Rational Bible Alternative
Dave
that it tells them virtually everything they need to know about living
their lives. In the Middle-East we have the Koran, which the dimwits
claim contains so much wisdom it tells them everything they need to
live their lives, and if it doesn't there are supplemental holy texts
which fill in every detail.
Now we know this is all a crock, but what rational non-religious text
could the dimwits consult for such comprehensive advice with a secular
perspective? Does any such book exist? My first thought was the Boy
Scout Manual, but then I realized it wasn't secular and doesn't discuss
parenting or a lot of basic things that the dimwits will definitely ask
beyond how to pitch a tent. I'm sure the Boy Scout Manual is vastly
superior to the Bible, but still the gaps in its coverage are just too
great.
Any other ideas?
Enkidu the Atheist
@g44g2000cwa.googlegroups.com:
The "White Pages" has as much wisdom and a better story line.
--
Enkidu AA#2165
EAC Chaplain and ordained minister,
ULC, Modesto, CA
PGP ID: 0xC4CE8CF0
In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people
very angry, and is generally considered to have been a bad move.
-Douglas Adams, The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
J Forbes
Jim
WCB
If you had an Encyclopedia Britanica and a Oxford English Dictionary,
You would have a good start.
--
Xenu is around and about,
mention Hubbard, Xenu pops out!
No way for the clams to stamp Xenu out,
Xenu is around and about!
Cheerful Charlie
Greywolf
"Dave" <gal...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:1124763545.9...@g44g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
mail today.
So far so good. It's pretty life affirming and makes a whole lot of common
sense.
It's no 'bible,' but at least Paul doesn't claim he can walk on water in it.
Now
raising people from the dead ...
Greywolf
Dave
> Dave wrote:
>
> > So we have the Bible, which the dimwits claim contains so much wisdom
> > that it tells them virtually everything they need to know about living
> > their lives. In the Middle-East we have the Koran, which the dimwits
> > claim contains so much wisdom it tells them everything they need to
> > live their lives, and if it doesn't there are supplemental holy texts
> > which fill in every detail.
> >
> > Now we know this is all a crock, but what rational non-religious text
> > could the dimwits consult for such comprehensive advice with a secular
> > perspective? Does any such book exist? My first thought was the Boy
> > Scout Manual, but then I realized it wasn't secular and doesn't discuss
> > parenting or a lot of basic things that the dimwits will definitely ask
> > beyond how to pitch a tent. I'm sure the Boy Scout Manual is vastly
> > superior to the Bible, but still the gaps in its coverage are just too
> > great.
> >
> > Any other ideas?
>
> If you had an Encyclopedia Britanica and a Oxford English Dictionary,
> You would have a good start.
Oh I think that would be information overload for these dimwits. They
need some sort of semi-concise philosophical book on life, death,
marriage and parenting. Maybe Erma Bombeck crossed with Andy Rooney,
but without the humor.
Apostate
"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" comes to mind.
--
/Apostate
alt.atheist #1931 I've found it!
BAAWA Knife AND SMASHer
EAC Supernumerary Deputy Director, Department of Redundancy Department
plonked by Lani_girl, first post; Billions Served!
I doubt, therefore I might be.
e-mail to lower-case only
Michael Gray
Daniel T.
"Dave" <gal...@hotmail.com> wrote:
I considered Carl Sagan's "Cosmos" my bible for a while. It has lots of
history in it... I also think the Tipitaka (Buddhist Bible) would work
well as a "secular bible", sufficiently mystical but still with quite a
bit of reasoning.
--
Magic depends on tradition and belief. It does not welcome observation,
nor does it profit by experiment. On the other hand, science is based
on experience; it is open to correction by observation and experiment.
MarkA
Deteriorata works for me!:
You are a fluke
Of the universe.
You have no right to be here.....
Deteriorata! Deteriorata!
Go placidly
Amid the noise and waste.
And remember what comfort there may be
In owning a piece thereof.
