Joining the Jihad
KRESSJA
is a Spiritual Holy War.
Anyone who embraces the Three-Fold Truth, and sees what needs to be done
has already joined the Jihad. Joining the Jihad is nothing other than
facing the awful and terrifying truth about the Purple Pedophile, and his
unholy mission of death.
Remember the Three-Fold Truth:
I. B'harne is the Demonic Incarnation of All Hell on Earth
II. Barney's seeks to make the world his Purple Kingdom, and
does so by Corrupting the Innocent and Weak into Sponge-Minions
III. Barney must be destroyed. All else is irrelevant.
[Note on the text: this translation of the Three-Fold Truth is that of
St. Kressja, working from the original transcription made by the High
Prophet in the Ancient Tongue, when the Truth was revealed to him. If
any one wishes to quibble over tranlation, see part III, and reconsider.)
Under our auspices, anyone is free to found a local chapter of the Jihad--
the war is waged on many fronts.
It is also traditional, but not required, to purchase an eggplant (fat,
purple and bulbous) as a symbol of B*rney, and destroy it in a
particularly grusome fashion.
JIHAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-St. Kressja the Undeceived
----------------------------------
"Purple?...Magenta?...I'm the one with the gun!" *BLAM*
-Ash, hero of Evil Dead II and Army of Darkness, Jihad member
DPGP058
>The Jihad is only an organization secondarily! First and foremost, the Jihad
>is a Spiritual Holy War.
Give it up guys! Throw in the towel and say you love Barney before it's
too late! Your Jihad is futile.. Barney is more popular now than when
your Jihad started.
________
/ o o \ Don't be cruel!
| . . | I luuuuuuuuuuuuv you!
\______/ /
/\____/\ /
/ \
Your almost Purple friend,
Gerry
J-Rock
DPGP058 < Gerry-Bot > writes...
>In article <12OCT199...@ctrvx1.vanderbilt.edu>
>kre...@ctrvx1.vanderbilt.edu (KRESSJA) writes:
>>The Jihad is only an organization secondarily! First and foremost, the Jihad
>>is a Spiritual Holy War.
>Blahh blah blah blah blah blah...................
>
>Give it up guys! Throw in the towel and say you love Barney before it's
>too late! Your Jihad is futile.. Barney is more popular now than when
>your Jihad started.
Au contrare, mon non-frere. Remember a survey of college students,
Gerry-Bot? That's it. Dig real deep into your RAM. It said that 81% of
college students, like myself, share a hatred of all things Purple, Plush,
and Stupid-Looking. That's right... The Satanic Purple Saurian from Hades
is only admired among college students in your dreams!
Say, wait a minute! Your Blarney picture has given me a killer idea!
| | | || | | |
| | | | | |
| | ________ | |
/ \
| | / 1 6 \ | |
/ \
| / T O N S \ |
/ \
/__________________\
________
/ o o \ Don't be cruel!
| . . | I'd luuuuuuuuuuuuv to rape you!
\______/ /
/\____/\ /
/ \
And when I say killer, brother, I mean killer.
>Your almost squashed Purple friend,
>Gerry-Bot
J-Rock (special Gerry-Bot flame psuedo-.sig)
DPGP058
>In article <13OCT93.19...@VM1.MCGILL.CA>,
>DPGP058 < Gerry-Bot > writes...
>>In article <12OCT199...@ctrvx1.vanderbilt.edu>
>>kre...@ctrvx1.vanderbilt.edu (KRESSJA) writes:
>
>Au contrare, mon non-frere. Remember a survey of college students,
>Gerry-Bot? That's it. Dig real deep into your RAM. It said that 81% of
>college students, like myself, share a hatred of all things Purple, Plush,
>and Stupid-Looking. That's right... The Satanic Purple Saurian from Hades
>is only admired among college students in your dreams!
>
Say, wait a minute.. who said Barney's for college students? I think
that who ever did the survey surveyed the wrong group! You silly fools!
Barney's for kids! And one day those kids will be college students who
will love Barney!
He loves you to!
Gerry
99 and 44/100% pure.
>In article <13OCT199...@rigel.tamu.edu> jjr...@rigel.tamu.edu (J-Rock) writes:
>>In article <13OCT93.19...@VM1.MCGILL.CA>,
>>DPGP058 < Gerry-Bot > writes...
>>>In article <12OCT199...@ctrvx1.vanderbilt.edu>
>>>kre...@ctrvx1.vanderbilt.edu (KRESSJA) writes:
> [some stuff deleted]
>
>>
>>Au contrare, mon non-frere. Remember a survey of college students,
>>Gerry-Bot? That's it. Dig real deep into your RAM. It said that 81% of
>>college students, like myself, share a hatred of all things Purple, Plush,
>>and Stupid-Looking. That's right... The Satanic Purple Saurian from Hades
>>is only admired among college students in your dreams!
