Spurious advice for tourists
Steve Hanvy
I heard on 'Today' that the New Statesman magazine ran a column
giving spurious advice for foreign tourists. The only two examples were:
Try the famous echo in the British Library reading room.
and
It is customary, when boarding a tube train, to greet fellow
passengers by shaking them all by the hand.
Laugh? I nearly drove into a ditch.
Steve H.
Bernard Bowden
the US state department used to advise against going to bristol and
hiring a car in italy. i am sure that this is only so they can say
'we told you so' when an american hires a car in italy and drives it
to bristol where they subsequently get car jacked. i must confess
that this really is stretching the imagination.
i am something of a sadist when it comes to helping tourists in
london - many of them have ended up catching the last train to kensal
green thanks to my dubious directions!
i often wonder how many group photo's i appear in. many of them have
been taken by eros at piccadilly circus; i'm the one in a blue puffer
and red hat.
other ways to blend in as a londoner is to help a fellow passenger on
the tube read his FT by leaning over his shoulder and mumbling the headlines.
must stop, tommy.
not bernard - he is the master (father), i am the minion (waster son
on holiday).
Gillian Oxley
In message <199707221...@zetnet.co.uk>
Steve Hanvy <s.h...@zetnet.co.uk> writes:
> and
> Steve H.
I thought you had to shake fellow passengers warmly by the throat. No
wonder none is talking to me!!!!
Gill
Guy King
> Try the famous echo in the British Library reading room.
As used by Willie Rushton on ISIHAC some years ago, and probably not
original even then. Good gag though.
--
| |\_/|
Guy King |)~(0_0) ++?????++
Hounslow, Middlesex | /=(Y)= Out of Cheese Error.
guy....@zetnet.co.uk |( ^ Redo from Start.
www.users.zetnet.co.uk/gking/ | \
Anne McHenry
> I heard on 'Today' that the New Statesman magazine ran a column
> giving spurious advice for foreign tourists. The only two examples were:
> Try the famous echo in the British Library reading room.
> and
> It is customary, when boarding a tube train, to greet fellow
> passengers by shaking them all by the hand.
From _Salome Dear NOT in the Fridge!_ a collection of New Staesman
Competition entries 1955-1967:
- 1967 -
MISLEADING INFORMATION FOR TOURISTS VISITING LONDON
(This subject, a great favourite with competitors, is set at regular intervals)
Women are not allowed upstairs on buses; if you see a woman there,
ask her politely to descend.
- David Gordon
Prostitutes are now seen only occasionally. On certain days, however,
they come out in force, easily recognised by the little favours they
sell from trays.
- P.W.R. Foot
All foreigners have the privilege of watching cricket matches from in
front of the large white screens, to help them learn the finer points
of the game. Both players and spectators will acknowledge your
arrival with waves and shouts of greeting.
- J.M. Crooks
Visitors in London hotels are expected by the management to hang the
bed-linen out of the windows to air.
-Axel Castle
Try the famous echo in the British Museum Reading Room.
-Gerard Hoffnung
On first entering an Underground train, it is customary to shake
hands with every passenger.
- R.J. Phillips
If you take a taxi, the driver will be only to willing to give your
shoes a polish while waiting at the traffic-lights.
-R.J. Phillips
In the interests of hygeine, you should spray your taxi, train, bus
or Underground seat with an antiseptic deodorant.
- W.A. Payne
Yellow lines painted on roads indicate the number of rows of parking permitted.
-Joan Hymans
--
Anne
Anne McHenry
In message <199707232...@zetnet.co.uk>
Anne McHenry <anne.m...@zetnet.co.uk> writes:
> From _Salome Dear NOT in the Fridge!_ a collection of New Staesman
^^^^^^^^
Not yer actual glo'all stop, more a typo for "New Statesman".
--
Anne
Rodney Wakefield
In message <199707232...@zetnet.co.uk>
Bernard Bowden <bow...@zetnet.co.uk> writes:
> i often wonder how many group photo's i appear in. many of them have
> been taken by eros at piccadilly circus; i'm the one in a blue puffer
> and red hat.
I didn't realise that Eros was into photography. Does a few stills does he?
Rod
Bernard Bowden
In message <199707242...@zetnet.co.uk>
Rodney Wakefield <anchor...@zetnet.co.uk> writes:
> Rod
stills mainly, but on request he will do weddings and baptisms.
obviously he is choosy about jobs and costs the earth because of the
massive moneymaker in piccadilly circus.
tommy.