Well, I'll be FAQ'ed.
Peter van der Linden
Official Usenet Alt.Folklore.Urban Frequently Posted Legends
This is alt.folklore.urban -- the newsgroup where nonsense is revered
as an artform, and debunking has been taken to new heights.
The group has broadened out from a place for discussing urban legends
to a place for confirming or disproving beliefs and facts of all kinds,
including origin of vernacular (whole nine yards, Bob's your uncle),
common scientific fallacies, obscure points of history, true
first-person stories of pranks and madness, and so on. In other words,
it's a great place to get a reality check on anything that "a friend"
told you, and to compare notes about odd things that actually happened
to you.
The purpose of summarizing these frequently-seen legends, is to
record legends, and provide a guide to veracity.
[some of these 1-liners are > 80 cols; post or e-mail shorter versions!]
Key to one liners below:
T = 100% scientific truth
Tb = believed true, but not conclusively proven
F = 100% falsehood
Fb = believed false, but not conclusively proven
U = unanswered and may be unanswerable
P = Maybe it didn't happen, but it's scientifically possible
(used extremely sparingly, where the opposite is expected,
as it could apply to just about every legend)
THE MISAPPLIANCE OF SCIENCE
F. Ice freezes faster if made with warm water rather than cold
T. Boiled water freezes faster than ordinary water at same initial temp.
T. Very hot water evaporates while freezing, producing 75% of ice in 90% of time.
U. A penny falling from height of Empire State building will embed in pavement.
T. Some universities, cities are riddled with semi-secret utility tunnels.
T. Coriolis force affects fluids if you take incredible pains to isolate it.
Tb.Microwaving your panties kills yeast infections
T. Soldiers break step when marching over bridges (trivially observed).
U. Bridge falls down if soldiers don't break step when marching over.
Fb.Bridge falls down due to resonance if soldiers don't break step marching over
Broughton suspension bridge, England April 14 1831, fell under soldiers
march, but prob just overloaded, not resonating. M Brader posted Times story!
F. Otherwise sound bridge falls down if soldiers don't break step marching over.
(There have been no documented instances of this)
F. Bath water drains the other way round in other hemisphere, due to Coriolis.
F. Various university libraries sink; books heavier than architect thought!
F. Same as above, but pool not library, weight of water, not books.
F. Coloring your CD rim with special marker will enhance sound quality.
F. People explode or boil or something when exposed to the vacuum of space.
F. Eelskin wallet demagnetizes bank cards (nope, but magnetic clasp might).
T. Venus and perhaps a few other bright stars/planets can be seen in daylight.
F. Daylight sky appears dark enough to see stars from bottom of deep well.
F. Bubbles in bubble wrap contain a cheap, but toxic gas.
U. East German secret police "bug" factory now uses skills to make hearing aids
F. Hot-drying acid-washed jeans "re-activates" the acid (Nope, but might shrink)
F. Ontario Hydro mandated poor installation,so copper fails as often as Aluminum
T. Fluorescent light will light up when held near high-voltage line.
Tb. Leather saddles used to be treated with llama dung to avoid scaring horses
Tb. The spec. for leather saddles got copied for leather jackets...
T. 3M "post-its" were invented & marketed as an unofficial project
T. Subliminal messages in advertising are ineffective, but outlawed anyway.
U. filamentous phage M13 obtained from lab's letter rejecting the transfer!
T. Keeping paper in a PVC envelope is harmful in the long run (fumes degrade it).
THE 'PLANE TRUTH (WHAT GOES UP...)
T. 800ft dia asteroid passed within 500K miles of hitting earth in 1989.
Tb.Confused pilots occasionally land on tiny strip short of correct airport
T. F51D plane can flip due to engine torque. (A. Frisbie posted pilot's manual!)
Tb.US Govt fixed plane transponders always report positions (catch drug imports)
T. The airforce tests planes by firing chickens from special birdcannon.
U. Person fitted rocket/JATO unit to car, embedded in rockface at first bend.
Tb Cessna planes aren't sold in the US anymore due to threat of liability suits.
T. Cessna no longer makes piston-engine aircraft for fear of being
wiped out by product liability suits
T. Beechcraft, Piper and Mooney still make & sell planes in the US however...
T. Secret code for a hijack is "TRANSPONDER SEVEN FIVE ZERO ZERO".
Tb. Leave flaps down when off the active as a request for armed intervention!!
