zoke

[Sandeep Hans]

[Sandeep Hans]

Santa apni Gf ki zulfon me aisa khoya, Ke Behosh ho gaya...

Jab hosh Aaya to Romantic ho kar pucha: 

Jaan.!

Nahati kyun nahi ho..?

On Wed, Apr 23, 2014 at 2:01 PM, Sandeep Hans <sandee...@gmail.com> wrote:

[Sandeep Hans]

[Sandeep Hans]

8 Things Indian Brides Say And What They Really Mean

http://www.storypick.com/8-things-indian-brides-say-really-mean/

[Sandeep Hans]

Boy:- Main 18 Saal ka hoon or tum..??
.
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Girl:- Main bhi 18 Saal ki hoon..??
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Boy:- To Phir chal na Sharmana kya
.
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Girl:- kaha ??
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Boy:- VOTE Dene

"SOCH BADLO DESH BADLEGA"..

[Bhavesh Manglani]

Abey honeymoon se joke bhej raha hai kya?

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[Sandeep Hans]

Santa: Jyotishi key paas kundli dikhane gaya:
Jyotish-Tera naam Santa hai?.
Santa-Ji
Jyotish-Teri biwi ka naam dolli hai?
Santa-ji
Jyotish-teri 2 beti hain?
Santa-ji
Jyotish-tune abi 10 kg chawal kharide hain ?
Santa-aap to antaryami hain maharaj.
Jyotish-dafa ho jao yaha se. Agli dafa kundli lana,
ration card nahin...

[Jyothish Soman]

Finally i am not the joke 😁

---

From: Sandeep Hans
Sent: ‎24/‎04/‎2014 21:38
To: zoke...@googlegroups.com
Subject: Re: [Zoke: 1627] Re: zoke

[Sandeep Hans]

[Sandeep Hans]

One night President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn’t too luxurious.

When they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the President’s secret service if he could please speak to the First Lady in private.

They obliged and Michelle had a conversation with the owner.

After the conversation President Obama asked Michelle, “Why was he so interested in talking to you?"

She mentioned that in her teenage years, he had been madly in love with her.

President Obama then said, “So if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant?"

Michelle responded, “No, if I had married him, he would now be the President.”

[Sandeep Hans]

Went to wish my neighbour.

I asked their maid where the couple were.
She said “Woh bahar gaye hain Unka aaj "Marriage Unnecessary" hai!”

[Sandeep Hans]

One night A Boy helped an
unknown aunty to reach her
home, .
.
Aunty : Beta, raat bahut ho gayi
hai, yahin so jao, Harvinder ke
room me.
.
Boy : Nahi aunty, main hall me so
jaunga.
.
Next morning, a beautiful girl
comes with a cup of coffee
.
Boy : Aap kaun?
.
Girl : Mein Harvinder aur aap?
.
Boy : Main ullu ka pathaa.

[Sandeep Hans]

Banta: Sante tera restaurant kaisa Chal raha hai?

Santa: Koi Khas nahi.

Banta: Vaise main do bar tere restaurant Aaya, Par wahan pe tala laga hua tha.

Santa : yaar tu lunch ya dinner ke time Aaya hoga.. Uss time humlog khana khane Ghar jate hai

[Sandeep Hans]

Snta-kal teri shadi h aur tu udas h?
Bnta-yaar ladki walo ne kaha hain ki barati kam
lana.
Snta-toh?
Bnta-abe yar,pata nhi papa muje le jayenge ki nhi

[Sandeep Hans]

Husband : Mere relatives ghar aa rahe hain, kuch bana lo... Wife ne fatafat MUH bana liya..

[Sandeep Hans]

Man in bed with his wife, 
slides his hand slowly across her shoulders, 
across her waist, under her neck, 
under her back, & suddenly stops...

Wife: " ( In a romantic voice) Why did u stop?"

Man: "Remote mil gaya. Tu soja "

[Sandeep Hans]

19 Amusing Excuses Indian Parents Can Give On Any Given Day To Get You Married RIGHT NOW!

 

http://wishpicker.com/blog/2014/04/24/19-amusing-excuses-indian-parents-can-give-on-any-given-day-to-get-you-married-right-now/

[Aditya Gopalan]

✊This is a killer.....
☺First Joke on A Sardarni ...    

A Plane is on its way to Chandigarh, when Gurpreet in Economy Class gets up, and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to see her ticket she then tells Gurpreet, that she paid for economy class, and that she will have to sit in the back.

