[TWAT]: Genetically engineered soldiers
Beable van Polasm
http://www.smh.com.au/text/articles/2003/01/05/1041566307004.htm
-> The Pentagon has launched a series of remarkable medical
-> experiments to find a way to keep its soldiers and pilots awake and
-> alert for up to five days at a time.
Give them drugs! Pump them full of "goey" pills!
-> The Pentagon's search for an Extended Performance War Fighter
-> concentrates on employing advanced genetics and neurological
-> science, rather than the drugs which have been used since World War
-> II to keep fighters awake and alert.
Oh, they don't want to use drugs any more. They want to use
genetic engineering and neurological science.
-> One of its plans for keeping warriors awake is to "zap" their
-> brains with an electro-magnetic energy called TMS. Much of the
-> research is being conducted by Yaakov Stern in the laboratories of
-> the neurological science department at Columbia University.
So tired... must sleee... BZZZZTTT!! GAAAAHHHH! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!
-> "When he needed it, the pilot could just be zapped during
-> operations," said Dr Stern, a leading research scientist who has
-> spent years mapping the brain with MRI scanners to work out which
-> clusters of neurological cells do what.
ZAP ZAP ZAP!
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!
It's the Neurological Science SHOOOOOW!
-> "I am convinced that we can help the Pentagon. I have identified
-> the parts of the brain that seem to control the response to sleep
-> deprivation, and we have the technology to stimulate that part to
-> improve the resistance to lack of sleep. The generals want a man
-> who is awake and alert for up to a week. We think we can actually
-> do that."
"And we don't think there's anything wrong with that, honest. Hey
at least we're not producing genetically engineered soldiers!"
-> Biologists at the US Navy's Marine Mammals Program, which once
-> trained dolphins to place mines against the hulls of enemy ships,
-> is now studying how the animals keep at least part of their brains
-> awake so that even when submerged and asleep they still surface to
-> breathe.
-> The idea now is to identify the genetic material which allows this,
-> and find it in human "junk" DNA - those parts of the human genome
-> which so far do not have an identified function. Genetic codes
-> could then be modified to create soldiers who run and run.
Is this going too far? Is producing genetically engineered soldiers
who can stay awake for a week "wrong" in some way? Have I seen too
many sci-fi movies based on this theme?
--
THE THING NICE ABOUT THE INTERNET IS THAT IT ALLOWS DUMB PEOPLE TO
RAISE THEIR OPINION ALONGSIDE WISE PEOPLE. -- ARCHIMEDES PLUTONIUM
http://beable.com
Jeremy Impson
>
> http://www.smh.com.au/text/articles/2003/01/05/1041566307004.htm
>
> -> The Pentagon has launched a series of remarkable medical
> -> experiments to find a way to keep its soldiers and pilots awake and
> -> alert for up to five days at a time.
Someone in teh military has seen too many episodes of the X-Files.
--Jeremy
--
Jeremy Impson
jdim...@acm.org
http://impson.tzo.com/~jdimpson
talysman
> On 6 Jan 2003, Beable van Polasm wrote:
>
> >
> > http://www.smh.com.au/text/articles/2003/01/05/1041566307004.htm
> >
> > -> The Pentagon has launched a series of remarkable medical
> > -> experiments to find a way to keep its soldiers and pilots awake and
> > -> alert for up to five days at a time.
>
> Someone in teh military has seen too many episodes of the X-Files.
or, perhaps, not enough.
Jeremy Impson
Or just maybe he never actually got through to the end of an episode.
<TEE VEE MUSIC>Duh nuh nuh nuhnah..... duh nuh nuh nuhna...
Four star general (watching TV): OH BOY, the Kzhfiles is on again!
Mulder (on TV): ...you were modified by the gub'mint so that you don't
need sleep,
and then were sent to Vietnam? You haven't slept in <pauses to do math>
20 years?
Sleepless man (on TV): Uh, that'd be 35 years.
Four star general: WOAH, WHAT A GREAT IDEA!!!! WE NEED TO DO THIS BEFORE
THE TERRORISTS DO. <Scribbles down concept and runs off to the Pentagon
Warroom.>
Sleepless man: AAAAH I AM CRAZY NOW. I KEEL YOU ALL GOOD....