Avoid quiet and passive persons
Unless you are in need of sleep.
Rotate your tires.
Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself
And heed well their advice,
Even though they be turkeys.
Know what to kiss.....and when!
Consider that two wrongs never make a right
But that THREE.........do.
Wherever possible, put people on hold.
Be comforted that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment
And despite the changing fortunes of time,
There is always a big future in computer maintenance.
Chorus
You are a fluke
Of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
And whether you can hear it or not
The universe is laughing behind your back.
Remember the Pueblo.
Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle and mu-ti-late.
Know yourself.
If you need help, call the FBI.
Exercise caution in your daily affairs,
Especially with those persons closest to you.
That lemon on your left, for instance.
Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls
Would scarcely get your feet wet.
Fall not in love therefore;
It will stick to your face.
Gracefully surrender the things of youth:
The birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan
And let not the sands of time
Get in your lunch.
Hire people with hooks.
For a good time call 606-4311;
Ask for "Ken."
Take heart amid the deepening gloom
That your dog is finally getting enough cheese.
And reflect that whatever misfortune may be your lot
It could only be worse in Milwaukee.
Chorus
You are a fluke
Of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
And whether you can hear it or not
The universe is laughing behind your back.
Therefore, make peace with your god
Whatever you conceive him to be---
Hairy thunderer, or cosmic muffin.
With all its hopes, dreams, promises and urban renewal
The world continues to deteriorate.
GIVE UP!
Reprise
You are a fluke
Of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
And whether you can hear it or not
The universe is laughing behind your back.
Lyrics by Tony Hendra.
--
MarkA
(still caught in the maze of twisty little passages, all different)
Douglas Berry
his beer, leaned back in the alt.atheism beanbag and drunkenly
proclaimed the following
>Any other ideas?
"The Art of War" - Sun Tzu.
Actually, I've found that the only ethical advice one needs to live by
is one found in most cultures: The Golden Rule. "Treat others as you
would be treated."
--
Douglas E. Berry Do the OBVIOUS thing to send e-mail
Atheist #2147, Atheist Vet #5
"Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as
when they do it from religious conviction."
Blaise Pascal (1623-1662), Pense'es, #894.
Liz
message <1124763545.9...@g44g2000cwa.googlegroups.com> wrote:
The Oxford English Dictionary (for English speakers, of course)
Überwench #658 Now a *real* atheist!
Dame Liz the Undaunted Ath.D BAAWA
Charter Member of SMASH
and Queen of the known universe
Fred Stone
news:1124763545.9...@g44g2000cwa.googlegroups.com:
Machiavelli's "The Prince".
--
Fred Stone
aa# 1369
"The reason a large block of the country doesn’t recall Bush’s speeches
calling for Iraqi liberation is that they simply were not listening.
After all, they had already decided that they knew what Bush “really”
meant, so they ignored what he said."
http://blog.ianhamet.com/index.php/archive/2005/04/15/945/
Christopher A. Lee
<pengu...@mindOBVIOUSspring.com> wrote:
>On 22 Aug 2005 19:19:05 -0700, "Dave" <gal...@hotmail.com> drained
>his beer, leaned back in the alt.atheism beanbag and drunkenly
>proclaimed the following
>
>>Any other ideas?
>
>"The Art of War" - Sun Tzu.
>
>Actually, I've found that the only ethical advice one needs to live by
>is one found in most cultures: The Golden Rule. "Treat others as you
>would be treated."
Which Christians interpret as "if I weren't Christian I'd want to be
converted".
The problem with the Golden Rule is that it is a simplistic,
one-size-fits-all for people who need a rule to tell them how to
behave towards others.
It puts them in the other guy's position as themselves, not the other
guy.
Bernard Shaw said "Don't do to the other person what you would like
done to yourself, their tastes might different".
zambon...@knowshpamatyahoo.com
Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
"It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that
man."
Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're
an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your partner has been
turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces,
wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call
you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think
again, bat man."
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is
why several of us died of tuberculosis.