Gurpreet replies, "I’m Sardarni, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Chandigarh and I’m staying right here."

the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a Sardarni sitting in first class, that belongs in economy, and won't move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to Gurpreet and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat. Gurpreet replies, "I’m Sardarni, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Chandigarh and I’m staying right here."

The co-pilot tells the pilot
The pilot says, "You say she is a sardarni? I'll handle this; I’m married to a sardarni. I speak sardar's language."

He goes back to Gurpreet  and whispers in her ear, and she says,
"Oh, I’m sorry."
and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy..

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

"I told her,
"First Class is Not Going to Chandigarh." ....



Sent from my phone

---

From: Sandeep Hans
Sent: ‎29-‎04-‎2014 16:29
To: zoke...@googlegroups.com
Subject: Re: [Zoke: 1637] Re: zoke

[The entire original message is not included.]

[Sandeep Hans]

She:Hello kya kar rahe ho? He:Shave kar raha hu.

She:Tum din mein kitni dafa Shave krte ho? He:30/40 dafa.

SheTum Pagal ho? He: mei naai hu

--

[Sandeep Hans]

[Sandeep Hans]

Relative: Kya kar rahe ho aajkal?

Me: Jee, social networking.

Relative: Mera matlab jeene ke liye kya karte ho?

Me: Jee, Saans leta hoon. 

[Sandeep Hans]

Santa To Banta..
Santa-: Mere Mama Ne Mujhse
Choti Si Baat Pe Rishta Tod
Diya..
.
.
Banta-: Kyu..??
Kya Kaha Unhone..?
.
.
.
Santa-: Unhone Kaha

.
.
.
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.
.

Mungfali Me Dana Nahi,
Hum Tumhare Mama Nahi..
Hahahaha.

[Sandeep Hans]

Sunny's leon mom : Beti doodh ka glass pee lo

sunny : No mama,mujhe nai peena.

Maa : Beti agar doodh nahi piyogi to badi kaise hogi?

Sunny : maa apko bhi toh doodh pasand nahi,phir bhi aap badi ho gai hain Main bhi nahi piyungi to badi ho jaungi.

Maa : Achi bachiyan zid nahi
karti,Agar meri achi beti ho
to doodh pee lo warna mei tum se khafa ho jaungi.

sunny: OK mama,.
aap kehti hain toh mein doodh pee leti hoon . .

Aur is tarah sunny ne doodh pee liya..

Msg end tak kitnay gaur se padha hai ki kab non veg start hoga..
bus karo darindo. XD XD XD

[Sandeep Hans]

[Sandeep Hans]

Santa Ek Hospital Mein Admit Tha.

Santa Ek Nurse Se Kehta Hai: “I Love You, Tumne To Mera Dil Chura Liya Hai.”

Nurse Sharmakar Boli: “Chal Juthe Dil Ko To Haath Bhi Nahi Lagaya, Hamne To Kidney Churayi Hai.”

[Sandeep Hans]

Ek Baar Santa Dharu Peekar Sadak Pe Ja Raha Hota Aur Achanak Se Ek Sadhu Se Takra Jata Hai

Sadhu Gusse Se: “Array Murkh, Main Tujhe Shraap Deta Hoon”

Santa: “Ruko-Ruko Baba, Main Glass Le Kar Aata Hoon, Fir Dena“

[Sandeep Hans]

[Sandeep Hans]

Santa: Mujhe shadi mein BMW mili hai,
Banta: Par Tumhare pass to koi car nahi hai,
Santa: Abe Ghadhe
BMW ka matlab
"Bahut Moti Wife".

[Sandeep Hans]

"Sadak tere baap ki hai kya ?"

~ One question Vadra's son can confidently answer anytime of the day

[Sandeep Hans]

Facebook n Whatsapp is an american company Other wise by now the government would have changed its name to Rajiv Gandhi Dost Banao Yojana.

[Sandeep Hans]

[Sandeep Hans]

हम तो निकले थे तलाशे इश्क में अपनी तनहाईयों से लड़ कर । । । मगर । । । । गर्मी बहुत थी बियर पी के वापिस आ गए.

[Sandeep Hans]

How do you say "she is calling a cab" in one word?

Vocabulary 

[Sandeep Hans]

Boy : Hello, Pammi darling... kaisi ho ?
..............................
Girl : Who's this ?
........................
Boy : Tera aashiq hun; jaaneman !!
..................
Girl : Tu Bunty hai na...
Boy : Yes; but how do you know ?
Girl : Tu Bansilal ka beta hai na......
Boy : Yes but how you know me ??
Girl : Tu Ramlal ka pota hai na.....
Boy : Yes !! but jaanu, tumhe ye sab kaise
pata....?
Girl : Bunty Haramkhor; kutte, mai teri
Maa
hun !!..Tune 'Pummi' ko nahi, 'Mummi' ko
phone
lagaya hai!!!

