Friscon Report (Long)
Jungle Kitty
From: Jungle Kitty <jki...@accesscom.com>
To: ascem <as...@earthlink.net>
Subject: Friscon Report (Long)
First of all, I'm not sure this is a con report. I attended only two
con
events. The rest of the time I hung out with ASCEM/L or TOS folks.
This
is probably more like Jungle Kitty's Memoirs of a Fabulous Weekend. I
hope others will feel like sharing their experiences.
This is a very small, informal con, compared to Shore Leave (my only
frame of reference for cons). The panels don't have moderators or
speakers. Just people in a room chatting and only half an hour long,
due
to the large number of fandoms represented. This is a slash con, not
just Star Trek. A bunch of us went to the K/S panel, which drove the
other people right out of the room, with a couple of exceptions. And
we
hadn't even said much of anything yet. Well, let's not get into that.
And now... the Scifi Channel is proud to present...
JOURNEY TO GOOD VIBRATIONS, OR TERROR AT 20 MPH
The TSU Faculty had planned a field trip to "Good Vibrations," a very
friendly, non-sleazy sex toy store in Berkeley.
I warned them. I told them that, when I talk, I get lost. So anne,
Sandy, and Greywolf started talking about something interesting, and
the
next thing you know, we're toodling around downtown Oakland sans clue.
Despite the fact that we had two--count 'em, two--maps. I accept full
responsibility for this SNAFU, I was the driver, I live in the Bay
area,
and I was the one who fed the navigator the magic cookies. But I must
point out that I now understand why he's known as Greywolf the
WANDERER.
I did manage to keep us from going through the Webster tube, which
would
have put us in Alameda. Where the nuclear wessels are. I will share
anne's immortals words: "No offense, JK, but I'll never get in a car
with you again unless there's duct tape over your mouth." A wise
woman.
This getting lost business must be inherent to having a Kirkologist at
the wheel (perhaps a corollary to the lost glasses syndrome) because
Judith and Mary Ellen ended up on the wrong side of the Bay Bridge.
Anyway, we finally got there and had a grand time pawing the
merchandise. Highlights:
- A vibrator shaped (very realistically) like a piece of corn on the
cob. All the "toys" have names, but this one was not called "Iowa
Homegrown" or "The James T. Kirk Special." But it should have been.
- Bought a very small flog in which the strings are made out of the
same
material as koosh. Someone pointed out that it looks exactly like the
tassle that hangs from a mortarboard. So if someone writes a TSU
graduation ceremony, this will adorn the faculty's caps.
- Forgot to ask about the meaning of Phoning the Czar. Sorry.
- They carry the books in which Ruth and Atara are published. :-)
DINNER AT FONDUE FRED'S OR "I DIDN'T REALIZE WE WERE GOING TO *EAT*
WITH
THESE."
An arm-wrestling match between Robin and Laurel. Laurel won, but
graciously declared it a draw as she rubbed her crushed hand.
Teased each other's flesh with fondue forks while waiting for food,
which took FOREVER.
LATER THAT NIGHT...
Screened CptnsWoman's K/S music video, "Something to Talk About."
(Also
did this the next day in the con video room.) Everyone loved it, and I
encourage you to send her your thanks and feedback. Her email addy is
Cptns...@aol.com. Present at this screening: Greywolf, Judith Gran,
Mary Ellen Curtin, yours truly.
Also watched "Operation: Annihilate." The following observations were
made:
- Contrary to popular fanon, Sam (played by WS) looks like he could be
as little as 3 years older than Jim.
- Sam looks kind of like Richard Dreyfuss, who was probably filming
his
bit part in "The Graduate" right about that time.
- After they bring the creature back to the Enterprise, it is kept in
one of the following (your choice):
- a food processor
- a cake saver
- a salad spinner
- Shatner is fabulous in this episode.
- Nimoy is fabulous in this episode.
Tried to show Shatner doing the "Dagger of the Mind" speech from
Macbeth, but JK's VCR had a nervous breakdown.
BEDTIME STORIES, OR "I'LL SHOW YOU MINE IF YOU'LL SHOW ME YOURS"
Greywolf read the bit I brought to read for the group. Says it's
really
hot.
He brought a short piece from Killa to share with the group, but I
got a sneak preview. Ahhhh... Pleasant dreams.
