My Dog Wears Women's Clothes!!!!11!
Theresa Willis
Last weekend he decided to chomp down some tasty mouse poison,
mistaking it for yummy candy. I called the emergency vet number,
and they told me to shove hydrogyn peroxide down his throat until
he threw up. Now Harlan is afraid of me, but only if I'm holding
a spoon. Not that it makes him any more obedient or anything.
Then, he tore one of his paw pads Saturday, chasing down a
frisbee. Now I have little bloody footprints on my deck. Best
Beloved helped me clean him up, applied a bandage and then used
one of my old socks to hold it on. Help! My dog wears women's
clothes!
Actually, Harlan would like you to know that as it took lots of
blue nylon tape to hold the sock on, he would now like to be
known as "Blue Paw, Scourge of the Seven Seas". Also, it is
Lassie (not himself) who is the Ru Paul of dogs.
--Terri
--
"This is the start of a new harangue." -- Archimedes Plutonium, 12/8/98
bea...@my-dejanews.com
twi...@sound.net (Theresa Willis) wrote:
> I'm starting to think Harlan is accident prone.
>
> Last weekend he decided to chomp down some tasty mouse poison,
> mistaking it for yummy candy. I called the emergency vet number,
> and they told me to shove hydrogyn peroxide down his throat until
> he threw up. Now Harlan is afraid of me, but only if I'm holding
> a spoon. Not that it makes him any more obedient or anything.
But now his throat is NICE AND SPARKLY BLONDE! Also,
while you were pouring BLEACH down his throat, did
you put any AMMONIA in there? And WHAT is the
poisonous gas that is created when you mix bleach
and ammonia? Those stupid chemists in sci.chem
NEVER CAME UP WITH THE ANSWER! They are SO LAME!
Speaking of lame: I hope your doggy gets better
so that he can KILL LOTS OF RABBITS!
cheers
beable van polasm
--
SORDS DO'NT EAT SOULES, MENLIBONES EAT SOULES. -- Joseph Michael Bay
-----------== Posted via Deja News, The Discussion Network ==----------
http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Discuss, or Start Your Own
The Avocado Avenger
>I'm starting to think Harlan is accident prone.
Harlan Ellison will now explain the joke.
>Last weekend he decided to chomp down some tasty mouse poison,
>mistaking it for yummy candy. I called the emergency vet number,
>and they told me to shove hydrogyn peroxide down his throat until
>he threw up. Now Harlan is afraid of me, but only if I'm holding
>a spoon. Not that it makes him any more obedient or anything.
So what happens when you hold a spoon? Does he attack your spoon hand?
Does he cower in fear and piddle on the floor?
>Then, he tore one of his paw pads Saturday, chasing down a
>frisbee. Now I have little bloody footprints on my deck. Best
>Beloved helped me clean him up, applied a bandage and then used
>one of my old socks to hold it on. Help! My dog wears women's
>clothes!
That's nothing. I've had cats run off with my bras because the straps
remind them of fuzzy yarn or something. Actually, I don't know why cats
run around the house with bras in their mouths, but it happens.
Kibo will now make fun of my cats, the one who ran around the house with
a banana in its mouth, and the other one who ran around the house,
dragging a bra along by the strap.
>Actually, Harlan would like you to know that as it took lots of
>blue nylon tape to hold the sock on, he would now like to be
>known as "Blue Paw, Scourge of the Seven Seas".
He's aptly named, considering Harlan Ellison went by the name "Red Nose,
Man of a Thousand Tongues" back in the 60s.
Stacia * The Avocado Avenger * Life is a tale told by an idiot;
http://www.io.com/~stacia/ * Full of sound and fury,
Remove the guacamole to reply! * Signifying nothing.
Noah A Christis
wrote:
[...]
>Then, he tore one of his paw pads Saturday, chasing down a
>frisbee. Now I have little bloody footprints on my deck. Best
>Beloved helped me clean him up, applied a bandage and then used
>one of my old socks to hold it on. Help! My dog wears women's
>clothes!
My dog roots through the laundry and/or dryer and/or open dresser
drawers, steals all the panties and then EATS THEM. Im not even
talking about froot flavoured panties either, he likes THE GURL
FLAVOURED KIND!!
