Horror tales of online dating
Mxsmanic
around shyness:
http://www.disobey.com/ghostsites/netslaves/comments/981066609.shtml
--
Transpose mxsmanic and gmail to reach me by e-mail.
Antares
Mxsmanic wrote:
> For those of you thinking that online dating might be a way to work
> around shyness:
>
> http://www.disobey.com/ghostsites/netslaves/comments/981066609.shtml
That's pretty sleazy, that people lie on online dating services. I
mean, what's the point? It'll only make the other party resentful when
s/he finds out.
lisa
Mxsmanic wrote:
> For those of you thinking that online dating might be a way to work
> around shyness:
>
> http://www.disobey.com/ghostsites/netslaves/comments/981066609.shtml
>
That settles it. Real Dolls is the way to go.
My theory is that it doesn't matter whether you're looking online or
hoping to meet up with a partner out and about in your community as to
your chances of finding a suitable partner. Picky people will be picky
people, regardless the venue.
Online date shopping seems to be less threatening. It eliminates the
spontaneous small talk that so many shy people are terrified at the
thought of, but eventually you're going to have to meet the person, so
it's only postponing the inevitable.
I'm not sure looking for a partner would be productive. How many times
have you heard stories where the person said when they stopped looking
the person of their dreams walked into their lives?
rgds,
lisa
William P
@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com:
> I'm not sure looking for a partner would be productive. How many times
> have you heard stories where the person said when they stopped looking
> the person of their dreams walked into their lives?
For men here? Never. Seriously.
The whole idea that you find stuff by not looking is stupid and insulting.
(Some guys may be "trying too hard" or could use a break, but that's
different from not trying.)
Antares
lisa wrote:
> Mxsmanic wrote:
> > For those of you thinking that online dating might be a way to work
> > around shyness:
> >
> > http://www.disobey.com/ghostsites/netslaves/comments/981066609.shtml
> >
>
> That settles it. Real Dolls is the way to go.
>
> My theory is that it doesn't matter whether you're looking online or
> hoping to meet up with a partner out and about in your community as to
> your chances of finding a suitable partner. Picky people will be picky
> people, regardless the venue.
>
> Online date shopping seems to be less threatening. It eliminates the
> spontaneous small talk that so many shy people are terrified at the
> thought of
Most of the guys on this group aren't afraid of small talk per se
(though they may find it unpleasant) -- they're afraid of approaching
women and making their romantic intentions known. They are terrified
of rejection. What online dating allows you to accomplish is to locate
another woman who is definitely looking for a man, and to do so through
a relatively safe medium.
> but eventually you're going to have to meet the person, so
> it's only postponing the inevitable.
Yes, but there are more "inevitables" in real life -- such as the
inevitability of enduring lots and lots of rejections when you approach
random women. Online dating gives you a more focused search, at least
in theory.
Of course, there are venues for "focused searching" in real life, too.
Speed dating comes to mind. However, these may be daunting to shybies.
I'd piss my pants at the thought of speed dating, whereas online
personals actually sound doable.
> I'm not sure looking for a partner would be productive. How many times
> have you heard stories where the person said when they stopped looking
> the person of their dreams walked into their lives?
Virtually every uplifting anecdote I've heard about my chances for
romance, has proven to be wrong.
Antares
William P wrote:
> "lisa" <ms_ja...@hotmail.com> wrote in news:1130032026.098713.147400
> @f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com:
>
> > I'm not sure looking for a partner would be productive. How many times
> > have you heard stories where the person said when they stopped looking
> > the person of their dreams walked into their lives?
>
> For men here? Never. Seriously.
>
> The whole idea that you find stuff by not looking is stupid and insulting.
I wish someone had told me this eight or nine years ago.
Everyone tells you that romance "just happens," but they leave out a
few important caveats, such as "assuming you regularly thrust yourself
into situations with lots of people," or "assuming you are able to
exploit romantic opportunities that come your way," or "assuming you
are able to flirt with members of the opposite sex." These assumptions
hold true for the vast majority of people, but not for shybies.
Too bad nobody told me about the fine print.
