Universal pipe truths
Adguru
1. The point at which you are certain that you like a blend, most
often coincides with having one bowl's worth of tobacco left.
2. The blend that you enjoy the most is usually the one that is most
offensive to your wife.
3. The brothers who tell you, "Never put an orange peel in your
tobacco, mold will ruin all your tobacco!" generally have too much
tobacco and too much time on their hands.
4. You will never have enough pipes.
5. Kitchen matches are not made with as good a wood as they once
were. In the past they were apparently made from Ash that was left
over from making Ty Cobb's baseball bats. They were a sturdy thing of
beauty that you could not break. Today they are made from an inferior
species from a God-forsaken land with the tensile strength of Balsa
wood.
6. Even with the wood problem, kitchen matches are still a better tool
to light a pipe than any $600 Dunhill lighter.
7. Pipes gurgle. Get over it.
8. Once you've decided you have a favorite tobacco blend, and have
ordered a small quantity, the blend will be discontinued. The blend
will be picked up by another manufacturer who will keep the name and
throw out the recipe. The new version cost more.
9. The Pipe Buffer Cycle: You smart. You get the buffer. You get the
block of carnuba wax. You polish the hell out of your pipe. Pipe
becomes airborne, there goes the stem. You not too smart.
10. Smoking your pipe in public can be enjoyable. Sometimes girls
will come up to you and say with a broad smile, "I love the way your
pipe smells." Unfortunately, these "girls" are your age. And not
quite as attractive as your wife.
Your turn...
Paul Z
You cellar only favorite tobacco's hoping to decrease the growth of
your cellar. You enjoy "way" too many blends. It's hard to stop/slow
PAD.
Paul Z
buck12ga
Those are good!
Buck
Buddy Springman
Buddy
Briarroot
> ...
> Your turn...
>
11. While smoking a bowl of an old favorite tobacco in a pipe that has
never quite made your "best list," you suddenly realize that the bowl
you're smoking is among the most wonderfully flavorful that you've ever
experienced with that particular pipe. Crowing in triumph, you make a
note of that combination of pipe and tobacco in your pipe journal,
anticipating similar great smokes in the future. Two weeks later you
sit down to enjoy the same tobacco again in the same pipe only to
discover that the combination now tastes utterly horrible!
Regards,
Tim Parker ... Gawith-Hoggarth Scotch Flake in a basket billiard
--
"Man will always be Man. We tried so hard to create a society that was
equal, where there'd be nothing to envy your neighbor. But there's
always something to envy: a smile; a friendship; something you don't
have and want to appropriate. In this world, even a Soviet one, there
will always be rich and poor; rich in gifts - poor in gifts, rich in
love - poor in love." - Comrade Commissar Danilov in "Enemy at the Gates"
The Pirate
13. The wind always start to blow the minute you go to light your
pipe.
14. you remember that your pipe is in your pocket the very instant you
hear a sickening 'snap'
Ken
Nick
wrong (eventually they will, and probably with your fave pipe) they
will go really wrong.
dre7
immediately order a pound. When it arrives, you smoke another few bowls
only to discover you're not as enamored of it as you thought. You go to get
some more ball jars, wondering why they don't make lids with a pipe motif as
no one cans anymore.
Andrew
Adguru <ela...@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:b443df41-c7fa-4c24...@m36g2000hse.googlegroups.com...
Larry Luffman
I would just add that kitchen matches aren't alone.Most things made of
wood these days are made with inferior wood...Except briar pipes,of
course.
NCguy
Tim Daneliuk
> I'll start:
<SNIP>
> Your turn...
>
Pipe smoking is the gateway to metaphysical philosophical hell:
The less you smoke, the more you can discern the most subtle
and tasty nuances of briar and leaf. The more you taste them,
the more you smoke. The more you smoke the less you taste them.
I call this "Goedel's Incompleteness Theorem Applied To Pipes"
--
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tim Daneliuk tun...@tundraware.com
PGP Key: http://www.tundraware.com/PGP/
Jimmy Muraco
you acquire a taste for ash.
