I Remember Momma- Second Draft

[Jerry Roth]

I changed to the present tense and cleaned up some things I didn't catch before. 

[Nedra Crowe Evers]

Hi Jerry,

I just finished a very enjoyable read of your essay, "I Remember Momma." And I printed it out (because of my computer problem which I just emailed our group about) and made some editing marks, mostly punctuation. As far as content goes, it is fine. Only one small question, though. On line 4 you write: "The family owned a small grocery store and when her parents died, my grandparents, who we called Bubbie and Zeide Klein, took over the business." 

This is a little confusing for me. Who is "her"? Your grandmother? If so, please write "and when my grandmother's parents died, my mother's parents took over the business." Or something along those lines. 

Also, is your mother still alive? If not, I am sorry, but please write the rest of the essay in the simple past tense, e.g. "My mother loved to read . . . . She was crazy about opera . . . . She was a good athlete . . . " and so forth. 

You might also consider exchanging paragraph 5 with paragraph 6. That way you would transition from you and Jack being born before the bombing of Pearl Harbor to your mother being 22 when she was pregnant. Then the following paragraph would be about her reading, love of opera, etc. I think the transition works better this way.

Well, that's certainly enough! Sorry to make my suggestions this way. I hope to have things fixed soon.

Nedra

P.S. You're really not missing anything by not having a cheeseburger. The tastes of the meat and cheese clash, and they're very bad for the heart! 

On Sun, Feb 18, 2024 at 3:05 PM Jerry Roth <jerr...@gmail.com> wrote:

I changed to the present tense and cleaned up some things I didn't catch before. 

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