...etc.
--
zamboni #2139
BAAWA Assistant to the Vice-Administrator of Malevolence
EAC Tertiary Adjunct to the Dispenser of Obfuscation.
firel...@hotmail.com
Dave wrote:
> WCB wrote:
> > Dave wrote:
<snip>
> > > Now we know this is all a crock, but what rational non-religious text
> > > could the dimwits consult for such comprehensive advice with a secular
> > > perspective?
> > > Any other ideas?
> >
> >
> > If you had an Encyclopedia Britanica and a Oxford English Dictionary,
> > You would have a good start.
>
> Oh I think that would be information overload for these dimwits. They
> need some sort of semi-concise philosophical book on life, death,
> marriage and parenting. Maybe Erma Bombeck crossed with Andy Rooney,
> but without the humor.
Ben Franklin's "Poor Richard" writings.
Walt Smith
Firelock on DALNet
Dave
In that case nothing is changed. The Bible retains its position. The
Koran retains its position. The dimwits keep pretending.
Ben Goren
> Douglas Berry wrote:
>
>> Actually, I've found that the only ethical advice one needs to
>> live by is one found in most cultures: The Golden Rule. "Treat
>> others as you would be treated."
>
> Which Christians interpret as "if I weren't Christian I'd want
> to be converted".
Exactly. It's the Golden Rule placed supreme that gave Torquemada
the moral excuse to do what he did. After all, what's a few weeks
of earthly torture compared with the eternal damnation of Hell?
And that's why, in my own moral code, I place as the first rule,
``Do not do unto others as they do not wish to be done unto
(except as minimally necessary to prevent them from breaking this
rule).'' You can defend yourself or others, in an effective
manner--but you can't use that as an excuse to go beyond simple
defense to do whatever it was that you wanted to do in the first
place. The current war in Iraq is a perfect example of an abuse of
the Exception.
/Then,/ secondary to that, comes the Golden Rule, which serves as
the foundation for cooperation, society, etc.--but I make a point
to note that, the more important it is that you would have
somebody do something for you, the more important it is that you
do that thing for others. (If you come across somebody bleeding to
death on the street, the /only/ thing that matters to you right
then and there is doing whatever you can to help that person
(assuming you're a sane person who would want similar help if you
were the one bleeding).)
Finally, do whatever you want to do, so long as it doesn't violate
the other two rules and doesn't hurt anybody. Of course, the wise
person will note that you have to balance your wants and
desires. Sure, you may want to get roaring drunk tonight, and
that's fine and dandy and your business if you do. But if you also
want to climb a mountain tomorrow, and if climbing that mountain
is more important to you than getting drunk, then it would be
prudent to put off the drunkenness until some other time.
Cheers,
b&
--
BAAWA Knight of Blasphemy
All but God can prove this sentence true.
Bobby D. Bryant
The real question is, why is a book needed for this kind of thing?
What makes it special when you put it in a book?
--
Bobby Bryant
Austin, Texas
Dave
I think there are several reasons. A book encapsulates the material.
The name of the book then defines the material. Christians pretend to
have a superior morality simply because they have a book to point at,
even though obviously they've never read parts of it. In that manner
the book becomes a declaration of beliefs and the moral code of
conduct. I don't consider the so called humanist manifestos to be
adequate or even well-written.
Conspiracy of Doves
all the time.
Apostate
How 'bout *actual* toilet paper?
Apostate
It cuts down on recitation/memorization time pretty considerably.
</Fahrenheit 451, or whichever temperature>
Spliffard
Spliffard
WCB
Books condense the wisdom of those who know why the
old ways are evil.
The fool does not learn from his mistakes.
The smart man learns from his mistakes.
The wise man learns from others' mistakes.
Our forefathers had their books and it wasn't the bible.
Thinkers like Locke, Hobbes, Kant, and others.
Today's average American lout can't even struggle through
the bible, much less Kant.
Spinoza does not translate well to ranting sermons.