F. The Great Wall of China can be seen with the naked eye from the moon.
F. Shuttle crew did secret experiment on how to make love in zero gravity.
T. Parachute mishap brought down a Cessna (gently) on a novice's parachute.
DOES NOT COMPUTE
T. Apple use a Cray to design hardware systems; Cray use an Apple...
T. Prodigy grabs large sectors of the disk, containing data from deleted files.
F. Prodigy slyly reads your disk & nefariously uploads your top secrets to IBM
F. Stories about Seymour Cray's strange hobbies (annual boat burning etc).
F. The FCC is proposing a modem tax (Nope, the proposal died in 1987)
U. Bill Gates has $750K Porsche 959 he can't use; no type compliance,no license!
U. New computer system "lost" a Montgomery Ward Calif warehouse for 3 years...
T. "q=q++;" is an undefined statement under ANSI C (same object modified twice).
TWINKIE TWITTER
T. "animal or vegetable shortening" on ingredients list == LARD
F. Hostess snacks (Twinkies, Cupcakes, etc.) aren't baked! They set,like jello
U. Twinkies eat mold... If mold grows on a twinkie, the twinkie digests it...
MYSTERIOUS MEDICAL MALADIES
U. Woman had "tree in the bedina" -- potatoe used as pessary, sprouted...
U. Woman had "Smiling Mighty Jesus" -- spinal meningitis.
U. Woman had "sick as hell anemia" -- sickle cell anemia
WIND-POWERED FANTASIES
T. Fin-de-siecle Frenchman,Petomaine,got rich farting as music hall act.Fartist.
U. Blowback from ignited fart, singed frat-boy's intestines.
STUPID PROFESSOR TRICKS
T. Prof listed famous unsolved problems;student thought it was homework- solved!
Fb.Student cheats on exam, asks "do you know who I am?",jams paper in exam pile!
Fb.Professor jostled; misses watch; grabs back from jostler; later finds at home
STUPID PEOPLE TRICKS
T. Craig Shergold, UK cancer kid,sought postcards, overwhelmed with 33 million.
T. Craig Shergold UK health plan wouldn't operate; Kluge paid; tumor was benign!
T. Craig Shergold's 12th birthday was June 24, 1991. From now June 24 is AFUday.
T. Man high on drugs stares at sun -- gets partial blindness.
T. Foolish people have died, crushed under vending machines,tipped to get stuff.
U. Errol Flynn was invited to "black tie" party; went nude, except for black tie
T. Hubbard started Scientology after Heinlein bet he couldn't found a religion.
T. The beggars with "will work for food" signs are just extra sympathy scams.
T. People have been injured by rocking a vending machine, which falls on them.
Fb.Man's house demolished after friend placed ad in paper for a joke.
Fb. US GI captures Iraqi soldier - they knew each other from Chicago.
F. Special chemical for swim pools, turns bright color on contact with urine.
T. P&G's logo does NOT reflect Satanic ties, despite claims to the contrary.
F. Universal Product Codes (computer readable bar-codes) are marks of Satan.
F. Half the stupid stories the "twin piques" Ann Landers & Dear Abby reprint.
F. College roommate commits suicide, gets you an automatic "A" for courses.
F. "3 Men & a Baby" has a scene with a real ghost in it.
F. Wife sprays toilet with flammable bug spray, husband shits, smokes, explodes.
F. "Blue star" or cartoon character "tattoos" laced with LSD sold at schools.
Fb.Aluminum ring pull tabs can be collected & exchanged for dialysis machines.
F. Chanting "Mary Worth" before a mirror summons dead spirit at slumber parties.
U. You can catch diseases (crabs, lice, herpes, VD, etc) from public toilets.
Fb.Male athlete submits wife's pee to cheat drug test; test shows he's pregnant.