Jimmy "da Pipe" Muraco
http://www.flickr.com/photos/jmuraco/
http://thesmokingtiger.blogspot.com/
http://straightgrain.blogspot.com/
http://www.geocities.com/coffeecat/index.html
http://thetigerspaw.blogspot.com/
k_pip_k
15. You finally sit down to enjoy your bowl, when you suddenly
realize you are very far from your pipe cleaners when you eventually
hear the gurgle.
randyw
for. You buy a fresh supply of an English Blend you've been wanting to
try. You take an absorbitant amount of time, filling your new pipe,
using the Frank Method, cause you really want the moment to last, and
after you've lit your pipe, the Missus looks over at you, and has a
look on her face, like you just lit up a bowl of dog turds. Sometimes
I miss being single.
Randy W...
> hear the gurgle.- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -
Bert Olton
16. Never get cocky drying your clays in a microwave.
Bert
--
To all who have served or are serving the cause of freedom, from
whatever country, whether in peace or in war, at home or abroad, thank you.
"Let's roll", Todd Beamer, United Airlines Flight 93, 09/11/01.
Bert Olton
> 16. Never get cocky drying your clays in a microwave.
Corollary 1. *Never* dry a meer in a microwave.
Irishlefty
these cute young things will come up to you and oooh and ahhh over your
pipe, the smell of the pipe, how distinguished you look and then quote
you their price for short time and long time! Pipe smokers have a
reputation for good tippers and I'm one of those that helped establish
that reputation.
Irishlefty
k_pip_k
How much are plane tickets to Thailand?
Dock J.Perry
bit short of your expectations.Though it looked great in the
pics,it'll either be too big or too small when you open the box it was
shipped in...
*Almost every pipe rack you buy won't hold your larger or full bent
pipes properly.Sometimes you've gotta turn those stems 180%...
*The pipes you own aren't "the hot pipe of the moment". If you sell
your pipes to buy "the hot pipe of the moment" you'll find that the
one's you're selling are "the cold pipe of the moment"...
*That old Stanwell you've got probably smokes better than that $4,000
Bo Nordh that you saw for sale but you still yearn for it anyway...
*Their are NO bargins on E-Bay anymore! If a pipe looks like it's
gonna go cheap, somebody will always bid it up on you...
** THE BRAND VS BRIAR DEBATE WILL NEVER BE RESOLVED! THERE'S REALLY NO
RIGHT OR WRONG ANSWER EITHER**
Best,
D.Perry
Juan in Andalucía
- You drop your pipenail and it enters an unknown dimension.
- You get the weird look by the lady at the counter when you ask for a
dozen pipenails.
- A week later you walk for 30 minutes under the rain to find another
tobacconist to buy one more dozen pipenails.
- You tell your nephew you'll buy him a playstation 3 if he gets you
one more dozen of pipenails.
- Your pipes go Ebay to buy a playstation 3... and some pipenails.
Juan in Andalucía
Charles Potter
> I agree with all except no. 10 - try smoking your pipe in Thailand. All
> these cute young things will come up to you and oooh and ahhh over your
> pipe, the smell of the pipe, how distinguished you look and then quote
> you their price for short time and long time! Pipe smokers have a
> reputation for good tippers and I'm one of those that helped establish
> that reputation.
>
Right, but don't forget the cost of HIV testing afterwards. Let's be
careful out there.
Charles
Briarroot
>
> ** THE BRAND VS BRIAR DEBATE WILL NEVER BE RESOLVED! THERE'S REALLY NO
> RIGHT OR WRONG ANSWER EITHER**
>
Good one!
Regards,
Tim Parker ... Iwan Ries 3-Star Blue in a basket bulldog
--
"Any attempt to replace a personal conscience by a collective conscience
does
violence to the individual and is the first step toward
totalitarianism." - Herman Hesse
grous...@gmail.com
reputation of pipe smokers in Thailand as well. However, on a serious
note. Watch the pipe tool. I got hassled once in a bar in Bangkok,
because the bartender thought my pipe tool was a coke spoon. Cops
were called, etc. Fortunately, one of the chief cops was a pipe
smoker, saw the offending device, and laughed. Still, the situation
was a little hot for my liking. Now, I leave the pipe tool in the
hotel, and tamp with a wooden dowel.
