Godforces!!
On Sunday, I had a surge of energy when I woke in the morning, to the
discovery of blood.
Bleeding.
Tears poured out of me, and as I sat on the toilet with the sensation
of fear. I couldn't stay still.
I began pacing, Holding in the scream. I called my mother, and cried.
She heard me, and I was able to breathe. I was able to relax and move
slowly and steadily.
Later in the morning, the bleeding stopped. I saw that it hadn't
amounted to much.
And I was aware of my truth; I am connected to the Godforce inside of
me, and I want to protect it with warrior.
I saw my habit in that, and laid down with this thought; "I will hold
myself and be gentle with you. Warrior can rest."
On Monday, I went to see my MD, and again; bleeding.
I sat stoic. Little breaths, straight back, sharp questions. No
softness.
He scheduled an ultrasound for Wednesday.
Wow! Wednesday, that's so far away!! Every moment I had to myself in
those 2 days, I held my womb.
I struggled to let breathe flow. And had many moments in conversation
with myself! ha! what a racket!
Wednesday morning after a sleepless night, I ached to SEE what was
going on inside of me.
Morgan and I went to the hospital, and when I was alone with with
ultrasound sonographer, I knew she could sense my fear.
I swear, I didn't breathe the entire time.
An eternity later, she told me she was going to let us have a look, I
said; "Does that mean everything is OK?"
"Yes, everything is ok."
She went to get Morgan, he came into the room, sat with me and took my
hand...
And she begins to explain the image in front of us... "this is your
bladder, and this is your uterus..."
I focus my eyes on the divide I see in my womb... what is that?
"Here's a little heart beat"
"and here's another."
"TWINS!" Oh my! Not one Godforce, but TWO!
Laughter fills the room. "2 heartbeats! 2!!!"
The day becomes a flurry of activity. We cannot keep still. We call
parents, siblings.... we are bouncing.
And so, I begin to be in flow in such a new way.
All this eating, all this sleeping! 2 placentas I'm building, of non-
identical twins!
No bleeding since, but oh how my body in this new consciousness is
leading me.
Just about 8 weeks along, and I can't seem to get enough food! And a
new joy in the few days since in eating, in nourishing!
A new energy in me I've never witnessed before.
Is this motherhood? A sense of calm, the sheer magic, moments of
disbelief; 2 babies?!
And this energy where just last week I seemed to have none. A slow and
steady gliding force.
Oh yes, I AM HERE!
WE are Here!