>>
>that who ever did the survey surveyed the wrong group! You silly fools!
>will love B'harne!
Most people smart enough to get into college will recognize the Pedophile
for what he is and join the Jihad, assuming we haven't destroyed B'harne
by the time they're old enough.
>He loves you to!
Yes, and the thing that he loves us to do is why he must be destroyed.
He loves us to bend over and take it in the ass.
>
>Gerry-Bot
>
B'HARNE MUST BE DESTROYED!!!
LONG LIVE THE JIHAD!!!!
Zeke, master spy.
"Nuke him from orbit, it's the only way to be sure"
Saufferin
Gee, maybe Gerry's right, maybe we should all give up. Then again, maybe
George Washington should have given up at Valley Forge, then there wouldn't
be an America. Maybe the Brits should have given up when the Nazis were
bombing the hell out of London, then we might not have won WWII and we'd
all be speaking German (and of course, B'harne would've been the first to
die, but that's beside the point). And maybe NASA should have given up in
the 60s after all the failed rockets and the Challenger Accident in 1984,
then we currently wouldn't be working on a space platform that will be able
to focus UV rays from the sun to crisp that Blubbery Purple Mind Molesting
piece of trash you love and adore.
Give up? I think not... I've only just begun....
VICTORY TO THE JIHAD!
MAY THE FLEAS OF A THOUSAND CAMELS INFEST YOUR UNDEWEAR!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Saufferin |
the Anime Knight | In truth, Curiosity didn't kill the cat;
tap...@venus.tamu.edu | It was the Axe curiosity was carrying
Texas A&M University |
|
HILL, DAVID R
>In article <13OCT199...@rigel.tamu.edu> jjr...@rigel.tamu.edu (J-Rock) writes:
>>In article <13OCT93.19...@VM1.MCGILL.CA>,
>>DPGP058 < Gerry-Bot > writes...
>>>In article <12OCT199...@ctrvx1.vanderbilt.edu>
>>>kre...@ctrvx1.vanderbilt.edu (KRESSJA) writes:
[some stuff deleted]
>Say, wait a minute.. who said Barney's for college students? I think
>that who ever did the survey surveyed the wrong group! You silly fools!
>Barney's for kids! And one day those kids will be college students who
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Then why do you watch it, jerk, I mean Ger?
>will love Barney!
>
Wrong, fool!! One day those kids will learn to think for themselves (tho not
if you or B****y can help it) and grow into college students who hate B****y,
as all right-thinking people should.
>He loves you to!
Tough, 'cause I still hate his stinking, putrid guts.
Yours, too.
>Gerry
Go on, Ger. Send you "enforcer" after me. I laugh at your pitiful attempts
to terrorize us. And I laugh at you, of course.
Lord Dave, Sword of the Anti-Purple, Paladin of the Jihad
Steve Pordon (Legion)
Well, G#rry-bot, I have some depressing (to you) news for you. My 11 year-old
sister hates B*rney. And before you accuse me of innoculating her against the
purple menace, let me tell you that she held this belief long before I even
*knew* about Blarny. Hope that fucks up your programming. (Paradox! Paradox!
Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrooorrr!)
>He loves you to!
He loves you to what?
>
>Gerry
>
-Legion
--
________________________________________________________________________
| "The truth, a thousand tales / Twisted words, fantasies / Spoken by the |
| tongues of / The faceless identities, / The beings so.../ Multiple... |
:______________Multiple" -- *Multiple Beings* by Pestilence_____________:
Eric Sieferman
DPGP058 <DPG...@MUSICA.MCGILL.CA> wrote:
>In article <12OCT199...@ctrvx1.vanderbilt.edu> kre...@ctrvx1.vanderbilt.edu (KRESSJA) writes:
>>is a Spiritual Holy War.
>
>Give it up guys! Throw in the towel and say you love Barney before it's
>too late! Your Jihad is futile.. Barney is more popular now than when
>your Jihad started.
>
Sounds like a pathetic cry from someone who knows his cause is lost!
________
/ $ $ \ Buy my worthless crap,
| . . | you miserable morons!
\______/ /
/\____/\ /
/ \
>Your almost Purple friend,
>
>Gerry
Death to the Peddler of Purple!
--
--- As Seen In alt.barney.dinosaur.die.die.die: "Another similarity is
that Rush [Limbaugh] and B*rney are both purple, or would be if
someone had the good sense to wrap some piano wire around Rush's neck..."
