XP: Airplane Rant
Paul Tauger
steadily losing its CF luster. I'll report some other time about the
Spanish famblee that emptied the breakfast room of a 5-star hotel in Dijon
with their shrieking infant, the German (I think) famblee that brought a
hideous shrieking toddler into the first class section of a Thalys train,
and the stroller-dragging Italian cow women who blocked the aisles of a gift
shop in Brugge.
This rant, however, is about the flight from hell!
We returned to Los Angeles last night on TWA from Charles de Gaulle airport
in Paris, connecting through New York. We were flying on FF tickets, which
meant they were not upgradeable, so we were in coach (my motto used to be:
"I'll fly in the overhead bin if you take me to Europe for free for a
vacation." Not after this, though!).
The day before our flight, TWA had to divert a Cairo to New York flight to
Paris because of mechanical problems. The passengers from that flight were
folded in to our flight, resulting in a plane that was packed to the gills.
Seat pitch -- the distance between seats -- was obsecenely small on this
767; sardines have more room. You can imagine what followed . . .
Things started badly while waiting for the plane. Because I'm a frequent
TWA flier, Liana and I can pre-board, along with the first class passengers
and, of course, the "families travelling with small children." We like to
board early to make sure there is room in the overhead bins for our
carryons. We positioned ourselves near the gate and waited for boarding to
begin. While we were waiting, a hideous family with a young boy about 4 and
a young girl about 3 literally pushed past us so they could be first on the
plane. The children were utterly out of control. Whenever the little girl
wanted something, she would literally scream at the top of her lungs. The
little boy had, as a carryon, a SOCCER BALL. Naturally, this thing was
kicked all over the place. At one point, this little bastard tried to use
_my_ carryon as a ladder to climb on -- I said in my sternest Pete-voice,
"DON'T DO THAT!" This shocked the kid, and got his father to grunt out a
"stop" to his little monster (these people did not speak English as their
primary language -- I couldn't place what they were speaking, but I'm going
to guess it was Farsi or another Arabic language).
On board, things deteriorated quickly. This famblee was seated several rows
behind us. The little girl shrieked, as loud as she could and every few
minutes, for the entire EIGHT AND 1/2 HOURS of the flight. The little
bastar . . . uh . . . boy, jogged up and down the aisle next to us,
accompanied by some other out of control little nightmares. Worse yet,
there were several infants who, apparently, had prearranged crying shifts,
one taking over as soon as the other stopped.
The most amazing thing, though, was yet to come . . . I had the window
seat, with Liana sitting next to me on the aisle. All of a sudden I felt
something touching my feet. I thought it was Liana, playing footsie, but
when I turned to look at her, she was asleep. When I looked down, there was
a BABY crawling under the seats. It's stupid handler (I won't dignify her
by calling her a mother) was allowing this thing to crawl along the aisle
and under the seats! Liana woke up about this time and saw this filthy
little infant crawling by -- she couldn't believe that any sane human being
would allow a baby to do this. The aisle carpetting was covered with the
kind of filth that can only accumulate when 500 people are locked in a
narrow tube for half-a-day, FAs were were pushing beverage carts up and
down, and people were walking forward to the lavatories. Indeed, I had been
up only a little while before, and I certainly don't look down when I'm
walking in airplane -- in light turbulence, you have to look straight ahead
to keep balanced. If this baby had been in the aisle then, I would have
inadvertently drop-kicked it into the next section.
If this wasn't bad enough, Liana was jolted awake when yet another
free-range toddler banged her on the arm with a toy car while it _crawled_
up and down aisle. It's handler followed behind, with a stupid bovine grin
on its face, apparently expecting everyone to be charmed by its filthy and
disruptive nuisance.
This will sound stupid, but I was afraid to complain to the flight
attendants. The perpetrators, as well as a large number of the passengers,
were Arabic, from the Cairo flight (which originated in Riyad). Given the
state of things in the middle east, I was _not_ willing to risk an
international incident to complain. I should add that many of those
Cairo-originating passengers who didn't bring drag along infant carryons,
were loud, shouting back and forth over several rows, and, to put it
euphemistically,.seemed unfamiliar with flying etiquette
The flight attendants, apparently terrorized by this bunch of unruly
passengers, retreated to their galleys where they did something I've NEVER
seen in all the flying I've done -- they roped off the areas and wouldn't
allow passengers in (I frequently retreat to the galleys just to stretch my
legs).
So, for 8-1/2 hours, Liana and I were shoe-horned into impossibly narrow
seats and physically and aurally assaulted by these loud and annoying
passengers, and their filthy, bestial offspring. Copious self-medication
was insufficient to dull the annoyances inflicted by the shrieklings, and
when we finally left the plane, I had developed a monstrous migraine.
