Six Little Words

[Jean]

Six Little Words

As I was driving to church on Father’s Day, I heard a discussion on
CBC of a National Post call for people to call in or write in with 6
words to describe their father. At first I thought that that was
silly. How can you describe someone so pivotal in your life and
reduce them to 6 words?
But I found myself doing it. So for my father the words were:
intelligent, musical, insecure,stubborn, a big teddy bear, and
playful. Okay, so one of the words was a descriptive phrase.

Then I found myself trying the same thing for me. How would I
describe myself? What 6 words would I use? And the 6 words are:
loving, curious, musical, intelligent, massive, and bright. And they
all feel so right throughout my body and I found myself crying because
I thought of the gift I had given myself to find and know myself. I
mean really know.

I love words. I play word games. I taught my students spelling using
word games. I love language. And I thought about the 6 words I had
chosen [or maybe which chose me] and the order I had put them in. The
order is not random. It comes from the most essential out. Except
for the last two.I did try other word orders for the same 6 words but
they didn’t and don’t resonate the same way in me.

The depth of meaning of the words to me has changed profoundly. I
would not have used loving before. It would have been caring which
lacks the intensity which I feel for and about others. Curious was
there but it would have been seeking. Interesting that I’m still
curious about the
world and how things work and came to be. But the stridency of
seeking – the urgency and, for me, sense of desperation isn’t there
anymore. Musical is there. It always has been but it’s much
earlier in the order of words to encapsulate me. Intelligent is still
there. It’s just not first. I do not feel like a brain walking
around on two feet anymore! Big change for someone who has always
tried to be rational and to reason out everything and to use her brain
to control her emotions!

Now for the last two – massive and bright. Massive would never have
been on any list which I had made up to describe myself. It would
have meant my physical size only and I am large. That aspect of me is
now something that just is. It is not who I am. Massive is the size
and intensity of the totality of me. I am a massive personality. I
just don’t try to minimize that fact to myself or anyone else
anymore. I remind myself each day to bring that largeness to my life
and my world. I remind myself not to apologize for that. And
bright. That always meant smart and
quick and intelligent before. Now it feels shiny and happy and warm
and enveloping. Smiling and laughter – giggles to belly laughs feel
wonderful. So the last two on my list are the sum of everything else
not less than everything else.

And I thought about how my language has changed and my reaction to the
words I hear and the words I use – especially with myself. I used to
have to guard my words in speaking about myself and what I do. I had
to consciously consider the potential for judgement implied in saying
something as simple as “That’s better”. Somehow, I realize that the
need for conscious and cognitive monitoring is so much less.

My being present to myself and, thus, to the world is not managed and
ordered and controlled now. I remind myself to simply be me.

Gotta’ love those six words.