thanksgiving without my girl
4Paws
vacation.
This is my second trip home since September.
The last time I was here was just 2 weeks ago, actually.
I had to come home on an emergency - because it was time to have my
sweet baby girl, Abby, put to sleep.
She was so sick - so ready to finally be at peace.
She had CUshing's disease, which led to liver problems -
she was blind and confused
and she was also in kidney failure.
that was probably the worst part for her.
And her poor beautiful soft black fur was falling out in patches as her
skin developed ugly ulcerations...
it hurts so badly to be home - today - without my Abby girl.
she used to love the smell of the oven being on all day, roasting the
turkey...
the little rug is still on the floor in front of the oven, where she
would have been lying all day
and she was still lying there just 2 weeks ago today...
She died/was euthanized on November 13.
So it will be two weeks on Saturday.
Earlier this afternoon, my Mom was cleaning out the closet where Abby's
food and medications were stored.
We had soo many different kinds of food - from pet treats to baby food
we tried so hard to get her to eat during those last few weeks,
but her appetite was so selective due to her progressing kidney
failure...
My Mom is packing all of the treats and Abby's special foods.
She is going to give them to my sister's dog.
When I saw everything packed in the bag to go to my sister, I felt a
choking feeling in my throat
every now and then I am overwhelmed with an incredible feeling of pain
and sadness -
it seems like it can't be real
how could it be?
how could it be that I will never again be able to feel her soft ears,
and kiss her cold,wet nose...
everything I do and everywhere I go in this house that used to be home
feels so foreign
it will never be the same
i miss her so badly
i loved her so much
i still love her
I am doing all kinds of crazy things out of this pain of loss I Am
feeling.
for example,
in the front yard, only an hour before she died that SAturday, she had
a final bowel movement
as soon as i came home last night i ran out to see if i could still see
it in the grass -
as it slowly disintegrates
I found it.
I felt panicked to think that one day it will be no longer visible.
I realize that a lot of people go through awful grieving after a loss
of a pet.
I realize that it is "normal" to feel this excruciating pain
But those realizations/rationalizations are of little comfort to this
empty ache in my heart.
I wish I could just wake up and find that this was all a bad dream
and Abby would be there
young and vital again
and I would say, "Walk in Woods?"
and she would answer me in her three-syllable bark
and we would go running outdoors
happily inhaling the smell of the damp November day
thank you for listening
i didn't intend to write so much
I wish you all peace on this Thanksgiving day...
sincerely
Debbie
(with the loving memory of Abby Rose -
who died Saturday, Nov.13, 1999 at 12:00noon)
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Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
ginaem
This is my 2nd Thanksgiving without my Mao. It hurts, but it's
survivable. Yours is still pretty fresh. I am sorry for the loss of
your Abby Rose. Part of my consolence is that I gave him freedom from
an ailing body. Even at 13, he was still quiet the puppy, but his body
was old.
Sending warmth,
Ginae.
4Paws
Thank you for your kind words.
What you said about freeing your little Mao from his ailing body rings
very true for my little Abby too.
I remember saying it was as if her poor old body was dying before her
spirit.
I just wish I could touch her physically right now.
Thank you again.
Debbie
In article <383E54...@swbell.net>,
--
ginaem
This is exactly true. Their bodies were dying before their spirits'.
He was in such a sweet, playful mood that day. And yes, I was just
thinking last night that I don't know what I'd give to hear him snore
once more. He was quiet the snorasaurus~!
Some day, we *will* be able to touch them. And talk to them. And love
them some more...but for now, I'm trying to release him as I don't want
to slow up his journey.
You're welcome!
Ginae.