F. People occasionally spontaneously combust and burn to death. Whoompfh!
T. Infirm elderly obese alcoholics have set themselves on fire occasionally.
ASTONISHING ANTIPODEAN ANTICS
U. Koalas are permanently stoned/drunk, as they eat alcohol in eucalyptus leaves
U. Koalas, being filled with eucalyptus oil, "explode" in bushfires.
F. Kangaroos deliver the mail in the outback.
U. "Goanna Oil" dissolves muscle protein. Goannas are large native lizards.
U. Driver fools tourists in Milford tunnel bus, says motorbike is oncoming train.
U. Dingos eat babies. Australian courts say YES, NO, YES.
MENTAL DENTAL STUFF
F. Tourist's room is burgled, later finds snaps of "toothbrush up thief's ass"
T. Some combinations of metal tooth fillings can receive radio signals
LEWD FOOD
T. Eggs and chicken are horribly contaminated, and should NOT be eaten raw.
T. Unless marked "dairy" fast food shakes aren't milk: mostly carrageen gel.
T. Lead leaches from lead crystal decanters into drinks;this is not good for you
Tb. Eating carrots may improve night vision, because of large amounts of Vit A.
Tb. Microwaved food is better (other cooking allegedly creates carcinogens)
Tb. Eating celery takes more energy than its digestion yields.
U. Mick Jagger used a Mars bar as a dildo on nubile pop loon Marianne Faithful
F,T,T,U.Fast food places use unusual ingredients: worm, 'roo meat, seaweed, rat.
F. Stranger at restaurant eats your cookies, you grab, later find you took his.
F. Cook cheated into buying Mrs Fields' recipe, gets revenge by spreading it.
F. Aspirin and Coca-Cola taken together get you high. (Nope. May cause insomnia)
F. Fluorescent lights leach vitamins from your body
F. Drinking distilled water is bad for you since you don't get "trace minerals"
F. Green M&M's ("Smarties" in UK and Canada) are an aphrodisiac
F. Red M&M's are a carcinogen (Nope, they used red dye #5,not dangerous #2)
F. Ingesting a tapeworm will help you slim, so people do this regularly
T. Many CIA (and other gov't) snackbars are staffed by blind people.
F. Grape seeds can get caught in your appendix and give you appendicitis.
T. British army doses water with bromide(for purification),soldiers say it's...
U. ... to supress soldiers' libidos. US Army salts their peters with saltpeter.
Fb. Kennedy family made their pile thru a Scotch import monopoly
Tb. Kennedy family made their pile thru smuggling Scotch during prohibition.
U. The red leaves of Poinsettias (aka the Christmas Plant) are deadly poisonous
T. People have been poisoned by eating stuff cooked on burning oleander branches.
SNUFF MOVIES
By definition, a snuff film is one in which the film is the *purpose* of
(rather than incidental to) the murder. I.e. if they ran out of film, the
murder would be postponed until someone could run down to the 7-11 & get
more. Paul Lanning, the FBI's chief researcher into child pornographers
was quoted by "The Times" of London:
"In 20 years I have not seen any hard evidence that they have
commercially produced sexually explicit films of murders for the
gratification of other people. Simulated snuff movies using
special effects are so realistic there is no point in risking life
in jail."
Note to the new reader: please don't send or post e-mail saying "snuff movies
*could* exist, because people are naughty enough" - this is not in dispute;
the point is that no examples have yet come to light. Until someone shows
evidence of their existence, snuff films are in the same category as UFO's,
the Loch Ness monster, and Bruce Willis's hair -- i.e. "believed false."
Tb.The Feds, cops, CIA etc have never actually found a real snuff film.
Fb. "Snuff films" actually exist (Nope, tho' there are various wannabe fakes)
T. Some psychotics have taped the murder of their victims.
OUTSTANDING LEGENDS OF THE PENIS AND SCROTUM
T. Nelson Rockefeller died of cardiac arrest while porking the help.
U. Errol Flynn banged out "Star-spangled Banner" on xylophone with his big dong
F. Gangster John Dillinger's long wang is pickled in a jar at/near Smithsonian.
F. In Nigeria, roving gangs of thieves may surreptitiously steal mens' dorks.
T. Groupies took plaster casts of pop singers' schlongs, inc Hendrix's whacker.
Tb.Adolf Hitler only had one testicle. Immortalized in many a kid's rhyme.
