Weekly Dose of "Hey, I'm Writing Here"

[curtis nelson]

An old house with

old, old things filling it up

no wonder I feel old

 

Sent from Mail for Windows

 

[patti santucci]

I like the imagery in this poem as well as the message. I think it would be even richer to give the reader a view somehow of the environment, using the weather or time of day to add to the mood of the poem. Is it early morning? Night? Just a line where maybe the sun or moon rising or setting creates some symbolism??

 

Bison Hunters

by Curt Nelson

Being downwind keeps our scent from the herd.

The tall grass hides me only yards from my target.

Others in my tribe approach their kills.

Tradition, ability and practice define our task.

The lives of our families balance on our skills.

I, as leader, tie the tribe

to their ancestor’s essence

and the spirit of the bison.

We rise as one, freezing the bison

for that moment needed.

The herd panics and stampedes,

all but six bison depart.

Six carcasses of meat, innards and fur

await our people.

The hunters kneel and speak

thanks into the bison’s nostrils

for their sacrifice to our tribe.

 

Haunting Eyes

by Curt Nelson

The palette hitting the workbench

signaled to the nude model

that the session was over.

She stretched, threw a cover

about her and left to dress.

Although he had slept with her,

he did not notice her leaving.

Following the image on the canvas,

he traced the body he knew

not the model’s body, but her body:

he stopped at the neck,

his hands had caressed;

the pouty lips his lips had tasted;

the Roman nose; and those almond eyes.

Where were his dead Caressa’s eyes?

Eyes he searches for in all his paintings

and haunts his every waking hour.

The eyes his brush refuses to capture.

(I think this should still be in past tense)

 

Whoa!

Curt Nelson

Whoa!

Where are you coming from?

Wherever, you need to back off. (maybe: Wait! You need to back off.)

                                                           (or: What? You need to back off.)

Rethink what you said.

Reassess your attitude.

Recognize not to go there. (Maybe delete this line)

Realize there is a better approach.

Remember just who the hell you are talking to.

Whoa!

Way overboard.

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