Rough ISU

[Nick Martin]

[Naweed Z]

Ok, so I went through this and I liked it. You gave me vivid images with the way you went about with your writing. Your poetic devices are spot on and I found eloquence and a somewhat richness in language. Try to improve on some of the language, making it seem more eloquent in a sense, and avoid using dull words that bore the reader.   Some of my concerns though are that you didn't structure your poems correctly. You have it in paragraph format and it looks clumped up. I would rather have you do it in a more clean and columned fashion. This makes it easier for the reader, and more worth while. This also seems pretty short, not the poems itself but the overall project. I would like to see a bit more, maybe with other themes? Not just war. Try to make a few more poems, it doesn't have to be long in length, don't get confused, poems can vary. Touch on some more topics. - Naweed Zamani    

On Friday, 12 October 2012 10:08:46 UTC-4, Nick Martin wrote:

[Connor "the kid" Duggan]

You make an excellent use of imagery throughout your collection of poems. It is incredibly vivid; it feels as if i am there. you write with tender care that is inextricably intwined with mourning; you capture the horrors countless soldiers have felt and expirienced in the numerous wars with modern weapons. Another interesting difference between poetry and prose is that images can have emotional resonance in poetry. You do an excellent job of this.  
On Friday, October 12, 2012 10:08:46 AM UTC-4, Nick Martin wrote:

[Connor "the kid" Duggan]

I like how you seem to not attach any romanticism to your poems. Furthermore, you disreagard any feelings of combat gnoticism (if you look at my previous comments you'll see that I hinted at this). In several of your poems, you attach a humanism of sorts to the characters thrust into the hell we call war. It's lovely.  

[Naweed Zamani]

I would also like to see you write down why you chose to include some of the poetic devices that you used. I would like to see some more imagery, you have some imagery but I would like to see more, becuase I want it to paint a picture in my mind. Also maybe you can make it less of a narrative and more of a poem in some cases. Dont use simple words
.On Friday, 12 October 2012 10:08:46 UTC-4, Nick Martin wrote:

[Naweed Zamani]

Go into more depth with your work, I would like to see some more powerful things incorparated into your works. Dont forget about the structure of the poem, make sure that when doing the proper columns, you capitialize each letter starting a new line. Be more explicpt and graphic, you are talking about war and death, and the destruction of lives so be powerful about them. Use more poetic devices, make the reader think more.