meeting was how to make the space more interactive and active, e.g. more Doing Activities (that aren't sex/play). I'm all about the 20 Minute Dance Party as a session slot idea. ("If I can't dance, it's not my revolution.") If we decide to do it we'll need some speakers. I've added them to the Needs List.

Oh that sounds fun! The idea of a 20 Minute Dance Party reminds me a lot of one of my favorite KinkForAll sessions, one that happened at KinkForAll Boston[0] which I think was called "Rediscovering Your Hips" and that was essentially a movement mini-workshop lead by Maja about nothing other than moving one's hips and how fun that can be. :)

But a 20 Minute Dance Party almost feels like a flashmob event within a KinkForAll, so I'm digging the autonomous-feeling meta-ness of that.

We also talked at the Boulder meeting about having as many avenues as possible to empower people to participate. This includes tech solutions like Twitter, video recording, etc.; encouraging people to participate, ask questions and share information in sessions; and also having ways such as the butcher paper on the wall to write questions/comments on, an anonymous Q & A box, etc. for people who are more comfortable communicating in writing.

We weren't sure how the Q & A box would work, but thought maybe there could just be a session later in the afternoon where people would draw questions out of the box and others in the session could collaboratively try to answer them, something like an un-panel? Not sure how that would work exactly, just throwing some ideas around.

I think that makes a lot of sense. We can label the box "Ask The Universe" or something equally ambiguous and vague and just see what kind of questions get dropped in for the fun of by the end of the day. :)

Also, I like encouraging people to bring old books/literature so we can have an ad-hoc book swap in the entryways/main walkways. This went over well in New York both times we did it there, but I also had a lot more literature to sweeten the pot with, and I don't have a stash to give away anymore. (All gone!)

Cheers,

-maymay

Blog: http://maybemaimed.com

Talk show: http://KinkOnTap.com

Community: http://KinkForAll.org

EXTERNAL REFERENCES:

[0] http://wiki.KinkForAll.org/KinkForAllBostonSchedule

--

[maymay]

On Feb 13, 2012, at 4:29 PM, ashi wrote:

On Mon, Feb 13, 2012 at 12:11 PM, maymay <bitethea...@gmail.com> wrote:

I've been using the phrase "all-ages" but have noticed that a lot of people interpret that as "18+" simply because they've been conditioned to think that way. […] 

So one of the things I think KFADEN might be able to do to get around this is by putting "all-ages" right next to words like "CHILDCARE AVAILABLE/VOLUNTEERS WANTED" in flyers/promos, etc.

This juxtaposition implies to me that KFA isn't an event where kids can meaningfully participate, which is not something I would read into a flier simply saying “all ages.”

~ a.

Hmm, good point. I don't think much younger people *can* meaningfully participate, at least not in the same way as older people:[0]

Personally, I do not think that participating in KinkForAll unconferences is appropriate for most younger adolescents, not because they would somehow be in more danger than they’d be hanging out at the mall, but rather because the verbal format as well as the often academic subject matter are unlikely to be meaningful or comprehensible to them. On the other hand, a young person who has the kind of relationship with their parents that’s necessary to ask for permission to participate in a public conference about the intersection of sexuality with the rest of life is arguably much more likely than their peers to be “ready” for and able to meaningfully participate in such an event in the first place.

This is merely to highlight that the additional implication in "all ages" is about accessibility—making KinkForAll unconferences available to those who want them, whoever they are—rather than making them intrinsically *geared for* people of "all ages."

That being said, this still leaves us in a bit of a snaffu. I'm out of ideas at the moment--and also exceptionally hungry--so I'm gonna go towards food and think more on this later.

Cheers,

-maymay

Blog: http://maybemaimed.com

Talk show: http://KinkOnTap.com

Community: http://KinkForAll.org

EXTERNAL REFERENCES:

[0] http://maybemaimed.com/2010/04/13/my-opinions-on-youth-at-kinkforall-unconferences/

[James Sheldon]

I think my experiences in a different sort of unconference might be
helpful. Several years ago, I attended the World Open Space on Open
Space Technology in San Francisco. A couple was attending with their
children, and wanted to make sure that they would be able to attend
the full conference without distraction. So they paid me to spend
time with their children. The older child, maybe 8 years old,
proposed an open space session on open space schools. The adults
attending her session derailed her session with a discussion of
progressive schools that had gone wrong, and so she used the "law of
two feet" and went off to play. I basically was on call at all times
if the children got bored of playing by themselves and wanted someone
to drag off to play with them. We would run around playing different
games, sometimes weaving in and out of rooms with sessions with them.
No one particularly minded so long as they were able to hear what was
going on in their session. In the end, the parents were thrilled
because their kids weren't dragging them away all the time, I was
thrilled because I got to see the open space through children's eyes
and make some new friends out of it, and got to see how children could
be meaningfully incorporated into an open space...

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[maymay]

On Feb 13, 2012, at 6:45 PM, James Sheldon wrote:

> I think my experiences in a different sort of unconference might be
> helpful. Several years ago, I attended the World Open Space on Open
> Space Technology in San Francisco. A couple was attending with their
> children, and wanted to make sure that they would be able to attend
> the full conference without distraction. So they paid me to spend
> time with their children. The older child, maybe 8 years old,
> proposed an open space session on open space schools. The adults
> attending her session derailed her session with a discussion of
> progressive schools that had gone wrong, and so she used the "law of
> two feet" and went off to play. I basically was on call at all times
> if the children got bored of playing by themselves and wanted someone
> to drag off to play with them. We would run around playing different
> games, sometimes weaving in and out of rooms with sessions with them.
> No one particularly minded so long as they were able to hear what was
> going on in their session. In the end, the parents were thrilled
> because their kids weren't dragging them away all the time, I was
> thrilled because I got to see the open space through children's eyes
> and make some new friends out of it, and got to see how children could
> be meaningfully incorporated into an open space...

