Autumn Leaves - Helen's thoughts

[Helen Cooper]

Dear Jill,

The imagery in your poem is beautiful. I could feel the cold dampness, and I love the connection of arthritic hands and rust, and the smile described as a slowly crumbling leaf.

Suggestions:

If there is no letter in the mailbox, would the smile be tentative or wry? In my mind, a tentative smile is one you offer to someone else, whereas a wry smile is one you do for yourself, as in the person hoped for a letter but didn't really believe there would be one.

I didn’t read the first version of your poem, so it was only after reading Nedra’s suggestions that I learned that the subject is/was a woman and that the light rain described tears. This didn’t occur to me when I read the poem. Perhaps a comma after autumn would place more emphasis on the light rain belonging with the smile and not describing the autumn.

I may be way off here, so please ignore all the above if the poem says exactly what you need to express!

Helen