Jill Stockinger
Yes, This Was My Dream
I am dreaming.
I am back in high school,
a dreary, hurtful place.
In a gray bathroom stall, and . . .
I am indignant!
Why is this high school ghost,
with looming bricks and hundreds
of floating disembodied sneers
following me? I escaped
that school’s poison years ago.
It can’t be lonely!
It’s got a pack of at least 800 souls
to chew on and maul daily. Mentally.
Well, sometimes physically.
Does the pain I carry from those days
attract it to me? “Shoo,” I shout.
“Vamoose! Go away!” It’s clanking
its chains. I do a double take.
How can a floaty nothingness carry
heavy chains? And how can they
make noise? All in my head;
in a dream, anything is possible,
I tell myself primly. Like a teacher
instructing a backward student.
“I Don't Want You Following Me,”
I scream. It poofs away. Suddenly,
I turn into the Pillsbury Doughboy,
but I’m made of marshmallow.
A puffy white marshmallow figure!
Fascinating! I wear no clothes.
I poke my protruding belly. That spot
dips in and pops out. I marvel
at my tiny white marshmallow penis.
This is a surprise. I never had
a penis before. I frown.
It doesn't look functional.
How will I pee? It looks so small
and vulnerable, like it could break off
easily. Maybe I'll never leave
this bathroom. Ever. If I went outside,
would the sun melt me?
Will some animal try to eat me?
If I sat down, would I get covered
by ants? This form is no picnic.
I wake up. Me. An aging crone.
Flooded with relief.