--Jeremy
This also explains why the X-Files writing started declining; the military
drafted all the good writers and made them work in the concept department.
Up next, Planaria men. Imagine an entire army of soldiers who double in
number every time they get wounded!
Zixia
>
> http://www.smh.com.au/text/articles/2003/01/05/1041566307004.htm
>
> -> The idea now is to identify the genetic material which allows this,
> -> and find it in human "junk" DNA - those parts of the human genome
> -> which so far do not have an identified function. Genetic codes
> -> could then be modified to create soldiers who run and run.
>
> Is this going too far? Is producing genetically engineered soldiers
> who can stay awake for a week "wrong" in some way? Have I seen too
> many sci-fi movies based on this theme?
No, of course you haven't seen too many films. TeeVee, on the other
hand, could be the reason behind the experiments. Either that, or
it's been telling us THE TRUTH all of this time.
http://www.angelfire.com/de/xfilesreplenish/epidsodeguide/seasontwo.htm#2X04
--
+----------------+
_o)| Verbing Weirds |(o_
/\\| Language |//\
_\_V|________________|V_/_
Joseph Michael Bay
>-> One of its plans for keeping warriors awake is to "zap" their
>-> brains with an electro-magnetic energy called TMS. Much of the
>-> research is being conducted by Yaakov Stern
In former Soviet Russia, Scores girls ogle YOU!
>-> Biologists at the US Navy's Marine Mammals Program, which once
>-> trained dolphins to place mines against the hulls of enemy ships,
>-> is now studying how the animals keep at least part of their brains
>-> awake so that even when submerged and asleep they still surface to
>-> breathe.
>-> The idea now is to identify the genetic material which allows this,
>-> and find it in human "junk" DNA - those parts of the human genome
>-> which so far do not have an identified function. Genetic codes
>-> could then be modified to create soldiers who run and run.
>Is this going too far? Is producing genetically engineered soldiers
>who can stay awake for a week "wrong" in some way? Have I seen too
>many sci-fi movies based on this theme?
Isn't this the same government that's against, like, stem
cell research and stuff? I think maybe it's bad science writing.
--
Joseph M. Bay Lamont Sanford Junior University
www.stanford.edu/~jmbay/ DO NOT PRESS
When encryption is outlawed, om;u h$g9!ap k#-j tv*d$]p.
Whose TITAN Elbow
berichtnieuws...news:avcvi2$9p2$1...@news.Stanford.EDU:
>>Is this going too far? Is producing genetically engineered soldiers
>>who can stay awake for a week "wrong" in some way? Have I seen too
>>many sci-fi movies based on this theme?
We have to make the pie higher.
> Isn't this the same government that's against, like, stem
> cell research and stuff? I think maybe it's bad science writing.
I have in my hand a list of 205 cups of spaghetti...and a generous scoop of
tartar sauce...
--
``Although xylitol has a relatively long organic chemical history, the
first half of this century was rather eventless from xylitol's point of
view...'' -- Professor Kauko K. Mäkinen
James Kibo Parry
>
> [Australian newspaper article]
> ->
> -> The Pentagon has launched a series of remarkable medical
> -> experiments to find a way to keep its soldiers and pilots awake and
> -> alert for up to five days at a time.
>
> Give them drugs! Pump them full of "goey" pills!
Gooey pills? You mean Milk Duds? Maybe they should try Necco's SkyBar.
Not only would it be good for pilots because it's a SkyBar and not a
Ground Bar, but it contains four different kinds of goo (usually at least
two are still liquid by the time it gets to the store, although you
need to expect that if any are still liquid, one will have escaped.)
> -> The Pentagon's search for an Extended Performance War Fighter
> -> concentrates on employing advanced genetics and neurological
> -> science, rather than the drugs which have been used since World War
> -> II to keep fighters awake and alert.
>
> Oh, they don't want to use drugs any more. They want to use
> genetic engineering and neurological science.
>
> -> One of its plans for keeping warriors awake is to "zap" their
> -> brains with an electro-magnetic energy called TMS. Much of the
> -> research is being conducted by Yaakov Stern in the laboratories of
> -> the neurological science department at Columbia University.