Mxsmanic
> Most of the guys on this group aren't afraid of small talk per se
> (though they may find it unpleasant) -- they're afraid of approaching
> women and making their romantic intentions known. They are terrified
> of rejection.
Sometimes it's not a fear of rejection, it's the certainty of
rejection.
The Babaloughesian
> Mxsmanic wrote:
> > For those of you thinking that online dating might be a way to work
> > around shyness:
> >
> > http://www.disobey.com/ghostsites/netslaves/comments/981066609.shtml
> >
>
> That settles it. Real Dolls is the way to go.
>
> My theory is that it doesn't matter whether you're looking online or
> hoping to meet up with a partner out and about in your community as to
> your chances of finding a suitable partner. Picky people will be picky
> people, regardless the venue.
>
> Online date shopping seems to be less threatening. It eliminates the
> spontaneous small talk that so many shy people are terrified at the
> thought of, but eventually you're going to have to meet the person, so
> it's only postponing the inevitable.
>
> I'm not sure looking for a partner would be productive.
Right, of course. Because what connection is there, really, between
trying to achieve a goal, and actually achieving it? Why it's about as
uncertain as the connection between "cause" and "effect". I don't know
what I've been thinking all these years, going to the kitchen for food
under the bizarre misconception that it would do something to alleviate
my hunger. I must've been crazy to think studying would help me pass
all those tests. I could've saved lots of money if only I'd realized
that all those X-Mas gifts and birthday gifts and mother's and father's
day gifts and cards would've just fallen into my lap on their own
without me going out and doing something as silly as buying them. And
don't get me started on the countless times I wanted to go somewhere,
so I got up and started walking. Clearly the best way to reach my
destination would've been to stand perfectly still. Oh, well. At
least I can rest assured that I'll probably find myself in a great job
come graduation, since fortunately, I haven't filled out any job
applications or made up a resume or anything crazy like that. Really
dodged a bullet there, eh?
> How many times
> have you heard stories where the person said when they stopped looking
> the person of their dreams walked into their lives?
I imagine the entire reason you hear such stories so often is that
they're such extraordinarily rare exceptions to the rule that when they
do occur it is newsworthy, much like stories where children are
kidnapped and molested by total strangers. They appeal to people's
wishful thinking, so naturally, they get told whenever they occur.
Notice how little you hear about the people who don't try and thus end
up dying unhappy and alone. It is not because they do not exist. It
is because their stories are so mundane and numerous that they are not
worth mentioning.
lisa
Where in what I said do you read stop trying?
Have you ever heard of the oblique approach?
A person cannot walk into your life if you're at home all of the time,
unless she's come to read the meter or to take a door-to-door poll.
The best advice I could give any person, shy or otherwise, is to
actively develop a life, where you're around enough people who like and
do the things that you do, to encounter a person mutually appropriate
for your and her (or his) needs and vice versa. If you're shy, it will
be more work, yes. It will take courage. It will take stepping beyond
the comfort zone. But if you want it, really want it, you're going to
have to make the effort.
You might be able to find a compatible person online, through shared
interest forums, but going to the personals to find him or her is an
enormous waste of time, unless you're lucky.
rgds,
lisa
lisa
Antares wrote:
> lisa wrote:
> > Mxsmanic wrote:
> > > For those of you thinking that online dating might be a way to work
> > > around shyness:
> > >
> > > http://www.disobey.com/ghostsites/netslaves/comments/981066609.shtml
> > >
> >
> > That settles it. Real Dolls is the way to go.
> >
> > My theory is that it doesn't matter whether you're looking online or
> > hoping to meet up with a partner out and about in your community as to
> > your chances of finding a suitable partner. Picky people will be picky
> > people, regardless the venue.
> >
> > Online date shopping seems to be less threatening. It eliminates the
> > spontaneous small talk that so many shy people are terrified at the
> > thought of
>
> Most of the guys on this group aren't afraid of small talk per se
> (though they may find it unpleasant) -- they're afraid of approaching
> women and making their romantic intentions known. They are terrified
> of rejection. What online dating allows you to accomplish is to locate
> another woman who is definitely looking for a man, and to do so through
> a relatively safe medium.