We boarded our connecting flight and settled into our (thank god!) exit row
seats. No sooner had we sat down then another bovine entered with a lap
infant which immediately proceeded to make its discomfort known. This was a
night flight, leaving NY at 6 pm and arriving in LA at 10 pm. People
_sleep_ on these flights; the FAs shut the lights in the main cabin, and the
pilots don't make their usual "here's an update" announcements JUST so
people can sleep. What was this idiot thinking of, bringing a shriekling on
like that!
We were held on the ground an hour so the plane could be deiced and the
runways plowed. During this time, the infant shrieked, cried, screamed,
"fussed quietly," and its human udder handler made no effort whatsoever to
quiet it.
Well, I couldn't take it anymore. I found a flight attendant and told him
that I was an Elite 1 member (TWA's preferred FF level) and had just come in
from Paris on the flight from hell. I told him about the screaming,
free-range children. I started to say, "I just can't handle another flight
. . ." and he finished the sentence for me: "with a screaming baby." He
told me to wait a moment, and then came back and said, "We'd be happy to
invite you to sit in row 3 in First Class." I was ecstatic.
First class was delightfully quiet, the food was good, and we made two
celebrity sightings: Bill Pullman, who stared in Independence Day, was
sitting behind me, and an African American actor (whose name I don't recall)
who plays doctor on Chicago Hope sat across the aisle.
BAN ALL CHILDREN ON AIRPLANES! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
Okay, rant over. Thanks for listening.
Pete
And as much as I'd like to think I'd have sais "screw it" and done the
international incident anyway, I suspect I would have done exactly what
you did.
I ride public transit to work and on days when there's no escape, I'm
glad for the volume levels my Discman can achieve. Better to damage my
hearing with Lee Roy, Delbert, Webb Wilder or any number of other
artists thjan with the shrieking of vermin.
Nicely done Paul, and I'm glad to see you found the petition...Happy New
Year to you too...Pete
In article <939dej$1397$1...@nntp1.ba.best.com>, "Paul Tauger"
<tauger...@SPAMusa.net> wrote:
<Snip>
Madia
Paul Tauger wrote:
> Happy New Year, all. Just back from vacation in Europe which, sadly, is
> steadily losing its CF luster.
/snip/
>
>
> BAN ALL CHILDREN ON AIRPLANES! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
>
> Okay, rant over. Thanks for listening.
Paul, how could you say such a horrible thing? Don't you looooove pwesios
crotchdropping? I can't believe you were not amused and delighted by their
presence on the plane. You should have cherished every minute you spend together
with yardapes.
Madia, who was trying to be "breeder friendly" in this one post.....
PS. Happy New Year to you too!
Amy Mathis
airplanes! Not only is this annoying to other passengers, it shows a total
lack of concern for the kids' safety. I've seen this at movies,
restaurants, etc. (and the parents are usually too busy yakking with each
other to watch out) and it breaks my heart.
Hilary
it's cyoote to let their crotchdroppings "toddle" on the left side.
Envision the scene: This particular airport has a line drawn down the
center of the people-mover with "STAND" and "WALK" marked on the right
and left sides. SO and I are heading to our gate, moving at a goodly
clip, each maneuvering a bag, down the "WALK" side of the crowded
people-mover.
Suddenly SO comes to a halt, there is a screech, and I see a toddler-
sized crotchdropping sliding down the people-mover. Yes folks, although
breeder dudee was standing on the "STAND" side, he didn't seem to
notice Puntley waddle into SO's path on the "WALK" side, and, well, the
runt was punted. Although the crotchdropping let out a squeak it did
not appear to be hurt, nor did it cry. Its breeder started screaming at
SO and calling him "careless". Turns out dudee wasn't even flying, he
was just letting Puntley "play" while waiting for incoming passengers.
SO, bless his heart, stared blankly at the breeder and said, "Sorry my
bag hit your kid, but what were you THINKING letting a toddler play on
the people mover? You are inconveniencing other adults and endangering
your child. You are obviously not cut out to be a parent." Dudee just
stood there in befuddled silence, we shook our heads and walked on.
I wonder if dudee is still standing there with his mouth open.
--
A woman without a child is like a fish without a bicycle.
Sent via Deja.com
http://www.deja.com/
Mike Fox
>
> Well, I couldn't take it anymore. I found a flight attendant and told him
> that I was an Elite 1 member (TWA's preferred FF level) and had just come in
> from Paris on the flight from hell. I told him about the screaming,
So Paul, what do you think of American Airlines' just-announced purchase
of TWA (though you're probably an elite FF on AA too so it may not
matter to you)?
Mike
Paul Tauger
"Mike Fox" <mik...@attglobal.net> wrote in message
news:3A59DD90...@attglobal.net...
