Well, I have now finished reading book one of outlaw god.

[Vinton, Jay (NIH/CIT) [C]]

Hi Dolores,

Well, I have now finished reading book one of outlaw god.

I have to admit that I do find the sheer malevolence of Alroy and his sphere of influence darker and more disturbing than your previously posted stories.

The forces of darkness do seem to have the upper hand at this point.

Two more books of Alroy to go.

Deep dreams,

Jay E. Vinton

[Dolores J. Nurss]

Disturbing indeed. Even more to live with him and write from his
perspective. Fireheart Friendclan will not have an easy time dealing
with him! Fortunately they are singularly resourceful people.

He really does embody the Shadow side of Til. It may not seem so now,
but I used to absolutely idolize the Tili`an. Now I have a much more
realistic view of them, even cynical at times, and sometimes they really
disappoint me. And yet, what can I say? I still love them. And I
still admire much about them, and respect at least their ideals, if not
always how they attempt to serve these.

One cannot explore Shadow without cringing. Accounts differ as to
whether it's worth it to do so anyway.

Thank you for sticking it out this far!

--
Life is beautiful and dangerous--beware! Enjoy!

For those following my writing, I have most recently
posted "Back to Mother", Chapter 1 of
"The Outlaw God", Vol II: "The Tempest of Alroy",
plus dream-notes.

[Vinton, Jay (NIH/CIT) [C]]

Definitely worth making best effort to know shadow.

And then to still be able to hopefully accept, love, oneself and others anyhow.

Jay E. Vinton

[Dolores J. Nurss]

You get me to thinking. Alroy is not actually a true sociopath,
although he tries to be. He is capable of profound love, but his love
got betrayed so deeply that he fled from it. First his mother betrayed
him by abuse--and yet he still loved her, and condoned everything she
did. Then he loved two people: his twin and his twin's boyfriend. But
the latter betrayed the former, and then the twin betrayed him by
suicide--which Alroy embraced the way he embraced his mother's abuse,
and stopped the last-minute possibility of rescue. You will see that
there are others that Alroy loves, but by now insanely.

So, in a sense, yes, I love what Alroy could have been, and I pity his fall.

And now I see what aspect of my shadow Alroy represents--the part that
could go into a rage over betrayed love, particularly betrayal by
family. I get much of Alroy's style of thought from my sadistic older
brother, and yet he is an honest sadist, and as an adult only indulges
his sadism with willing masochists. As a child he didn't understand or
know how to deal with what he was, and could not distinguish a
consenting adult from a wretchedly insecure little sister, who would
submit to anything to please and to secure her place in an unstable
family, without liking it in the least (nothing sexual, mind you--that's
where he drew the line. But painful and terrifying, yes.)

On the purely emotional level, I have a great deal of anger about my
past. But when I temper that with justice, I see it was all just a
tragedy--underage parents, confused brother, damaged Grandparents, all
of them doing the very best they could under the circumstances. Nobody
deserves my wrath; all have made the best reparation that they could.
It is up to me to break the negative patterns by being conscious,
confronting Alroy and dealing with him, and not letting him take over my
world.

[Vinton, Jay (NIH/CIT) [C]]

So maybe another, perhaps better word, would be compassion for oneself and others?

But it's all about the same, and, obviously, can be very complicated.

And betrayal by those a child is dependent on is such a very deep betrayal.

And it is so impressive to see, when it is overcome.

Love,

Jay E. Vinton
Center for Information Technology
National Institutes of Health
Bethesda, Maryland 20892-5628
301 402 1238
jayv...@nih.gov

[Dolores J. Nurss]

I should, in all honesty admit that there are four volumes, to "The
Outlaw God" not three, although rather short ones. They are:

In the Shadow of Til
The Tempest of Alroy
Skirmishes of Souls
&
The Final Passion.

[Vinton, Jay (NIH/CIT) [C]]

Hi Dolores,

Now I see my confusion.

I was confusing the number of tilian novels with the number of volumes in outlaw.

Oh never mind. (as Ruth buzzi used to say on laugh in) ;-)

Jay E. Vinton
Center for Information Technology
National Institutes of Health
Bethesda, Maryland 20892-5628
301 402 1238
jayv...@nih.gov

-----Original Message-----
From: Dolores J. Nurss [mailto:drea...@grailmedia.com]
Sent: Friday, August 19, 2011 4:17 PM
To: writings-of-dolores-j-...@googlegroups.com
Subject: Re: (Til) Well, I have now finished reading book one of outlaw god.