>
> So tired... must sleee... BZZZZTTT!! GAAAAHHHH! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!
Yaakov Stern, wants the government to find ways to keep people awake?
"In Russia, you keep gowerment avake!"
I need to go to Yakov Smirnoff's dinner theater in Branson, Missouri
someday just so I can see what the menu is like. I bet they don't
have any actual Russian food (which comes in three broad categories:
piroshki, pilmeni, and watery soup) but just things like french fries
and hamburgers with WACKY WACKY names. For instance, "french fries"
would be "capitalist fries", because everyone knows that the French
government is sort of capitalist.
> -> "When he needed it, the pilot could just be zapped during
> -> operations," said Dr Stern, a leading research scientist who has
> -> spent years mapping the brain with MRI scanners to work out which
> -> clusters of neurological cells do what.
>
> ZAP ZAP ZAP!
> FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!
> It's the Neurological Science SHOOOOOW!
Then he discovered which cluster of neurological cells, when stimulated,
goes "BANG!" causing the soldier's head to explode all over the inside
of the Humvee, ruining its resale value on eBay.
> -> "I am convinced that we can help the Pentagon. I have identified
> -> the parts of the brain that seem to control the response to sleep
> -> deprivation, and we have the technology to stimulate that part to
> -> improve the resistance to lack of sleep. The generals want a man
> -> who is awake and alert for up to a week. We think we can actually
> -> do that."
>
> "And we don't think there's anything wrong with that, honest. Hey
> at least we're not producing genetically engineered soldiers!"
>
> -> Biologists at the US Navy's Marine Mammals Program, which once
> -> trained dolphins to place mines against the hulls of enemy ships,
> -> is now studying how the animals keep at least part of their brains
> -> awake so that even when submerged and asleep they still surface to
> -> breathe.
Are they implying there will be a really bad movie where George C. Scott
makes people stay awake until they start talking like Frank Welker?
> -> The idea now is to identify the genetic material which allows this,
> -> and find it in human "junk" DNA - those parts of the human genome
> -> which so far do not have an identified function. Genetic codes
> -> could then be modified to create soldiers who run and run.
>
> Is this going too far? Is producing genetically engineered soldiers
> who can stay awake for a week "wrong" in some way? Have I seen too
> many sci-fi movies based on this theme?
Just once I'd like to see one based on a more interesting theme.
For instance, a movie based on the theme from "Happy Days" would be a
good one. I'm not saying it would have to have Fonzie or anything.
Just a lot of shots of cameras zooming in and out on a jukebox while
Anson Williams sings "The weekend comes! The cycle hums! Ready to
race to you!" and you'll know the movie is over the moment John "Bowtie"
Barstow joins in and immediately forgets all the words.
-- K.
Anson Williams could direct
the movie about the talking
dolphin people! No, wait,
I'm sure he'd never be so
desperate as to direct something
with a squeaky-voiced dolphin.
Unless it also had Roy Scheider
with dried-up Snack Pack fudge
pudding all over his face.
Joseph Michael Bay
>> -> One of its plans for keeping warriors awake is to "zap" their
>> -> brains with an electro-magnetic energy called TMS. Much of the
>> -> research is being conducted by Yaakov Stern in the laboratories of
>> -> the neurological science department at Columbia University.
>>
>> So tired... must sleee... BZZZZTTT!! GAAAAHHHH! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!
>Yaakov Stern, wants the government to find ways to keep people awake?
>"In Russia, you keep gowerment avake!"
HA! My Yaakov Stern joke was better.
>I need to go to Yakov Smirnoff's dinner theater in Branson, Missouri
>someday just so I can see what the menu is like. I bet they don't
>have any actual Russian food (which comes in three broad categories:
>piroshki, pilmeni, and watery soup) but just things like french fries
>and hamburgers with WACKY WACKY names. For instance, "french fries"
>would be "capitalist fries", because everyone knows that the French
>government is sort of capitalist.