Kuhne, John F
>In article <13OCT93.21...@VM1.MCGILL.CA>, DPGP058 <DPG...@MUSICA.MCGILL.CA> writes...
>>In article <13OCT199...@rigel.tamu.edu> jjr...@rigel.tamu.edu (J-Rock) writes:
>>>In article <13OCT93.19...@VM1.MCGILL.CA>,
>>>DPGP058 < Gerry-Bot > writes...
>>>>In article <12OCT199...@ctrvx1.vanderbilt.edu>
>>>>kre...@ctrvx1.vanderbilt.edu (KRESSJA) writes:
>Wrong, fool!! One day those kids will learn to think for themselves (tho not
>if you or B****y can help it) and grow into college students who hate B****y,
>as all right-thinking people should.
Hum, your argument would be more convincing if you defined any of the
loaded language that shows your irrational bias against a wonderful, purple
blob named Barney.
By "right-thinking" do you mean one that accepts that world as it is now,
with war, strife and misery? Does a "right-thinking" person believe that
nuclear energy is a sustainable and safe way to power the world?
Unfortunately, when I look at the context of your argument, I must say that
you are entirely too pessimistic about the future.
Quite possibly, the human beings of the earth will realize that most of the
conflicts that face our world are really quite trivial, based on bias,
fear, and misunderstanding. When this point is reached, a truly momentus
day in history will have been reached. And who knows? Possibly an
annoying purple blob will have helped us get there.
HILL, DAVID R
>In article <14OCT199...@zeus.tamu.edu>, drh...@zeus.tamu.edu (HILL, DAVID R) writes...
>>In article <13OCT93.21...@VM1.MCGILL.CA>, DPGP058 <DPG...@MUSICA.MCGILL.CA> writes...
>[much gunk deleted, some kept, some lost in transit]
>>Wrong, fool!! One day those kids will learn to think for themselves (tho not
>>if you or B****y can help it) and grow into college students who hate B****y,
>>as all right-thinking people should.
>
>Hum, your argument would be more convincing if you defined any of the
>loaded language that shows your irrational bias against a wonderful, purple
>blob named Barney.
The pro-B****y factions have yet to offer any concrete rationales. Why
should we?
Turn about is fair play. Support your irrational bias for the PBS marketing
ploy of the century (or the purple fiend, for those who cannot see him for
what he truly is, the manipulation of our youth for PBS)
>By "right-thinking" do you mean one that accepts that world as it is now,
>with war, strife and misery? Does a "right-thinking" person believe that
>nuclear energy is a sustainable and safe way to power the world?
Yes. Read the literature. When done CORRECTLY (note I said "correctly". When
done wrong, nuke=bad), it is a safe form of power. Of course, if one must have
something to protest, nuclear energy is always a pc choice. B****y would be
proud of you!
>Unfortunately, when I look at the context of your argument, I must say that
>you are entirely too pessimistic about the future.
You're darn right I'm pessimistic about the future. When a purple, pc, flesh
eating dinosaur can become the equivalent of the pied piper, I'm very worried!
Of course, this is the country that elected Bill Clinton president, so I guess
I shouldn't be too surprised.
>Quite possibly, the human beings of the earth will realize that most of the
>conflicts that face our world are really quite trivial, based on bias,
>fear, and misunderstanding. When this point is reached, a truly momentus
>day in history will have been reached. And who knows? Possibly an
>annoying purple blob will have helped us get there.
Never. B****y is the embodiment of all that is wrong with our nation. He
is overly commercialized, he offers a candy-coated view of the world, and he
steals his music. Day of the B****y will never come, despite the wishful
thinking of you and others like you.
We shall overcome!!
Kuhne, John F
>In article <16OCT199...@trentu.ca>, jku...@trentu.ca (Kuhne, John F) writes...
>>In article <14OCT199...@zeus.tamu.edu>, drh...@zeus.tamu.edu (HILL, DAVID R) writes...
>>>In article <13OCT93.21...@VM1.MCGILL.CA>, DPGP058 <DPG...@MUSICA.MCGILL.CA> writes...
>
>>>if you or B****y can help it) and grow into college students who hate B****y,
>>>as all right-thinking people should.
>>
>>Hum, your argument would be more convincing if you defined any of the
>>loaded language that shows your irrational bias against a wonderful, purple
>>blob named Barney.
>
>The pro-B****y factions have yet to offer any concrete rationales. Why
>should we?
Sigh. All I wanted to show is that even in a group like this, it is
possible to carry on a conversation without having to resort to the basest
of human nature. Are you not a rational human being?
If you want me to act immature, I can do that as well. Watch:
You didn't say anything I haven't heard before.
