Some suggestions from Jill on Celia's haiku and tanka Jill

[jill stockinger]

Dear Celia, I enjoyed these. I offered some suggestions to help increase clarity

for the reader, I think. All up to you!  Jill

 

HAIKU

 

The river looks smooth

Cold and treacherous below,

don’t trust its beauty

 

 

 

As there are Definite sentences that run past a line,

I think the tanka needs punctuation and is weaker without it. Jill

TANKA

 

“Shee” walks by my side.

Heading to the park, no leash,

“Chica” pulls ahead.

Cat and dog don’t like to share,

asserting independence.

 

All three of us

draw looks of admiration.

Could be confusion–

I adopted my “Chica”

and “Shee” has adopted me.

            ………..

(In the NEXT tanka, you need some explanation for the list, I think.

This is Quite humorous! Well done!

I offer one suggestion. Jill)

I write many poems:

sonnets, haiku, limericks,

odes, acrostics and

tanka, free verse and so on;

don’t ask for writing samples!

 

(or possibly?: but please don’t ask for samples!)