SATURDAY
Woke to pouring rain and promptly resigned as TSU Weather Girl.
Greywolf takes more time coming to life than I would have thought
possible. If you ever room with him and want to keep to any sort of
schedule, be prepared to crack the whip. And not that tiny one with
the
kooshy strings. <EG>
Left Greywolf drooling over zines in the dealers' room and attended
the
Whys & Wherefores of Writing TrekSmut, run by our own List Mom. Saw
some
lovely photos of action toys, which featured Riker in bondage in
almost
every shot. Also quite a few with sheep. Not sure who took these, but
they were great. Ruth vainly attempted to keep us on topic.
Screened "Something to Talk About" again, followed by "Requiem for
Methuselah." Present at the screening: Mary Ellen, Greywolf, Laurel
and
her anatomically correct Kirk & Spock action figures, Raku, jonk,
Robin,
yours truly.
Folks, when Sci Fi shows Requiem for Methuselah, fire up the VCRs. As
a
Kirkologist, I was of course happily aware of JTK's EVE. But after
watching it with our bunch, I must say this ep is Hard-on Heaven. And
the main ingredient in Saurian Brandy is obviously Viagra. K, S, & Mc
take one swig, the M4 robot flies in and drops a bag of Ritalin
crystals
on the table (pretty contemptuously, too, I might add--this is one
pissy
robot). Anyway, the camera is at waist height. And BAM! BAM! BAM!
McCoy
& Spock dress to the right, Kirk to the left. Also, when Spock first
comes up to the table, he's standing in such a way that it looks like
he's going to whip it out on the table. Thud thud thu-thump!
Throughout the rest of the episode, I don't think there's a single
scene
in which someone isn't Very Happy. Naturally, we were giddy with joy
and
were even convinced that, in one scene, you could see double ridges.
Using impeccable but illution-shattering logic, Robin proved that it
was
trouser bulge. 8-(
She also stood by the TV the rest of the time and stroked everyone's
naughty bits. ;-p
Other than Stiffies, Stiffies, Stiffies, the following observations
were
made:
- This ep is rampant with Bat Science. I'm surprised Doc Science can
watch it.
- Doc Science's theory is that this ep is a dream. The question is
whose. After the extremely slashy scene in which the M4 almost fries
Kirk, I decided it's M4's. I may write a Kirk/M4 story. Right after
Kirk/Wiggly Fish. (More about that later)
- My theory is that they were running out of money and didn't want to
hire actors to play a musicologist and an art historian, so they made
Spock do their lines. As my pompous fart of a theatre history prof
used to say, "I was moved to incredulity."
- It appears that JTK is rubbing his Throbbing Manhood against the
pool
cue.
- In one scene, Kirk holds the pool cue at the exact same angle as his
other stick. What an actor. Every detail exactly right.
THE TSU FACULTY TEA
Graciously hosted by jonk and raku, with appropriately smutty food.
Mary Ellen wore a charming ensemble, a floral print dress with white
gloves and picture hat. She could have gone to a garden party at
Buckingham Palace. Very nice.
Greywolf was in a full clannish rig, kilt and all. He was asked about
boxers or briefs, but I don't remember the answer.
jonk had a very cool fedora, but wore it through the entire con, so
I'm
not sure if that counts as a special costume for Tea.
Heather was promoted from Intern to Plush Toy, due to her lovely
silver
velour shirt.
Yours truly wore her cat ears, but decided the tail was Too Much.
anne received her very own box of Halloween peeps. These were orange,
shaped like cats, and bore a striking resemblance to Hitler. The
nutritional info indicated a serving size of 4 cats. The box included
suggestions for craft projects (i.e., jewelry) and the uses of peeps
as
condiments. Shudder.
Learned that JK and Robin can hear sounds that other humans can't.
After the tea, Laurel was kind enough to share with me a priceless
gem.
A magazine (a REAL magazine, not a zine) from 1968 which featured
articles on all the Trek folk. Lovely pictures of WS recording the
infamous "Transformed Man." Yeah, I know, too bad he wasn't
transformed
into someone who could sing, but DAMN he looked good! Also hot Hot HOT
pictures of Nichelle Nichols. (Incidentally, at one point, it was
unanimously agreed that, out of everyone who went to the Mirror
Universe, she was the one who looked the best there.)