[Sandeep Hans]

फेसबुक पर आज एक महिला मित्र ने सैंडविच की फोटो पोस्ट की और लिखा -
" आओ नाश्ता करें सब मिलजुल कर"

मैंने उत्साह में कमेंट कर दिया "वाह ! मजा आ गया पेट भर गया।"
.
.
.
.
अब डायनिंग टेबल पर भूखा बैठा हूँ और बीवी कह रही है
"नाश्ता तो आपका हो लिया ....दोपहर
का क्या प्रोग्राम है घर में लंच करोगे या फेसबुक पर?

[Sandeep Hans]

10 Of The Most Cheeky Things Indian Students Have Ever Written In Their Exams

http://www.scoopwhoop.com/entertainment/10-of-the-most-cheeky-things-indian-students-have-ever-written-in-their-exams/

[Sandeep Hans]

[Sandeep Hans]

[Sandeep Hans]

10 Silly Hoaxes Which Took Indians For A Ride

http://www.scoopwhoop.com/inothernews/indian-hoaxes/

[Sandeep Hans]

A BJP supporter, an AAP supporter, an NRI, a sexist and a Samsung Galaxy S4 owner all walk into a bar.

How would you know this?

They make sure they tell you.

[Sandeep Hans]

1. DOG सड़क पे उल्टा पड़ा था तो लोग उसकी पूजा करने
लगे....क्योँ??
.
.
क्योकि DOG उल्टा GOD होता हैँ...
.
.
.
.
2. मरे हुए व्यक्ति के मुँह मेँ क्या डालना चाहिए??
.
.
बिड़ला सीमेन्ट.... क्योकि इस सीमेन्ट मेँ जान है...
.
.
.
.
3. 13 का घनमूल क्या है??
.
.
सुरूर,क्योकि 13...13...13...=
सुरूर...
.
.
.
.
4. जो लड़की कभी नही हँसती उसे क्या कहेगेँ??
.
.
"हसी-ना"
.
.
.
.
5. जिसका दिल टूट जाता उसका GK कमजोर होता है??
.
.
क्योकि, जब दिल ही टूट गया तो GK क्या करेगा....
.
.
.
.
6. अगर 2 पीपल के पेड़ को रस्सी से
बाँध दिया जाये तो उस रस्सी को क्या कहेगेँ??
.
.
नोकिया - कनेक्टिगं पीपल...

पूरा पोस्ट झेलने के लिए आपका बहुत बहुत आभार

हमारे साथ बने रहिए हम आपको ऐसे ही ज्ञान गंगा मेँ
डूबकी लगवाते रहेग....
पत्नी जब मायके जाती है और फिर
जब
पति कि याद आती है तो कैसे
रोमांटिक
SMS send करती है देखिये ..…!
"मेरी मोहब्ब्त को अपने दिल में ढूंढ लेना,
और हाँ, आंटे को अच्छी तरह गूँथ लेना...!!
.
.
मिल जाए अगर प्यार तो खोना नहीं,
प्याज़ काटते वक्त बिलकुल
रोना नहीं...!!
.
.
मुझसे रूठ जाने का बहाना अच्छा है,
थोड़ी देर और पकाओ आलू
अभी कच्चा है ..!
.
मिलकर फिर खुशियों को बाँटना है,
टमाटर जरा बारीक़ ही काटना है ...!!
.
लोग हमारी मोहब्ब्त से जल न जाएं,
चावल टाइम पे देख लेना कहीं गल न
जाएं ...!!
.
.
कैसी लगी हमारी ग़जल
बता देना,
नमक कम लगे तो और मिला लेना .!

[Sandeep Hans]

Daya: My god, he is dead.

ACP: Lagta hai iski maut marne se hui hai.

Dr. Salunkhe: Nahi boss, iski maut marne se nahi, jaan jaane se hui hai. 

[Sandeep Hans]

30 Weird And Awesome Inventions.

http://9gag.com/gag/aEwjmr9

[Sandeep Hans]

The librarians went on a strike. It was a "Book Hadtaal."

Chain ke sath sona hai to jaag jao ~Jackie's wife

Makke ki roti bahut Maizeboot hoti hain.

Your boss is like your Poop. Always scared ki kab aa jaye.

If Gujarat ever has an IPL team, they should name it 'Dhokla eaters'.