Hume cannot compete with lame reality TV shows for
semiliterate, mouth breathing morons.
nJb
--
Jack
Plonked by Native American
bobo1148atxmissiondotcom
Andrew
"WCB" <wbar...@Mungggedd.mylinuxisp.com> wrote in message
news:11gmvfu...@corp.supernews.com...
Extremely good advice
> Our forefathers had their books and it wasn't the bible.
> Thinkers like Locke, Hobbes, Kant, and others.
> Today's average American lout can't even struggle through
> the bible, much less Kant.
> Spinoza does not translate well to ranting sermons.
> Hume cannot compete with lame reality TV shows for
> semiliterate, mouth breathing morons.
>
> --
>
> Xenu is around and about,
> mention Hubbard, Xenu pops out!
> No way for the clams to stamp Xenu out,
> Xenu is around and about!
>
> Cheerful Charlie
So why are you calling the majority that do not agree with your worldview
"morons"... Why such an elistist attitute. It almost sounds Fundie
Christian intollerent to me...
- Andrew
robpar
>I grew up in a poor family. Sometimes we had to use a piece of newspaper.
We got a Sears, Montgomery Ward, and J. C. Penny catalogues. Mom cut
out all the good pictures, and put the rest in the Privy.
Apostate
You had a privy? You were lucky.
We had to hike half a mile, go into the woods, and use leaves.
And it was a poison sumac forest.
Charles & Mambo Duckman
>>>I grew up in a poor family. Sometimes we had to use a piece of newspaper.
>>
>> We got a Sears, Montgomery Ward, and J. C. Penny catalogues. Mom cut
>>out all the good pictures, and put the rest in the Privy.
>
>
> You had a privy? You were lucky.
>
> We had to hike half a mile, go into the woods, and use leaves.
> And it was a poison sumac forest.
Luxury! We had to crawl on our backs, backward, for five thousand miles to
the nearest surgeon who would surgically open our ingrown rectums every day,
for this we'd have to sell a kidney each time, then we'd crawl on our knees
five thousand more miles to the recycled biologically toxic glass depot
where we'd take a dump, wipe off with the shards of broken glass and then
ten German nuns would rub salt in our open wounds, barbecue us for ten
hours, eat us, shit us out, genetically clone us from the shit and repeat
the process every time.
--
Come down off the cross
We can use the wood
Tom Waits, Come On Up To The House
Apostate
You had me going, right up until the German nuns.
Gail Futoran
news:Xns96BAC7E0...@130.133.1.4...
> "Dave" <gal...@hotmail.com> wrote in news:1124763545.952841.291090
> @g44g2000cwa.googlegroups.com:
>
>> So we have the Bible, which the dimwits claim contains so much wisdom
>> that it tells them virtually everything they need to know about living
>> their lives. In the Middle-East we have the Koran, which the dimwits
>> claim contains so much wisdom it tells them everything they need to
>> live their lives, and if it doesn't there are supplemental holy texts
>> which fill in every detail.
>>
>> Now we know this is all a crock, but what rational non-religious text
>> could the dimwits consult for such comprehensive advice with a secular
>> perspective? Does any such book exist? My first thought was the Boy
>> Scout Manual, but then I realized it wasn't secular and doesn't discuss
>> parenting or a lot of basic things that the dimwits will definitely ask
>> beyond how to pitch a tent. I'm sure the Boy Scout Manual is vastly
>> superior to the Bible, but still the gaps in its coverage are just too
>> great.
>>
>> Any other ideas?
>>
>>
>
>
> --
> Enkidu AA#2165
> EAC Chaplain and ordained minister,
> ULC, Modesto, CA
> PGP ID: 0xC4CE8CF0
>
> In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people
> very angry, and is generally considered to have been a bad move.