It's true it does take away the major element of uncertainty away from
it, where it's clear why you're there.
>
> > but eventually you're going to have to meet the person, so
> > it's only postponing the inevitable.
>
> Yes, but there are more "inevitables" in real life -- such as the
> inevitability of enduring lots and lots of rejections when you approach
> random women. Online dating gives you a more focused search, at least
> in theory.
But look at the deception and misperception in just the few examples
used in the original story. The writer had some fairly well defined
ideas of what he was looking for in a partner. With his search engine
he started out with a reasonable # of potential partners in his
geographic area. Those were quickly narrowed down to just a few.
These were the multiply filtered possibilities, and look how things
turned out with them. This article is pretty accurate as to a typical
search through personals and outcomes.
>
> Of course, there are venues for "focused searching" in real life, too.
> Speed dating comes to mind. However, these may be daunting to shybies.
> I'd piss my pants at the thought of speed dating, whereas online
> personals actually sound doable.
>
> > I'm not sure looking for a partner would be productive. How many times
> > have you heard stories where the person said when they stopped looking
> > the person of their dreams walked into their lives?
>
> Virtually every uplifting anecdote I've heard about my chances for
> romance, has proven to be wrong.
It's an anectode through distillation. Look at the explanation given
in the response to William.
rgds,
lisa
William P
news:1130082954.0...@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com:
> The best advice I could give any person, shy or otherwise, is to
> actively develop a life, where you're around enough people who like
> and do the things that you do, to encounter a person mutually
> appropriate for your and her (or his) needs and vice versa. If you're
> shy, it will be more work, yes. It will take courage. It will take
> stepping beyond the comfort zone. But if you want it, really want it,
> you're going to have to make the effort.
>
> You might be able to find a compatible person online, through shared
> interest forums, but going to the personals to find him or her is an
> enormous waste of time, unless you're lucky.
Going to a place where women are looking for dating and relationships is a
waste of time when you're looking for dating and relationships? That idea,
to my intuition, sounds absolutely insane and stupid, and my personal
experience backs it up.
Yes, you might meet a hiking partner at a cooking club, and if you're
looking for a hiking partner and you also like cooking, then it's not a
waste of time to keep your eyes open at your cooking club. But that
doesn't mean that a hiking club would be a waste of time.
William P
news:1130083612.6...@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com:
The guy met a few women in one pass. This is bad? If the women suck,
that's a reflection on his preferences and the sorts of people he
attracts maybe, but not the medium. Internet personals are very
mainstream, and a very good chunk of single women try them at some point
in their lives.
If you meet women anywhere you're going to get horror stories, and you're
going to have to be careful of certain things.
lisa
You might get lucky, yes. If you have huge amounts of time to invest
in it, maybe. If you are equating an online dating site with a hiking
club, the two aren't equitable. Getting out there and getting out at
the same places, with the same people, long enough to what I'll call
neutralize the shyness issue, is where you want to be.
rgds,
lisa
William P
news:1130084413.3...@g44g2000cwa.googlegroups.com:
>
> William P wrote:
>> "lisa" <ms_ja...@hotmail.com> wrote in
>> news:1130082954.0...@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com:
>>
>> > The best advice I could give any person, shy or otherwise, is to
>> > actively develop a life, where you're around enough people who like
>> > and do the things that you do, to encounter a person mutually
>> > appropriate for your and her (or his) needs and vice versa. If
>> > you're shy, it will be more work, yes. It will take courage. It
>> > will take stepping beyond the comfort zone. But if you want it,
>> > really want it, you're going to have to make the effort.
>> >
>> > You might be able to find a compatible person online, through
>> > shared interest forums, but going to the personals to find him or
>> > her is an enormous waste of time, unless you're lucky.
>>
>> Going to a place where women are looking for dating and relationships
>> is a waste of time when you're looking for dating and relationships?
>> That idea, to my intuition, sounds absolutely insane and stupid, and
>> my personal experience backs it up.