Why don't you listen to the voice of reason?
Why don't you listen to Barney?
>>Unfortunately, when I look at the context of your argument, I must say that
>>you are entirely too pessimistic about the future.
>
>You're darn right I'm pessimistic about the future. When a purple, pc, flesh
>eating dinosaur can become the equivalent of the pied piper, I'm very worried!
Why?
>>Quite possibly, the human beings of the earth will realize that most of the
>>conflicts that face our world are really quite trivial, based on bias,
>>fear, and misunderstanding. When this point is reached, a truly momentus
>>day in history will have been reached. And who knows? Possibly an
>>annoying purple blob will have helped us get there.
>
>Never. B****y is the embodiment of all that is wrong with our nation. He
>is overly commercialized, he offers a candy-coated view of the world, and he
>steals his music. Day of the B****y will never come, despite the wishful
>thinking of you and others like you.
Well Lord Dave, I would like to disagree with you, but you have given me
nothing to argue. All you have done is restate that you hate Barney. I
already know this. Surprise! Surprise! Why don't you tell me WHY you
don't like Barney?
The only bit of evidence you provided above is that you said he "steals"
his music from others. Did you ever consider that the songs that Barney
sings are commonly known and out of copyright? Did you ever think that
people may be intelligent to know that Barney sings old songs to new
lyrics or do you not grant Barney supporters that much ability? Have you
ever heard Barney say "Gee kids, here's a brand new song which I just wrote
all by myself in total isolation from the rest of modern western
civilization"? I bet not.
-- John Frederick Kuhne
Sine Dubio Nulli Secundus
sirel...@gmail.com
Barney is really a cross-dressing, child-molesting, rump-ranger. Now, stop
RIGHT here. If you have never watched this show, don't. You must be
prepared first. Barney's show is packed with subliminals. I played his show
backwards once, to find that it said "You will obey my every suggestion.
You will take that knife out of the door. GOOD, children. Now, take your
potty-thing, and shove up right up your mom's poopy-thing, real hard. What?
You don't have a potty-thing? Your daddy does. Go take that knife and borrow
his."
I'm not kidding, people. Barney went major loco after Baby Bop turned
him down for the 14th time. What would you expect from a guy who won't appear
until all the adults are gone? Because if they are there, they would see
Barney carefully slipping his "potty-thing" into all the little kiddies
backstage. Now. Getting rid of this menace to society.
Ever wanted to be on television? Well, I'm sure Barney would LOVE it
if the gang drove the boom car up inside the stage, and played "Sir Psycho
Sexy" at 192 decibels...
What? You have no friends? Well, I bet you that some Saturday
nights that Baby Bop looks pretty damn good. Barney would get REAL jealous
were you to... say... rape her on stage? No, no. The kids love this.
Violence is cool! (With ONE exception. The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.
They will be covered in a later issue) Just look at what a hit the Teenage
Mutant Ninja Turtles were! Now, you can't TELL me that they didn't get some
GOOD pussy from April.
A good example was the kids who attacked him in that certain parade.
You don't like him? Well, Mr. Tough Guy, go beat the fuk out of him! That's
right, go beat the fuk out of him. Pull his fukn underwear off so everyone
knows just what the hell he really is. Beat him with a pipe. And when he
grabs you and screams "GODDAMN KID! I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!" you can BET
that none of the mommies will let their kiddies watch Barney anymore.
----
Need to form an opinion based on his show? WEll, prepare yourself first.
My way is to down about 5 Beck's. Now, you may be saying, "Wait! Doesn't
alcohol make you MORE suggestive?"
Absolutely not. Beer and Satan don't mix. (I have proven this. Try getting
drunk, and going to a party where they play Black Sabbath all night. You
will have one FUKN HUGE headache the next morning.) Next thing to do?
Sing Barney parodies. This will make you take him less seriously.
Here is a list of some of my favorites.
I hate Barney
Barney hates me
Let's tie Barney to a tree
Hold an Uzi up to his head
Pull the trigger, oops, he's dead.
I love Barney, Barney hates me
Barney gave me HIV
With lots of shots
And a condom every day
Don't you know that Barney's gay
I hate Barney
Barney hates me
Go tie Barney to a tree
With a great big gun and an arrow through the head
Aren't you glad that Barney's dead
I watch Barney every night {I invented this one. Don't go taking credit}
Barney is the Antichrist
With a 666 tattooed on his dick
Damn that Barney sure is sick
I hate Barney
Barney hates me
I shot Barney in the knee
THen I shot him in the head and he fell to the floor.
No more purple dinosaur!
Sing these each 5 times. Then, you will hate the fucking tune so
much the subliminals won't affect you.