*My mom in balcony observing ppl.* 1990- Man with cellphone. Mom- "Smuggler Hoga" 2014- Man on landline at STD-Booth Mom- "Smuggler Hoga" !!

English-I need this movie urgent Hindi-mujhe torrent ye movie chahiye.

[Sandeep Hans]

Is saal election me dhamaal ho gaya....

1. N D Tiwari ko beta mil gaya
2. Modi ko biwi mil gayi
3. Aur Digii ko dono... Beti jaisi biwi mil gayi.

Yeh election thaa yaa Kumbh ka Mela !!!!!

[Sandeep Hans]

ek bhikhari pizza hut call karta hai aur bolta
hai.
.
. Bhikhari-hello, pizza hut?
. Operator-ji haan, boliye.
. Bhikhari-tin large pizza, ek small pizza aur
cold drink chahiye.
. Operator-order, bill kiske naan pe punch kar
dun aur kahan bhejna hai jara address
bataiyega.
. Bhikhari-ji bill allah ke naam pe de dena aur
delivery gandhi maidan footpath par kar dena

[Sandeep Hans]

[Sandeep Hans]

Vijay Mallya : Yaar Is Team Ne Mera Chain, Neend, Hosh Sab Udaa Diya Hai

Sid Mallya : Sukhar Karo Papa, Humara Kuch To Udaa ...

[Sandeep Hans]

Kejriwal: Hume Swaraj chahiye. Sushma Swaraj: Itni bhi Sunder nhi hu mai..

Kejriwal: "Mujhe Swaraj chahiye". Mallaya & Kohli: "Swaraj nahi hai, Yuvraj Le jao, 14cr gutter me chale gaye.

Kejriwal: Hume Swaraj chahiye. Sushma Swaraj: Mai asha karti hu mahodaye ke aapke ghar me maa-behen hongi.

Kejriwal: Mera kaam fair hai. Digvijay: Mera affair hai.

[Sandeep Hans]

8 toasts to give while drinking

http://9gag.com/gag/aWZRYZZ?ref=fb.s.mw

[Sandeep Hans]

spurious correlations

http://tylervigen.com/

[Sandeep Hans]

pollard doing things.

[Sandeep Hans]

[Sandeep Hans]

Girl's Status : Feeling low.
258 likes, 76445
comments

Boys Status : Hit by a train.
One Comment : Bhai disprin le le.

[Sandeep Hans]

Girl: Tu hasta nahi hai kya

Boy: kyu ?

Girl: tere haste hue photo nahi hai.

Boy: Tu Nahati nahi hai kya ?

[Sandeep Hans]

Geography teacher: agar koi chota planet prithvi se takraye to kya hoga?

Student: 'Tadang' jaisa awaaj aayega

Teacher gusse se: Kyu??

Student: yeh duniya... Yeh duniya pital di...

[Sandeep Hans]

Priyanka : Robert, I need some space in our relationship.

Vadra : Ok. Take Gurgaon Sector 61 & 62 !

[Jai Prakash]

[Sandeep Hans]

Modi:chalo meje lethe hain. Amit Shah: kiske?Kaise? Modi:Mayavati ko phone lagawo poocho samarthan dengi?

[Sandeep Hans]

Ek Baccha Mummy Se Pitne Ke
Baad Apne Papa Se Bola..
Papa Kabi Africa Gaye Ho.?
Papa: Nahi Beta..
Baccha: Fir Itni Khaufnaak
Item Kaha Se Le Aaye..? 

[Sandeep Hans]

Modi's victory proves that a man can surely succeed when his mother is near and wife is away.

It also shows that a Gujarati can do ANYTHING to get a US visa.

[Sandeep Hans]

Santa: kal rat mai bathroom gya, to dekha baha
bhoOot tha..
.
.
.
.
.
.
Banta: fir kya huya?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.Santa: hona kya tha, maine kaha k aap hi karlo
bhoOot ji.. Mera to waise hi nikal gya hai aapko
dekh k.. 

[Sandeep Hans]

'Ek baar Santa Gangubai ke ghar jaata hai aur
darwaza knock karta hai.

Gangubai: Kaun ?

Santa: Main !

Gangubai: Main kaun?