> -Douglas Adams, The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
I think the Junior Woodchuck Manual (better known
as the Junior Woodchuck Guidebook) would qualify.
http://duckman.pettho.com/characters/guideb.html
http://www.salimbeti.com/paperinik/en/city.htm
It's non-religious (at a guess)
It's written by, for and about ducks
It's comprehensive (I don't recall an instance when
the Junior Woodchucks failed to find an
answer to a question using the Guidebook)
It's infallible (can a book be infallible, or only people/
imaginary beings?) - anyhoo, it's truthful and accurate,
whatever that means
It's unabashedly fictional - no excuses (unlike
the bible)
If there are inconsistencies no one's found them
Downside: Apparently its distribution and use
are limited to actual Junior Woodchucks. I'm
thinking of a species-change operation to quality.
Gail
aa#2247
nJb
The garter belts were my favorite section. Starched many a page.
R. Pierce Butler
news:1124933780.1b57066b3e85d6eb0e9db9be602c5d2e@teranews:
> On Wed, 24 Aug 2005 16:47:06 -0700, Charles & Mambo Duckman
> <duc...@gfy.slf> wrote:
>
>>Apostate wrote:
>>
>>>>>I grew up in a poor family. Sometimes we had to use a piece of
>>>>>newspaper.
>>>>
>>>> We got a Sears, Montgomery Ward, and J. C. Penny catalogues. Mom cut
>>>>out all the good pictures, and put the rest in the Privy.
>>>
>>>
>>> You had a privy? You were lucky.
>>>
>>> We had to hike half a mile, go into the woods, and use leaves.
>>> And it was a poison sumac forest.
>>
>>Luxury! We had to crawl on our backs, backward, for five thousand miles
>>to the nearest surgeon who would surgically open our ingrown rectums
>>every day, for this we'd have to sell a kidney each time, then we'd
>>crawl on our knees five thousand more miles to the recycled biologically
>>toxic glass depot where we'd take a dump, wipe off with the shards of
>>broken glass and then ten German nuns would rub salt in our open wounds,
>>barbecue us for ten hours, eat us, shit us out, genetically clone us
>>from the shit and repeat the process every time.
>
> You had me going, right up until the German nuns.
>
>
He had me right until the cloning part. No one has cloned a human yet. At
least they havent admitted it publicly.
rj
robpar
>robpar wrote:
>
>> On Tue, 23 Aug 2005 19:12:27 -0600, nJb <no...@nowhere.com> wrote:
>>
>>
>>>I grew up in a poor family. Sometimes we had to use a piece of newspaper.
>>
>>
>> We got a Sears, Montgomery Ward, and J. C. Penny catalogues. Mom cut
>> out all the good pictures, and put the rest in the Privy.
>
>The garter belts were my favorite section. Starched many a page.
I liked the panties, spent hours dreaming about what they hid,
reality sucks. Nothing but a smelly hole surrounded by hair.
stoney
>I grew up in a poor family. Sometimes we had to use a piece of newspaper.
You had newspaper???!!!!! Golly!
--
Contempt of Congress meter reading-offscale.
Hello, theocracy with a fundamentalist US Supreme
Court who will ensure church and state are joined
at the hip like clergy and altar boys.
America 1776-Jan 2001 RIP
"As democracy is perfected, the office of president
represents, more and more closely, the inner soul
of the people. On some great and glorious day the
plain folks of the land will reach their heart's
desire at last and the White House will be adorned
by a downright moron." --- H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
Religion is the original war crime.
-Michelle Malkin (Feb 26, 2005)
stoney
<duc...@gfy.slf> wrote:
Which took up the first thirty seconds of the day....
stoney
That's all they can do.
stoney
<pengu...@mindOBVIOUSspring.com> wrote:
>On 22 Aug 2005 19:19:05 -0700, "Dave" <gal...@hotmail.com> drained
>his beer, leaned back in the alt.atheism beanbag and drunkenly
>proclaimed the following
>
>>Any other ideas?
>
>"The Art of War" - Sun Tzu.
>
>Actually, I've found that the only ethical advice one needs to live by
>is one found in most cultures: The Golden Rule. "Treat others as you
>would be treated."
