Alive!
naomi...@eastlink.ca
I was watching a movie called Ironman last eveming with my husband. It would not have been my first choice but I decided to give it a try.
Robert Downey Jr played a man who took over his fathers company. He went on to create some of the best firearms in the world. On a trip to Afganistan he was almost killed by his own weapons. In that instant he realised he was helping to destroy the world, his world.
In that moment of realisation for Robert I asked my husband to pause the movie. I was so overcome by vibration in my body I had to take a moment, then through tears I told my husband 'that's all it takes- to wake up one morning and change our minds. Instead of destroying our own world we can awaken and choose to live conciously and make the decision to live, all on our own. More tears came because I had no idea at how much my life has changed in the last 6 months.
I did that- I woke one morning, felt different and decided to change my mind. Instead of using the new found strength as a fuck you, I now walk around the people in my way instead of seeing them as an obstacle I need to move! I changed my perception and in that breath my life changed!
My husband was able to share some of his thoughts with me. He has changed some of his perceptions and realised some of the ways cultural conditioning ws holding him back. He was also able to share some deep thoughts that were getting in the way of us moving forward. He expressed the fear he had in the fulfillment I was getting from the courses I was taking and that I would loose interest in him and in our family. Instead of my usual reaction I was able to offer a new perspective so that we could engage differently. I suggested each of us fill up ourselves with our passions and come together alive. This is so much more appealing to me then two dead people coming together with nothing to offer and thinking that we have to fill each other up. We had a long conversation about the fear of the unknown- I finally realised even what I think I know is still the unknown. My mind just decided that routine was the `known`to reassure myself I didn`t have to fear as long as I stayed in th
e box. So to fear the unknown is absurd because every moment is the unknown!
I asked my husband if he would rather go back to the way things were because they were known. Back to the days when I was desperately searching for something outside myself and the days where my rage became so unbearable in my own body I had to spew it all over my family. That was what we thought was the `known`but the possibilities in the unknown hold so much more appeal to me now! The possibilites of allowing each of us to be individuals. To come together to remember who we are and to remind each other when we forget!! Now that`s LIVING to me.
I feel so fully alive right now and each moment I think I can`t feel any more alive- then it happens, I feel it more!
Everything seems to move me these days. In the movie RD jr had a line that rang true for me: ``I am not crazy. I just know what I want. In my heart (body) it just feels right!``
Knowing my body is not lying to me I DO know what I want and it does feel right!
If you want to change your life, you must first change the way you perceive your life.
-Trick of light
Louise
moved by the insights shared, I was moved to discover something new
about myself.
Your thoughts propelled my own and I made my way to the Women
Gathering blog. I realized something that has become true for me in
the last 12 to 18 months - likely begun what seems oh-so-long-ago in
January 2006. Thanks to you, I have more words to put to what I'm
looking for.
I am so intent on finding and gathering together, in some way, those
women whose voices need to sing! Like yours, Naomi... if yours
doesn't SING OUT LOUD, it is as if it will be silenced forever! There
are many of us out there. There are so many who have been silent for
so long; so many who have lived their lives singing the tinny songs of
the player piano, starved for the experience of knowing who they
are.
Now, more is clear to me. More is clear on what's next and how and
why and when. As I step into the Oceanstone writing retreat, I do so
with greater clarity of mind and intention - and I want you to know
you have been a huge part of that discovery.
And we both know: there is always MORE!
Aloha and a hug,
Louise
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Sandra Heron
So here is what I wrote,"
What struck me reading your words is, when each of us opens up and tells the "truth of our experience" it seems to magically create space for others to have more space (not less) to see the world through new eyes. The clarity and safety in these gatherings is life saving and expanding. I am struck by what happens when women to gather, bring it on.
Thank you Naomi.
LJWeiss
you inspire me! You took an everyday moment, watching a movie and
pushed pause to have your moment, which led to an extraordinary
conversation. I often feel like a newborn not sure how to navigate
with this new sense of being. In the moments that I get it it's
wonderful and then there are moments I'm not sure. And then you write
something that inspires me, that teaches me, that touches me. Thank
you!
Lisa
Pat Donihee
I have existed with incredible pressure in/on my chest for almost a year.
So intense that in the old days I would have rushed off to the hospital
outpatient emergency room thinking one thing and yet knowing clearly that it
wasn't that!
Now I know it is something that needs to move in me and perhaps it did at
3:30 this morning! I simply let go of strategies I have been running for
100 years, just kidding but not really, and moved over so someone else could
take the reins and pick up the burden so to speak. As soon as I had the
thought the pressure eased and even though I was up in the middle of the
night I knew that something powerful had happened because I was "breathing
easy", no struggle just full and deep breath. So what was killing me was
the weapon of my own mind that was driving me to think I had to be
"responsible" for seeing something through instead of just walking because
that is what I needed to do for me, to take care of me and let others take
care of their own stuff.
I know there is a lot more to "let go of" by stepping into the unknown and
it certainly seems a lot less scary. Tonight I will sleep all night!!!!!!!!
Pat
koreen
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