Santa: Tu Gangubai'

[Sandeep Hans]

politicians doing things after election results

(best is gadkari)

http://www.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/05/pics-politicians-doing-things-after-election-results/

[Gargi Dutta]

pollard doing things.

spurious correlations

http://tylervigen.com/

On Thu, May 1, 2014 at 6:08 PM, Sandeep Hans <sandee...@gmail.com> wrote: Sunny's leon mom : Beti doodh ka glass pee lo sunny : No mama,mujhe nai peena. Maa : Beti agar doodh nahi piyogi to badi kaise hogi? Sunny : maa apko bhi toh doodh pasand nahi,phir bhi aap badi ho gai hain Main bhi nahi piyungi to badi ho jaungi.Maa : Achi bachiyan zid nahikarti,Agar meri achi beti ho to doodh pee lo warna mei tum se khafa ho jaungi.sunny: OK mama,.aap kehti hain toh mein doodh pee leti hoon . .Aur is tarah sunny ne doodh pee liya.. Msg end tak kitnay gaur se padha hai ki kab non veg start hoga..bus karo darindo. XD XD XDOn Thu, May 1, 2014 at 4:58 PM, Sandeep Hans <sandee...@gmail.com> wrote: Santa To Banta.. Santa-: Mere Mama Ne Mujhse Choti Si Baat Pe Rishta Tod Diya.. . .Banta-: Kyu..??Kya Kaha Unhone..?...Santa-: Unhone Kaha......Mungfali Me Dana Nahi,Hum Tumhare Mama Nahi..Hahahaha. On Thu, May 1, 2014 at 1:44 PM, Sandeep Hans <sandee...@gmail.com> wrote: Relative: Kya kar rahe ho aajkal? Me: Jee, social networking. Relative: Mera matlab jeene ke liye kya karte ho? Me: Jee, Saans leta hoon. On Wed, Apr 30, 2014 at 3:35 PM, Sandeep Hans <sandee...@gmail.com> wrote: On Wed, Apr 30, 2014 at 2:53 PM, Sandeep Hans <sandee...@gmail.com> wrote: She:Hello kya kar rahe ho? He:Shave kar raha hu. She:Tum din mein kitni dafa Shave krte ho? He:30/40 dafa. SheTum Pagal ho? He: mei naai huOn Tue, Apr 29, 2014 at 6:41 PM, Aditya Gopalan <aditya....@gmail.com> wrote: ✊This is a killer.....☺First Joke on A Sardarni ...     A Plane is on its way to Chandigarh, when Gurpreet in Economy Class gets up, and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to see her ticket she then tells Gurpreet, that she paid for economy class, and that she will have to sit in the back. Gurpreet replies, "I’m Sardarni, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Chandigarh and I’m staying right here."the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a Sardarni sitting in first class, that belongs in economy, and won't move back to her seat. The co-pilot goes back to Gurpreet and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat. Gurpreet replies, "I’m Sardarni, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Chandigarh and I’m staying right here." The co-pilot tells the pilot The pilot says, "You say she is a sardarni? I'll handle this; I’m married to a sardarni. I speak sardar's language."He goes back to Gurpreet  and whispers in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I’m sorry." and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy..The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss."I told her, "First Class is Not Going to Chandigarh." ....Sent from my phone From: Sandeep Hans Sent: ‎29-‎04-‎2014 16:29To: zoke...@googlegroups.com Subject: Re: [Zoke: 1637] Re: zoke 19 Amusing Excuses Indian Parents Can Give On Any Given Day To Get You Married RIGHT NOW!   http://wishpicker.com/blog/2014/04/24/19-amusing-excuses-indian-parents-can-give-on-any-given-day-to-get-you-married-right-now/ On Mon, Apr 28, 2014 at 4:56 PM, Sandeep Hans <sandee...@gmail.com> wrote: Man in bed with his wife, slides his hand slowly across her shoulders,  across her waist, under her neck, under her back, & suddenly stops... Wife: " ( In a romantic voice) Why did u stop?" Man: "Remote mil gaya. Tu soja " On Mon, Apr 28, 2014 at 3:17 PM, Sandeep Hans <sandee...