After the "Word Wizard" Dr. Josh McKinney worked his magic on my poem, How Language Changes Jill

[jill stockinger]

I thought I'd share how Dr. Josh McKinney suggested I change my poem to improve it.

I think his suggestions vastly improved my poem. Jill

New Iteration:

Relationships

 

Language cross-pollinates like flowers

sharing across peduncles and pedicels.

 

From swearing love to dry codicils,

our English has sprung

from the mixing of many tongues.

 

We owe words like faithless and cuckoo

to Old French. Thank German for kill and rue.

Such words can be surprisingly useful

after people "cross-pollinate" too.

OLD Iteration:

How Language Changes

 

Language cross-pollinates 

like beautiful flowers

sharing across peduncles 

and pedicels.

 

From swearing love to dry codicils,

our English has sprung

from the mixing of many tongues,

among them French and German.

 

 

We owe words like faithless and cuckoo

to Old French. Thank German for kill and rue.

Such words can be surprisingly useful

after people "cross-pollinate" too.

[Nedra Crowe Evers]

Hi Jill,

Yes, I agree.

I would have said not to have "and pedicels" on the last line of verse one because it's not a strong enough or complete enough phrase to stand alone.

And cutting the line at the end of the second stanza "among them French and German" was a good move because you will be using them as examples very soon in the poem.

Good rendition.

Nedra

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