THE BIG PARTY, OR "YOU MEAN I CAN HAVE TREKSMUT WITHOUT TYPING OR
EYESTRAIN?"
Live and in person--ASCEML! Well, at least some of them. And we
really,
really, really missed the rest of you. Fascinating convo, mass
LOL-ROFLMAO, magical baked goods, booze, and a deluge of TrekSmut.
Everyone is as wonderful (if not better) in RL as in cyberspace.
And food, glorious food. If I'm ever in a sh*ttl*cr*ft crash and end
up
stranded on a hostile planet, I want Judith with me because I wouldn't
need a food replicator. This woman prepared a gourmet feast in her
hotel
room, which had no kitchen-like appointments other than a mini-fridge.
<Deafening round of applause for Judith>
Door Prizes! Heather won the Garak/Bashir folio (which I believe was
contributed by Jen), Greywolf won the Vegemite (flown in from
Australia--WARNING! Do not use as a lubricant!), and JK won the Wiggly
Fish (donated by our illustrious president). At last, inspiration for
a
sex toy story! Especially after Ruth showed me that it can be fisted.
Kirk/Wiggly Fish, here I come.
So on to the TrekSmut. A few days before the con, when we were all
hopping up and down with excitement, jonk suggested that it might be
fun
to bring things to read to each other. <Deafening round of applause
for
jonk>
We had everything: serious, funny, hot, poignant, works in progress,
old
favorites... Here's a partial list, not in any particular order. I've
listed title/reader/author where I can remember them. I won't give
details of any of the stories, since some were works-in-progress. And
I
know I've left things out, but I was in a state of euphoric bliss.
Others present, please jump in with corrections and additions.
Rampant Love Prongs / Robin / Robin
Scream / Mary Ellen / Laura Jacquez Valentine
<Odo story> / Heather & Robin / Cam
Better than Coffee / Robin / Greywolf
<G/B story> / Reesa / Reesa
Inhale / Reesa / Varoneeka
Watching Me / Ruth / Ruth
<Herc/Xena story> / Atara / Atara
The Uneasy Dancers / Jungle Kitty / Jungle Kitty
Round Robin / Heather / Jen
Round Robin / Greywolf / Greywolf
Strong Coffee / Greywolf / Killa
Release from Bondage / Mary Ellen / Mary Ellen
Kurk & Spok Fuck / Laurel / Rude Person
Kurk & Spok Get Over It and Fuck / Laurel / Rudy
Doctor's Log #? / Mary Ellen / sydvick
Rafi love poem / jonk (using yours truly as a prop!!) / Rafi
As you can see, the TOS crowd was hogging the spotlight. ;-D
Once we got Robin reading, we almost never let her stop. She does all
the facial expressions and body language. And I personally prefer
Janeway with an Australian accent.
Judith didn't read but told us the plot of her Legends of K/S story.
It
will blow everyone's doors off when it's written.
And just to put the whole thing over the top, Robin and Judith read
and
*acted out* Robin's "Bedtime Story."
Also had fun shop talk, like "Tell us the story that's on your hard
drive that will never be finished."
Never did get around to listening to the various selections of Music
to
Write Treksmut By. The party went on til 3 or 4 in the morning,
depending on whether or not you remembered to set your clock back.
This incredible bash was hosted by Judith and Mary Ellen. <A deafening
round of applause for our hostesses>
SUNDAY
Hanging out until folks had to leave. Had a rather fruitful discussion
about the Gaywolf the Wonderer thread, which will probably result in a
TSU story. Not sure who will write it, but it sounded like a jonk-raku
sort of thing to me. I gave jonk some software advice, so I may be
able
to write this off as a business expense. Yeah, right.
A private reading of Wildcat's "Isle of Joy" for Judith, Mary Ellen,
Greywolf, and anne.
Judith and a non-ASCEM/L K/Ser sang a couple of verses of "Banned from
Argo" for us. More gourmet food courtesy of Ms. Gran.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch...JK's husband didn't think much of the
koosh flog, but was instantly taken with the Wiggly Fish. To quote Doc
Science--"Research, always research."
BOLDLY GOING...
Shore Leave is July 9-11, 1999. The East Coast faculty meeting. Make
it
so.
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