@gmail.com> wrote: Husband : Mere relatives ghar aa rahe hain, kuch bana lo... Wife ne fatafat MUH bana liya.. On Sat, Apr 26, 2014 at 4:11 PM, Sandeep Hans <sandee...@gmail.com> wrote: Snta-kal teri shadi h aur tu udas h? Bnta-yaar ladki walo ne kaha hain ki barati kam lana. Snta-toh? Bnta-abe yar,pata nhi papa muje le jayenge ki nhi On Sat, Apr 26, 2014 at 4:07 PM, Sandeep Hans <sandee...@gmail.com> wrote: Banta: Sante tera restaurant kaisa Chal raha hai? Santa: Koi Khas nahi. Banta: Vaise main do bar tere restaurant Aaya, Par wahan pe tala laga hua tha. Santa : yaar tu lunch ya dinner ke time Aaya hoga.. Uss time humlog khana khane Ghar jate hai On Sat, Apr 26, 2014 at 4:07 PM, Sandeep Hans <sandee...@gmail.com> wrote: One night A Boy helped an unknown aunty to reach her home, . . Aunty : Beta, raat bahut ho gayi hai, yahin so jao, Harvinder keroom me..Boy : Nahi aunty, main hall me sojaunga..Next morning, a beautiful girlcomes with a cup of coffee.Boy : Aap kaun?.Girl : Mein Harvinder aur aap? .Boy : Main ullu ka pathaa. On Sat, Apr 26, 2014 at 10:44 AM, Sandeep Hans <sandee...@gmail.com> wrote: Went to wish my neighbour. I asked their maid where the couple were. She said “Woh bahar gaye hain Unka aaj "Marriage Unnecessary" hai!” On Sat, Apr 26, 2014 at 10:40 AM, Sandeep Hans <sandee...@gmail.com> wrote: One night President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn’t too luxurious. When they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the President’s secret service if he could please speak to the First Lady in private. They obliged and Michelle had a conversation with the owner. After the conversation President Obama asked Michelle, “Why was he so interested in talking to you?" She mentioned that in her teenage years, he had been madly in love with her. President Obama then said, “So if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant?" Michelle responded, “No, if I had married him, he would now be the President.” On Fri, Apr 25, 2014 at 10:20 AM, Sandeep Hans <sandee...@gmail.com> wrote: On Fri, Apr 25, 2014 at 12:01 AM, Jyothish Soman <jyothis...@gmail.com> wrote: Finally i am not the joke 😁 From: Sandeep Hans Sent: ‎24/‎04/‎2014 21:38To: zoke...@googlegroups.com Subject: Re: [Zoke: 1627] Re: zoke Santa: Jyotishi key paas kundli dikhane gaya: Jyotish-Tera naam Santa hai?. Santa-Ji Jyotish-Teri biwi ka naam dolli hai? Santa-ji Jyotish-teri 2 beti hain?Santa-jiJyotish-tune abi 10 kg chawal kharide hain ?Santa-aap to antaryami hain maharaj.Jyotish-dafa ho jao yaha se. Agli dafa kundli lana,ration card nahin... On Thu, Apr 24, 2014 at 4:53 PM, Bhavesh Manglani <bhavesh....@gmail.com> wrote: Abey honeymoon se joke bhej raha hai kya? On Apr 24, 2014 7:04 PM, "Sandeep Hans" <sandee...@gmail.com> wrote: Boy:- Main 18 Saal ka hoon or tum..??... .Girl:- Main bhi 18 Saal ki hoon..??....Boy:- To Phir chal na Sharmana kya..Girl:- kaha ??........Boy:- VOTE Dene "SOCH BADLO DESH BADLEGA".. On Thu, Apr 24, 2014 at 12:24 PM, Sandeep Hans <sandee...@gmail.com> wrote: 8 Things Indian Brides Say And What They Really Mean http://www.storypick.com/8-things-indian-brides-say-really-mean/ 2014-04-23 14:12 GMT+03:00 Sandeep Hans <sandee...@gmail.com>: 2014-04-23 14:10 GMT+03:00 Sandeep Hans <sandee...@gmail.com>: [The entire original message is not included.] -- You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "Zoke" group. To unsubscribe from this group and stop receiving emails from it, send an email to zokelelo+u...@googlegroups.com. To post to this group, send email to zoke...@googlegroups.com. Visit this group at http://groups.google.com/group/zokelelo. For more options, visit https://groups.google.com/d/optout.