T. Masturbator's penis in hose chopped by fan blade of Hoover Dustette cleaner.
T. This is dubbed the legend of "the Cleaner and the Leaner Wiener".
U. Woman slits guy's scrotum, sticks straw in, and blows; he gets off on it...
Tb. The alleged guy in the previous story came from Berkeley, needless to say.
HIDE THE SALAMI
U. Cuckolded husband replaces contents of wife's pessaries with lye.
T. Mad doctor in Ohio cut off womens' clitoral hoods while operating on them.
T. People put assorted objects up their asses, get stuck, removed in hospital.
U. Well-known media personality put a gerbil up his ass for "wriggly furry fun"
U. Well-known male pop star rushed from concert, stomach pumped free of semen.
F. Spanish fly (Cantharides) is aphrodisiac (actually genital tract irritant).
F. Woman tied naked to bed, man in superhero costume with broken leg in closet
Fb.Hetero couple get stuck together while coupling. Separated at hospital.
F. One night stand, goes early, leaves message that partner will get AIDS.
F. Student is regularly nocturnally chloroformed by roommate, for sodomy.
F. `Baghdad Betty' told US army that Bart Simpson was sleeping with their wives.
Tb.Would-be rapist steals kisses; one Calif victim bit a piece off his tongue.
F. Man fills wife's lover's convertible car with concrete.
T. Woman's womb filled with air during cunnilingus; she dies due to embolism.
F. Woman impregnated while swimming, due to sperm loose in pool.
F. Woman impregnated when hit by bullet that shot Civil War soldier's testicles.
Tb.Unintentional virgin birth happens occasionally in bizzare circumstances.
Tb.E.g. vagina-less woman, fellates lover, stabbed in gut by husband, pregnant!
F. Silicone breasts expand under low pressure (e.g. airline stewardesses on job)
U. Mother threatens to discipline kid;kid threatens to squeal on mom's fellatio.
T. Legends will get more attention if you include "clitoris" in them
U. Woman gets a potato inserted in womb by midwife as pessary; it sprouts...
DISNEY DEMENTIA
T. Disney parks are riddled with secret tunnels and surveillance equipment.
T. "Little Mermaid" video cover features good drawing of penis. Prank? Revenge?
T. There is a basketball hoop at the top of the Matterhorn replica.
T. Male Disneyites may not grow beards (& many other petty rules for women too)
T. There is a secret "Club 33" serving hard liquor,in New Orleans Sq,Disneyland.
T. Clerics in their robes are admitted to Disneyland at concessionary rates.
T. Wheelchairs & 1 attendant go to the front of the line for rides.
Tb. Disney ripped off Orlando county, thru grabbing Federal road funds
T. Woman alleges clit-tickling by one third of 3 Little Pigs; case thrown out
F. Three little pigs clit-tickled law-suit happy babe, with non-mobile arms.
F. Child disappears from Disneyland, found with new haircut, dyed by abductor.
T. SF writer Harlan Ellison fired from Dismalland after porn joke on Mickey.
F. Old Walt Disney's dead body was frozen for later revivification.
GOVERNMENT AND OTHER CONSPIRACIES (BOB'S YOUR UNCLE)
U. More than 4 hits of acid in one month renders you legally insane.
T. You may *own* the mailbox, but the US Postal Service controls what goes in it
T. A.J.Balfour appt'd Secretary Ireland by Uncle Bob.Nepotism? Bob's your uncle.
T. The CIA, NSA and 11 different secret govt organizations tap & bug everything
T. Princess Anne was only female competitor not given sex test in 1976 Olympics.
T. No matter how ill, gay, deaf, or demented you acted, draft board had you 1-A.
T. London doctor struck off for inveigling Turkish peasants to donate a kidney.
P. VP Bush persuaded Iranians to delay hostage release to aid Reagan election.
U. Govt has secret plan to replace the currency overnight to foil drug barons.
F. Guy wakes up in Big City, a kidney has been stolen from him!
Tb. CIA radio transmits spoken five digit code numbers to operatives worldwide
T. You can send a coconut thru the mail without any further wrapping. Yowser!
Tb. Some change-making machines can be fooled by photocopies of currency.