>>
>> Yes, you might meet a hiking partner at a cooking club, and if you're
>> looking for a hiking partner and you also like cooking, then it's not
>> a waste of time to keep your eyes open at your cooking club. But
>> that doesn't mean that a hiking club would be a waste of time.
>
> You might get lucky, yes.
Luck has little to do with it. If you get unlucky consistently, increase
your sample set.
> If you have huge amounts of time to invest
> in it, maybe.
If you are a man and expect to meet women easily and with out much time
for it, you're shit out of luck, period. Unless you're someone (the
majority) who learned the skills naturally. In that case, you can meet
women wherever. If not, you'll need to develop them.
> If you are equating an online dating site with a hiking
> club, the two aren't equitable. Getting out there and getting out at
> the same places, with the same people, long enough to what I'll call
> neutralize the shyness issue, is where you want to be.
I'm not saying it's not valuable. But as a man, being in an environment
where you're actually supposed to be sex socializing instead of using a
wok also has its place on the learning curve.
Antares
lisa wrote:
> Antares wrote:
> > lisa wrote:
> > > Mxsmanic wrote:
> > > > For those of you thinking that online dating might be a way to work
> > > > around shyness:
> > > >
> > > > http://www.disobey.com/ghostsites/netslaves/comments/981066609.shtml
> > > >
> > >
> > > That settles it. Real Dolls is the way to go.
> > >
> > > My theory is that it doesn't matter whether you're looking online or
> > > hoping to meet up with a partner out and about in your community as to
> > > your chances of finding a suitable partner. Picky people will be picky
> > > people, regardless the venue.
> > >
> > > Online date shopping seems to be less threatening. It eliminates the
> > > spontaneous small talk that so many shy people are terrified at the
> > > thought of
> >
> > Most of the guys on this group aren't afraid of small talk per se
> > (though they may find it unpleasant) -- they're afraid of approaching
> > women and making their romantic intentions known. They are terrified
> > of rejection. What online dating allows you to accomplish is to locate
> > another woman who is definitely looking for a man, and to do so through
> > a relatively safe medium.
>
> It's true it does take away the major element of uncertainty away from
> it, where it's clear why you're there.
It's not just that. It reduces the cost of rejection, which is
probably the single most daunting barrier to guys on this group.
> > > but eventually you're going to have to meet the person, so
> > > it's only postponing the inevitable.
> >
> > Yes, but there are more "inevitables" in real life -- such as the
> > inevitability of enduring lots and lots of rejections when you approach
> > random women. Online dating gives you a more focused search, at least
> > in theory.
>
> But look at the deception and misperception in just the few examples
> used in the original story. The writer had some fairly well defined
> ideas of what he was looking for in a partner. With his search engine
> he started out with a reasonable # of potential partners in his
> geographic area. Those were quickly narrowed down to just a few.
> These were the multiply filtered possibilities, and look how things
> turned out with them.
Well, bear in mind, there's some selection bias here -- if the blog had
not been hair-raising, Mxsmanic would not have posted the URL to the
group. Also, if the guy's online dating experiences had been
moderately successful, they would likely not have spawned a blog in the
first place.
> This article is pretty accurate as to a typical
> search through personals and outcomes.
How do you know?
> > Of course, there are venues for "focused searching" in real life, too.
> > Speed dating comes to mind. However, these may be daunting to shybies.
> > I'd piss my pants at the thought of speed dating, whereas online
> > personals actually sound doable.
> >
> > > I'm not sure looking for a partner would be productive. How many times
> > > have you heard stories where the person said when they stopped looking
> > > the person of their dreams walked into their lives?
> >
> > Virtually every uplifting anecdote I've heard about my chances for
> > romance, has proven to be wrong.
>
> It's an anectode through distillation.
Not sure what that means.
> Look at the explanation given in the response to William.
I think we'd all prefer it if romance "just happened." That would be
ideal. It's just that romance hasn't happened, by and large, to most
of us (even those who've tried "getting involved"). So, rather than
going to a cooking class for a few months and hoping that you click
with someone, it makes sense to try a more focused search. Which isn't
to say that cooking's a bad idea; nor are online personals (in the
absence of more solid evidence). They are both tools in the shybie
loser's toolkit.