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[Sandeep Hans]

Jailer- faasi se pehele kis se miloge?
Santa-biwi se
Jailer- maa baap se nehi
Santa- maa baap to agla jnm lete hai mil jayenge
Biwi ke liye sala phir 25 sala wait karna padega !!!

[Sandeep Hans]

Santa Ne Shampoo Kharida

Santa:Iske Sath Jo Gift Hai, Wo De

Dukandar:Iske Sath Gift Nhi Hai

Santa:Saale Ispe Likha Hai "DANDRUF.F FREE"! 

[Sandeep Hans]

Shaadi Ke baad Patni Kaise badalti hai…

 Zara Gaur Kijiye

Pehle Saal: Maine kaha ji, Khana kha lijiye, Aapne kaafi der se kuchh khaya nahin!
😀

Dusre Saal: Ji Khana taiyaar hai, Laga dun?

Teesre Saal: Khana ban chuka hai, Jab khana ho tab bata dena…!

Chauthe Saal: Khana banakar rakh diya hai, Main bazaar ja rahi hoon, Khud hi nikal kar kha lena. 
😛

Paanchve Saal: Main kehti hoon, Aaj mujhse khana nahin banega, Hotel se le aao.

Chhathe Saal: Jab dekho Khana khana aur khaana, Abhi subah hi to khaya tha.

Shaadi ke baad Pati kaise badalte hain.. Zara gaur kijiye.

Pehle Saal: Jaanu, Sambhalkar.. Udhr Gadda hai…

Dusre Saal: Arey yaar dekh ke, Udhar Gadda hai..
😛

Teesre Saal: Dikhta nahin udhar gadda hai..

Chauthe Saal: Andhi hai kya, Gadda nahin dikhta??

Paanchve Saal: Arey udhar kidhar marne jaa rahi hai, Gadda to idhar hai… 

[Sandeep Hans]

[Sandeep Hans]

Girls Status : OMG just watched a scary movie.... i
am scared....

364 Likes

Boy 1- dont be sacred i am olwayz here bid you.
Boy 2- Om namashya vaay .! Om namashya vaay !
Boy 3- Yaar kyu banate hain aisi aisi
movies ...may god blast u

....

Boys Status : A ghost dragged me and threw from
terrace.

0 Likes

Boy 1- bhai disprin le le
Boy 2- cool... aur sun ek kam tha tujse..

[Sandeep Hans]

Girls Status : Playing with 'kuchi puchi' (my dog)

345 Likes

Boy 1 : Kaash hum bhi kutte hotey...
Boy 2 : Bow bow bowwww bowww
Boy 3 : Akhir kutte bhi toh insaan hotey hain...
Boy 4 : I is also lub dog so much. my frnds say i
is a kuta.
...
Boys Status : Playing with crocodiles

0 Likes

Boy 1 : Rahega toh tu kutta hi
Boy 2 : bachon vale kam hi kariyo 

[Sandeep Hans]

Wife Taaro Ko
Dekh Kar Boli:
'Wo Konsi
Cheez Hai,
Jo Tum
Roj Dekh
Sakte Ho,
Par Laa
Nahi Sakte..??

Husband::
Padosan.!!!

👥👥👥👥👥👥👥👥👥

Santa at petrol pump
Bhai 1rs ka petrol dal do.
Salesman: Bhai itna sa petrol
dalva ke kahan jana hai?
Santa: Jana kahan hai hum
to aise hi paise udaate hain!!

---------------------------

Santa Car ki Battery change karwane gaya.
Mechanic: Sahab, Exide ki Daal doon?
Santa: Nahin yaar,
Dono side ki de warna phir Problem hogi.

--------------------------

Ek admi khade-khade chaabi se apna kaan
khujla raha tha
Santa use gaur se dekhte hue bola-
Bhaisahab, aap start nahi ho rahe to dhakka
lagau.

---------------------------

In exam hall a girl to santa:
Mujhe bas is ans ki starting bata do baki main
likh lungi.
SANTA ne dhyan se idhar-udhar dekha,fir dhire
se bola:
“The”

---------------------------

Santa ke lips jale hue the
Banta: Kaise jale
Santa: Wife ko railway station drop krne gaya
tha.
Banta: To?
Santa: Khushi ke mare.
Train ke engine ko choom liya!!!......😜😝
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
😜😛😊
Ladke wale: Hamko Ladki Pasand He,
Shadi Kab Karni He ?
Ladki wale : Abhi to Ladki study kar rahi hai,
Ladke wale:Ha to hamara ladka konsa chhota he jo books faad dega.....
😳😳😁😷
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wife : "Naari" Ka Matlab Kya Hai?

Husband : Naari Ka Matlab Hai Shakti.

Wife : To Phir Purush Ka Matlab Kya Hai?

Husband : 'Sahan Shakti' 😝😄
---------------------------------------
Ladkiwale - Hame aisa Ladka chahiye jo Paan, Cigrette, Daru na leta ho....
Sirf Boiled Khana khae..... Din Raat Bhagwan ka Naam le......
Pandit - Aisa ladka to apko wo samane wale Leelavati Hospital ke ICU mein hee milega....😂
-------------------------

Dukandar- bolo Sahab, kya Chaahiye ? 
Aadmi : hone wali Biwi ke Kutte ke liye Cake lene aaya hoon..
milega kya ?? 
Dukandar : haan.. per yahi Khaaoge ya Pack Kar doon ??