T. The NSA shortened the key length on DES.
U. The NSA shortened the key length on DES so they could crack everyone's codes.
F. Unification Church (i.e. Moonies) owns Entenmann's bakery
T. Entenmann's is owned by General Foods, sold to Philip Morris merged w/ Kraft.
U. Unification Church (i.e. Moonies) owns Waldenbooks
Tb. Unification Church (i.e. Moonies) owns a fishprocessing plant in Gloucester
T. Fijian on the AT&T ad says ""Bula vinaka, beachside!" ("hello, thanks").
U. German was once within one or two votes of becoming the official US language
WILD LIFE IN THE FAST LANE
Tb.Eight ton dead whale blown up by Oregon Highway Div, showers town with blubber.
Fb.Gas (petrol)engines pollute the same amount as diesel; diesel just smells worse
Tb.Diesel engines emit more unburned hydrocarbons than gas engine with catylic conv.
Fb.Power windows in cars trap kids' limbs, necks. Kill or maim them.
F. Stop signs with a white border are optional. (Oh, I don't think so...)
Fb.Airbag in car can give you acid-burn on the face when it deploys.
U. Driver sets cruise control, wrongly believes it steers too! Crashes...
U. Tree-lined French avenue triggers epileptic fits by flickering light at 11Hz.
U. New car rattles -- note found in door frame from factory saboteur...
T. Montana & Wyoming have a token $5 fine for exceeding Federal 55mph limit.
T. Mongo-power engine installed in weenie-looking car. Blows off Corvettes.
T. John Somebody-or-other built car called "the Beast" with 27lt Spitfire engine
T. It eventually took off, and self-destructed on the A27 outside Brighton.
T. Special equipment can transmit any reading you want to police radar gun.
T. Nobody knows what happened to Evel Knievel, 70's daredevil, nobody cares.
T. There are traffic lights with green on top in a few Irish neighborhoods.
T. You can be guilty of DUI on a bicycle, horse, perambulator, etc most places.
T. Guy in Los Alamos labs fitted a jet engine to Honda Civic, ran on salt flats.
Fb.Man working on roof ropes himself to car on other side;wife drives off.Splat.
T. The "man on roof" appeared on a home video show in UK. Believed to be staged.
F. Hitchhiker disappears, is ghost of person killed years ago in road accident.
F. Valuable classic car sold for pittance by (1) grieving parents of war dead
F,U (2) spouse of errant husband (3) heirs of person who died and rotted in it.
F. A psycho's handhook hanging from the cardoor, broken off as couple drove away
F. Carthief squashed dead in stolen BMW by collapsing freeway in '89 SF quake
F. Driving barefoot is illegal most places (Nope, but it's dumb to goad cops)
T. Driving barefoot is illegal in the state of Kentucky
T. New York car thief stole lab delivery of cadaver heads...
U. Red sports cars generate disproportionate number of speeding tickets
LEGENDS ABOUT NATATORY CAPABILITIES OF LARGE ANTHROPOID PRIMATES
Tb. Gorillas can't swim.
ASTOUNDING AVIAN ANOMALIES
F. Birds cannot sing while on the ground
Tb. Govt forces commercial birdseed to be irradiated to stop hemp seed germinating
T. Radar emissions can kill birds, sterilize sailors, fry other small mammals.
T. Chickens are easily mesmerised. Whoopee.
F. Sprinkle salt on a bird's tail to catch it by preventing it flying away.
T. If the bird let you get close enough to salt its tail, you could grab it.
F. Seagulls explode when you feed them Alka-Seltzer or rice.
DOGGIE-STYLE and CATTY-WUMPUSS
U. Dog put in microwave to dry out- dies gruesome death/lives to bark again.
Fb. Trapper ties dynamite to coyote, releases; coyote runs under his car/house.
F. Plastic water bottles on lawn prevent dogs urinating in the area.
F. People found a rat in Mexico and brought it home thinking it was a dog.
F. A Doberman choking on fingers that it bit off burglar hidden in closet
F. Dead rabbit nextdoor dug up by dog; washed, put in cage by frantic dogowner.
F. The scent of wolf dung terrifies dogs, so disposal by zoos is regulated.
F. Fox frees itself of fleas by gradual immersion, shifting fleas to lintball.
T. Radioactive cat litter found in May 1991 in Berkeley, Calif
U. Source of the litter was radioactive cat food? cat on radiation therapy?
OTHER ANIMAL CRACKERS
U. Every animal has enough brains in its head to tan its own hide.
Fb. Driver runs over exotic animal,wraps in coat for fun photo;revives,runs off!