Mad Mambo Master of Macedonia
@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com:
>
> I'm not sure looking for a partner would be productive. How many times
> have you heard stories where the person said when they stopped looking
> the person of their dreams walked into their lives?
>
The people who stop looking and meet no one don't get much press.
--
As for the pastor, after four days of listening to science experts
dismantling the case for intelligent design, he was unimpressed. "They're
babblers," said the pastor, the Rev. Jim Grove, who leads a 40-member
independent Baptist church outside of Dover. "The more Ph.D.'s you get, it
seems like the further away from God you get." (NY Times, 10-2-05)
Mad Mambo Master of Macedonia
news:1130044479.3...@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com:
This post must go into the official ASS FAQ.
Mad Mambo Master of Macedonia
news:1130043870.2...@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com:
> Most of the guys on this group aren't afraid of small talk per se
> (though they may find it unpleasant) -- they're afraid of approaching
> women and making their romantic intentions known. They are terrified
> of rejection. What online dating allows you to accomplish is to locate
> another woman who is definitely looking for a man, and to do so through
> a relatively safe medium.
I think what I noticed is that unless you can make small talk, there's no
point in asking. Or maybe I'm just a complete failure in this regard.
Mad Mambo Master of Macedonia
news:1130091784.3...@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com:
> I think we'd all prefer it if romance "just happened." That would be
> ideal.
What happened to those Indian guys? You think there parents finally
marriedn them off?
Mad Mambo Master of Macedonia
news:1130053674.0...@g14g2000cwa.googlegroups.com:
> I imagine the entire reason you hear such stories so often is that
> they're such extraordinarily rare exceptions to the rule that when they
> do occur it is newsworthy, much like stories where children are
> kidnapped and molested by total strangers.
Bingo.
Antares
Mad Mambo Master of Macedonia wrote:
> "Antares" <antares...@gmail.com> wrote in
> news:1130091784.3...@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com:
>
> > I think we'd all prefer it if romance "just happened." That would be
> > ideal.
>
> What happened to those Indian guys? You think there parents finally
> marriedn them off?
What Indian guys?
Antares
Mad Mambo Master of Macedonia wrote:
> news:1130043870.2...@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com:
>
> > Most of the guys on this group aren't afraid of small talk per se
> > (though they may find it unpleasant) -- they're afraid of approaching
> > women and making their romantic intentions known. They are terrified
> > of rejection. What online dating allows you to accomplish is to locate
> > another woman who is definitely looking for a man, and to do so through
> > a relatively safe medium.
>
> I think what I noticed is that unless you can make small talk, there's no
> point in asking.
Yeah, with the majority of women, probably. It always amazes me how
much small talk people can squeeze out of the most banal situation.
Like I'm standing in line at the supermarket, and the woman in front of
me starts having this chat with the cashier about how she was looking
for a certain type of juice, and pretty soon they're commiserating with
each other about not finding it, and when they part they're seemingly
best friends.
I'm still hoping I can find a woman who's not like that. They're out
there, or so I've been told.
> Or maybe I'm just a complete failure in this regard.
Probably not, seeing as how you've been married and all. Are you still
looking, btw, or have you given up on women?
Largo
Antares wrote:
> Everyone tells you that romance "just happens," but they leave out a
> few important caveats, such as "assuming you regularly thrust yourself
> into situations with lots of people," or "assuming you are able to
> exploit romantic opportunities that come your way," or "assuming you
> are able to flirt with members of the opposite sex." These assumptions
> hold true for the vast majority of people, but not for shybies.
>
> Too bad nobody told me about the fine print.
And there's more, from my observation of perpetually alone people:
It assumes you're not hindered with the myriad of negatives that seem
to stalk people in this forum, such as:
Low income/low money
Ugliness (and all that entails: advanced age, shortness, baldness,
etc.)
Bad location
Standards that disallow one to accept an equally unattractive partner
Mental instability
Usenet addiction
...and so on.
Coats
antares_...@yahoo.com
Yes, quite so. #2, 4, and 6 here. Also #5 if you count excessive
baggage as mental instability.
