A Question on some ideas for changing the poem My Father's Eyes Jill

[jill stockinger]

Some ideas- which do you favor?  Jill

My Father’s Eyes         by Jill Stockinger

 

My father’s eyes were fixed                                or           My father’s eyes were fixed

firmly on the future.                                                             joyfully on the future.

When he was forced

to face reality, it never failed                                 or         My father’s eyes were fixed

to disappoint him.                                                                 firmly on a radiant future.

He lived his life among the stars

and bequeathed them to me.                                or           My father’s eyes were fixed

                                                                                                    joyfully on a radiant future.

I slide down rainbows, dance

with the flowing northern lights,

and fly with eagles, wild and free;

at night, the clouds rock me into sleep.

I never look back and never look down.

I am my father’s child--

I have my father’s eyes.

 

  SO WHICH DO YOU PREFER? The Original or the PURPLE   or GREEN  or BLUE??

Thanks!

Jill

[Helen Cooper]

I vote for number 3.

My father’s eyes were fixed

joyfully on a radiant future.

It gives the reader a similar feeling of the joy and optimism that the father bequeathed to the author who now lives in such a joyous way.

Helen

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