Huh. :) That sounds pretty nifty.

I admit to being a little puzzled by "childcare" for some time now for exactly this reason, but I don't see any harm in having a both/and sort of solution. I just figured people (of any age) who don't want to hang out in a childcare-designated space ought be welcomed in session rooms and, just like everyone else in the room regardless of age, would be expected to respect others' space and time.

[Siren Sage]

As someone with a three year old, I can tell you that childcare is
necessary for me to be able to attend sessions. Because if she were
in the sessions with me, she would definitely be making enough noise
that it would probably be difficult for me (and everyone else) to hear
the presenter/s. But I think it's important for childcare to be an
option for younger kids, not a requirement.

~Siren

[Rebecca Crane]

On Mon, Feb 13, 2012 at 6:39 PM, maymay <bitethea...@gmail.com> wrote:

On Feb 13, 2012, at 4:29 PM, ashi wrote:

This juxtaposition implies to me that KFA isn't an event where kids can meaningfully participate, which is not something I would read into a flier simply saying “all ages.”

~ a.

Hmm, good point. I don't think much younger people *can* meaningfully participate, at least not in the same way as older people:[0]

[...] because the verbal format as well as the often academic subject matter are unlikely to be meaningful or comprehensible to them.

I think it's true that the KinkForAll format as it has traditionally manifested wouldn't be particularly meaningful for many younger people - but I actually think that's a correctable design flaw, not something inherent to the unconference/convergence format. I DO believe there are meaningful ways to engage with young people around these important topics. (And that some of those ways might be more engaging, fun and interesting for some adults, too!)

It might be too late to do much of this for KFADEN1, but it's worth keeping in mind for future KFADENs. This is one of the reasons I want to hook up with the Denver Anarchist Black Cross (DABC)'s "Nurturing Liberation" childcare collective: http://denverabc.wordpress.com/nurturingliberation/ and also read more "Don't Leave Your Friends Behind: A Handbook for Radical Parenting Allies" 'zines (http://dontleaveyourfriendsbehind.blogspot.com/). They know lots more about this than I do.

I admit to being a little puzzled by "childcare" for some time now for exactly this reason, but I don't see any harm in having a both/and sort of solution. I just figured people (of any age) who don't want to hang out in a childcare-designated space ought be welcomed in session rooms and, just like everyone else in the room regardless of age, would be expected to respect others' space and time.

I already chatted with maymay a little bit about this earlier (and lent him the one hardcopy of "Don't Leave Your Friends Behind" that I've got!) - but just in case anyone else is confused about this, I wanted to make it clear here: The purpose of having childcare isn't primarily to address a power/access imbalance between adults and children (although I totally think it can be used for that and should!). Rather, it's to address an imbalance in power/access between parents and non-parents.

It's true that there are things children, especially very young children, need that they can only get from adults. But there's an idea in our culture that the only adults who can provide for children are their own parents - non-parents supposedly have no responsibility to support the children in our communities unless we are biologically related to them. To which I say: Um, fuck that.

In short: The purpose of having a childcare space is not to keep children out of other spaces. Ideally, all the spaces at KFADEN should be open to and comfortable for any children who want to hang out in them (given an ability, as mentioned above, to respect the space and time of others in the room, too.) But most kids probably WON'T want to hang out in those spaces 'cause, well, adults can be pretty boring. Thus, the purpose of childcare is so that, for the kids who don't want to hang out in the session spaces, there are other adults who can be there for them besides just their own parents. Because it's not fair on parents to be expected to do *ALL* the childcare - just because there's childcare that needs to be done.

I hope that made sense. Kinda rambly. Sorry. I am also hungry. I'm gonna go fix that now. :P

P.S. James, thanks for sharing your experience at World Open Space. That sounds like fun! And Siren, thank you SO much for sharing your perspective and experience as a parent. I'm just kinda talking out my ass here, since I'm not one. Siren knows better what she and her kiddo need than I do, and that's really helpful for me to hear. :)

[maymay]

On Feb 14, 2012, at 11:05 PM, Rebecca Crane wrote:

I think it's true that the KinkForAll format as it has traditionally manifested wouldn't be particularly meaningful for many younger people - but I actually think that's a correctable design flaw, not something inherent to the unconference/convergence format.

Agreed.

I DO believe there are meaningful ways to engage with young people around these important topics. (And that some of those ways might be more engaging, fun and interesting for some adults, too!)

Point. :)

The purpose of having childcare isn't primarily to address a power/access imbalance between adults and children (although I totally think it can be used for that and should!). Rather, it's to address an imbalance in power/access between parents and non-parents.

It's true that there are things children, especially very young children, need that they can only get from adults. But there's an idea in our culture that the only adults who can provide for children are their own parents - non-parents supposedly have no responsibility to support the children in our communities unless we are biologically related to them. To which I say: Um, fuck that.

[…]

[I]t's not fair on parents to be expected to do *ALL* the childcare - just because there's childcare that needs to be done.

I hope that made sense.

It did.[0] Thanks!

Cheers,

-maymay

Blog: http://maybemaimed.com

Talk show: http://KinkOnTap.com

Community: http://KinkForAll.org

[0] http://days.maybemaimed.com/post/17651187206/the-purpose-of-having-childcare-services