[Sandeep Hans]

motorcycle swing in punjab. ha ha..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mu7Di3qgKnc

[Sandeep Hans]

किस्मत हो तो मोदी जी जैसी हो। सवाल पूछने के लिए विपक्ष में नेता नहीं और घर पर बीबी नहीं। नो चिक चिक नो छिक छिक।

[Sandeep Hans]

[Sandeep Hans]

[Sandeep Hans]

Puns for Educated Minds:

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. 
He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' T
he other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

On Tue, May 20, 2014 at 12:19 PM, Sandeep Hans <sandee...@gmail.com> wrote:

[Sandeep Hans]

After Modi victory Da Vinci decided to repaint Mona Lisa

[Gargi Dutta]

Modi to Nittish- How many seats you got?
nitish- 2 seats.
modi- I also got 2 seats. One from vadodara and one from varanasi. What are you going to do next?
nitish- Resign as CM of my state.
modi-Me too. Lol.
nitish- phone rakh tu saale..!!

[Sandeep Hans]

24 funny yet irritating habits of Indian husbands

http://flutterinclutter.com/24-funny-irritating-habits-indian-husbands/

[Sandeep Hans]

Ab to sirf Digvijay Singh aur N D Tiwari hi Congress ko koi khush khabri de sakte hai...

[Sandeep Hans]

thiz iz zerious.

[Puneet Agarwal]

Sandeep Plz no serious stuff in the jokes forum!!!

Regards,
Puneet Agarwal
+91 9010512416
puneet.a...@gmail.com

[Sandeep Hans]

The top 3 players in the history of Basketball are all from India. 
1. Rohit Mehra (Koi Mil Gaya) 
2. Anjali (KKHH) 
3. Rahul (KKHH) 

[Sandeep Hans]

वो मन्दिर भी जाता है

और मस्जिद भी..

वो गुरुद्वारे भी जाता है

और च‌र्च भी.....

परेशान पति का कोई 
मजहब नहीं होता... !!

[Sandeep Hans]

Arz kiya hai.....

Woh Zeher Dekar Maarte Toh Duniya Ki Nazar Mein Aa Jaate...

Andaaz-ae-Katl Toh Dekho..

Humse Shaadi Hi Karli...!!

[Sandeep Hans]

why god does not have a PhD degree.

[Sandeep Hans]

What do you call a lady who drinks only one tea in a day? . . . . . Jaswanti (Just 1 tea)!

[Prateek Agarwal]

hehe ye achha tha

[Sandeep Hans]

22 Places Yogendra Yadav Is Sleeping
http://www.buzzfeed.com/regajha/places-yogendra-yadav-is-sleeping

[Sandeep Hans]

Papa- Whom u like more muma or papa?
Kid-Both
Papa- No tell me 1?
Kid- Both
Papa- If i go to America & Ur mother go to Paris
Whr will u go?
Kid- Paris
Papa- It means u like ur mother?
Kid- No, coz paris is beautiful than America
Papa- If i go to paris & Ur mother goes to america so Whr will u go?
Kid- America
Papa- why?
Kid- Paris to ghum aaye na papa
Papa- Jaa bey Maa key Chamche jaa school jaa.

[Sandeep Hans]

Every girl has two problem:

1. kutta kaise dekh raha hai
2. kutta dekh bhi nahi raha

*ab kutta kya kare?*

[Chandra Dixit]

Ab kutta lagatar na dekh kar.....ruk ruk kar dekhey. ..

[Sandeep Hans]

Q: What will you find in Yogendra Yadav's bedroom at night? A: Nothing. Because, that's the ONLY place....where he doesn't sleep.

[Sandeep Hans]

Siddhu: oh guru tumhara naam kya hai? He: Badal Siddhu: oh cha gaye guru cha gaye.

[Sandeep Hans]

Doctor: "Take the anti-venom." Nagraj: "No." Doctor: "Why not?" Nagraj: "Because, it's against my vish."

[Sandeep Hans]

"Left wing and Right wing" ~ Divided by politics, United by a plate of chicken wings.

[Rahul Garg]

किसी ने मेरे से पूछा - आप शादी से पहले क्या करते थे ?

मैंने कहा - जो मेरा दिल करता था |

[Sandeep Hans]

MAA - Beta Apple Khaoge?
.
BETA - Nahi..
.
MAA - Beta Mango Khaoge?
.
BETA - Nahi..
.
MAA - Beta Orange Khaoge?
.
BETA - Nahi..
.
MAA - Bilkul Baap Par Gaya Hai,
Chappal Hi Khayega."

[Sandeep Hans]

For married men, the trick to enjoy a relaxed Sunday.....is to pretend that you are very busy.

---------

God had whiskey every evening for five days, but found something missing. And then on the sixth day.....God created chicken.