He is really smart though. He knows how scary roads are and how
dangerous they can be with all sorts of deer and pick up trucks
jumping out of the forests and things. That's why when young [1]
female joggers jog by our house [2], he jumps out at them and herds
them to my porch with lots of yipping and yapping. Then I have to come
outside and scold the silly gurls and tell them that its not safe to
jog in the streets! They will get no yummy candy if they dont comply!!
>Actually, Harlan would like you to know that as it took lots of
>blue nylon tape to hold the sock on, he would now like to be
>known as "Blue Paw, Scourge of the Seven Seas". Also, it is
>Lassie (not himself) who is the Ru Paul of dogs.
I found my dog with a sock on his nose once. I asked him what he was
doing and he just looked at me like I was stupid. Can someone please
explain ????
[1]16-25
[2]not on the sidewalk like they belong but on the dangerous street
mentioned earlier!!!!!!
---
Noah A. Christis "UHHH...I don't think they ned spear
Haon Interactive guns. I like animals too TO EAT!!!!"
Executive Producer - Mike West <lsmo...@ix.netcom.com>
Dag ]gren FYSI
> That's nothing. I've had cats run off with my bras because the straps
> remind them of fuzzy yarn or something. Actually, I don't know why cats
> run around the house with bras in their mouths, but it happens.
Now here's an obvious opprtunity to make a reference to Panty Cat, but
since I can't think of anything funny, I'll just post this instead and
RUIN THE JOKE FOR EVERYONE!
EVIL! I AM EVIL!
--
I)/\(, - Dag Agren - dag...@abo.fi - Goaway on IRC
Please don't go to http://www.abo.fi/~dagren/
-> Legalize oregano! <-
Gary Williams
>
> In article <36ad7ef...@news.sound.net>,
> twi...@sound.net (Theresa Willis) wrote:
> > and they told me to shove hydrogyn peroxide down his throat
> But now his throat is NICE AND SPARKLY BLONDE! Also,
> while you were pouring BLEACH down his throat, did
> you put any AMMONIA in there? And WHAT is the
> poisonous gas that is created when you mix bleach
> and ammonia? Those stupid chemists in sci.chem
> NEVER CAME UP WITH THE ANSWER! They are SO LAME!
phosgene gas. Used as a war gas in WWI. Smells like new mown hay.
Kills a few housewives and hubbies each year. HTH.
-- Gary
----
Hope I never smell any.
bea...@my-dejanews.com
Gary, thank you for the information. I have spoken to
the United Nations about this problem, and new mown hay
is BANNED FROM THIS DAY FORTH! ANY FARMERS NEWLY MOWING
HAY WILL BE SUBJECT TO SEVERE SANCTIONS AND UNITED NATIONS
AIRSTRIKES! It is simply NOT GOOD ENOUGH that farmers
would keep mowing hay when it is responsible for killing
so many people every year.
Gary, you shall henceforth be known as THE NEW MOWN
HAY WHISTLEBLOWER and your place in history is
assured.
> -- Gary
> ----
> Hope I never smell any.
I hope you never smell any hay either, now that I
know it is LETHAL!
cheers
beable van polasm
beable industries
--
Hey! Cut the guy some slack! He's only FIVE YEARS OLD!
-- Terri Willis
twi...@sound.net
dag...@abo.fi wrote:
> The Avocado Avenger (sta...@io.com.guacamole) wrote:
> > That's nothing. I've had cats run off with my bras because the straps
> > remind them of fuzzy yarn or something. Actually, I don't know why cats
> > run around the house with bras in their mouths, but it happens.
>
> Now here's an obvious opprtunity to make a reference to Panty Cat, but
> since I can't think of anything funny, I'll just post this instead and
> RUIN THE JOKE FOR EVERYONE!
>
> EVIL! I AM EVIL!
>
> --
Haven't you people gotten it yet? He's Finnish! FINNISH!
--Terri
--
So in other words, the scientific community believes the exact opposite
of what you believe. -- Jeff Spencer to Archimedes Plutonium, 1/20/99