Mxsmanic
> It assumes you're not hindered with the myriad of negatives that seem
> to stalk people in this forum, such as:
>
> Low income/low money
> Ugliness (and all that entails: advanced age, shortness, baldness,
> etc.)
> Bad location
> Standards that disallow one to accept an equally unattractive partner
> Mental instability
> Usenet addiction
Three out of six.
Mad Mambo Master of Macedonia
news:1130099299.5...@g43g2000cwa.googlegroups.com:
I think I mostly focus on women who are 'taken' or out of my league
(generally both). But in post-college life it's much harder to come
across desirable women to begin with, so maybe it's less of a problem in
a way. Or more likely that's the paxil talking, not the real me, not
that I'm all that crazy about the real me.
Mad Mambo Master of Macedonia
news:1130098573.4...@g43g2000cwa.googlegroups.com:
Um...those guys...who used to post here. Who were Indian...
Mad Mambo Master of Macedonia
news:1130098573.4...@g43g2000cwa.googlegroups.com:
I think I only brought it up because one of them was talking about the
advantages of arranged marriages, though he did not seem to be
predisposed to allow his parents to set him up. I think he was a
programmer in Phoenix. Then there was "Mickey" who never mentioned the
topic that I can recall.
William P
@g49g2000cwa.googlegroups.com:
> It assumes you're not hindered with the myriad of negatives that seem
> to stalk people in this forum, such as:
>
> Low income/low money
Check!
> Ugliness (and all that entails: advanced age, shortness, baldness,
> etc.)
I'm going to go ahead and say I check out on this. I'm a fat shortish 29
year old who looks 17. How good can that be?
> Bad location
No.
> Standards that disallow one to accept an equally unattractive partner
No. I'm the most absurdly desperate person on this group sometimes.
> Mental instability
Check.
> Usenet addiction
Oh freaking yeah.
4/6 here.
Antares
Mad Mambo Master of Macedonia wrote:
> "Antares" <antares...@gmail.com> wrote in
> news:1130098573.4...@g43g2000cwa.googlegroups.com:
>
> >
> > Mad Mambo Master of Macedonia wrote:
> >> "Antares" <antares...@gmail.com> wrote in
> >> news:1130091784.3...@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com:
> >>
> >> > I think we'd all prefer it if romance "just happened." That would
> be
> >> > ideal.
> >>
> >> What happened to those Indian guys? You think there parents finally
> >> marriedn them off?
> >
> > What Indian guys?
> >
>
> I think I only brought it up because one of them was talking about the
> advantages of arranged marriages, though he did not seem to be
> predisposed to allow his parents to set him up. I think he was a
> programmer in Phoenix. Then there was "Mickey" who never mentioned the
> topic that I can recall.
Oh yeah, I remember Mickey; he was a smart guy. Can't remember any
other Indians, though.
An arranged marriage could have made things *so* much easier for me
(but then again, it'd also have the potential to make my life hellish).
Antares
Yeah, I guess hotness levels decrease substantially, post-college, as
does the level of education. No wonder some guys are hung up on dating
college girls (paging Jim Summers). I think I have a similar hidden
bias. My ideal girl is something like a graduate student, not a woman
who's been ground down by life and work. I think I unconsciously
envision a woman in her mid-twenties.
ci+
news:1130082954.0...@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com:
> William P wrote:
>> "lisa" <ms_ja...@hotmail.com> wrote in
>> news:1130032026.098713.147400 @f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com:
>>
>> > I'm not sure looking for a partner would be productive. How many
>> > times have you heard stories where the person said when they
>> > stopped looking the person of their dreams walked into their lives?
>>
>> For men here? Never. Seriously.
>>
>> The whole idea that you find stuff by not looking is stupid and
>> insulting. (Some guys may be "trying too hard" or could use a break,
>> but that's different from not trying.)
>
> Where in what I said do you read stop trying?
>
> Have you ever heard of the oblique approach?