Actually, I don't often fly AA because don't do YUP fares. I'm currently
holding FF tickets on TWA and, between Liana and myself, we have about 50K
miles left in TWA's FF program. I'm concerned that I'm about to get ripped
off. From what I've read, AA is _not_ buying TWA but, rather, buying TWA's
assets after TWA declares bankruptcy. As a rule, when one company acquires
another, it incurs the liabilities along with purchasing the assets.
However, if TWA goes bankrupt, its liabilities are discharged, and AA can
acquire only the assets. FF miles, tickets, etc. are all TWA liabilities.
I'm going to wait and see how this all devolves.
>
IleneB
wrote:
> I wonder if dudee is still standing there with his mouth open.
I suspect he was born that way--but good for your SO!
Ilene B
Paul Tauger
"Mike Fox" <mik...@attglobal.net> wrote in message
<snip>
> > Actually, I don't often fly AA because don't do YUP fares.
>
> Excuse my ignorance, but what are YUP fares?
>
> Mike
Y-upgrade. Some airlines (TWA, Continental, US Air and America West) will
automatically upgrade you to first class if you buy a full-fare
(non-discounted, unrestricted) coach ticket (Y-fare). This is great for me
because, when I fly for business, I need fully-refundable unrestricted
tickets, so I always try to fly an airline that offers Y-upgrade fares and
get to fly first class almost all of the time.
>
mon...@nntp9.atl.mindspring.net
<snip stoopid duh-dee letting kid play on people mover in airport>
>SO, bless his heart, stared blankly at the breeder and said, "Sorry my
>bag hit your kid, but what were you THINKING letting a toddler play on
>the people mover? You are inconveniencing other adults and endangering
>your child. You are obviously not cut out to be a parent." Dudee just
>stood there in befuddled silence, we shook our heads and walked on.
Wow your SO totally ROCKS!! I'm getting to that point where we're
getting braver and braver, thanks to this group. Yesterday I asked to
be moved when we were seated for brunch because our table was right
next to a party of ten who hadn't arrived yet. Now, to me, an empty
party of ten in a restaurant for Sunday brunch screams "FAMILY
GATHERING WITH BABY(S) ABOUT TO ENSUE HERE!"
Just as I walked up to the hostess to ask to be moved, the other
hostess was setting up a high chair at the large table, so my instinct
was right on. I said "we'd like to be moved to a table away from the
high chair please". We were cheerfully moved to another table. :)
monica, my money's as good as theirs
---------------------------------------------------------------------
No woman can call herself free who does not own and control her body.
No woman can call herself free until she can choose consciously whether
she will or will not be a mother.
-Margaret Sanger (1883-1966)
mroo philpott-smythe
>
> Happy New Year, all.
and the same to you.
[horrendectomy]
holy fucking godzilla. i am NOT looking forward to my 17-hour flight
tomorrow!
> BAN ALL CHILDREN ON AIRPLANES! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
agreed. perhaps you should have "accidentally" stepped on the crawler.
I find those kinds of "accidents" helpful in limiting sprogassault.
Although, as you point out, not if it means an international diplomatic
incident. <sigh>
Paul Tauger
"mroo philpott-smythe" <sPAMq...@idiom.com> wrote in message
news:3A5CE2D2...@idiom.com...
> Paul Tauger wrote:
> >
> > Happy New Year, all.
>
> and the same to you.
>
> [horrendectomy]
>
> holy fucking godzilla. i am NOT looking forward to my 17-hour flight
> tomorrow!
Where are you off to? I hope you're not in coach!
Paul Tauger
"Pete" <bassma...@netscape.net> wrote in message
news:bassmanpeteb-AC4D...@west.usenetserver.com...
> Nice job on the "STOP IT, excellent spinal fortitude.
>
> And as much as I'd like to think I'd have sais "screw it" and done the
> international incident anyway, I suspect I would have done exactly what
> you did.
>
> I ride public transit to work and on days when there's no escape, I'm
> glad for the volume levels my Discman can achieve. Better to damage my
> hearing with Lee Roy, Delbert, Webb Wilder or any number of other
> artists thjan with the shrieking of vermin.
>
> Nicely done Paul, and I'm glad to see you found the petition...Happy New
> Year to you too...Pete
Thanks, Pete. I would have responded sooner, but my newserver has,
evidently, contracted epilepsy and I've missed tons of posts. I've just
switched ISPs, so I'm hoping there won't be any more problems.
When I fly, I carry a nice Sony CD player (tested to deliver sufficient
volume -- many portable CDs don't) plugged into Sony noise-reducing
headphones -- the kind that seal around the ear. You'd think that with this
rig, I wouldn't hear ANYTHING I didn't want to but it is just amazing how a
toddler's shriek can cut through steel (and my skull) like a hot icepick
into butter.