The Dark & Seedy side of Agent Campbell

[Mike D Smith]

Disinformation Agent Glenn Campbell exposed by retired propane and propane accessories
salesman that wants to remain anonymous.

The man from F.L.A.R.E. (Flagrant Lies of Aero-phenomenon of Research Exotic-craft)
aka...Psycho Glen

The following report sheds new light and many startling revelations into the dark and seedy
side of Mr. Campbell and his acts of personal attacks and deceptive diversionary
tactics while we the taxpayers pay his wages. The F.L.A.R.E group is a 'most secret class'
of an already too secretive government. Mr Campbell's task was to keep all media concerning
Area 51 contained to the belief that all the black projects being tested were simply flares of
one sort or the other.

Over the last few years, many have suspected that Psycho Glen was a spook. But, it wasn't until
my exhaustive investigation into his background that many questions of this F.L.A.R.E. agent's
history will now come to light. My early research was that no one had ever done any research on
him! This seemed strange. I passed over the fake employment records and school records (for now)
and went back to the beginning. His parents leaped at the chance to talk about his birth, his
childhood and shared their inner most joys of raising a "not so normal boy."

"Glennie was a difficult delivery. The doctor said that Glennie was a 'rectal delivery' but assured
us that many 'rectal deliveries' grow up as assholes. One even became President!"
The doctor's records of Glenn's birth show 'AMPB' is evident in the first day of birth.
When I questioned the doctor about remembering Glennie's birth, he said yes he remembered
it well. "Glenn had the rare rectal delivery. Something else,too. It took us awhile to properly
determine his sex! I didn't think it was a girl, but I had the chief nurse get a magnifying glass.
But, it was of no use. Finally, after using a microscope, we were able to detect a 'little Elvis' on him
and I pronounced him as a male with AMPB!"

The Campbells went on with the high points in Glennie's childhood. His first words were spoken at
age 8. We can remember it so proudly when little Glennie uttered " I was born to deceive!"
We knew at this point that Glennie would make it a life's career of deceiving tax payers as a
Government Disinformation Agent or as a used car salesman. We let him choose his own way.
We believe that he chose wisely.

During grade school, Glennie was very quiet and didn't seem to have any friends. Most all his
teachers said he was a 'bit odd' and all of them mentioned the AMPB that was becoming much
more prevalent as Glennie reached puberty.

High school was almost as uneventful for Glennie. Other than making up colorful stories and telling
harmless lies he remained friendless, very quiet, like he was brooding over some big issue and the
teachers passed him even when his grades were not quite up to snuff. "We didn't want to have
him in our classes again!" Also heard by many of his high school teachers "We'll pass anyone
if they appear to be inflicted with AMPB !"

At age 24, Glennie had an extensive Barbie doll collection. Over 1,200 dolls all with heavy make
up that Glennie took great pride in applying. When he thought no one was looking, he would
put make up and the ugliest purple color lip stick on himself.

Age 31, Glennie adds his first Ken doll to his burgeoning Barbie doll collection. While
slowly undressing the Ken doll for the first time, Glennie gets his first 'boner'. Shock and
panic set in on Glennie and he passed out. Glennie was not properly prepared for this!
His parents said that they had planned to have the talk about the birds and bees with Glennie
at the proper time. They sobbed about how time just seemed to sneak up on Glennie and pluck
him from his childhood, with no warning! While being in a coma, the doctors ran extensive
test and found out that Glennie has a "narrow urethra" and they also noted the AMPB.

Age 32 Glennie comes out of his coma with a strange smile on his face. Some how, this near
death ordeal has made Glennie aware of his "little Elvis" as having more purpose in life than
just being a way to empty his bladder. Fascinated with this new discovery, he becomes
quite the chicken choker. The 15 seconds of shear pleasure that he enjoyed could only have
surpassed with the satisfaction that he gained from telling lies and stories of deception.

Age 36 Glennie moves out of parents house and proceeds with his disinformation plans.
Glennie was ready to start his lifes work as a Disinformation Agent. The F.L.A.R.E. dept
of Lies and Spies was in need of an agent to work at Area 51. Glennie, now referred to as
Agent Campbell, was to move from Boston and live with the residents of Rachel, Nevada.
He went into a very intense training program, mentored under his idol Phillip Clauss (Whom
also is afflicted with the horrible AMPB!) Three days later, Glennie is a full fledge spook.

His cover going in was that he was a former computer programmer who suddenly decides
to shuck it all and move to the desert! His immediate prose was to gain the town's acceptance
and posed as a disgruntled government conspiracy activist. He set up a false business (I
couldn't find any IRS returns or even a tax number on him.) As a matter of fact, it was this
oversight on Agent Campbell that started his shaky and brief stay at Rachel.
He stuck the Inn owners with his tax liability. This was putting his mission of disinformation
on very thin ice very early in his new career.

Unsatisfied with self abuse,Agent Campbell sought companionship, but nothing female
and alive would have him. He even seeked Ambassador Merlin's lady friend. He offered
her $10,000,00 (hey, it wasn't his money but taxpayer money) but she declined saying
"I'd rather keep my alien friend happy with sex for free than to sleep with you, Campbell!"
Agent Campbell ,early on, spent a lot of time away from Rachel at nights. He told the people
that he was looking for any strange sightings around Area 51. But that wasn't true!
The most hideous fact surfaced many months later that until now remained as Rachel's
best kept secret. A town meeting was held in late March about something very strange going
on with newborn cattle. The ranchers were at a loss to explain as to how the calves were born with
heads like Campbell's, complete with AMPB!

A tourist happened by the Inn while the meeting was going on and said that he had seen a demure
man that had Advanced Male Pattern Baldness, stump jumping some cows several months earlier.
Could this be the cause of gross malformed newborn calves?

Agent Campbell now lives in Vegas. A dejected man checking the help wanted ads
for a more promising career in used car sales.

Smitty