Or fake communist food, like Kremlin Fried Chicken --
>> Is this going too far? Is producing genetically engineered soldiers
>> who can stay awake for a week "wrong" in some way? Have I seen too
>> many sci-fi movies based on this theme?
>Just once I'd like to see one based on a more interesting theme.
>For instance, a movie based on the theme from "Happy Days" would be a
>good one.
_The Journal of Potsie_
Sunday apr 6
Monday apr 7: Happy Days
robert lindsay
<bea...@NOS.PAM.beable.com.THANKS> wrote:
> http://www.smh.com.au/text/articles/2003/01/05/1041566307004.htm
>
> -> The Pentagon has launched a series of remarkable medical
> -> experiments to find a way to keep its soldiers and pilots awake and
> -> alert for up to five days at a time.
>
> Give them drugs! Pump them full of "goey" pills!
yeah, plus the research cost is only the price of gas to the nearest
truckstop!
> -> The Pentagon's search for an Extended Performance War Fighter
> -> concentrates on employing advanced genetics and neurological
> -> science, rather than the drugs which have been used since World War
> -> II to keep fighters awake and alert.
>
> Oh, they don't want to use drugs any more. They want to use
> genetic engineering and neurological science.
No, the want to STUDY using genetic engineering and neurological
science. This is know as 'research' AKA 'getting paid for reading
USENET', and is only availible to folk with a clearance, like Mr. King.
Or me 13 years ago...
> -> One of its plans for keeping warriors awake is to "zap" their
> -> brains with an electro-magnetic energy called TMS. Much of the
> -> research is being conducted by Yaakov Stern in the laboratories of
> -> the neurological science department at Columbia University.
>
> So tired... must sleee... BZZZZTTT!! GAAAAHHHH! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!
BOMB THOSE CANUCKS! WHOOPS! WRONMG COUNTRY!
> -> "When he needed it, the pilot could just be zapped during
> -> operations," said Dr Stern, a leading research scientist who has
> -> spent years mapping the brain with MRI scanners to work out which
> -> clusters of neurological cells do what.
>
> ZAP ZAP ZAP!
> FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!
> It's the Neurological Science SHOOOOOW!
A SBIR intiative, no doubt.
> -> "I am convinced that we can help the Pentagon. I have identified
> -> the parts of the brain that seem to control the response to sleep
> -> deprivation, and we have the technology to stimulate that part to
> -> improve the resistance to lack of sleep. The generals want a man
> -> who is awake and alert for up to a week. We think we can actually
> -> do that."
>
> "And we don't think there's anything wrong with that, honest. Hey
> at least we're not producing genetically engineered soldiers!"
YOU WILL!
> -> Biologists at the US Navy's Marine Mammals Program, which once
> -> trained dolphins to place mines against the hulls of enemy ships,
> -> is now studying how the animals keep at least part of their brains
> -> awake so that even when submerged and asleep they still surface to
> -> breathe.
>
> -> The idea now is to identify the genetic material which allows this,
> -> and find it in human "junk" DNA - those parts of the human genome
> -> which so far do not have an identified function. Genetic codes
> -> could then be modified to create soldiers who run and run.
>
> Is this going too far? Is producing genetically engineered soldiers
> who can stay awake for a week "wrong" in some way? Have I seen too
> many sci-fi movies based on this theme?
Relax, Beable. This is being done by the folx that brought us the B-2.
The only steal BOMBER that get sad when it rains.
Ranjit Bhatnagar
> _The Journal of Potsie_
>
> Sunday apr 6
> Monday apr 7: Happy Days
Thursday apr 10: Today Algernon is wearing a tiny leather jacket. He's
not as timorous as he was yesterday, and I could swear he sleekit back
his fur.
Saturday apr 12: Today I told Fay to sit on it! The doctor called it
a real breakthrough! Ayyyyyyyyyy!
Sunday apr 13: Something's wrong with Algy. I gave him the thumbs-up
and he just ran and hid in his cardboard box!
Thursday apr 17: Algy won't come out of his box, but I caught a glimpse
and he's wearing his horn-rim glasses again. I tried to cheer him up
but nothing happened when I hit the jukebox!
Monday apr 21: We gave my biker jacket to Goodwill today.