TOILET PAPER WARS
Baron Mind
Meiling glares at Cirno.
Cirno glares at Meiling.
This is it. The duel of the century. Two yukkuri enter, one yukkuri leaves.
The prize: a single roll of toilet paper.
Cirno lowers her body. Her wings twirl around her like a six-bladed lawnmower of doom. Four of them slam into the ground for extra traction.
Meiling raises her chin, stretches her braids out, then snaps them forward. Her left ribbon rotates, then makes a beckoning motion. Come at me.
"STRONGEEEEEST!!!"
"JAOOOOOOOOON!!!"
A charge! A leap! A swing and a miss! Cirno has the advantage of four more limbs and aerial acrobatics, but Meiling knows kung fu! She parries the flurry of icicles and twirls away from the frozen drill-jabs with ease! They're evenly matched!
"Yufufufu, last one! Lucky Iku!"
Cirno freezes in mid-leap. Meiling turns her body without moving her braids.
Someone has stolen the prize!
Their duel forgotten in an instant, the two honorable warriors pursue the dastardly thief -
"JAOW!"
"OUCH!"
Meiling shakes the tears from her eyes. She looks down and sees... the smiling face of Donald Trump?
A coin!?
"Yufufufufu... yukkuri think they can just take things from Iku?" Iku hefts the roll of toilet paper on one end of her shawl and a pile of coins on the other. "Yukkuri want to challenge the mighty railgun?" Iku leans back, brim of her hat exposing a wide grin.
"Then dance!"
Coins! Coins everywhere! Meiling and Cirno duck, dive and dodge with all their skill, but it's not enough!
"Yufufufu, such amateurs!" Iku cries, dancing up a storm. "Can't yukkuri feel the FEVER!?"
WHEEEEEE-OOOOOOH
"USAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
"BUFU-?!"
A model train plows into Iku! The toilet roll goes flying, and lands... on the upside-down-smiley-face-badge-wearing top hat of Mokou!
"CHOO CHOO, MUTHAFUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAS!!!" Mokou roars, nearly dropping her cigar in the process. The uncontrollable swerving of the locomotive sends her top hat teetering as if she were tipping it politely as she rattles off into the distance.
"Bear to the left! Watch out the for the tree! You're headed for a cliff!" Mokou shouts at her driver.
"USA! USA! USA!" Tewi calls back, trying to talk and operate a dozen levers with only one tongue.
"Somebody call for a lunatic?" Clownpiece asks.
"Oh shit," Mokou says conversationally.
And then Clownpiece sets Mokou on fire.
"YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" Mokou roars. The string attached to her monocle yanks it up into her hat and replaces it with a pair of dark glasses. "I'M ALL FIRED UP!!"
"USAAAAAAAA!?" Tewi objects as the train somehow pops a wheelie.
"FOR DEMOCRACYYYYYYYYY!!!" Clownpiece bellows, torch still jammed in the boiler.
Mokou, with no limbs to hold on with, tumbles off the back of the train.
Right in front of Meiling.
"...need a light?" Mokou asks, still burning.
Cirno squeezes the trigger on a CO₂ fire extinguisher.
"What a - ghack - cold reception!" Mokou rolls out of the way, dropping the toilet roll in the process. "Well, gotta skate! Stay frosty!"
Mokou flips over and crams herself into her hat, which sprouts metal runners and a rocket engine and blasts away after the train.
Cirno, Meiling and a panting-with-exhaustion Iku look at each other.
Then at the toilet roll.
Then at each other.
Iku flicks a coin at Cirno.
Cirno bats it at Meiling with her wing.
Meiling snatches it out of the air with a pair of chopsticks she wasn't even holding a second ago and pitches it back at Iku!
"Yupyan!"
Cirno dives, but she's come up short! Run out!
Hold on, the toilet roll is lifting up all by itself! That's not cricket!?
"What are you three stooges up to now?"
"Um, well..." Cirno begins.
"...Mister asked yukkuri to get toilet paper so..." Iku says.
"...jaoooon?" Meiling pleads.
"But I already bought this," Mister points out. "The shop is over there."
The three yukkuri deflate. Mister walks off.
"Jaooon jaon jao!" Meiling groans.
"Who cares," Cirno grumbles, "we're too slow to catch colds anyway."