Since Christians are into S&M/B&D all others are as well-according to
the flawed 'Golden Rule.'
/quote
>On Sat, 09 Aug 2003 12:16:25 -0400, raven1
><psyched...@flashmail.com> wrote:
>>The Silver Rule is much more useful ("Do *not* do unto others as
>>you would *not* have done unto you").
/quote
stoney
>On 22 Aug 2005 19:19:05 -0700, "Dave" <gal...@hotmail.com> in news
>message <1124763545.9...@g44g2000cwa.googlegroups.com> wrote:
>
>>So we have the Bible, which the dimwits claim contains so much wisdom
>>that it tells them virtually everything they need to know about living
>>their lives. In the Middle-East we have the Koran, which the dimwits
>>claim contains so much wisdom it tells them everything they need to
>>live their lives, and if it doesn't there are supplemental holy texts
>>which fill in every detail.
>>
>>Now we know this is all a crock, but what rational non-religious text
>>could the dimwits consult for such comprehensive advice with a secular
>>perspective? Does any such book exist? My first thought was the Boy
>>Scout Manual, but then I realized it wasn't secular and doesn't discuss
>>parenting or a lot of basic things that the dimwits will definitely ask
>>beyond how to pitch a tent. I'm sure the Boy Scout Manual is vastly
>>superior to the Bible, but still the gaps in its coverage are just too
>>great.
>>
>>Any other ideas?
>
>
>The Oxford English Dictionary (for English speakers, of course)
The American Heritage Dictionary (for American speakers, of course)
(eyes dance)
stoney
wrote:
>On 22 Aug 2005 19:19:05 -0700, "Dave" <gal...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>
>>So we have the Bible, which the dimwits claim contains so much wisdom
>>that it tells them virtually everything they need to know about living
>>their lives. In the Middle-East we have the Koran, which the dimwits
>>claim contains so much wisdom it tells them everything they need to
>>live their lives, and if it doesn't there are supplemental holy texts
>>which fill in every detail.
>>
>>Now we know this is all a crock, but what rational non-religious text
>>could the dimwits consult for such comprehensive advice with a secular
>>perspective? Does any such book exist? My first thought was the Boy
>>Scout Manual, but then I realized it wasn't secular and doesn't discuss
>>parenting or a lot of basic things that the dimwits will definitely ask
>>beyond how to pitch a tent. I'm sure the Boy Scout Manual is vastly
>>superior to the Bible, but still the gaps in its coverage are just too
>>great.
>>
>>Any other ideas?
>
>Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
>
>"It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that
>man."
>
>Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're
>an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your partner has been
>turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces,
>wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call
>you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think
>again, bat man."
>
>Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is
>why several of us died of tuberculosis.
Ouch....
Rev. Karl E. Taylor
> On Tue, 23 Aug 2005 19:12:27 -0600, nJb <no...@nowhere.com> wrote:
>
>
>>I grew up in a poor family. Sometimes we had to use a piece of newspaper.
>
>
> You had newspaper???!!!!! Golly!
>
>
"There where 150 of us living in shoe box, in middle of the road"
--
There are none more ignorant and useless,
than they that seek answers on their knees,
with their eyes closed.
____________________________________________________________________
Rev. Karl E. Taylor ktay...@getnet.net
A.A #1143 http://azhotops.blogspot.com/
Apostle of Dr. Lao EAC: Virgin Conversion Unit Director
____________________________________________________________________
stoney
<ktay...@getnet.net> wrote:
>stoney wrote:
>> On Tue, 23 Aug 2005 19:12:27 -0600, nJb <no...@nowhere.com> wrote:
>>
>>
>>>I grew up in a poor family. Sometimes we had to use a piece of newspaper.
>>
>>
>> You had newspaper???!!!!! Golly!
>You were lucky.
>
>"There where 150 of us living in shoe box, in middle of the road"
WOW! Both a road and a shoe box! Palacial quarters.