Fb. Farmer asks hunter to shoot mule; other hunter shoots another mule too.
T. Armadillos can contract leprosy;
U. Armadillos can spread leprosy to humans.
Tb. Cow tipping (pushing over a sleeping cow) has happened
Tb. Cow-tipping is usually just a bunch of hocus pocus to beguile city kids.
Tb. Candiru fish, native to S. America, can swim into your urethra.
T. Fainting goats are real. Crimony!
T. Galapagos turtles do moan and groan during copulation.
F. Guinea pigs' eyes fall out if you hold them up by their tails.
T. Guinea pigs actually *do* have small stumpy vestigial tails. (Take a look)
Fb. Horse falls thru bottom of trailer, legs ground to stumps
Fb. Otter, newly-released after $50K Valdez clean-up, is eaten by whale
T. Rats cannot vomit (the basis for many rat poisons)
ARTHROPOD CRACKERS
T. Really big insects (snakes too) can get imported along with fruit shipments
F. Dragonflies ("darning needles") can sting you very severely.
T. Only hymenopterans sting. A large dragonfly may be strong enough to pinch.
F. If a dragonfly or a ladybug lands on you, you will have good luck.
T. "Killer" African bees are swarming into Texas from down South.
T. A lot of people have found live or dead insects in their fast food snacks.
T. Cockroaches love coffee, live in TV's, too often get in your cup or food.
T. Insect lays eggs in open wound; months later baby insects eat their way out.
F. Cactus shakes, then explodes with hundreds of scorpions/spiders
F. Explorer gets bug in ear; bug eats thru to other ear; gave birth on way...
F. Bugs congregate in the pointy ends of bananas, so discard before eating.
Fb.Lobsters, dropped in boiling water, scream. (Nope, it's steam from under shell)
Fb. Moth scale from wings will poison or blind you.
These and other fine legends can be found in the books of William Poundstone
("Big Secrets", "Bigger Secrets"), Jan Harold Brunvand ("The Vanishing
Hitchhiker", "Curses! Broiled Again"), and Cecil Adams ("The Straight
Dope", "More of the Straight Dope").
An urban legend:
* appears mysteriously and spreads spontaneously in varying forms
* contains elements of humor or horror (the horror often "punishes"
someone who flouts society's conventions).
* makes good storytelling.
------
Unbounded thanks to: Mark Brader, Raymond Chen, Cathi A.Cook, Scott Deerwester,
all the Terry's: Monks, Wood, Chan, etc., David Esan, Alan Frisbie, Tom Greer,
Wendy Foran Howard, Jim Jones, Susan Mudgett, Bill Nelson, Tom Neff,
Randal Schwartz, Ken Shirriff, snopes, Dwight Tovey, Greg Widdicombe.
FAQ list by Peter van der Linden, Feb 1991.
Last updated: June 27, 1991, PvdL.
----------------
Peter van der Linden lin...@eng.sun.com
"Bula vinaku for using AT&T"
Jon Binkley
last regularly read this group.
lin...@adapt.Sun.COM (Peter van der Linden) writes:
> Official Usenet Alt.Folklore.Urban Frequently Posted Legends
>Key to one liners below:
> Tb = believed true, but not conclusively proven
>Tb.Microwaving your panties kills yeast infections
A true, first hand account (albeit with cockroaches, not yeast encrusted
panties):
I worked in a dorm dining hall in college. It was infested with roaches.
When things got a little slow, sometimes we'd catch one and take it to
the microwave in the adjacent snack bar. We'd release it inside and
engage the power.
The roach would nose around the food particles for a while, then notice
something was amiss and scurry around a bit- until finding a cold spot.
It would then settle down and wait patiently until the power went off
again. When we opened the door it would scamper off, happy as a cockroach
in a filthy dining hall.
At the time we took this as conclusive evidence that cockroaches will
markedly post-date humans.
The point is, cockroaches are a lot bigger than yeast. Even if you were
to rotate the panties a lot, or use one of those fancy ovens where the
uwaves sweep back and forth, I doubt you'd kill all the buggers.
Jon Binkley