>
> A person cannot walk into your life if you're at home all of the time,
> unless she's come to read the meter or to take a door-to-door poll.
or to adjust the buckles and straps on the longlonglong-sleeved jacket,, administer the daily medications, help us wean
ourselves of our usenet addiction (graduallyyy! pleeeeesssssss!) etc :>
> The best advice I could give any person, shy or otherwise, is to
> actively develop a life, where you're around enough people who like
> and do the things that you do,
ronnie and i both love to whap our own heads against the sanitarium walls all day, but unfortunately we're both hetero.
:>
>to encounter a person mutually
> appropriate for your and her (or his) needs and vice versa. If you're
> shy, it will be more work, yes. It will take courage. It will take
> stepping beyond the comfort zone.
brusquely invade their comfort zone! wa ha!
>But if you want it, really want it,
> you're going to have to make the effort.
>
> You might be able to find a compatible person online, through shared
> interest forums, but going to the personals to find him or her is an
> enormous waste of time, unless you're lucky.
certainly those odds are bad for guys...
however.... if full of determination to try personals.. then the experience of *trying* the personals is educational (IME)
> rgds,
> lisa
>
>
--
"Every time a lightbulb breaks, a little argon gets it's wings."
ci+
> If you are equating an online dating site with a hiking
> club, the two aren't equitable.
particularly true because the dating thing is *totally* social, ... therefore much more illogical than hiking or whatever
straightforward activities...
ci+
...
> Most of the guys on this group aren't afraid of small talk per se
> (though they may find it unpleasant) -- they're afraid of approaching
> women and making their romantic intentions known. They are terrified
> of rejection. What online dating allows you to accomplish is to locate
> another woman who is definitely looking for a man, and to do so through
> a relatively safe medium.
exactly...
any online stuff.. chat/ads/whatever... is *experience* that could not be obtained IRL, because the situation would go assward
immediately upon attempting to begin IRL ...
>> but eventually you're going to have to meet the person, so it's only
>> postponing the inevitable.
>
> Yes, but there are more "inevitables" in real life -- such as the
> inevitability of enduring lots and lots of rejections when you approach
> random women. Online dating gives you a more focused search, at least
> in theory.
my impression is that both are equally impossible to aim... beyond targeting some obvious basics.. gender, age range...
for example.. there are "duds" online *and* IR who are married..
> Of course, there are venues for "focused searching" in real life, too.
> Speed dating comes to mind. However, these may be daunting to shybies.
> I'd piss my pants at the thought of speed dating, whereas online
> personals actually sound doable.
so burn thru your ads experience ASAP... to be ready *sooner* for your next step...
>> I'm not sure looking for a partner would be productive. How many times
>> have you heard stories where the person said when they stopped looking
>> the person of their dreams walked into their lives?
>
> Virtually every uplifting anecdote I've heard about my chances for
> romance, has proven to be wrong.
"one day your errant golf ball shall knock the lights outta your once-potential life's love..."
ci+
> An arranged marriage could have made things *so* much easier for me
> (but then again, it'd also have the potential to make my life hellish).
an arranged 'marriage' could be really bad for any (hetero) guy who "people seem to assume [is] gay".. :>
Mad Mambo Master of Macedonia
news:1130130493.6...@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com:
Actually I meant that the most desirable ones in my age range are
typically married, as far as I can tell.
Bernd Jendrissek
Hash: SHA1
In article <Xns96F912B...@64.85.239.19> ci+ <c...@cinukespam.com>
wrote:
>particularly true because the dating thing is *totally* social, ...
>therefore much more illogical than hiking or whatever straightforward
>activities...
Random anecdote: once I also heard a woman express her appreciation for
the "safe" nature of a hiking club (that sailing colleague and I
"founded", in fact) and that she didn't have to worry about getting hit
on etc. Little does she know that she was one of the pioneer women
brought in specifically to network into the female underground.
I expect this attitude could easily extend to all kinds of other
not-specifically-for-pickup vanues / activities, so that in the end no
place *but* the bar is a "legitimate" sarging zone, or as the evil man
you have to ignore what women "want" (not being hit on when they're not
maxing out their own appeal) and hit on them anyway - on the subway, in
the hiking club, cooking club, homeless shelter, whatever.
- --
"If you lie to the compiler, it will get its revenge." - Henry Spencer
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