I will be in Pattaya/Bankok in November. If you are planning a trip
at that time, write me. We can share a bowl over a beer.
Paul
grous...@gmail.com
On Mar 14, 7:46 am, Irishlefty <jtraversdev...@verizon.net> wrote:
David
Funny stuff but number seven is flat wrong. If you do not smoke wet
goopy aromatics, do not drool into the pipe stem, rest the pipe and
clean it properly between smokes and if it is well made, it WILL NOT
gurgle.
Promise.
DavidN.
Briarroot
> >
> Funny stuff but number seven is flat wrong. If you do not smoke wet
> goopy aromatics, do not drool into the pipe stem, rest the pipe and
> clean it properly between smokes and if it is well made, it WILL NOT
> gurgle.
>
Note: most of my pipes fall into the "cheap pipe" category.My pipes get
an average of 10-14 days rest between smokes, yet a few of them still
gurgle once in a while. I don't think that has anything to do with
saliva (because I don't drool), or wet goopy aromatics (because I don't
smoke 'em), or cleanliness (because I always clean my pipes after a smoke)
I've owned a few pipes that always gurgled (long since sold off), and I
also have a few that never gurgle. My assumption has always been that
construction and engineering were crucial in this regard. A narrow
diameter smoke channel, for example, stands a much greater chance of
producing gurgle than a wider one. That's a more important
consideration than the moisture content of the tobacco because even the
driest tobacco produces steam as a product of combustion.
Gurgle can have a couple of causes beyond poor construction: a too thin
or non-existent cake; or (IMO) most important of all, smoking pace.
Generally speaking, I find that my driest smokes are also those which
last the longest. In other words, slow smoking not only allows the heat
of the burning coal to re-vaporize any condensate that happens to
accumulate in the bottom of the bowl, it also helps prevent condensation
in the stem because the smoke is somewhat cooler.
When I sense a gurgle, my habit is to gently blow back into the pipe and
(hopefully) drive the moisture back into the bowl where it can be
vaporized again. That being said, I make sure to always have a supply
of pipe cleaners at hand when I sit down for a smoke. I seldom actually
need one during the smoke, but if the need *does* happen to arise, it's
an urgent need! ;-)
Regards,
Tim Parker ... Gawith-Hoggarth Scotch Flake in a Barling square-shank
billiard
--
"Communists are people who read Marx and Lenin. Anti-Communists are
people who *understand* Marx and Lenin." - Ronald Reagan
Adguru
the "right" tobacco, you smoke it "right," the planets are all in
line, and you are the seventh son of a seventh son, your pipe won't
gurgle. But, for the rest of us, they gurgle.
Warm regards,
Ed
On Mar 15, 12:28 pm, David <Focaipo...@aol.com> wrote:
Adguru
I'm afraid that you are blending a social phenomenon with a financial
transaction. To test my theory, next time you're in Thailand do
everything the same as you have done it in the past but, wear a 8 x
10" sign around your next that says, "I have no money for whores" and
see if the response abates.
Warm regards,
Ed
T-boy
You're out in the open, and some pretty young thing walks up and with
a big smile says, "That's a wonderful smell, my GRANDFATHER(!) used to
smoke a pipe! Ouch!
t-boy
VooDoo Queen in a full bent Oscar
On Thu, 13 Mar 2008 01:02:40 -0700 (PDT), Adguru <ela...@gmail.com>
Brian Barcus
>
> - You drop your pipenail and it enters an unknown dimension.
>
nails are wrapped in missing socks.
rj
the box, new lighter, you drop that brand new baby in the driveway.
#18. Shortly after delivery of that 'super bargain' high grade estate
pipe, you soon discover why it was a bargain price..
Doug Bolden
> #18. Shortly after delivery of that 'super bargain' high grade estate
> pipe, you soon discover why it was a bargain price..
While not really high grade, I did pick up a super bargain estate pipe off
eBay once that had a smell implying that the previous owner had smoked raw
sewage in it. It was only a couple of dollars, so I tossed it out and
marked it up one for life experience.
--
W. Doug Bolden
Si Vales, Valeo